A/N: This is the first story I have done for this coupling, I find it interesting. Please don't even bother messaging me telling me about how stupid this ship is, or how much you dislike me because of what I write. You can say what you like, and it really won't bother me, so you may as well just not waste your time telling me. I do, however appreciate reviews from actual fans. So don't hold back. ) It is my job to warn you. This story is slightly AU, and you may find the characters acting slightly OOC. It is just a story, so don't get too worked up about it, k?
& PLEASE REMEMBER: THIS IS A ONE-SHOT.
Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. I just own the slightly AU that this story takes place in. )
Just a Broken Heart
By: Lady Carmilla
I always considered myself a smart girl; as did many of my peers. I was favored by many professors, by some more than others. I was something of a suck-up, a bit of a brown noser, and most infamously, a know-it-all. I won't say I never stepped a toe out of line, because I did, but every time I did, it was for the better. Many would agree.
And leading up to my seventh year, I was most definitely all of these things. I had plans. But I guess everyone loses it once in there life. My therapist later said that I was a ticking bomb by that time. I was doomed to explode.
Prior to my seventh year, I had little thoughts of romance. I put my school work before everything. It was the last thing I thought of before I fell asleep at night, and the first thing I thought of when I woke up in the morning. Not really normal for a teenage girl, eh?
Of course, I dabbled with romance in my fourth year. The famous Viktor Krum allegedly 'Stole My Heart.' And yes, we did date, but I can assure you, my heart was far from stolen. We obviously broke up, as he went back to live in Bulgaria. It didn't bother me much, though. There wasn't any real chemistry.
And now you may be thinking, what about Ron? Well, he really fancied me. It was more than obvious. He was much too shy to admit it though. There had always been the thought, in the very back of my mind, that Yes, maybe I did fancy Ron back. That thought soon disappeared, though. Because, we did date, briefly, but I ended it, to his dismay, before it could really go anywhere.
In dating him, I realized how childish and immature he really was. What I found out about myself, though, I had already known somewhere, on some level. I was much to mature and level-headed to be with him. I feared he would bring my IQ down. And of course, upon breaking up, our seven year old friendship ceased to exist, as well.
This experience did lead me to the conclusion that I have come to blame this whole mess on, though. I figured that the only way my mind could be perfectly matched, would be to move on to older men. This was of course, when I started noticing things more.
I noticed men, more than ever. It led me to stray from the paths I had chosen for myself. The paths that I thought would bring me success. And to this day, I'm sure I would have been very successful, had it not been for a certain man.
It happened right after I had ended things with Ronald. The next day, we had double potions, with the Slytherins. I of course, was not talking to Ron. Harry sat between us. He was clearly torn between whose side he should take. I didn't blame him; I know if I had been in his position, I would have been just as lost.
Severus was at the board, with a wave of his wand, the directions for the potion we were to make appeared. I fail to remember what the potion was, I will admit, since I was too wrapped up in the situation. I watched as he spoke. Not hearing what he was saying. It didn't matter of course, since I knew the entire book, anything he had to say was unimportant to me. Or so I thought.
I soon realized he had stopped, and I looked away, hoping he hadn't noticed me staring. I just couldn't help it. He intrigued me, then more than ever. He seemed so different, yet so normal. Somehow, I knew that he had been through hard times. I knew that he had seen a lot. I also knew that he had faced many hard decisions. What with where his loyalty lied, and all of that royal jumble. I suddenly felt, almost sorry for him. It was better described as complete and utter pity. I then found myself silently cursing myself, for even thinking any of these thoughts.
I hated Snape. And Snape hated me. That's just how it was. No ifs ands or buts about it. I think that was really when I realized I wanted to change that. Even though, in the back of my mind, I knew it was wrong.
I finished the potion with ease. And what I wanted more than anything, just then, was for him to come over and really praise me for the amazing potion-making skills that I knew I possessed. But, just like the Stones so accurately said, 'You can't always get what you want.'
Needless to say, I did not, get what I wanted. He came to inspect my potion, and could of course, find nothing wrong with it. But apparently, Severus was not one to be shown up, because he then accused me of cheating, and gave me a detention for 8, the next night.
I think that was when my peers first noticed the change. I mean, I didn't even try and fight it. There were no indignant remarks, or matter-of-fact statements. Just the nod of my head, and the twinkle of my eye. This was of course, because I had a plan.
For my detention the next night, I did wear my school robes, oh yes, but I 'spiced it up' a little. I had straightened my hair that morning, so that by that time it was only slightly curly again. Under my robes, I left my shirt unbuttoned, ever so slightly, to just barely reveal the cleavage that I had acquired over the years. I hiked up my skirt, extra high, I double checked the dress code, and left for the dungeons.
When I arrived, Severus was at his desk, checking essays, his black locks spilling over him, hiding half of his face. He had been so engrossed in his work, that he was startled when I made my presence known.
'Granger,' he said hastily. 'You're early.'
'It's better than being late, eh?'
He then proceeded to glare at me. I couldn't help but notice his icy stare drop momentarily down to my chest area.
'Sir,' I corrected myself. His gaze (Yes, it had actually changed from a glare to a gaze) snapped back to my face. Men.
'Yes, well have a seat,' he ordered. 'You are to write the lines on the board.' He flicked his wand and the words appeared he then went back to his work.
'I shall not cheat.'
Short and to the point.
'How many times?' I asked. His head turned slowly towards me, and he proceeded to correct me.
'Until I say you can stop, Miss Granger,' emphasis on the last. 'And do remember, that while class may not be in session, I am still your professor and you must show me respect.'
'Of course, Sir,' I said, sarcastically. I looked down at the parchment provided. 'I don't have a quill, Professor.'
Severus looked up again. He stared for a moment, and then nodded. (Yes, he actually nodded) He had set a quill on the edge of his desk. Aware I could just accio it, I got up and walked over to it, my hips swaying. He looked at me strangely.
'What is it that you're trying to do, Miss Granger?' he asked, curiously. Apparently I was being too obvious.
'Why, what ever do you mean, Professor?' I asked innocently as I walked back to my seat.
I think it was while I was writing these lines that I really made my new plans. I soon forgot about my previous ambitions and made new ones. I think that was also when I stopped caring. I stopped caring about my future, I stopped caring about other people, I even stopped caring about myself. I knew what I wanted, and at that point, I thought nothing could get in my way.
Within a week, I was Ronald Weasley's girlfriend, once again. This may surprise you, as I mentioned my new ambitions, but let me tell you, it meant nothing but a step forward on my new path.
I fed Ron some garbage about how our being apart made me realize how much I really did like him. He ate it up, eager to be back with me. I let him parade me around, like I was some sort of trophy. I know it sounds demeaning, but if you will remember, I had no cares.
I became what some might call 'loose.' We were often found in heavy snogging sessions. I made sure to be very clingy when we were around other people. Most especially when we were near the true object of my affection. Naturally, I had been hoping to make him jealous.
By the end of the following week, I had another detention. I took that as a sign that my plan had been working after all, as the reason for the detention, was pure bullocks.
So, I showed up for my detention, looking much like I had for the previous one, except this time, I had Ron on my arm. Severus was, for whatever reason, waiting in the corridor when we arrived. When he saw us approaching, he started to say something, but stopped when I turned to Ron and stuck my tongue down his throat. I soon stopped, and said goodbye, I continued on past Severus, and into the classroom. I heard the slam of the door, and the swish of his cloak, as he rushed to catch up with me.
'That kind of behavior is unacceptable; 10 points from Gryffindor,' he barked.
I just stared. He walked past me, bumping my shoulder as he went. How very childish. And here I thought I was perusing a man.
I turned just in time to see him magic the words on the board.
'I shall not tell lies.'
How original. I looked up at him, only to find him staring at my chest again.
'I think that kind of behavior is unacceptable,' I whispered. 'Sir.'
His beetle black eyes penetrated my own chocolate brown ones. I knew he was a skilled Legilimens and I made no effort to shield my thoughts.
I thought the words I dared not speak. He got the message, though, and advanced on me. I nearly lost my mind.
He raised his rough hand to my cheek, caressing it. His touch, mind-numbing. He snaked his hand around to the back of my neck, he pulled me closer. His cold eyes were emotionless. He pushed his dry lips onto mine. I ran my fingers through his greasy black hair and I knew right then, that that was what I wanted.
That night was the beginning of the end. It began the love affair that ended my life as I knew it.
I of course, continued seeing Ronald. Severus, of course continued to 'Loathe' and 'Demean' me in class, while lusting after me in private. Most of that time period is actually a blur for me. My therapist says that I mentally blocked it out because of the trauma it caused.
I like to think that it was spending so much time in Severus' presence that made me so cruel. Harry was my Best Friend, but I only saw him when I needed to copy his notes, or homework. Ron was my Boyfriend, but I was only with him when we had sex. I whiled away most of my seventh year with Severus. He became my everything.
He of course, knew about Ron, and if I hadn't been so blind, I would have realized then that, had he really loved me, he would have never considered sharing me. That had to be the biggest mistake I made.
I was a good shag, and that was all. I was to him, as Ron was to me. I was so naïve to believe that he actually wanted to be with me. And here I thought I was so mature.
It was during this time that I really lost it. I ate, shagged, and slept. That was it. I think if it hadn't been for Harry, I really wouldn't have passed any of my exams. I wouldn't have graduated, I owe him so much.
I believe it was in May that I heard the conversation that that brought my entire world crashing down upon me. I had been on my way to surprise Severus, it was my free period, and truthfully, I thought we could get in a quick shag before my next class.
The door to his office was left ajar, I walked up quietly, and that's when I heard her voice. It was the voice that ruined the new life that I had created for myself.
'I love you, Sev.' I heard the sound of a kiss and the roar of a flame, I flung the door open but I was too late, whoever she was, she had already stepped through the grate, and was whirling away in a flash of bright green flame. Severus turned to look at me.
'Miss Granger,' he nodded. 'What can I do for you?' Just like that, like nothing had ever happened between us.
What happened next was the fuzziest of all, but I was told that I tried to attack him, but he saw it coming and prevented it by grabbing hold of me, rather tightly, as it left bruises. They said that I fought against him. I do remember that I broke his nose, and that I had really hoped to do more than that. He apparently subdued me, and called for help.
He told them that I was stressed out over a grade that he had given me. He told them that I went there to talk to him about it, but what he said wasn't apparently what I had wanted to hear. He said that he figured the pressure of the upcoming exams triggered my 'Break down' and that he did not blame me for any of it. No charged were pressed.
This of course was because his story was pure bullocks. I had no bad grades in Potions, and I can assure you, my grades were earned because of hard work, and not acquired because I was sleeping with the professor. Although, that may have helped a little.
After I did graduate, thanks to Harry, I tried to move on. I met new people and started new relationships. But I just could not forget about Severus, and everything that had happened between us. I knew that I loved him, and that I would never stop loving him. I needed to have some closure though, so I sought him out.
I did some research and found that he was still working at Hogwarts. I went there to meet him. I showed up, demanding answers. He then denied everything that happened. He said that he had never had relations with any of his students, most certainly not me. I made my opinions clear.
'Why are you lying about this?' I demanded, on the verge of tears. 'I can understand that you wouldn't admit this to anyone else, but why are you lying to me?'
'Miss Granger. I can assure you, nothing ever happened between us. I just wonder where these accusations are coming from. Why did you come here? Just to bother me? Please leave.'
'But, Severus, I love you. How can you be doing this to me!'
'Please don't make me call Dumbledore.'
It was then that I knew. Everything that I said was of course, true, it had all happened and I could tell by the tone in his voice that he knew it had happened too. He was just choosing to deny it.
I blocked out what happened after this bit of conversation. But this time, nobody took the time to tell me what happened. They just brought me here.
They won't tell me where I actually am. But I have an idea. I know this is a mental institution. And I know that no one will believe me when I tell them that I am not mental, in any way, what so ever.
Maybe this will change your minds. I don't know. But once again, I have reached the point at which I don't care anymore. This is the end of the line for me. Maybe after I'm gone you will understand.
The doctors here could not diagnose me because I did not suffer a mental break down, I suffered from nothing more than a broken heart.
Goodbye forever,
Hermione Granger.
