Authors Note: I will start out by saying I don't fancy myself a writer. This is simply a way for me to relax and escape my own world. I obviously don't own the characters. I will be updating on my own behalf, but if I see an interest perk up in my story it might encourage me to keep going forward with it.
Dawn
Quite literally 5:30 in the morning
It is official. I am in love. Not with a Lurrrve God. Not with a sex God. Dave is much more marvy than that. He is the god. No offense to our lord Sandra, but I honestly do believe he could give you a run for your money. I am so completely and officially full of loveosity and giddiosity that nothing could burst my bubble.
1 minute later
If Jas is in love with Hunky she should be considerably nicer. I am so happy I feel like I could hug wet Lindsay.
30 seconds later
Okay, I might be going to extremes. Calling Dave my girlfriend might spark another lezzy rumor, and hugging that stick would only fuel the fire.
15 seconds later
But honestly I have never felt like this since the beginning of my miserable existence. (Which isn't miserable anymore, by the way.) After Dave agreed to be my "girlfriend", he took my hand and led me outside. I couldn't speak. It seemed he couldn't either. It was like Angus had snuck in and stolen our tongues. HAHAHAHA. It was quite alright though. We soon found our tongues. Each others. Best snog ever. Tip top truly. I felt the fireworks they talk about in those movies. Jelloid knickers to the max.
Rosie popped up from behind a bush(oo-er) and started chanting something in what she would like to think is vikinganese. I don't think she understands that the Vikings did not jump around people chanting like Native Americans and kicking their heels together in the air.
"Rosie, are you mad?" I asked her.
"No, are you mad?"
"No, are youmad?
"Oy, that is not a game you should play with anyone else Sex Kitty," Dave said. Then he started tickling me!
How a round of who's mad with someone else resulted in tickly bears with Dave still confuses me, but at the time I wasn't going to complain. We all know how that game ends. Quick trip up to number 6 before Rosie rudely interrupted. Couldn't she see we were trying to snog until the cows came home?
1 minute later
And we did. Quite literally. I mean if the cows come home at dawn that is. I have just gotten home.
After Rosie stopped her Viking, tribal, whatever dance, I glared at her and asked, "Do you mind, I am trying to snog until the cows come home and I do not want an audience?"
Dave started laughing, and he was probably about to say something, probably something extremely sexy, lovely, and godly, when Rosie pushed us into a bush. Dave and I just looked at each other and went back to climbing the snogging scale. Number 7 was reached. I repeat, number 7 was reached. It wasn't at all how I expected it to be. And I believe I may have gotten jelloid bra. If that is even possible. I must consult with the Ace gang to see if this is a common phenomenon.
5 minutes later
I have shocked myself at how sneakily I was able to come inside. Libby is snoring away in my bed with her fweinds. She's slept with more friends than any of the ace gang. HAHHAHAHA
Mutti and Vati are in their bed fast asleep. At least I hope. What if they know I never came home last night and are waiting for me to think I'm safe and pounce on me at the last minute?
3 minutes later
Merde. The hall in the light has just turned on and I can hear footsteps coming to my door. I truly may have a bit of the mystic Meg about me. Bloody hell.
10 minutes later
I might possibly have the coolest Mutti ever. She has not grounded me and has promised not to tell Vati I never came home last night. She wanted details of my evening. She is so incredibly nosy. She told me if I wanted her protection I better spill. She was much cooler about it than I expect. Double cool with knobs actually. Why does it seem everyone expected me to end up with Dave. Cest la vie, I am usually the last to figure anything out. I really need to go to sleep. It is quite literally light outside now.
2 minutes later
Must sleep.
10 minutes later
Please?
2 minutes later
Fine I will count sheep.
20 seconds later
Sheep kept making that noise and scared me. I will count Daves instead.
1 minute later
Now I am just thinking about snogging Dave. This is truly impossible. Thinking about his nips libbling mine is enough to keep any girl awa…. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz.
9:00 AM
Phone is ringing and woke up me up from what I wouldn't call sleep. Anything less than a 10 hours is not sleep, it is a nap.
1 minute later
After almost falling back into my luxurious "sleep", I am woken up yet again.
"Georgia, answer the bloody phone!"
If I hadn't been half asleep I would have thought that came from the mouth of my sweet little sister.
I roll over and put the pillow to my head trying to block out the world.
30 seconds later
What the buggering hell. It was Libby who yelled at me. She started whacking me with one of her fweinds. I was too out of it to pay attention to which one it was.
1 minute later
Walking towards the phone. I am so tired my eyes can barely open. I cannot believe I am making it to the phone without incident.
15 seconds later
I have once again spoken too soon. I have fallen flat on my face and am too tired to get up.
1 minute later
I will lay here until I fall back asleep. I swear it.
5 minutes later
Who the hell keeps calling? I swear to Sandra if it is Jas I will have nervy B and make her sing me lullabies until I fall sleep.
10 seconds later
On second thought I better not, I've never heard her sing and I don't know how pleasant that would be.
1 minute later
If it is anything like her dancing it won't be magnificent, that is for sure.
4 minutes later
Oh my God! Can you not get some sleep in the hall without the phone ringing nowadays? I am quite literally a foot from it. I will knock it down somehow.
1 minute later
In a moment of sheer brillianosity I have snagged Gordy. I am taking precautions so I don't lose anything important in the process. Like skin. Once the phone rings operation launch kitty at the phone will commence, knocking the phone down so I can answer it without having to leave my spot on the floor.
20 minute later
Back in my room. Operation launch kitty at the phone was a success, though I'm not sure Gordy would consider it one. Dave was the one ringing me. I asked how in the world he could possibly be alive at this hour. He wouldn't say anything about the time of day, but spoke in a naff Russian accent.
"Who the bloody hell is calling nonstop?"
"Greeting, Georgia. If you ever wish to see your biscuit again you will do as I say?"
"Dave, this isn't funny. I haven't gotten any beauty sleep. We have been going out for less than a day and I assure you, if you don't let me get my sleep you will not want to continue."
"I know not of this Dave, unless he is the boy I have tied up and held hostage. Is he fairly attractive and quite a catch?"
"Dave I will hang up if you don't stop this foolishness."
"Meet me in the park in fifteen minutes. Bring a blanket. Do not worry about beauty sleep. I can tell from your voice that you are beautiful. If you care at all about this Dave, you will be there."
And then he hung up.
5 minutes later
As you can see I have no intention of going to the park. I will not be getting out of bed again until I am fully rested.
30 minutes later
Bugger, the doorbell is ringing.
1 minute later
Walking downstairs, I hope it isn't the neighbors. They never bring pleasant news when they have to come over this early in the morning.
Opened the door and was greeted by my glorious boyfriend.
"Blimey Georgia, I didn't realize you were this keen," he said while he did sticky eyes on my body.
I looked down. Oh my God, I have never slept in my undercrackers before. How did I end up sleeping in my undercrackers? Oh my giddy GOOOOOOD!
10 seconds later
I suppose it is better than my tellytubby pajamas but, OH MY GOD!
2 minutes later
I have run upstairs and hid under my covers. He will never make it past the door. What boy would be stupid enough to come upstairs without being invited in when they know my parents are home.
20 seconds later
Unless he doesn't know my parents are home.
15 second later
The doorbell is ringing and no one is answering it. Better off I say. I will never be able to face Dave again. The first time he has seen me in my knickers. It was not supposed to happen this way. Good thing he didn't decide to just follow me inside. Oh wait now the door is opening and no one is up to answer it. Dave must have a death wish.
1 minute later
I don't think he knew my parents were home because I hear shouting coming from downstairs. I didn't even realize they were awake yet.
1 minute later
The shouting has stopped, but now the doorbell is ringing again. What is going on? I must go investigate
5 minutes later
Jeans or skirt?
1 minute later
Bloody hell, I don't have time for this. I will put the first thing I grab on and not think about it.
1 minute later
It is just my luck that when I make that promise to myself I will pick two things that clash. Who would wear a purple mini with an orange top?
1 minute later
I have put on the orange top and jeans to keep my promise to myself as best I can. I can hear voices in the kitchen. Mutti and Vati don't talk to each other. All they do is snog and shout. I must do a quick round of make-up.
2 minutes later
I pulled my hair up in a messy bun to save time and done a quick efficient regimen of make-up. Mascara and lippy. That is it. I know I can't believe it myself.
1 minute later
I have decided to grace Dave with my presence. Walking down to the kitchen now.
1 minute later
What the bloody hell is Masimo doing in my kitchen? Dave was the one at my door. Where did he go? Why is Masimo alone in my kitchen talking to my cats? I am not awake enough for this.
30 minutes later
The nub and gist is that Dave did walk into my house. The second doorbell was Masimo. He was coming to tell me that he had made a horrible mistake. When Dave answered the door I think they both had a bit of a nervy B. I think Dave thinks it was the red herring fandango number two. And Masimo probably thought there was another redbottomed minx fiasco going on. There was nearly another fisticuffs at dawn fandango. Dave stormed out and Masimo stayed. I don't know who the third doorbell was from. It quite possibly could have been a neighbor. This is all I have been able to make out from Masimo's limited English. I have told him to leave. It is over. I hope he understood. My Italian is worse than his English
5 minutes later
I have a left a note for Mutti telling her I am going to the park to see God. She will not understand. Maybe she will get what I mean; I did tell her what happened last night after all. Anyone with a brain would know his acts are godly. I hope she doesn't think I am going to church. That would be quite wrong. But who in their right mind would go to church in the park?
20 seconds later
Someone with wit would say that I am not in my right mind. I find it funny that the most hilarious things said about me are by me. I am glad I love myself or I might make my life quite miserable.
3 minutes later
I have spotted Dave. He does not seem pleased. Surely he understands that the handbag horse is completely out of the picture. He hasn't seen me yet. I will take him on by surprise. (oo-er)
30 seconds later
I have just jumped on Dave's back. He collapsed under my weight. I think I am not that heavy and he is pretending. That is what I like to think.
1 minute later
He is giving me the silent treatment. The real silent treatment. He is just lying underneath me. Not moving or saying anything. I hope he isn't dead.
"Dave, you aren't dead are you?" I asked him.
No response. Surely he is pretending. I will tickle him.
1 minute later
Dave started sputtering without saying anything; much like a fish flopping out of water.
"Dave, are you pretending to be a fish?" I asked him.
He still isn't responding. I know I will perform CPR, or the mouth-to-mouth resisawhatever.
I have flipped Dave over. His eyes are wide and his eyebrows are raised as high as they will go, like he was startled by something. His eyes are also puffy like he's been crying. Surely God doesn't cry.
"Dave, God isn't supposed to cry," I said.
He seems completely confused, looking at me like I'm mad, and if he was talking to me I'm sure that is what he would say.
5 minutes later
The CPR whatsit didn't work. I would have thought that my lips on his would end any other thought in his brain. Then again, I'm the one that gets jelloid knickers, and apparently bra, not him. I will have to think of something else to bring him back.
2 minutes later
"Dave, I'm sorry if the sight of me in my undercrackers has harmed your fragile mind," I say.
There it is the flicker of a smile. I saw the right corner of his mouth twitch.
"Dave, the handbag horse never got to see me in undercrackers, if that makes you fell better," I said while trying to keep a straight face.
"What did you just say?" he asks.
"ALIIIIIVE. He's ALLLLLLLLLIVEEEE. His pants are ALIIIIIIIIIIVE." I start shouting.
He grabs me by the shoulders and says, "Georgia, this is serious, what did you just say."
"ALLLLLLLLIVEEE," I start to say.
"Not that you twit, before that," he says as he rolls his eyes.
"OH! I was just telling you that the handbag horse never got to see me in my undercrackers, if that makes you feel better," is what I was going to say.
Once I said "handbag horse" though, his lips were on mine. Gosh, if I'd known we were playing the game of password I would have started saying random words earlier. I've wasted nearly half an hour trying to make him speak.