Author: veiledndarkness
Title: What a Child Will Believe
Prompt #: 3- Ends
Rating: PG -13 for language, mentions of child abuse
Pairing(if any, or gen): Bobby/Jack
Summary: The most painful memories can be the hardest to forget. And forgive.
Warnings: partially inspired by Madonna's "Oh Father" - Heavy on the angst. This is the third thing I've written recently that had something to do with graveyards. Sorry 'bout that. I'll try to do something a little more cheerful next, I swear.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Bobby pulled the keys out of the ignition and listened to the ticking of the engine as it cooled. He looked out the window before turning to face Jack. He started to say something then thought better of it. He waited for Jack to say something, to make any movement.
Jack was lost in his own thoughts as he stared off into the distance. He frowned every now and then, seemingly trapped in his memories. Bobby reached over and rested his hand gently on Jack's shoulder.
"Jack?" he said.
Jack blinked once, his eyes still cloudy. "Hmm?" he said absently.
Bobby blew a breath out. "You sure 'bout this? It's not too late y'know. We can still go," he offered.
Jack shook his head. "I want to do this. I think I have to Bobby."
Bobby nodded. They left the car at the same time, the slamming of the doors loud on the wind. They walked up the side of the driveway in silence. Bobby shoved his hands in his pockets, searching for his gloves. He rubbed his hands together as he watched Jack walk.
"Looks like it might snow later," he said casually. Jack smirked at him.
"Thanks for the report," he said. Bobby snorted. "You don't have to make conversation you know Bobby," he added.
"I know. It's just, kinda weird y'know. These places make me edgy," said Bobby.
Jack chuckled. "You seemed fine at Ma's funeral," he said.
Bobby rolled his eyes. "Fine, oh yeah. Definitely at ease, what with all the laughing and happiness around us. It was great."
Jack abruptly stopped walking. "Bobby, look if you don't wanna come with me, that's alright. Go back to the car."
Bobby sighed and then shook his head 'no'. "I'm sorry Jackie. I just get uncomfortable."
Jack smiled at him. "I know."
They started walking again, closer to each other than before. Jack bumped his hand against Bobby's every so often, and then grinned at the look on his face each time.
Jack stopped a few minutes later. He looked around for a moment to get his bearings. Then he pointed to the left of them. "Over there" he said as he led the way. They picked their way carefully through the rows of crosses and tombstones. After a seemingly endless maze of graves, Jack stopped in front of a small, crumbling square stone.
"This is it," he said, his voice strained a bit.
Bobby squatted down to the read the inscription, squinting at the faded letters.
'Thomas Moran – Born 1954 – Died 2005'
'Loving father and husband'
He read the words aloud and then stood up. "This is your real dad?"
Jack nodded sharply. "Yes, good old Tom was well loved by his drinking buddies. Pity you can't say that about his children" he said bitterly.
Bobby looked at the headstone. "It's funny how they always say the nicest shit once you die, even if you were a jerk."
Jack made a sound, like a sob mixed with a bark of laughter. "Ha. That bastard never did a nice thing for anyone except himself."
Bobby waited awkwardly for Jack to speak again. He listened to the wind whistle through the trees nearby. Jack heaved a sigh that was full of pain.
"My mother left him when I was 3. He beat the shit out of me and my sister every damn day. He took...pleasure in listening to us cry. I prayed every fucking day for her to come back, to take us with her," he said, his voice cracking. He trembled as he fought not to cry.
Bobby swallowed hard. He knew damn well how bad all of them had it growing up. They would never have ended up at Evelyn's if they'd had normal, happy, loving childhoods. He recalled how much misery and anger he'd carried most of his life.
"Each night, the two of us would lie in our filthy too-small bed and wait. Wait for him," Jack said, his hands beginning to twitch.
"I was so afraid of him, I thought I'd never get away," he whispered.
Bobby pulled Jack close to him, his rough fingers stroking the back of Jack's neck soothingly. Jack shuddered once. He wiped at his eyes irritably.
"You wanna know the most fucked up part? I loved him, even when he was whipping me with his belt. All I ever wanted was for him to love me too. I hated him and I loved him. I thought maybe if I was good enough he'd love me, love me enough to stop hurting me."
Bobby pulled Jack tighter to his body. "Jack," he started to say.
Jack gasped hard, still desperately fighting his tears. He whimpered as Bobby kissed his forehead, gentle kisses that calmed him slightly. Bobby held on, wishing he could push all of his strength into Jack. They stayed that way, Jack shaking, Bobby hugging him as tight as he could.
"They took her away from me; I haven't seen her since the last night we were in the house. I don't even know if she's still alive. Emily got it worse than me I think. Maybe cause she was a girl. He did...stuff to her. He never touched me that way but the way he looked at me made me think I was next. Guess I'll never know, huh?" Jack said.
Bobby snarled as he held onto Jack. "I wish I had been the one to kill him," he said, his voice a deep rumble against Jack. "I'd kill anyone who hurt you."
Jack smiled weakly. Bobby looked him in the eye. "You know I would Jackie. Nobody will ever hurt you again, I fucking promise it."
Jack stared at the ground. "I just wish I could let go. Let go of the hurt, the anger, and god, the fear. I never wanted him to die even though I wished for it all the time. Anything to get away from him. Maybe someday I'll forgive him. I don't know."
Bobby kissed away a stray tear that trickled down Jack's cheek. "He can't hurt you anymore sweetheart."
Jack moved his head slowly. "I know. But the memories still sting."
Bobby turned his body so that they had their backs to the grave. He took a step forward, pulling Jack with him. "Let's go now. It's over now."
Jack took one more look at the grave, his eyes wide with pain. He waited a beat, then closed his eyes and began to walk with Bobby out of the cemetery. They walked in silence again, Bobby carefully watching Jack's face. He leaned in close and just barely heard the whispered words.
"It's over, it's the end."
Bobby felt a heavy weight leave his chest as the stiffness in Jack's body began to fade the further they got from the grave. He glanced up at the sky, his eyes dark with understanding.