Disclaimer: I own not and make no money off of these characters. The rules are all bastardized from the Bro Code and all credit should go there.
Warning: AU crack.
Notes: Oh, yeah. I did do that fill in the kink meme. This is what you get when I drink vodka people. Me altering the Bro Code for Brotherhood.
The Brodex
by Fairady
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Bros before hos. And by that I mean I get first pick of the hot chicks. Don't argue about it. Her friends are still hot, and much more likely to keep coming back if they think they have a shot at getting with me.
A Bro is entitled to do something incredibly stupid so long as his other Bros are doing it as well. So when you see me getting ready to charge a platoon of fully-armed guards with only a few throwing knives you'd better get your asses out of those haystacks and charge with me.
Should a Bro lose a body part in a fight his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes or treat him differently. Not only will that Bro kick all of your asses, but you're likely to wake up a long dead one-armed Bro who can and will fuck you all up even worse.
A Bro shall never sleep with another Bro's sister. [However, a Bro shall not get angry if another Bro says, "Dude, your sister's hot!"] Rule change, don't do it. Seriously, don't. I will kill you for even thinking about it. I will slit your throats so fast you won't even have the chance to know you're thinking it. In fact, I'm two seconds away from killing you right now for just reading this.
A Bro shall also never sleep with another Bro's mother. The same rules as above apply to this. Exceptions do exist for your mother, provided I slept with her before you joined and/or was not aware that she was your mother at the time.
There is no rule prohibiting a woman from being a Bro. There is no reason a chick cannot follow and respect the Bro Codex. In fact, having a woman Bro around can be a useful advantage as they can translate chick talk, distract the hell out of a target, and assist in a hook-up. In my experience, there is nothing better than a woman Bro as a wingman.
Upon greeting another Bro, a Bro may engage in a hand shake, fist bump, or Bro hug, but never a full embrace. And no, Leonardo is not an exception to this rule. Mention him and this rule in the same breath to me again and I will kill you. Try it on him and no one will ever find your bodies.
If a Bro sees another Bro get into a fight, he immediately has that Bro's back. New rule here, because I'm tired of having to signal you fuckers to come out and help me.
Even in a fight to the death, a Bro never hits another Bro in the groin. Taking life, limb, or eyesight is a far more forgivable act than punching a Bro where he lives. Punishment for infractions will be life, limb, or eyesight as dictated by the wronged Bro.
If a Bro buys a new weapon he is required to show it off immediately to his other Bros and talk about it's qualities for at least an hour.
A Bro never questions another Bro's kill count, fastest run time, or height. He can, however, challenge him to prove it in some form of wager. The winner gets unrestricted rights to brag about it while the loser is obligated to buy drinks for the rest of the night.
Bros don't cuddle. Not even to conserve body heat. Actually, forget the first part. New rule, Bros don't use conserving body heat as an excuse for their cuddling. The line is worn out and needs to die, find some other excuse.
In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the Bro who jumped from the highest building has dibs. If they're the same height or haven't jumped from anything, the Bro with the longest dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spell be equal both Bros shall engage in a discreet game of rock, paper, knife until a winner is determined. The winner shall then get to claim the target provided they are still hanging around after that sorry spectacle.
If two Bros get into a heated argument over something and one says something out of line, the other shall not expect him to apologize to make amends. It shall be settled the old-fashioned way in order to preserve both Bro's pride. By beating each other unconscious in front of a crowd of cheering and betting Bros. The incident will then be forgotten after the two Bros wake up and never be mentioned again.
A Bro will never, ever, ever, ever do anything with another assassin. Except if they're an eight or better, they're lower in rank than you, they dress a little slutty, someone makes a bet that you can't do it, you're moving to another city soon, you get stuck in the same room, they start it, you're in a dry spell, they're looking pretty good lately, or they're not offended when you show up in their room naked.
A Bro shall always support another Bro by agreeing with whatever he says. Whether it's agreeing that your Bro is the Pope's cousin so he can score that hot chick, or agreeing that he's the Pope's cousin so he can nail that target. You shall always agree with your Bro.
A Bro keeps his booty calls at a safe distance. This keeps them from becoming too attached to you -which can lead to a significant increase on the crazy scale- or lead to them being used against you as a hostage you must rescue. Even if you're fairly sure she can and will make her captors regret ever being born, you will rescue her if you ever want to sleep with her again.
A Bro doesn't sing along with the minstrels. It is in fact the Bro's divine duty to find out all of these pests and eliminate them in the most brutal manner possible.
If a Bro misses the target he was going for, fumbles his landing, or flat out falls on his ass he must always make some sort of an excuse for himself that does not involve himself. Failure to do this is grounds for unrelenting mocking until the next time the Bro does something badass.
A Bro shall seek no revenge if he passes out amongst other Bros and wakes up to find himself compromised in some way. Let it instead be a lesson in developing a strong survival sense that can alert you to when your Bros are going to fuck with you. It's useful to have outside of the Brotherhood too.
When a Bro meets a chick, he shall endeavor to find out where she fits on the Hot/Crazy Scale before pursuing her. This rule is to save you from a lot of pain in the long run. Getting distracted by a hot chick and not figuring out she's crazier than Lucrezia Borgia is a mistake that will come back to haunt you in the darkest part of the night when you wake up to find she's tied you to the bed with horse tackle, has an iron brand heating up in the fire, and is sewing your wedding dress.
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