Disclaimer: I do not own Star Fox, Final Fantasy, or Trigun. Star Fox is owned by Nintendo, Final Fantasy by Square Enix, and Trigun by Shonen. This story is vastly based off of "The Oasis" by K.S. Reynard. Read that first if you don't want spoilers. Will be rated M when the time comes.
"Quit bothering me, hippie!" the suited black wolf shouted to the blue fox behind him. His shout echoed through the park. The wolf placed a crumpled cigarette in his mouth. "I may be a religious man, but the devil is SO tempting me to blow your damn head off."
"Alright, sorry," the cocky sounding fox retorted. "No need to get so uppity about it." He threw his denim jacket on over his white shirt and draped a dog-tag around his neck before rolling up his sleeves and sliding on his black fingerless gloves. "I was just trying to make conversation." He dusted off his brown pants then adjusted the laces on his boots followed by him running his fingers through his long black hair to see if there were any tangles or knots in it.
"'How did you die?' isn't exactly a pleasant conversation starter," the wolf snapped. "Besides, Laguna, I'm not dead. Just like you I only thought I died."
"I don't know," the fox, evidently named Laguna, said back. "I'm still pretty dang sure we're both dead."
"Well, we're not, okay?" the wolf stated. "My heart is still beating, and you're still an idiot. That makes us seem pretty damn alive right now."
"Nicholas, Laguna, come in," the communicator on Laguna's side blaired. On it an image of a red fox with a headset labeled 'Fox' appeared. "I need you guys to report back to the Great Fox immediately."
"Righto, Fox," Laguna replied. "Come on, Nick. Time to get a move on." He then proceeded to run out of the park.
"I keep telling you, it's Nicholas!" the wolf snapped before running after him.
"Glad you two made it," the red fox who was on the communicator said. He was fittingly named Fox. Fox McCloud to be exact. On his person was a slightly torn tan heavy vest that covered a green tanktop and a red bandana he had around his neck. His pants matched the tanktop in aspect of color, but the bottom half were covered by heavy metal boots.
"Well, you know us," Laguna started. "Always happy to help."
"What are you talking about?" Nicholas intervened. "Last time we had a mission you were whining the entire trip there!"
Fox chuckled. "Well, General Pepper had a mission for you two if you're up for it," he told the.
"What's the mission, Fox?" Nicholas asked. He lifted a lighter up to his cigarette and lit it.
Fox turned on a holographic monitor. "Apparently, the General Pepper located a weapons dealer with past ties to Andross on the desert planet Terhaia. There are claims of nuclear weaponry in his possession. If someone like Andrew Oikonny got his hands on that weaponry, Lylat could be in big trouble."
"And you need us to take him out, right?" Laguna asked. "Hah, he won't stand a chance!"
"Not exactly, Loire," Fox said. "You need to find out if these weapons exist. Then call us before doing anything else."
"That's just stupid!" Laguna complained. "Why on Corneria would you send two heavily armed soldiers out to get information!?"
"In case we do need you to kill him," Fox stated. "Plus you're not going to get the information just by standing around."
"Gotcha," Laguna said, grinning. "Alright, I'm in!"
Nicholas sighed. "I can't turn down a chance to help," he said. "I guess I'll go. Besides, someone needs to make sure the hippie doesn't do anything stupid."
"Alright, now you two will need aliases," Fox told them.
"Vash Nightow," Nicholas said, without hesitation.
"That fast, huh?" Laguna mocked. "Alright then... uh... Irvine Kinneas!"
"Alright, let me just input the names..." Fox said. "And you're hotel rooms have been booked. The hotel you're staying at is called The Oasis."
"We get separate rooms right?" Nicholas asked. "I don't think I'd be able to stand bunking with him." The wolf pointed his thumb toward Laguna.
"Of course," Fox said. "I wouldn't want it to be a sausage fest in that room." He and Laguna laughed, but Nicholas appeared to be pretty pissed off.
"Alright, hippie, come on," he growled, pulling Laguna by the ear.
The two were long gone before Fox spoke again. "I really hope I made the right choice..."
Laguna and Nicholas were already in their Arwings by the time they arrived at Terhaia. From both of the Arwings' speakers blaired an annoying voice. "I've set a waypoint to the hotel on you nav-com," it said.
"Alright, Slippy," Laguna said, obviously pained by the voice. Nicholas made no reply for he had plugged headphones into the speaker and left them out.
Both Arwings burst from the hangar, descending toward the planet below them. It was obviously a very hot planet due to its apparent massive deserts. "You're gonna need some new clothes, don't ya' think, Nick?"
"Are you kidding? My home planet was this hot all the time," he told him. "I've worn this suit in much hotter than ninety-five. What about you? Don't you think that jacket will be a bit too hot?"
"Unlike you, my friend, I have magic on my side," Laguna replied, a cocky tone in his voice.
Once the two arrived at the waypoint, they saw a resort with two obsidian-colored towers. The buildings were about 150 stories tall, which was very impressive compared to the architecture on Nicholas' planet. Laguna just yawned at it however. Outside of the resort area was a small metal panel which, due to the waypoint's placement, appeared to be the hangar. Upon arrival at it, a feminine voice with an (Arabic) accent spoke to them. "Pilots, please identify yourselves."
"Vash Nightow," Nicholas replied.
"Irvine Kinneas," Laguna followed.
Only a few seconds later did the lady speak again. "Your identities have been confirmed," she told them. "Proceed to the landing area."
The panel below them opened up and the two mercenaries flew into the hole. On the left of where Laguna landed was a sleek, wedge-shaped fighter that had been painted a fiery shade of blood red.
"Aw, I want!" Laguna said, pitifully as he got out of his Arwing.
Nicholas sighed. "Maybe you can get one with the you pay if you do a good enough job," he told his "friend."
The two grabbed their luggage, and Nicholas his cross, and entered a metal door which slid open on its own. This, too, amazed Nicholas, however Laguna again yawned. The hallway, however, did please the fox. It appeared to be made of glass and was completely underwater. "Woah..." he said in awe. "This is awesome... with awesome sauce."
Nicholas nearly died out of regret once he heard that statement. However, he chose to ignore his urge to kill Laguna. Once they arrived in the lobby, which had a floor of polished marble. The receptionist's desk was the most beautiful piece of the room however, for it had highly organic plants placed in places only a pro-decorator would place them. The tigress at the front desk began to speak to them before they could experience the full beauty of the room, however.
"Good evening, sirs," she began, her voice sporting the same accent as the earlier woman's. "Do you two have reservations with us?"
"Vash Nightow and Irvine Kinneas," Nicholas said while Laguna was admiring the scenery.
She mumbled their names as she typed them into a computer. "It appears both of your rooms have been paid for," she stated. "Well then, Mr. Nightow and Mr. Kinneas," she placed two cards on the desk, "here are your room keys. Your rooms are 2830 and 2831 respectively on the 28th floor of the west tower. If there's anything we can do to make your stay more enjoyable, please let us know. We'll be happy to help."
"We'll be alright," Nicholas said before grabbing Laguna by the ear and dragging him into the elevator.
Laguna took the card to room 2831 and slid it into his pocket. Nicholas pressed the button for floor 28, and sat back, his cross slung over his shoulder. A white-furred tiger stepped on with them and made an obvious attempt not to stare. She got off at floor fifteen, but the elevator stopped again four floors later to let another passenger on. Laguna's jaw nearly dislocated when he saw a red vixen walk on. Her hair was long and black, much like his, but in a more feminine way. Tight-fitting black pants covered her legs and she had a matching tanktop that was cut just below her breasts, exposing her midriff. He looked at her eyes and saw they were an enchanting shade of blue.
Suddenly there was a piercing pain in his leg and he dropped to the floor. "Ow! Leg cramp!" he whined.
"What's up with your friend?" the vixen asked Nicholas.
"His leg cramps up when he gets nervous," he replied.
"Vash!" Laguna whined some more. "I told you to keep that a secret!"
"Oh shut it, hippie," Nicholas growled. "So, what's a mercenary like you doing here?"
"That obvious, huh?" she grinned.
"Nah, I just lived on a planet that was as violent as can be," he told her. "I can spot a mercenary from a mile away. Now, back to my question."
"It's not smart to intrude on people's personal business," the vixen retorted.
"Alright, I'll give you that," Nicholas replied. "You got a name?"
"I'm Scarlet," she replied. "And you are?"
"Vash Nightow," he said. "And this is Irvine Kinneas, my co-worker. Nice to meet you." Nicholas extended his hand to Scarlet, offering a handshake.
Scarlet took the shake and obviously tried to be the dominant one, however their dominance in it appeared to be equal. "Nice to meet you, too," she responded.
The elevator doors opened and all three left the elevator, though Laguna limped off of it. As the two mercenaries got to their rooms, Laguna saw that Scarlet had entered the room on the other side of Nicholas, making this trip a whole lot more awkward. Trying not to think about it, Laguna slid the plastic keycard into the access panel, which caused the door to open. The inside of the room was beautiful to say the least.
The sandstone-painted ceiling was lifted abnormally high and was opposed by the shiny black-tiled floor. Majority of the room's floor was taken up by an indoor pool that extended out to the balcony which, to say the least, pleased Laguna greatly. To the left of the pool was a king-sized bed that was soft enough to save someone from falling from the top of the building and to his right was the closet and restroom. Laguna didn't even hesitate to jump onto the bed. He rolled around in the bed sheets, rubbing them on his face. "No damn way," he said. "Best hotel ever!"
Rather than enjoying the luxury of the room, however, Laguna took it upon himself to change into his alternate outfit: a navy blue vest over his white tee, and covering that was a tan jacket that went all the way down to his knees with a wooly collar and sleeve-cuffs. The pants that went with it were the same color as the jacket and the entire outfit was topped off with a black cowboy hat. Before calling it done, however, Laguna took all of his hair from behind his ears and tied it into a ponytail.
A few minutes later, Laguna decided to hit the streets, though he bumped into Nicholas on the way out. "Oh, hey," he said. "Where you headed to?"
"Where do you think?" Wolfwood shot back. "To do our job and get out of here."
"Oh, come on!" Laguna cried. "This trip is being payed for and you're telling me you're not going to take advantage of this?"
"I'm a man of the church and greed is one of the seven deadly sins," Nicholas replied. "So no, I'm not."
"Whatever," Laguna sighed. "Well, I can't let ya' go alone. I'll get one of the public transports." Laguna walked over to a large parking garage, Nicholas lazily trailing behind him. The garage was filled with expensive-looking cars neither of them had ever seen the likes of. One labeled "Oasis Resort Transport Services" stopped in front of them. The chameleon driving it got out and opened the door for them.
Before the chameleon could close the door, Laguna heard a feminine voice he recognized all too well requesting that he hold the door. "Crap, she's here," he mumbled before she got in. It was the vixen he met on the elevator, Scarlet, though she was now wearing a white overcoat that neither of them doubted was concealing weapons.
"Fancy seeing you two here," she said curtly.
"Where you headed?" Nicholas asked. "Yaruit?"
"How'd you know?" she asked, confused.
"You and I are headed to the same place," Nicholas asked. "I assume for different reasons, though. I'll tell you what, you tell me yours and I'll tell you ours."
"Tell me yours first," Scarlet retorted.
"We're trying to see if the weapons dealer there has nuclear arms," Laguna blurted out, his leg in searing pain.
"You just picked up on that?" Scarlet laughed.
"You mean they have nukes?" Nicholas questioned, astonished by the fact.
"They've had them for months now," she told him.
Nicholas nodded then looked toward Laguna, who had their communicator. "You know what to do."
Laguna smiled at Wolfwood. "Nah, that'd be dumb," he replied. "Think about it, if the general sends an ass-load of troops here you can expect trouble."
"Wow, you're not as dumb as you look," Scarlet said behind him.
Laguna paused. "I can't tell if that's an insult or a compliment," he stated.
"It's neither," Nicholas replied. "It's accurate."
"Shut up!" Laguna snapped, slugging the preacher in the arm. He then turned to Scarlet and began to speak again. "So, you know what we're up against?"
"Yes, and I'll be willing to make a deal with you," she replied. "You help me and I'll give each of you a quarter of my cut."
Laguna hesitated. "And that is?"
"5 million," Scarlet stated.
Laguna paused. "Done," he replied. "You've just made yourself two new allies."
"Hold on, I never agreed to that!" Wolfwood shouted.
"I don't care if you're not greedy, 1.25 mill is a crap-ton more than three hundred-thousand," Laguna said, abruptly. "You can't say no to that."
"Fine, but next time you sign us up for a suicide mission, ask me first," Nicholas said. "So, what's the mission?"
"Assassination," Scarlet replied, curtly. "I've been collecting information on my bosses person of interest and I feel it's about time to finish the job."
Laguna sighed before replying to her. "Gotcha," he said. "And your target it?" He was trying as hard as possible not to acknowledge the pain in his leg, but it kept insisting on being noticed.
"An iguana named Anthony Carache. He's the owner of one of the mega-corporations on my home planet of Skallis."
Nicholas nodded. "Alright, we'll help," he said to her. Maybe I can get both sets of pay. He smiled before trailing off into a train of thought.
Author's Note: So, I noticed that Scarlet's initial appearance resembles that of Carmelita Fox rather strictly. What's up with that, huh? Anyways, if you haven't already, make sure to read "The Oasis" by K.S. Reynard. As I stated in the disclaimer, this is a parody (with permission, of course) of said story. Hope you guys (and girls) love this story.
Junior Colonel Lapis Goldfire.