They always say that voicing the words 'I love you' should be easy.
You've confessed. You're together, spending your days breathing the same air, exchanging affections and soft touches, talking every day. You find more things to love about them every day, even when you don't see them. You learn to cherish the moments you spend together, to bask in their presence when they're with you and to think of them when they're not.
All the symptoms of love, the quirks and the flaws and the beautiful imperfections.
But it's a lie. Even with all of that, it's so hard to voice something like that for someone who truly means it. To say 'I love you' means to dedicate yourself to that person- to say 'I'm in love with you' means you're devoting all of your heart to them. And to some, that's too scary to picture, to choose.
It takes bravery to say something so meaningful. It costs a lot for the first time- it takes courage, it takes knowing in your heart that it's worth it, that you mean it, that they feel the same way.
There's nothing compared to that heart-stopping feeling when they don't return your feelings as strongly, that you've bared your heart only for it to be scarred right away. Resounding silence in response to a confession so heartfelt is like being stabbed through, and being left to bleed.
Funny, how even when we feel pain over something considered as simple as 'love', we still pursue it. We chase after it like it's our saving grace.
Because we know, that moment when our most special person smiles at us, when they do return how we feel and repeat us, it's worth every ounce of pain we endure. It lights up our sky, it shapes us.
Lying on her bedroom floor, Rin quietly watches her boyfriend on the other side of the room. His fingers tapdance across his laptop's keyboard, settled on his cross-legged lap. He's currently glued to something there, but she doesn't mind. Instead she thinks of love, and of him.
She's never said it. Never told him that she's in love with him, feared the outcome. Of course she's confessed how she feels before, but never to that extreme. Even now she remembers when it was nothing but puppy love- before she even knew him. Right off the bat she was intrigued by him, and as time went by she became even more enamored with him.
The time she took to hesitate over her feelings, she spent getting to know him. Learning his funny habits, his way of life. It started with adoring his kindness, to learning to love the sound of his laughter. Each day she would find one more thing to like about him- his smile, his voice, his eyes, his heart, his soft side, his sense of humor, his sensitivity.
Then her feelings would continue to grow. Becoming more and more hard to deny, more prominent in her thoughts.
That boy- the one stationed just a few feet from- gave her reasons to truly love someone. She'd had crushes before him, surely, but when it comes down to it, none were as strong as this. Nothing felt more real than being with him, of spending late nights talking over nothing, of his comforts when he knew she was upset. Staying up until the morning playing video games and hearing his enthusiastic laugh on the other side of her laptop, of exchanging cheesy, cute messages whenever they could… things that she didn't realize she needed to have until she couldn't be without them.
Never a day passes where she doesn't think of him. There's never a moment where she's not thankful that she waited, that he accepted her feelings and even returns them. It feels like so long ago that she let her hopes and dreams, her emotions overwhelm her. Now everything with him is easy, comfortable, as if it's meant to be. Her only struggle now is finally getting up the bravery to confess to him just how much she honestly loves him.
Catching her wandering gaze, Len pauses in his rapid typing. Tilting his head, his blond ponytail bobbing a bit, he says, "Hey there. Sorry… are you bored?"
She shakes her head awkwardly from the floor, a playful smile settling over her lips. "No, no, it's okay. Don't worry about it."
His brows knit together, and she loves how he seems concerned even when she brushes off his question. Still, he quietly accepts it for now, already knowing that it's not something he'll have to push for.
Again she watches him, enraptured by the tautness in his jaw and his occasionally quirky grin at his screen. It makes her chest tighten happily, just by being near him.
Swallowing deeply, she turns her gaze to her ceiling and speaks. All the while, she curses the tint of a blush on her face.
"...Hey, Len?"
He stops what he's doing again, his cerulean orbs flickering over to her again. "Yeah?"
"Y-You, uh…" Another thick-feeling gulp. "You know that you're… you're my sun, right?"
He blinks, a bit confused. "Your… sun?"
She nods stiffly, mouth going dry. "Yeah. I mean… you're always so warm and happy to see me. You light up my world when it gets too dark. You're like... my own personal, special sun."
His cheeks turn a bit red, as do the tips of his ears. "Oh, I…"
Before he can speak anything else, she tosses an arm over her eyes because she knows there's more embarrassment coming for her, but she has to say it. It's time she finally let go and told him. She's been waiting a long time to say it, but now that the moment's finally come, it's still just as terrifying a prospect as it was a year or so ago.
"What I'm trying to say is… I need you. I'm glad to have you in my life. I'm really happy I have you with me, that you've always been by my side since the very day we met, so… so I, um... "
Rin can hardly breathe- this is far tougher than she could've imagined.
"...I love you."
The words are barely higher than a whisper, but nonetheless they leave her lips.
Beats of silence pass for a moment, and she's far too happy that she has her arm over her eyes to prevent her from seeing his expression, as tempted as she is to peek. What is he feeling? Is he confused? Unwilling to respond?
She hears him rustling suddenly, and then his presence is beside her. She barely starts to move her arm before his fingers wrap around her wrist to tug her hand away, forcing her frightened blue eyes to meet his own intense sapphires.
His expression has become entirely grave, but there's a tiny smile playing at his lips as he stares down at her. His face nears hers, and she wishes she could shrink back into her carpet.
"I…" he breathes in a silky tone, "... love you too."
Gently his lips descend on hers. This kiss, one of their many shared together, must be the sweetest one she's had. He tastes of the faintest bit of cinnamon and ice cream, and the soft pressure of his mouth against hers leaves her head whirling.
I love you too.
And, just as simple as that, she's answered. She had wavered between the balance for so long that now she can finally bask in the relief of knowing that his feelings are just as strong. Her heart, opened up to his completely, was answered in kind with his own.
Just as she thought… all the pain of being in love, it's really worth it after all.
Rin smiles into the chaste kiss, fingers dipping into his hair, and it feels as if the light from the day is ever brighter now.
My… most precious, one and only sun.
A/N:Unbeta'd, written while listening to 'Handbeat Clocktower'-Kaito/Yuki, and 'Hall of Mirrors'- Sta.
hey guys it's been awhile.
I'm still alive and kicking and I wish I would update more. Also nothisficisn'tforanyonespecificcoughcough. BUT HERE GUYS.
I'm a lot happier lately, which is nice. Life's weird but also bearable for a multitude of reasons.
Anyways, thanks so much for reading if you have! Take care til next time!
~Disclaimer~ I own only hatsukoi and too many ideal scenarios, that's all.