All That I Held Dear
Sam,
I know you're hurting man. I know that I betrayed your trust and for that I hold the guilt; but you were way out of line. Way out! You want to know the real reason I saved you? Well, do you? If, you do then read on; if not then I guess there's I nothing left for me to do.
I saved you because all my life that's all I've ever done. I saved you because from the moment dad put you in my arms all those years ago you became mine. Our lives were, hell they still are, messed up. Dad wasn't doing to well and it fell to me to take care of you. I was four. I didn't ask for it; but, I did it anyway. I taught myself how to take care of you. I put your needs before mine. I raised you. From the moment I carried you out of that burning house you became more than my baby brother; you had become my son. I saved you because a father's love for his child is stronger, or should be, than anything else. I saved you because the child shouldn't die before the parent.
I didn't save you because I couldn't take the idea of being alone; hell I've been alone before. I saved you because the last thing I knew you had gone into the trials wanting to come through them alive. I did what I did because you wanted to live. I did it for you. I did it because a father's job is take care if his children and to make sure that their wishes are granted, whenever possible.
I would do it again. I won't lie. I would. My job is to take care of you; look out for you. It has been a part of who I am for so long now that I don't know any other way. This job, this life, hasn't been easy Sam. It hasn't been easy on either of us. We both have made some major mistakes, but to say that I do more harm than good; you really believe that? You really believe that I only sacrifice when I'm not going to be hurt? You really think that little of me?
Well, then I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I my life on hold for you. I'm sorry for all those times I acted as a buffer between you and dad. I'm sorry that I'm human and am doing the best I can with the hand I've been dealt. I'm sorry that everything I have ever done is not or has never been good enough.
You act as if you're the only one who's ever lost anything to this life. You act as if you're the only one who's had to sacrifice. Well news flash, you're not. You talk as if you're the only one who didn't ask for any of this. Guess what you're wrong, again. I've lost, sacrificed and I didn't ask for this. I'm not perfect. I know that. But, you know what neither are you.
Thank you. Yeah, thanks for taking everything that I ever held dear and ripping it to shreds. Thank you for shattering the false image I had held of myself being a hero. Thank you for putting me in my place. Thank you for showing me just how much really you care for me. Thank you for my freedom. I am finally free from the bondage of being your father. I'm free from the shackle of being your brother. I'm free and, now, so are you.