Sunshine
He was the sun.
His smile was always blindingly bright, his face always so stupidly kind. His words so abhorrently encouraging and his touch always so so caring. It almost burnt.
It was a nightmare. He was perfect, he was a light, warm and stretching over every dark surface. He was perfect.
He was Mirio Togata.
Thinking about him made my head hurt and my body feel tight. When he's close and he smiles, like he always does, I feel my heart grow anxious...more anxious then normal...
"...?"
I'm not super crash hot on the feelings...emotions and I don't quite see eye to eye. But that doesn't seem to matter when he's around.
He finds me funny. He smiles because I am me.
He is my sunshine, my best friend.
"...-amaki?!"
Only my friend. Best friend. I care about him a lot... Don't get me wrong I care about others a lot too. But I don't worry (more so then usual) when others go off on their own missions. I don't stay up at night, fighting sleep because I know I'll dream of others. No.
Only Togata.
I find myself wasting my day wondering how I can make him smile and how empty my world feels to see him frown. Then I feel guilty, because when he frowns his lips pillow together perfectly, and I imagine what is like to run my thumb over them... To lean in slowly and touch them with my own...taste them.
I am a bad friend. A bad human being. Trash of the earth. I never want to see him sad, to want him to frown for me so I might imagine the impure is selfish.
His smile is enough warmth, it has to be.
Warm...like his hands...
The sun.
"!...-maki!?"
It scares me because I know something is wrong with these feelings. I am wrong. These are not the kind of thoughts you should have of your classmates, of your friends...
"Tamaki!?"
A large hand grips my cheeks and squeezes, squishing them together firmly and I feel fish like as I am ripped from my thoughts. I recoil from the touch, yanking my face away and making a whining sound of annoyance in the process. Togata laughs loudly, honestly amused as I slide away from his long grasp on the grassy hill. Closer to the trees excellent shade, it was too bright and hot today.
Togata watches, but stays in the suns light, soaking up its rays.
"Wow! You were spacing out hard my friend!" He laughs again and I watch that genuine twinkle of amusement fade to light concern. Not enough to break that wonderful smile, not even close.
"What's up? Whatever you were over thinking about looked like it hurt."
I feel my face and ears starting to get warm at his statement. I drop my head and cover my face with embarrassment, wishing I had my hood to hide inside instead of this uniform.
Mirio's laugh that follows is soft and genuine like a warm summers breeze . He is not making fun of me I know, he is just amused. Delighted by my regular actions of hiding from everyone.
He is delighted by me.
"Nothing's up...I'm just excited for...the holidays." I mumble through my hands, I am lying but it is not an untruth. I was excited for the holidays, not that I had much planned. I never did. I hear Mirio's soft sigh of relief and the shifting of dry grass underneath him as he adjusts his sitting position.
"Me too." He replies finally and I realise now just how tired he sounds. "The summer holidays are going to be great... I can't wait to eat watermelons with you guys, and go to the festival. I just want to relax...which sounds weird coming from me I know!"
His laugh causes me to look up from my hiding place with interest. I am glad I do because my heart stops at the sight. My cheeks pink.
He sits away from me in the brightness of the late afternoon sun as he stares off into the distance of the cities' bustling view. The warm breeze makes his golden, sun kissed hair dance lightly to its slow tune. His smile is a lazy one, content and distant before he is throwing his head back and shutting his eyes, truly soaking in this summer feeling.
I feel my heart beginning to melt and I can not help but smile too.
"I like watermelon..." I say quietly and he laughs once again.
I chuckle too.
...
I have fallen asleep. I know because I dream about the same thing when I sleep, so it is easy to tell. It doesn't make it any easier though, like watching a horror movie against my will. Or talking to people.
I am hurting, bleeding and watching as villains run from me even though I am losing to them. I feel confusion but no pain, despite my grievous wounds. I turn and Lemillion is standing right there behind me. He looks angry. I try to open my mouth to say something, anything but my lips are gone...
Lemillion is crying now, his large warm hands fall to my shoulders and grip me tight as he starts to yell at me. I can not hear what he is saying, my ears are ringing and filled with blood. He pulls me in close and is hugging me tight against his large, muscular chest and I can not hug him back, my arms are broken and I can not breath. I shut my eyes and wait.
I can breath again, but my heart is racing fast in my chest. I reopen my eyes and I see the deep blue of the sky, its hypnotic depth filled with endless fluffy white clouds.
I smell the sweetness of many flowers and I realise I lay amongst them on a grassy hill, their soft petals running through my fingers. My head is supported by my friends lap and large warm hands run through my black hair slowly. I shift my gaze and he is stareing down at me, he is smiling now- the warm loving smile he uses only for me, he is speaking but I still can not hear him.
I look down at my body quickly, we are both dresses in our hero outfits but I am covered in hundreds of beautiful flowers. Lovingly picked and laced over me with care, in a way I would like. I feel drops of wet hit my cheek.
Rain? But it is such a lovely clear day.
I look back up and they are tears, they run heavily from Mirio's ashy, blood stained face as he cries over me. He is screaming through those thick drops of water but I still can not hear him, his soft touches have turned to desperate grasps and I hear a wailing siren in the distance. I don't understand, I look down at my body once more.
There is only blood... the flowers are gone, replaced with rubble and debris. I can not feel my legs or move my arms. I see fire in the distances and heroes rushing towards us. I close my eyes as the siren gets closer, louder.
Then I hear nothing.
...
My eyes flutter open slowly as I wake, I am not shaken by these nightmares anymore. I let the relief of their departure flood my veins as I readjust to the soreness in my back. I have fallen asleep by the tree's twisted trunk and my body is heavy. I look to my right side and he is there, my sunshine. He sleeps next to me, his head resting comfortably on my shoulder, his large fingers intertwined with my own as he holds onto me. With light snores his face looks peaceful, but I know this is a lie.
Just like how the late afternoon sun has started to set in the orange stained sky, I know there is the darkness of a bitter nightmare under that big smile. There always was. The way his eyebrows look slightly crinkled, or the way his hand sweats but refuses to leave my grip, the slight hitch in his breath or the soft mews of pain tell me it is hard. I squeeze his hand and sign silently, running my thumb softly over the back of his hand supportively.
Nightmares are a gift to heroes. We all get them as a thanks for doing our jobs. But it is how you deal with them that defines the kind of hero you are. Some, like myself ignore them and power forward. Others find comfort in the embrace of others.
"...Tamaki..." Mirio's voice is distant and strained as he calls out weakly to me in his dream. I touch his chest lightly with my free hand, splaying my fingers out over his heart, I feel it beating quickly.
I am right here.
His brow smooths over slightly and I watch his expression change from worry to sunlight.
While some heroes hide their nightmares under bright, reassuring smiles.
I bring our interlaced hands to my lips and I kiss his soft, warm flesh lightly- lovingly as I watch the cities lights begin to flare to life in the distance. Painting the darkening sky a backdrop of wondrous colour. We will be late returning to our dorms again tonight, Sensei will be furious. I smile.
I feel Togata shift next to me and I squeeze his hand again, he squeezes it back and I know he is waking. He yawns and sits up next to me, blinking away the sleep from his eyes and stretching. He does not let my hand go, I wouldn't let him if he tried.
He gives a chuckle as he stares out at the growing night. "We are in so much trouble."
"Yep."
He turns to look at me, he is grinning and I can't help but look away, my face red. His laugh gets louder and he stands. He pulls be with him easily, his macular body so much bigger then mine. "Let's go!" He beams.
He starts to walk but I tug on his arm, stopping his motions easily. He pauses and turns back to give me a no doubt smiley, questioning look.
I swallow back the lump in my throat, my anxious heart beating fast in my chest as I force myself to look into his eyes. He is waiting patently, his face a goofy expression of interest against the brightness of the city behind him.
A small, nervous smile creeps onto my lips.
"You are my sunshine..." I squeeze his hand and watch his face drop. His grin falls to a frown and I hate myself. I look down at my shoes in the dry grass. My face is red and I'm not to sure what to do. I try to let his hand go, but he holds tight, squeezing me back. I'm not sure how to react. He chuckles softly, that same warm sensation as before and I look up at him. He is smiling, not a huge, toothy grin like the one he normally wears. This one is a small, genuine smile.
My smile.
"You are my moonlight..." He states back to me, his voice low and serious and my heart hurts. My face is red and I'm once again lost.
He hugs me. His strong, muscular arms wrap around me and he rests his head on mine. I hug him back, my hands twisting into the back of his uniform as I fight not to cry. I don't.
We stay like this for awhile. Just enjoying the gentle loving touch of another soul, not really understanding our roles in each other's hearts. Friends? Lovers? Classmates? Heroes? It didn't matter.
I was his moon. He was my sun.
Together we felt whole.