And the walls came tumbling down …
It was the Dalek that did it, that finally melted the barriers that lay between the two men.
After the deaths of Tosh and Owen the atmosphere at Torchwood was strained. In spite of his fighting words, it sometimes seemed as if Jack had given up. If the events associated with the reappearance of his old partner, John Hart, and Gray, his irretrievably lost younger brother, had forced upon him a new beginning, it was one where he shut himself off from those he loved. Jack was scared, petrified of losing all that was left. He refused to recruit new members to his team, unable to cope with the idea of bringing anyone new into his family. If they tried to replace the ones he'd handpicked in the past, he'd hate them for it and if they ever did find a place in his heart alongside those he'd lost, there was only ever going to be more pain when he led them to their deaths too.
In the meantime, he did what he could to protect Gwen and Ianto; he took all the dangerous missions on his own. If that meant slipping them the occasional sedative in their drinks, or disabling their monitors or even 'accidentally' triggering a lock down, he'd do it. He'd become ruthless in his efforts to keep them safe, but couldn't bring himself to make the ultimate gesture and retcon all knowledge of both Torchwood and himself from their minds. Jack doubted it would work – and besides, he didn't want to be the only one to know of the sacrifices made by Owen and Tosh. They deserved to be remembered and as his penance he denied himself the comfort and companionship that Ianto and Gwen would offer him in a heartbeat. He didn't think he deserved that.
Gwen despaired of both Jack and Ianto. Both isolated and alone, both miserable as hell and neither of them making a move to end their misery. Jack had been forcing them both to leave for home every night and whilst she was more than happy to be able to spend more time with Rhys, she knew for a fact that Ianto spent his evenings alone. She had watched on as Ianto had tried to get through to Jack, tentative invitations to supper that were frostily rejected. Ianto put on a brave face and gave the impression of being happy enough, but from his conversations over coffee at work, she could tell that his social life was occupied with nothing more than mindless television, which she thought he kept on all night to fill the silence.
She challenged Jack, just the once, asking him what the hell he thought he was up to and demanding to know why he was doing his best to hurt Ianto. His response had been that he was keeping Ianto alive and that it was his business, not hers. Then he'd sent everyone home. It had been Ianto that had dealt with the bodies of the weevils the next day and cleaned up the blood. Ianto knew the difference between weevil blood and human blood and quietly asked Gwen not to upset Jack any more. She'd read the unspoken plea in his eyes and given him a hug. From the way he flinched before relaxing, Gwen figured it had been a while since he'd had any physical contact and that only served to make her angrier with Jack.
If Jack had constructed a wall around his heart, Gwen's protestations lacked the power to penetrate them.
It took a Dalek to bring down those walls. It was when Jack returned from his adventure with the Doctor and seen the wreckage of the Dalek in the entrance to the Hub, and then looked up to see Ianto staring at it, transfixed with horror. That's when the mortar holding those bricks tightly together began to crumble.
Gwen recalled watching as their eyes met and an unspoken dialogue crackled through the air… she had never seen a Dalek before but she could see that both of these men had and that its presence stirred up memories for both of them. Unpleasant ones if the grim expressions were anything to go by.
She hadn't wanted to break the spell so had stayed where she was, sitting on the floor, her knees tucked up under her chin.
"You're back then."
Gwen smiled to herself – Ianto only ever stated the obvious when he was nervous.
"Told you I would be." Jack shrugged as if daring Ianto to suggest he wouldn't have kept his word.
"Yep." Ianto bit his lip and nodded. It wasn't that he didn't think Jack would return, but it wouldn't have surprised him if he'd not.
"You didn't say they got in." Jack pointed at the obvious, a hint of accusation in his statement.
"You didn't ask," Ianto countered, nonchalantly tucking his hands in his trouser pockets, not wanting Jack to see that they were still shaking. If Jack could carry on a conversation over the burnt out husk of one of the deadliest creatures in the Universe, then so could he. Well, he could at least make it seem as if he could.
"You knew before I left." Jack's eyes levelled the allegation squarely at Ianto.
"Yep," admitted Ianto defiantly.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Jack was furious. Not with Ianto, but with himself. He'd spent months pushing Ianto and Gwen out of harm's way and then, as soon as the Doctor came calling, he'd waltzed off with the biggest gun he could find, the only damn gun that could damage a Dalek, and left the two of them alone and defenceless in the face of his own worst nightmare.
Ianto sighed wearily and looked into the upper reaches of the Hub for the impetus to say what needed to be said.
"Because you'd have stayed and it was important that you went."
Jack closed his eyes briefly absorbing the layers of meaning behind Ianto's words. He smiled sadly, understanding that no matter what he did, these two would sacrifice themselves willingly to save others. They were braver than he could ever be, because they would risk both their lives and their hearts knowing there would be no coming back from commitment on either count.
Gwen looked from one man to the other, imagining the silent debates warring within the minds of each and wondered if she should say anything. She chose not to.
"Well, I s'pose I'd better get this cleared up." Ianto pressed his lips together as he returned his gaze to the Dalek's carcass.
"Want a hand?" Jack offered cautiously.
"Are …are you offering?" stuttered Ianto.
"You accepting?" Jack asked, feigning nonchalance.
"What? Your hand?" Ianto smiled gently as he dared tease Jack for the first time in weeks.
Jack held it out, palm up and grinned.
"It's all yours."
Ianto looked lost for words for a moment and just nodded.
"Thank you … thanks."
"I'll fetch the toolbox then shall I?" asked Gwen, as she stood up, brushing debris from her jeans. She smiled as both Jack and Ianto suddenly looked in her direction as if both had forgotten she was there. There had been a time when that would have pissed her off, but recently she'd missed the two of them being lost in each other's company.
The three of them worked solidly for hours, taking apart the Dalek from the top down. The organic remains had been carefully removed first and incinerated. Then Jack and Ianto concentrated on the empty shell. The uppermost part had been blown apart already, Gwen gathered up the parts she could find – an eye stalk and the domed lid having ended up under a desk, while something resembling an egg whisk, had lodged itself into the workings of the coffee machine. Gwen twisted it free and decided that what Ianto didn't know wouldn't upset him and if the coffee machine didn't work, there were plenty of other plausible reasons.
Gwen turned around to make sure neither of the men saw her near the coffee machine. They were both working in rolled up shirt sleeves, jacket and coat set aside. Ianto was holding open a containment bin as Jack carefully dismantled the side panels, prising apart the rounded pieces of what he called dalekanium. She quietly observed the body language between the two, operating as equals, as they stood side by side to tear apart was left of the lower section of the Dalek – the part that looked like a skirt to her.
Then she overheard a brief, muttered exchange between the two – mundane in content, but the fact that they were back to finishing each other's sentences revealed enough to make her break into a grin.
"Hey, what are you smiling at?" Jack looked up in time to catch her guilty expression.
"Oh, I don't know," Gwen shrugged. "You two reconnecting over a dead Dalek maybe?"
"There's no way I'm doing anything in front of you over a dead Dalek," Ianto grumbled defensively. He'd never got over the time Gwen had burst in on him and Jack with their hands deep inside each others' pants.
"I think that's your cue to go home, Gwen," Jack grinned lecherously.
"I thought you'd never say that. Right, I'm off. Rhys should have got the flat sorted by now. See you two in the morning?"
"Yeah –" Ianto began, before being interrupted by Jack.
"No – take the day off, Gwen. I'll call you if there's an emergency –"
"What? Like the Earth being stolen out of its orbit?" Gwen looked wide eyed and innocent as she challenged Jack on what he'd count as sufficient emergency to call her back into work.
"The Doctor said everything will stay calm for a while now. Off you go. Make the most of it. I'll see you day after tomorrow."
Gwen grabbed her handbag and virtually skipped out through the hole made by their intruder.
When Jack turned around he was surprised to see that Ianto was no longer next to him. He looked across to where movement had caught his eye and saw Ianto shaking the dust from his jacket.
"I suppose that's my cue as well then." Ianto sounded resigned to a shift back to how things had been.
"Doesn't have to be," Jack said softly.
"I can't do this, Jack." Ianto dropped his jacket down on the back of a chair and put his hands on his hips.
"Do what, Ianto?"
"Stay tonight and then go back to how we've been."
"What makes you think I want to go on like that?"
"Oh I don't know," Ianto rolled his eyes. "How about the last seven weeks?"
"I was wrong."
"What exactly do you mean by that?" Ianto asked warily.
"I thought that it would keep you safe, pushing you away," Jack laughed humourlessly as he glanced at the pile of scrap left over from the dismantled Dalek. "Evidently it didn't."
"Jack – Torchwood will never be a safe place to work," Ianto sounded exasperated. "You and I both know that."
"You could leave – I'd let you." Jack stuck his chin out. "Memories intact."
"Too late for that," Ianto smiled sadly. "There's nowhere else I'd rather be."
"You stealing my lines?"
"I'll take whatever I can get from you," Ianto confessed quietly, wondering when he'd become quite so addicted.
"Come here, you," Jack held his arms open. He wasn't ready to say the words 'I'm all yours', but he needed to belong and he'd missed the complete acceptance he felt when he allowed Ianto in.
Ianto forced his treacherous feet to stay put as he weighed up in his mind whether it was worth the risk, putting his heart in Jack's hands. But it was too late for that as well – he loved Jack, heart and soul. He knew it could only end badly and that he was already living on borrowed time, but the next time that Jack either left them to face danger, or pushed them away from it, he wanted to kiss that man goodbye, just in case.
Without knowing quite how they'd got there, the two men were in each other's arms, giving and receiving the comfort they'd been without for too long. As warm hands tugged away clothing in their quest for bare skin, it felt right, it felt good and at the same time they both knew it would end in heartbreak for one of them.