Dawn Hearts Huckabees
"STOP LOOKING AT ME!!!" Dawn Campbell shrieked at the surveillance camera. She was currently in the middle of a K-Mart deliberately trying to pick out the ugliest clothes she could find, and was succeeding. Her shopping cart was filled to the brim with an assortment of XXL men's clothing, shapeless flannel, coveralls, and a couple of Christmas sweaters so ugly they would make Santa Claus cry.
"STOP IT!!!" she repeated. Much to her dismay, the command went unheeded, and actually had the opposite effect intended. The camera kept its cold, unblinking gaze transfixed, while the heads of Dawn's fellow shoppers suddenly turned to scrutinize her, like a pack of meerkats that has spotted a predator.
In order to avoid their stares, Heather pulled her bonnet down lower over her eyes and continued shopping. FUCKING SHIT! I am so fucking tired of having to be pretty every second of the day, she thought to herself. No more. This is me! As she said that, she saw a purple sweater with kittens screen printed onto the front that she thought would go great with her green and red flannels.
"Ma'am, is there a problem here?"
Dawn whipped around to face the bulk of a rather large security guard. Although he was not much taller than she, he was still an imposing figure owing to his swollen waistline. "Nothing. Why." This last word came out more as a statement, almost a verbal warning telling the guard to fuck off.
"Well, you seemed a little upset when you yelled at the camera," he said hooking his thumbs on his utility belt.
"Well I'm NOT," Dawn replied rather irritably.
"Ma'am, please do not raise your voice-"
"Do you know who I am? I am Huckabees!"
"Do not get loud with me, ma'am," the guard intoned, taking a small step forward as if to intimidate her into shutting up. The eyes of the entire store were now fixed on the pair with rapt attention.
"You just can't deal with my INFINITE NATURE!"
"What does that- whatever, you're outta here lady!" The security guard made a grab for Dawn's arm, but in a flash she pushed him away and took off sprinting through the store. Recovering, the guard leapt into action and took off after her.
Looking over her shoulder, Dawn saw her pursuer and ducked into the men's clothing section, ducking and weaving between the racks of sweatshirts and khaki pants. Her bonnet had fallen back behind her head, uncovering her golden locks which swished from side to side as she dodged the metal racks.
The guard ran huffing and puffing close on her heels, when he suddenly lost sight of his quarry. He paused to look around and heard the soft clink of metal clothes hangers moving against each other. He made a quick move in the direction of the sound, but again, Dawn had already taken off, this time making a beeline for the front door. She slipped between the closing automatic doors and took off through the parking lot.
The guard finally came to a rest, knowing he was far too out-of-shape to catch the weirdo in the bonnet. He watched she got into her white mini-van and roared out of the parking lot. He went inside to file a report, and more importantly, get back to the Mexican soap opera he had been enthralled in before being interrupted by the bonnet lady and her ugly sweaters.
As for Dawn, she made the drive home in record time. Still flustered, she made her way about the kitchen, failing to smell the smoke that was pouring in from the garage.