Angel's Repayment: A Christmas Story
Full Review:"Home is can be anywhere. It all depends on your decision to love..."
Hitsugaya Toushiro lost his mother as a young boy on the day of Christmas Eve. Years later, he's grown. He's learned to empty his heart...and on the anniversary of his mother's death, he makes an attempt of suicide.
But a curious girl saves him, and he swears he knows her somehow. She teaches him Christmas, the gift of giving.
As the day goes on, Hitsugaya discovers more than just Christmas, but the true meaning of the word he has been longing for:
Home.
Disclaimer: No, I do not own Bleach in any way, shape, or form. For if I did, I would be in it, and I would be Hitsugaya's girlfriend, and the whole story would be about him and only him (and me). So there you go. Haha.
A/N: Okay, before I say anything else, I want to make something clear: REVIEW!!! Please don't be lazy and give me any comments or anything!?!?! COMMENT! OR I WILL VIRTUALLY TRY TO EAT YOU!!!!
Just like to tell you as a forenote. This is my first Bleach fanfiction ever!
Oh, and I forgot. Yes. It is slightly MomoxToushiro. But it's not as a romantic type much.
I hope you enjoy my fanfiction! Please take the time to comment later!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A dark alley. Where light cannot reach.
Outside, it was any normal winter day. A busy day; it was Christmas Eve. The sky's stars twinkled over a city's strings of colorful lights. The smell of cinnamon was in the air, mixed in with new shimmering snow. Pine greens sprouted from city squares and gardens, with white sitting on each needle of green, creating sparkling thistles of silver. Drops of red glass clung onto the green branches, crystal figurines twirled. Reindeer danced around, stuck in time, pulling a smiling, frozen Santa on his sleigh full of gifts with a rein of silent bells.
Fathers were heading home from work, prepared to rest for the holidays. Mothers bought last moment groceries. Children skipped down the sidewalk, with candy canes in their small hands.
Every building, every person, every speck of the city was preparing for tomorrow. Store windows were starting to shut off their glass-bright displays; shopping hours were almost over. Apartments were beginning to dim one by one, waiting for Santa to climb down their chimneys.
The city was sleeping. It was a silent night indeed.
Except for the alley. The alley where all light could not reach. Not even the Christmas lights, not even the store lights, not even the stars dangling in the black sky. The darkness was a wall, hiding the shadows from the peace. Hiding the shadows in the alley. In the alley, where there was no silence. No peace. No holiday.
A sickening crack, it splintered the air- yet muffled by the blackness. The shatter had been heard...after a young boy's body was thrown into a concrete wall.
Yet that was the only sound that came from him. Nothing else. No cry. No whimper. No sign of fear.
You cannot cry, if you don't hurt. You cannot whimper, if you don't fear. The boy couldn't feel anything. He was winter inside, a winter of black ice. Cold, dark, numb.
He let them hit him. He let them kick him in the stomach. He let them punch him in the face. He let them fill all their anger into his empty heart.
He felt his knees give under his weight. He didn't care if it made him weak; he slid to the ground. He could taste something hot, metallic on his lips; blood trickling from his forehead.
Blood?
Yes, that was good. It showed pain...what he felt: bleeding on the inside. And so he should bleed on the outside.
But the hurting didn't last long enough. Once they were done, they left him lying alone. At that was the reason why he hurt the most. Being alone, being alone hurt more than the snapped bones in his frail body, the chronic emptiness knawing at his stomach, the stinging of his cuts.
He stumbled over to the light that shone with an eye-squinting brightness. The light, it broke through the darkness...it looked warm. He could sense people. Happiness.
Finally, his vision cleared up. He could see. He could see things he had never seen before. Things out of the filthy darkness he had been living in for such a long time that he couldn't even remember. And what he saw...
It only hurt even more.
For that was when he realized:
Tomorrow was Christmas.
He hated Christmas.
All those people passing by him, without a notice of how frail- how lonely- he was, all those people would be happy tomorrow. Happy with their families. Happy at home. Everybody.
Everybody except him.
He would always be without a home.
Anger and grief surged within him. He wanted it to end. All of it.
He could barely remember anything, as he felt his feet take him into the road of rushing cars...
Everything went black.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Snowflakes waltzed from the fluffy gray clouds. Lots of people were around him. All the lights were colorful, and the trees were so big...so green. The air smelled good too. It was like peppermint melting on his tongue, gingerbread baking, pine from a whole forest. But he wasn't in a forest. He was in city. He was happy.
Her hands holding his. It was so warm, even on the cold day, where if he breathed, a puff of white would come out. It made him giggle, and she would smile and make him even warmer.
In her other hand were huge shopping bags. They were even bigger than him! He knew that whatever was in there, a lot of it was for him, and he wanted to see what it was. The feeling of knowing that he was going to rip open the shining paper blocking the way and find a surprise...it made him bubbly. But he knew she would never let him sneak a peak until the day came.
Until Christmas came.
He loved Christmas. It was only one day, but it was the most special day of his life. The day always went by too fast, so he could never really remember the it completely. But he always remembered how much he loved her. That gentle, cozy feeling he'd get when he looked up and saw her smile. It was the whole feeling of sitting by a fire and being read to on a snowy night in just a smile.
That's why he loved her.
"Mommy, look! It's a robot!" His big, ice-blue eyes peered into the display window, watching the large toy move.
Her reflection appeared along with his. A tall loving mother with her small, silver-haired child. She put her hands on his shoulders and laughed, "Shiro-chan, you already have a lot of presents."
He pouted, "But how do I know I have lots if I don't know what I'm getting?"
She laughed warmly, "You'll just have to wait and see, Shiro-chan." She slid her hand into his small hand and led him away. "Besides, Shiro-chan. There's much more to Christmas than just presents."
He didn't understand. "More to Christmas...than just toys?" His big blue eyes were curious, as if the whole idea was new to him. He had never thought about it that way before. Then, he stubbornly shook his head. "No. I already know everything about Christmas!"
His mother smiled teasingly. "Oh really, now?"
He nodded. "Christmas is when there's lotsa presents to open, and Santa Claus, and lotsa cookies and food...and there's lotsa family and friends...and, and, everyone's happy in their house. Their homes!" He opened his arms wide.
She only smiled and shook her head. "Oh Shiro-chan, houses and homes are different."
He looked curiously at her. "They are?"
"Yes. You see," She knelt down, "There's much more to a home than just where you sleep. Home can be anywhere, it all depends on here; your choice to love." She pointed at her chest.
Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of a small girl his age, just a bit taller than him. But even though she seemed taller, she looked smaller...she looked really sad and lonely. It made him wonder what she was doing so lonely on Christmas Eve. Her black hair was loosely tied in a bun, and her chocolate eyes were empty.
He tugged on his mother's sleeves and pointed to the poor girl. She looked down and smiled, she nodded, allowing him to go say hi. He walked over to her, with so many questions in his head.
"What are you doing so sad on Christmas Eve?" He asked curiously.
"I don't celebrate Christmas." She said in a hollow tone. It was scary to him.
She looked at him with such sad, sad eyes. It made him feel so lucky that he wasn't lost. Where was her mommy? His mother came up from behind him and knelt down to look her in the eyes, "Every little girl should have something for Christmas. Now, go spend this." She left a small sack of coin in her hands.
And hand in hand, mother and son walked away. Happy.
He looked back and saw her speak silent words. He couldn't hear her, but they met eyes, and hers seemed to say: Wait.
Thank...you...
She clumsily ran after them, tripping into the road. The streetlight was still on 'go'. He looked and shook his head. Silly girl, that was dangerous. What would her mommy say when she came back for her.
Suddenly, his hand was cold. He looked down and saw that his mommy wasn't holding his hand anymore. Next thing he knew, she was running after that little girl...running into the road...
A car was coming.
It didn't stop.
And then,
he was alone.
Just like that little girl.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Where...am...I?
His eyes fluttered open. Black clouded his vision; it wasn't like a mist...more stringy...like hair. And suddenly, the black turned brown as two coffee eyes stared into his.
"What the-
He sat up and looked around. He was still in an alley, but it was morning. The sky was bright with clouds thinned over blue. There was a blanket underneath him. Odd. He had never owned any belongings for a long time: they had all been stolen.
Then, he saw her. It was a girl his age, but slightly taller. Well, that was because he knew he was short for his age. She had black hair hidden under a Santa hat and milky-brown eyes. She wore a red dress fringed with fake, white fur, matching her hat as she sat on the ground across from him.
"Who are you?" He asked, guardedly. One thing he had learned from living in the streets all this time: trust no one, for nobody cares about you.
She tilted her head and put a finger to her lips while she seemed almost in thought about her name. Then she smiled a smile unsuiting to the brightness of her mood, a smile that was nostalgic. "Someone you met a long time ago."
He rubbed his head; the blood that had once stained his silvery hair was gone. He looked down and noticed that all his bruises and cuts seemed to also have disappeared as well.
He was annoyed. He was annoyed because he was confused. Who was this girl? What was she doing here? How did he get here?
She seemed to have sensed the questions going on in his head. "You were very silly! You walked right into the road! Didn't your mommy ever teach you anything about walking into roads! It's dangerous!" She shook her head at him as if he was the silliest thing. "You're lucky I found you in time!"
Suddenly he remembered. He remembered being beat up by a gang for stealing their food. He remembered seeing all those people in the streets ignoring him. And then, he remembered wanting to die...
The whole thing gave him a headache, and he rubbed his head. A scowl appeared over his face.
She looked innocently curious at him, "What's wrong? You should be happy, Shiro-chan! It's Christmas!"
He looked up to stare at the odd girl that had just randomly appeared in his life. "How do you know my name?"
She shrugged and giggled. "I've heard about you before, from where I come from." But behind the warm eyes, there was a shadow hiding behind them. There was more to her than what met the eye, he could tell.
"Sleigh bells ring, are you listening? In the lane, snow is glistening. A beautiful sight, we're happy tonight. Walking in a winter wonderland..."
He groaned when it finally sunk in that it was the 25th, the 25th of December. This was the one day he hated. Where people would blindly walk around and act as if nothing was wrong with the world. Where people would stay in their homes and thank God that he had blessed everyone with a family, a home.
Well, they were wrong.
There was something wrong with the world.
He was still alive. He was alone. He was without a family. He was homeless.
And yet, nobody bothered to ask him if he was okay. Nobody even knew he existed. Nobody cared. And that was why, he knew that there was never going to be such thing as home for him.
To him, home did not exist.
The girl hummed along, rocking side to side. The song gave him a headache. He didn't want to hear any of it. It gave him a sickening sense of anger, something that made him want to strike out and choke someone.
She pushed him gently and chided happily, "Come on Shiro-chan! Lets sing!"
She sung along with the carolers. He clamped his ears. His real question was still unanswered: Who was this annoying girl?
She saw the irritation flickering over his eyes and asked, "What's wrong?"
For some reason, he didn't want to seem harsh to the girl, so he only boredly answered, "I don't celebrate Christmas."
She tilted her head, as if she had never heard of such a thing. And she giggled, "That's silly! Of course you do!"
Okay. Now she was getting annoying. She barely knew him, and here she was, treating him as if he was her best friend and she knew everything there was to know about him. As if she was family. Well, nobody knew anything about him. Because he would never open his heart to anyone. Besides, his heart was empty. And he didn't have a family.
He was homeless.
"No, I don't." His voice was on the edge of losing patience.
She stood up and looked down at him. If her feelings were hurt, she didn't show it, for her face was still bright and determined. She looked down at him; he noticed how the multi-colored lights strung from the city outside the alley played in her eyes. She held out her hand, as if offering him to take it, so she could lead him somewhere.
Somewhere he had never gone before.
"Yes you have. You just don't remember. I can show you."
And even though he hated Christmas. Even though he had sworn to let no one into his hollowed heart. Even though he had lost his mother this very same day many, many years ago....
He took her hand.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"First thing's first, on Christmas, everyone always has a tree!" She led him down the busy streets, threading nimbly through the crowd of bodies.
He had let go of her hand once they entered the pulsing-life of the city, even though it might have been easier to keep up with her if he did. But he wasn't going to show anyone that they were friends. Because they weren't. He couldn't have friends. He couldn't trust anyone.
Finally, they reached a small shop selling trees. They opened the door and the front bell rung. Instantly, the smell of a fresh pine hit him, as if he was in a mountainous forest of evergreen trees. He looked around, the shop was small, and was close to being stripped bare by Christmas shoppers. The only trees left were small and imperfect. That was no surprise though; people don't buy trees on Christmas day.
The shopkeeper welcomed them and the girl politely replied. He stayed silent while he followed her around to observe the trees. He wasn't sure why he was here with her. Most likely because he could stop her from bothering him if he just did one little thing she told him to.
He refused to give her any of his opinions as she went one by one with each tree, asking him: "How about this one?" After all, he hated Christmas, and everything it brought. That included the trees.
Yet, when they reached a small tree, the smallest tree of the whole shop, he paused.
--
"Shiro-chan, are you sure you want this one?"
He hugged the tree. It was small, so he liked this one the best. It didn't make him feel tiny; it was the same size as him. That made it special. It shared something with him. It was his tree.
"Yes! This one's just right! It's perfect!"
--
"It's perfect." He heard himself mouth.
Did he say that out loud? He didn't know. But he must have, because the annoying girl jumped and ran excitedly over to the shopkeeper. "This one! We'll take this one!"
Oh great, what did he get himself into? He couldn't believe he had just said that. What was wrong with him? He directed his anger at the girl; she was the one who made him do all this. But for some reason, he couldn't bring himself to do it. There was something odd about her, something familiar all the same, a somewhat saddening familiarity.
As she paid for the tree and wrapped her arms around it, marching down the town with her happy chatter, he found himself asking. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
She stopped, and seemed to have chosen her words carefully for her next answer. "We've met. But no, you've never really known me before."
Before he could reply to the strange reply, she started on something else. He could tell she was purposely avoiding the topic. She babbled. "Now, we need decorations! What kind of ornaments do you like? I like the sparkly ones, but we need ribbons too! Hmm...but I guess since this is your tree, you should choose the decorations too!" She smiled at him, and suddenly tripped.
He looked down and saw her lying flat-faced on the ground. She bounced back up and brushed herself, unfazed and unembarrassed. She tried carrying the tree again, but he heard the strained 'umph' come from her and he sighed. So he carried it for her instead.
As she talked on again, making a verbal list of supplies, he made a mental note of how nobody seemed to have noticed her as she fell, and nobody asked her if she needed help or if she was all right. She was different from other people somehow...he couldn't put his finger on it. He wanted to question her more about it, but he had come to know even after just two hours of meeting her, that once she started talking, there was no stopping her.
"Shiro-chan! Shiro-chan! This shop! This shop!" Suddenly, she was on the other side of the sidewalk, pointing at another shop strung in festive lights. The display window showed stacked boxes of ornaments. She jumped up and down in a babyish excitement.
Almost...almost like...
--
"Mommy! Mommy! Lets go in this one!" He tugged on her sleeve, trying to drag his mother with him. He hated how he was so small, but he really wanted to see everything inside. From the window, it looked so bright. All the baubles shining like the moon. So big and round...he could see his face in them!
She laughed. It was nice and warm. "Alright, Shiro-chan."
--
"Alright." He walked in with her.
This shop was bright, filled with yellow lights, as if the room had its own sun. If it did, then it owned many stars as well, for there were ornaments dangling from the ceiling everywhere, with the rays of light bouncing back and forth between them, like a game.
"Wah...So pretty!" She said next to him, breathless. And then she laughed and ran off, starting to choose her favorite ones.
He stood still by the tree, still almost lost in the brightness of the whole place. People walked in then out, left then right. Too busy to notice him. Once he realized that she was going to take a while, he wandered off on his own, dragging the annoying tree behind him. He wasn't planning to buy anything, he only want to take a look.
One of the glass ornaments fell from the ceiling; he caught it with both hands. Looking down, he saw it was a glass ornament: a snowflake.
--
"Look mommy!" He called out, "Look what I have." He looked in fascination at the thing in his hands and then at up at his mother with huge, wondering blue eyes.
"How pretty," She replied admiringly, she smiled. "Shiro-chan likes winter very much, right?"
He beamed as if she had just given him one million praises. He raised out his arms to show her even more, the glass tree ornament that glittered in the bright lights in the background, taking in the light and creating spectrums of rainbow jewels.
"A snowflake that never melts!"
--
"Pretty! Shiro-chan has good taste!" She appeared in his face, as if almost out of nowhere.
He blinked. How did she do that? She had the odd ability of disappearing and then suddenly reappearing right in his face. Before he could react in any other way, she took it from his hands and peered into the crystal-pure glass. She smiled, "This can go right at the tippity-top!" She cheerily exclaimed as she tapped him with the snowflake on the top of his head, as if it was the tree.
He felt a shock.
He stood still, his blue eyes unblinking. What was that? He watched as the girl took the glass and placed it into the basket of other ornaments. There was nothing abnormal about the object. Then, why did he suddenly feel something spark?
What ever it was...it felt warm. Almost like all the feeling of sitting by a warm fire with a friend...just in one second...
He shook his head. He didn't have any friends.
And so he would never feel that feeling.
"Come on, Shiro-chan! You have to choose more!" She took his hand and dragged him off, along with the tree.
Along the shelf of baubles, he could see his reflection gleaming over each one. And each of the images that he could see coming from the thin glass was a different color. He looked into a pure silver one and saw a thin boy looking back. His eyes were frozen-sea blue, and his hair was a messy and uncombed silver-gray. His mouth was set at a straight line; he wasn't happy, he wasn't sad. The person in the silver glass didn't know what to feel.
He didn't know how to smile
--
The boy had huge blue eyes, almost like to huge orbs of aquamarine. And his hair, it was really spiky and white, like snow. He was small too. The boy smiled as he did. And suddenly, behind the boy was a pretty woman that looked like him. But that wasn't what he liked about the woman the most. He liked how in her smile, he could see that she smiled for the boy.
He liked how they were together, in one little pretty ball that hung on a tree, as close as can be.
And so the boy in the glass smiled with the woman in the glass. Just like him and his mother.
--
There was a girl behind the boy in the ornament. Bright hazel eyes and bouncy black hair, her smile filled everything his expression lacked. He jumped back in surprise, knocking into her. He looked back, it was her.
"Wha-
"Hmm...I like these too! Good job, Shiro-chan! I think we have enough now!" She grabbed a bunch more and went to the cashier.
Yet again, she had appeared out of nowhere on him. It bothered him. He grumbled and dragged the tree out of the store and she hugged a huge bag of ornaments that piled higher than her head.
They were back in the alley, and she started busying herself by organizing the decorations. She fussed over where the tree should go and finally decided where was perfect after 20 minutes.
"It doesn't matter, this is a street alley. Not a home."
She looked back at him, midway in placing the snowflake at the top. She smiled that same reflective smile.
"Of course this can be a home. Home can be anywhere. It all depends on you."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The sun set early on Christmas. But no one seemed to have been bothered. They were too busy being warm inside, having their feast. The snow that was starting to fall, fresh and white, dancing down from the sky, was casting a pure blanket down on the streets.
He looked up from the cracked cup he had found in a trashcan, filled with the third hot cocoa attempt of the girl. He could see the snow fluttering down like feathers. He stayed sitting against the cold wall, watching the ornaments twirl on their string, hanging off the piney branches of their small tree.
She jumped up and ran out of the alleyway, laughing while tilting her head up to the sky, trying to catch the flakes on her tongue. "Look, Shiro-chan! Snow! Snow!" She ran in circles like it was the happiest day of her life.
He stayed where he was. He had passed the age where snow was a toy. Now, snow was only a bother, adding on to the cold. Plus, it had snowed on that day. That day...everything about that day took everything away from him. Everything that he wanted now. And anything about that day...he hated.
She waved to him, beckoning him to come. "Come on, Shiro-chan! Snow!"
He stood up and stood within the walls of the alley, only watching the snow fall between them. While he was still dry, the white specks stuck to her black hair, along with her dark eyelashes framing her huge, pleading eyes.
"I don't play with snow."
She dragged him out. And they stood together, having snow stick and then melt on their skin. She smiled. "Silly Shiro-chan, everyone plays with snow. Snow's fun!" She grabbed a handful of the powdering white and threw it in the air over them. They showered down like a small rain. "It's part of Christmas!"
He disagreed, but he kept silent as she went back inside. "I'll show you!" She came back out with a lid of a trashcan. She held it to her chest and smiled excitedly, "Let's go to that hill!" She pointed at the large mound of white a little bit out of the city.
She ran off and then waved back. "I'll race you!" She laughed. "I bet I'll win!"
He couldn't refuse the challenge. And so he ran after her.
--
White. White was so pretty. It was almost like each little snowflake was a tiny human, a fairy, sent by the sky to wash away all the bad in the world, and turn it into pure white.
Oh, how he wanted to play with it. Feel the cold, tickly white on his cheek.
"Mommy! Snow! Snow!" He looked out the window and then back pleadingly at his mother. "Please?"
She seemed to have struggled with his question, but then she broke into a smile and said, "Alright Shiro-chan, you win."
They bundled up in warm jackets and mittens. He felt like a huge, puffy snowman. Just like the one he and his mother was building. But that was okay, because everything was fun. It was cold, but it wasn't cold. Because even if his cheeks were freezing red, he was warm inside.
And that was all that mattered.
--
They threw snowballs at each other along the way, trying to stop the other person from getting there first. She laughed as she hit him square in the chest with a tiny snowball, but her giggling face was stopped when he threw one back at her.
Finally, they made it to the top. They breathed heavily, the puffs of air coming out frosty and white against the purple sky.
It was over already? It seemed too soon. He sat on the snow next to her, taking in breaths of the cutting cold air. It had been such a long time, since he has played with snow.
"Is that all you do with this stuff?" He asked.
She looked at him and smiled, her eyes twinkling. "Nope! There's sledding too!" She planted the garbage can lid on the snow and pushed him on it.
He was lost. He never remembered doing this before. She sat right in front of him; the puffy white cotton on the end of her hat tickled his cheeks. Then, she pushed them down.
"What's this?" He yelled over the wind that roared in their ears as they dashed down, slipping and sliding over white. Powder flew up, spraying him in the face. The trees that were once in front of them quickly blurred behind.
"Sledding!" She giggled back.
They landed and fell into the snow. He got up and let the cold crystal melt on his face. He breathed out. It was amazing. The dropping feeling when they went down. It was...it was so fun. He wanted to do it again.
It wasn't cold. He didn't feel cold. Snow used to have always felt cold when he was on the streets. It would make him shudder and hide, trying to keep warm, but it never worked. Yet now, here he was, exposed in it. But he wasn't cold. It was warm in his chest.
And that place in his chest. Since when did it stop hurting? He couldn't remember anymore. It felt good. He looked at his reflection in the frozen snow and saw himself. How dumb he looked, grinning with those huge, blue eyes. But he didn't care.
Snow was wonderful.
He looked to his side, seeing her lay on her back in the snow. Her hat had fallen off, and her hair was splayed over the white. She spread her arms and legs out, waving them on the ground. Then, she got up.
He looked down. The imprint she left on the snow, it was like a shadow of a maiden with a flowing dress and wings. An angel.
--
"Mommy? What are you doing?" He sat in the snow, watching his mommy lay on the ground.
She got up and brushed herself off. "It's an angel, see?"
He mouthed the word. It felt weird in his mouth, but it felt nice. It made him feel safe. "What's an angel?"
She smiled. "Angels are those people who watch over you in the sky."
"They make sure that you're never alone."
--
"A snow angel." He said simply.
She nodded and for the first time, she kept quiet with a gentle smile over her face. It was peaceful as she looked up into the sky and watched the white continue to befall them.
"Are you cold?" She asked.
He told her the truth.
"No."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They were warm, even if there was no fire. While everyone inside their houses had fires crackling, glowing over dry logs, they sat on a single, ragged blanket. But they were warm anyways.
For him, the short, teenage boy that would appear to be in rags and without a family to a person passing by...all of what that passing person would think would be true- he was without a family, he was in rags, he was poor, he was a street kid- but he felt as warm as anyone would feel if they were huddled with a friend by a fire. Staring at the tree that he had picked out and decorated with her, sitting next to her...it was all the fire he needed.
He looked down at her; she laid on her stomach, writing happily away at a list. She looked up at him. "Are you done with yours yet?"
He looked down at the scrap of paper. His pen hadn't even left a mark of ink yet. "No. I don't want anything." Then he sighed. "Santa Claus doesn't even exist."
He had figured that out a long while ago, and he knew she couldn't change that. Santa Claus was a fake. A lie to tell kids that magic existed; that there was always happiness. Santa Claus existed because parents were too afraid to tell their kids the truth: there was such thing as sadness.
And he didn't want anything. Nobody would get him anything anyway. What was there to want? He was a kid alone on the streets. He had lost any desire over silly things a long time ago. He only wanted one thing now:
That was something he knew even the girl couldn't bring back.
She stood up, with her hands on her hips with a determined shine. "Fine then, I'll just give you the best present you'll ever have!" She walked off into the city streets and called back. "And you can't follow me because it's supposed to be a surprise!"
He sighed. He wouldn't want to anyway. And of course it would be the best present of his life. It would be the only present he could ever remember. He looked down and saw her list of stuff. He got up and grabbed the list.
Oh well, he might as well buy her something as well, with the only two coins he had.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When he returned, the sky was dark and it had stopped snowing. The alleyway, he had noticed, seemed different now. It was the same place, but the walls didn't seem to loom over like predators waiting for a kill, the shadows didn't seem to choke, and the darkness...the darkness was different. It was still dark, but this darkness was a welcoming one.
He came back empty handed. Two coins weren't enough to buy anything. That was, anything that could be treasure. But that was the least of his problems when he looked closer and saw that the tree had been knocked over and stomped on, while the ornaments he and the girl had spent so much time hanging were shattered.
"I never knew beggars had Christmas parties...why weren't we invited...Hitsugaya?" A figure in the shadows sneered. Pairs of eyes glittered greedily.
Greedy for violence.
The advanced on him, and he did something he would've never done before. He stepped back. He shouted. "I don't want to fight anymore! Please! Just leave me alone!"
They laughed, menace filling their voices. How had he never heard it before? How did he miss how the hatred strangled the words that came from their mouths? It made them sound so ugly and stinging to the heart.
Then, he felt it. The squeezing of his stomach, he felt the blood rush out from his mouth. The slam with his head against the dirty, brick wall...that hurt too. All of it did. But he didn't want to fight. He didn't want to be like them, ugly with anger.
And then it hit him.
None of it. None of the cuts, the bruises, the cracking of his bones. None of it hurt the most. What hurt the most was inside, further than his skin, his bones, his blood.
--
"Mommy, look at all these people! Where are their homes?" He held her hand tighter as he felt his heart drop when he saw all the people sitting sadly on the dirty grounds. He didn't understand. Where were they families? Where were their Christmas smiles? Those smiles where it would seem as if they would never be lonely. Where were they?
She smiled sadly. "Shiro-chan. Sometimes, people loose many things."
He looked up, wondering. "Like their mommy and daddies?"
She nodded.
He hugged her arm tight. "You're not ever, ever going anywhere mommy. I don't want to ever be like that."
She whispered comfortingly.
"No Shiro-chan. I would never leave you alone."
--
She lied.
He used the only strength he had to look up at the sky.
Why? Why was he here?
She had promised. She promised he wouldn't turn like this. And she was supposed to tell him everything.
And yet here he was. Hurting. Alone. Homeless.
It was so unfair.
And it hurt, so, so, much.
And it still hurt, even when they were done releasing all their hate on him. It still hurt. He sat with his knees bent close to him, weakly against the wall.
The world was unfair. Everyone else he saw that passed by him, they were happy...he used to be too. And then in one second, in one second of this very exact day; she left him. And that made all the difference in the world. Now, now he was like...this.
This lonely thing without a home.
Knowing it hurt.
And so, for the very first since that day;
He cried.
Faintly, he could see someone come up to him.
Was it, could it be? His mother?
No. It was her. But that was okay, because as she wrapped her arms around him. She was warm, so warm, that he could almost remember all the joyful memories of his mother rushing back.
He let her take in his tears.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
He couldn't cry anymore. His eyes were dry. The water in his eyes...there wasn't enough to match the sadness. But he wasn't as sad anymore. He had her. That girl, as she sat by him with her head on his shoulders. It was odd, how one would think he would be the one protecting her, comforting her. Yet instead, he felt like the small one, hiding behind her as she tried to take away all the sorrow for him, so that he would never have to feel such a horrible thing.
They sat in silence. But this silence spoke more than any of the words they had shared since the beginning of the day.
A thin line of orange drew over the horizon. The sun was rising quickly, and light was beginning to shaft into the alley, close to touching them. Christmas was almost over.
She stood up and walked closer to the light. She said in a quiet voice, it sounded happy, yet sad and gentle. "My time is up."
He looked up, shocked by the sudden coldness he felt without her by his side. "What? What do you mean?"
She stood with her back to him. "Exactly what I said. This day is over. My time's coming to an end." She said it so delicately, as if she wasn't really that sad over the whole thing.
Fear flickered over his eyes. No. She couldn't go. He would lose everything again. He thought everything was supposed to be better. "No, but wait! I haven't even given you anything yet." He didn't. He wanted her to stay, so he could find something to thank her with. And he would take his time, a long time, so that he could never be alone again. So he could never feel homeless.
She walked over and gave him a hug. She whispered in his ear. "Your gift? You gave me your gift a long time ago, Shiro-chan. You gave me Christmas, and so much more. You gave me my hope to love." She drew away and looked him in the eyes. Her eyes...they looked so much wiser, so much more knowing than his. So peaceful...
She walked away, closer to the sun. Letting the light wash over her.
"But, I still have so many questions! Like, why did you come here?" He shouted.
She looked back and smiled. "I was sent here, by someone you know. And plus, I'm here for my repayment, for everything you gave me."
No. That wasn't enough. He still wanted her to stay. He still had so many more questions in his head. "I still don't know who you are!"
"Don't worry. You'll be able to remember who I am." She gave a softhearted smile.
The sun was rising, and somehow, he knew that when she left, he would never be able to see her again. Just like his mother. Just like that day. He would lose something yet again.
The light, it sparkled against her skin. Was it him? No. She was becoming more and more transparent. Part of her body was already breaking down into a shimmering dust. Her black hair shone gold, her brown eyes melting with light. She looked back and a serene look came over her face along with a slight giggle. "Merry Christmas, Shiro-chan. I hope you like my gift." And then she shut her eyes. "You'll find it eventually."
He reached out. "No! Don't leave me! Please." The twinge that was pulling on his heart choked him as he lost the strength to shout and whispered. "Please...I don't want to be alone again."
"Silly Shiro-chan. You'll never really be alone."
And she disappeared, like snow blowing away in the wind. Leaving him with only the echo of her tranquil, blissful voice.
For the second time of the day, he cried. And this time, no one was there to comfort him.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
December 26th. The day after Christmas. It was all over. The festivity, the feelings, the family. Yet, it was still trailing, it would last for the rest of the year, only to burst back up again once the day comes back again. But not for him. Everything was over for him. He was back the way he was again.
Alone.
Homeless.
And yet he still couldn't bring himself to stay in the darkness of the alley. He wanted to walk in the sun. It was odd. He felt like he needed to be somewhere. So he found himself at the cemetery, looking down at a lonely, polished headstone.
Hitsugaya Kazehana. That was the name carved at the very top.
"Hey mom." He realized that he was the one talking. Even if he was the only one there, he didn't feel like it. Somehow, he felt as if someone, someone was there listening to him. So he didn't feel stupid. He felt comforted, and talked on.
"Yesterday was Christmas." He paused. Christmas was her favorite day too, just the thought of that brought back memories of her. His past life flashed in his eyes, all of the sensations so close, so realistic, that he almost thought he was still that little boy holding his mother's hands. But then he opened his eyes and realized, that it wasn't.
"It was the first time I celebrated it in a long time. Ever since you left me."
The wind blew whispering him to turn to his right. It almost pushed him to walk over at the end of the pathway, to the very small headstone at the very end.
He stood still, reading the name from afar.
Hinamori Momo.
And suddenly, he realized why she looked familiar, he realized everything.
--
Her black hair shone gold, her brown eyes melting with light, as she tipped her head to the light and slowly shimmered into dust.
--
"Don't worry. You'll be able to remember who I am."
--
"I don't celebrate Christmas." She said in a hollow tone. She looked really sad and lonely. It made him wonder what she was doing so lonely on Christmas Eve. Her black hair was loosely tied in a bun, and her chocolate eyes were empty.
--
"I'm here for my repayment. For everything you gave me...Your gift? You gave me your gift a long time ago, Shiro-chan. You gave me Christmas, and so much more. You gave me my hope to love."
--
His mother came up from behind him and knelt down to look her in the eyes, "Every little girl should have something for Christmas. Now, go spend this." She left a small sack of coin in her hands.
--
"I was sent here, by someone you know."
--
She smiled. "Angels are those people who watch over you in the sky."
"They make sure that you're never alone."
--
"Silly Shiro-chan. You'll never really be alone."
--
That girl. The girl in the streets that Christmas day.
That was her.
Hinamori Momo.
His mother had never really left him alone. She had been watching him. And she had sent him, an angel. An angel he had once met years ago, but never really knew.
He felt her name on his mouth, it felt odd, knowing her name. But it didn't take away anything from how he felt about her. She was still that girl.
The girl who taught him Christmas.
He looked over and noticed a box wrapped in shiny wrapping paper, topped off with a huge bow. From far away, he noticed the tag: To Shiro-chan.
He walked over, with the wind behind him, and opened the box.
It was empty.
The wind whispered. He heard her voice.
"Do you like my gift, Shiro-chan?"
--
"There's much more to a home than just where you sleep. Home can be anywhere, it all depends on here; your choice to love."
--
The box may have been empty. But she had given him not something he could see and be discarded, she gave him more. She gave him the hope to love. And because he loved, he could be home. Home.
Home was anywhere he could love. Anywhere where he had the open warmth to allow trust. And so, he wasn't alone.
He was home.
She had given him a home.
He replied.
"Yes." He whispered.
"It's the best gift ever."
A/N: Merry Christmas! Sigh, I had really planned on uploading this on the actual day of Christmas, but unfortunately (and kind not unfortunately) I'll be heading for Las Vegas tomorrow and will remain without Internet access until the 27th... Well, anyway, please R&R (actually, I have no clue what that means. But everyone else says it!)! Like I said, this is my very first Bleach fanfic, and I hope it gets successful!
And to emphasize the commenting and reviewing again: DO IT!!! PLEASE.
I plan on writing more Bleach fanfics, but I'm also a Naruto writer too, just if any of you are Naruto fans.
And with that, I'd also like to say: I LOVE HITSUGAYA TOUSHIRO!!! Yes, I am a huge fan of his. And yes, I am one of those crazy fangirls in love with pixels hoping that somewhere out there, there is a guy with spikey white hair and blue eyes (okay, maybe not as short, I'm like, 5' 5''.)
Last of all: Happy Holidays! Yet again!