New York was so far away. Sometimes Derek missed his life there more than he could ever explain, and sometimes he wouldn't trade Seattle for the world. He missed his family, and wished he were closer to them, to get their advice and help. But, mostly he missed Addison. At first it was in the mornings, or really late at night. Then it started creeping in at all times of the day. He'd be in the middle of a surgery and her face would mirage itself on the patient's brain, and he'd be forced to blink back the subtle tears and finish the job so he could cry in private. And now, with Grace turning three, it marked the three-year anniversary of Addison's death. It wasn't something he was prepared for, Addison getting pregnant. There was uncertainty there, whether the baby was his or Mark's (a hard doubt for him to grasp), but Addison swore it was his, and he thought about getting a paternity test just in case. As much as he hated Mark, he didn't want to steal his child. And then, before Derek could prepare, Addison went into labor, and after a long, hard birth, everything seemed perfect. Their little girl was absolutely gorgeous, and he couldn't believe that she already looked just like Addison. He'd just run down to the nursery to see her, wrapped tightly in the pink blanket, sleeping soundly. Before he left, he kissed Addison's forehead, "I'll be right back, Addie. Think of names…"

He'd started walking back, a grin permanently attached to his face and a little skip in his step. She'd given this beautiful little girl to him. Deep in his heart, he knew she was his, and that was all that mattered to him. He looked up when he heard the code blue called, and saw the doctors rushing into her room. He ran as fast as he could, but a nurse kept him out, made him wait. He was supposed to go into the waiting room, but he couldn't sit still. He went into the nursery and held his little girl, rocking her gently. He stared at her tiny, round face, completely astounded by her beauty. "One day, princess, you're going to completely ruin some boy. No, lots of boys. They'll take one look at you, and they'll just never be able to get you out of their minds," tears filled his eyes as he thought of how much he loved her already, less than two hours old. Panic filled him as he saw Addison's doctor heading towards him. "I'll be back later sweetheart. I've got to talk to a nice man about your mommy. Sleep tight," he whispered, kissing her pale cheek and setting her gently inside her tiny, clear crib.

"I'm so sorry, Dr. Shepherd. Your wife suffered from some internal bleeding. We had it stopped just after your daughter was born, but her heart stopped shortly after. I can't tell you how sorry I am. She was a terrific doctor, and an inspiration to me when I went through medical school…" the doctor made it brief and exited quickly, while Derek found himself crying on his knees in the hallway.

He sat in the chair outside the nursery, just watching. "Excuse me, sir. Are you Baby Shepherd's father?" She was a tiny brunette, and looked terrified to have to be asking him to which child he belonged.

"Yes, I am. Is there a problem?"

"She doesn't have a name. We can't finish her birth certificate without it."

"Addison never filled it in?"

"No, sir, she said she was waiting for you to approve the name," she noticed his eyes welling again, and she took a step back, "I'll give you a second…"

He stared in at his daughter. "You're all I've got left, and I haven't the slightest idea what to name you…" and it clicked, that quickly in his head. "Excuse me, I've picked her name. It's Grace Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. Does that sound okay?" He needed a female perspective, someone else's opinion. He was lousy at the name game.

He saw her eyes well up; "It's perfect."

"Meredith, it's Derek. I need your help, can you come over?"

After a second, Meredith answered, her voice strained and worried. "Is Grace okay?"

"Oh, yeah. I just… this whole birthday thing… I've got everyone from the hospital coming over, and a few of my sisters flew in with their daughters. I just want everything to be perfect…"

He heard her sigh in relief, and agree to come over early before she hung up. She'd been good to him, the past five years. It was hard for both of them to keep the friendship solid, when they loved each other so much. But he had a vow to Addison, and then she was pregnant. And then, well, he had Grace to raise by himself. Although they were not together, he and Meredith were constant companions, exchanging the passionate love they had for a solid friendship. Meredith had let him and Addison move into her mother's house for the last 7 months of Addie's pregnancy while Derek had a house built on the property. He kept the trailer filled with memories of his wife, old knick-knacks of their life together. He wrote her letters sometimes, when his heart couldn't take the grief, and he kept those in the trailer as well. On especially trying days, he'd take Grace out there and just sit with her. He never told her about Addison—it'd been three years, yes, but the wound still felt fresh to him. Grace was starting to look more and more like Addison—she had her fiery hair and pale complexion, and her face. But her eyes… those were his.

Derek pushed the memories aside, and hung up the phone. "Grace, honey, let's have some breakfast," he called, knowing she was sitting in her little rocking chair (an early present from Aunt Mer). He smiled as he saw her walk around the corner, "There's my princess! How old are you today?"

She smiled at him and latched onto his leg. "I'm three, daddy! What's for breakfast?"

"I'm making a special breakfast for the birthday girl! What do you want, you can have anything!" Instantly, he regretted saying that—he knew the first thing out of her mouth would be junk food of some sort, and he couldn't tell her no. But before he could take it back, he heard a voice from the entrance.

"Gracie, honey! Come say hi to Aunt Mer!" She came around the corner and crouched down to scoop up the growing girl, "Happy birthday, sweetie! Did I hear Daddy saying he's making breakfast?"

Derek tossed her one of his signature grins, "Sure, you come in right as I mention food. Typical."

She grinned at him, and when Grace looked over her shoulder at her father to smile, he noticed she had Mer's lopsided smile. It warmed his heart and killed him all in one swift motion. Meredith noticed the slight change in his features, and set Grace down, whispering to her to go to her playroom and she'd get her for breakfast.

"Derek? Are you alright?" Meredith rested her hand on his shoulder, and that was all it took. She watched his face crumble as his head crashed against her sweater, feeling his tears as they seeped through the knit, her body shaking as his was racked with sobs.

"She looks just like her! Just like her… Everyday I look at her and miss her mother. Am I robbing her? Am I really able to devote myself to her when I'm still stuck in the past?" He turned away from her—he didn't want her to see his bloodshot eyes. He was embarrassed enough to have cried at all, to have broken, but in front of his best friend?

"Of course you're not robbing her! You're the only one she's got, Derek. It's hard, yes, and it may never get better—I won't lie to you. But you'll always have the bunch of us to help. Like when she starts going through puberty, or you catch her with a boy—you won't have to worry because even though Addison isn't here, we'll help, forever. You're not doing this alone. And you'd do wonderfully even if you were alone—this is your real calling, Derek. Not neurosurgeon, father. Do you hear me?" She turned him around, forcing him to face her. He'd calmed down some, and he smiled at her. Strict comfort, what more could he ask from her?

"Grace, honey, let's decide what's for breakfast!" He called, looking at Meredith; "Any special requests?"

"Pancakes?"

"That's fine by me. Let's ask the princess…"

The birthday party went well. Preston got her the doll she wanted, Cristina got her some clothes that she immediately had to wear, George bought her an art easel and art kit, and Izzie bought her an easy bake oven. Derek waited until Grace went to put on one of the outfits before snatching up the easy bake oven. "Izzie, she's only three!" he whispered loudly, putting the pink box in a high cupboard in the kitchen.

"So? I'll help her use it, I promise! I just want her to know that females can be doctors and can cook, and that's okay. I just don't want her to buy into the female stereotypes…" she cut herself off, but everyone could hear her thoughts drifting to Addison.

Grace emerged from her room in a pink sundress, and did a little twirl for them. She giggled as they clapped, and then turned to face her dad. "Daddy, what's a mommy?"

They could hear the silence, and they turned to face Derek. His eyes were filling with tears—he wasn't ready yet. He couldn't do it.

"Sweetie, what makes you ask that?" Cristina chimed in, grabbing her hand and turning her tiny body towards her.

"Joey from daycare said everyone has a mommy. I don't, do I?"

"Grace, come here for a second. I have to tell you something," Meredith got on her knees so she was eye level. "Joey's right, everyone has a mommy. You know that picture that I have of you from when you were really little?" She paused as Grace nodded, and continued. "Well, when you were born, your mommy went to sleep because she was really tired from giving birth. But she didn't wake up later, like she should have. Do you understand sweetie?"

"So my mommy died?" Grace looked at her crying dad; "Daddy, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, sweetie. Why don't you go with Aunt Izzie and Uncle George and learn how to use that Easy Bake Oven?" He forced a smile and waited until she was out of hearing range before letting his head fall. "I was not expecting that. Not yet, anyway."

"Well, Derek… she's just a really intuitive child. She's known something's been different, missing, her entire life. She's a very intelligent little girl…" Preston sighed and looked away, "but you're right. None of us were expecting it so soon. Eventually, yes."

Derek smiled a little, knowing that the six of them had created a strong bond through that little angel. They all had a hand in raising her, all contributing something. Although he'd probably never say so aloud, he attributed a great deal of her intelligence to all of them. Cristina had forced everyone to stop baby talking to Grace after she read in a magazine that normal speech helps children speak properly and earlier. Preston refused to let her watch any television when he babysat, and soon everyone followed suit. They'd encourage her to play outside or to learn something new instead of sitting in front of the screen. They were all so influential, so needed. He wouldn't know what to do without them. He knew Addison was watching over all of them, encouraging them to stick together and raise Grace. He wondered if she would've handled the mommy question differently, if she'd had a better explanation then them. He watched his daughter smear batter on George's cheek like war paint, and laughed before he waved them all over to the kitchen to bake.

(To be continued?)