Disclaimer: I don't own anything! Trust me, I wish I do, but I don't. Like you would believe me if I told you that I do.
Summary: WARNING! WARNING! Based on some rumors/spoilers for the season finale. At the end of the day, Sara comes back to the lab, and Nick shows his jealousy.
Out of line
"What are you doing back? Shouldn't you be at Grissom's, comforting him?" – Nick spit his words out as soon as he saw Sara walking in the break room. He didn't even try to hide his expression which was a mixture of disappointment, jealousy and just sadness. He knew that Sara was into Grissom, but he also thought that she finally moved on. That she realized that he treated her like crap and that she deserves someone who will threat her right…as the princess that she is.
"Excuse me?" – Sara was shocked by his blunt question. She didn't expect that from him. Not from him. Not from the person who was always there for her.
"Nothing. Forget it. I'm going home." – he got up from the couch and walked towards the door.
"The hell you are! Who do you think you are? You can't talk to me like that!" – she was mad, but she wasn't ready to let things go. Nick's face was saying more than he was, and she wanted to hear from his mouth what was going on in his head.
He looked at her, and he realized that he wasn't prepared for this conversation. He ignored everything over the last years; every tear she cried because of Grissom, every time she considered quitting because of him, every time he made her feel insignificant. And he knew that there's no way that he can have this conversation without bringing up all those things.
"Forget it." – he quietly said, hoping that she will let him go. The sound of his voice was the melody of that song. He has sung it often enough; sometimes he just wanted to be left alone. And now he hoped that she heard his song and that she will understand him. He still wasn't looking at her and he had no idea what expression her face had.
She was standing at the door, and he had to walk by her. He only wished that she wouldn't stop him.
Sara was still surprised by his comment but more than that, she was surprised that she wasn't all that mad. And more than that, she was surprised because she felt the need to explain herself to him.
"Nothing happened, Nick." – she said when he reached her. His left arm was almost brushing against her chest and she knew that she said the words in the right moment. They reached him and he reached her. There was no way that he wouldn't look at her. And she was close enough for him to see the look in her eyes.
"It's not of my business, Sara." – he said shocked by the expression in her eyes. He certainly wasn't expecting that. Something in him wanted to hear the whole story, that part needed comfort only she could bring, with saying that she doesn't care for Grissom anymore.
"So why do I have the need to explain myself to you?" – she asked quietly hoping that he will let her do that. She couldn't bear to think that he will go home thinking that she did something with Grissom.
He was surprised with her question, but he hasn't moved an inch. His left arm was still close to her and his eyes were still fixated on hers.
"I don't know the answer to that question, Sara." – he whispered and looked down. – "I gotta go."
He was too tired and too hurt by everything that happened that day and he knew that he wouldn't be able to handle this conversation. It was too emotional for him. And now was the time to bring that force that had the ability to bury his emotions. It was a good force. It helped him through the last year a lot…and he needed it again.
He sighed and started walking again, feeling cold in his left arm. It was like Sara was radiating heat and now he felt cold. He knew that she was watching him. And he prayed that she won't stop him. And she didn't.
"Nick?" – he heard a man's voice.
"Warrick, man. What are you still doing here?" - Luckily he knew that Sara was around the corner and that she couldn't see him. He wanted her to think that he has already left.
"I don't know. I don't want to go home. Did I see Sara coming back here?" – he also saw Sara with Grissom and the last thing he expected was to see her back in the lab.
"Yeah." – Nick muttered looking down.
Warrick knew that his friend had some unidentified feelings for his co-worker, but, for the first time, he saw that Nick knew exactly what those feelings are.
"She came back fast." – His voice was full of meaning.
"Yeah." – When Sara was concerned, Nick didn't trust his voice enough to say anything else.
"Did she say why?"
"I didn't ask."
Warrick looked at his friend and one thought played in his mind. They were so different. After Nick was kidnapped, Warrick threw everything in the wind; he got married, he lived with his lungs full. And Nick was the one who played the safe game. And now he knew that things should be completely opposite. He was bad at giving advices, only because he never listened to them, but again, the whole day made an impact on him.
"You know, sometimes the answers don't hurt as much as the questions."
"Did you get that out of the fortune cookie?" – Nick bitterly chuckled.
"You can't trust fortune with love, Nick. You need to trust yourself. And the other person." – Warrick hoped that Nick will understand him, but he also knew that if he understands, he will try to deny it.
"Why are you telling me this?" – Nick asked only proving to Warrick that he was right.
"Because you're asking questions in your head and you're too scared to ask them out loud."
"So?"
"Why didn't you ask Sara if something happened?" – he asked the question loud and clear.
"She told me that nothing happened. And I left it that that." – Nick shrugged looking down. He heard her say that, but he wasn't sure if nothing meant nothing at all.
"So, you don't trust her? When was the last time Sara lied to you?" – Warrick asked him looking almost angry. – "No, wait. I have a better question; if I asked her the same question, would I have gotten the answer? No. You know why? Because she would never tell me anything. Well, she would tell me to mind my own business, but that's all."
Nick looked up and met his friend's look. Warrick was right, he knew that. For some reason Sara was always comfortable around him. She told him stuff, important stuff. And she always understood him and he always understood her. Without saying a word, Nick turned around and went back to the break room, leaving Warrick in the hallway. He walked slowly hoping that some wisdom will overwhelm him. Something what will make him do and say the right thing.
He entered the break room not making any sound. He saw that Sara was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. Somehow he knew that she wasn't asleep, that she was just hiding herself from the world. Or better yet, she was hiding the world from herself.
"I was out of line." – he quietly said. The sound of his voice was almost a whisper but it was enough to make Sara open her eyes. She looked up at him and she saw his discomfort. He stood there, looking very stiff. She slowly sat up not once removing her eyes from his. There they were, alone in a room that wasn't closed. But still, both of them knew that it didn't make a difference. They were locked in it and the lock will stay there until they say what they needed to say to each other for years. No more pretence. Only truth will break that lock and they will be free.
"Sit down." – Sara said.
He sat next to her and he felt the heat again in his left arm. It was close to Sara again...
"Again…I'm sorry, Sara. I was way out of line and I had no right to tell you anything. Especially not that." – his was playing with his fingers hoping that Sara will understand what he was trying to say.
"You were out of line." – she started and Nick looked up meeting her eyes. – "But like I said before, I feel like I should explain myself."
"You know, if you don't want to tell me anything, you don't have to." – he stopped her knowing that he wasn't that honest. He wanted to know that absolutely nothing happened.
"Look, Nick, today was more than any person could take. Even Grissom." – she started to play with the pillow she placed on her lap. – "He asked me to come home with him. And I did."
She stopped for a moment obviously trying to think of the right words and Nick never felt worse in his life. He started to regret his return. He said nothing and waited for her.
"We kissed." – she whispered and Nick looked up startled. He never thought those words would scare him that much. His regret was getting bigger.
"It was a short, innocent kiss. I gave him a hug and I told him that I need to go. That the situation is not right for anything. That I don't want to be that kind of comfort. That if he needed a friend, he had one, but that was it."
She spoke those words fast, because she could've felt Nick's tension. And as soon as she finished she felt relief overwhelming him. His shoulders slumped a bit and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.
On the other hand her admission sucked all the energy he had. He was in no shape to form words. He just played her words over and over again in his head.
"That's what you wanted to hear, isn't it?" – she asked her voice breaking at the end. She felt so small. She put all her insecurities in that question. She needed to know that she read him right. She watched him with scared look on her face and she saw him nod. Nothing more. Just a nod.
"Why?" – her question was a whisper. He looked up only now noticing the tearful expression on her face. He wasn't ready to tell her his feelings and he knew that she wasn't expecting him to say anything like that. She just needed some reassurance.
"Because I needed to know that nothing happened."
"Nothing did."
He nodded smiling a bit. That was the first time he smiled that day and she was glad. She loved his smile, although he rarely used it lately. She placed the pillow next to her and got up. He watched her thinking how she was ready to go home and that she will leave him in that room. Alone, but very happy. She stood there in front of him, just looking at him. He felt her look inside him and he wondered if she had any idea what she was doing to him.
"Ready to go home?" – she smiled at him and he caught himself smiling back. He nodded and he saw her reaching her hand out.
"I need your hand."
He placed his hand in hers and she helped him up.
"I thought you'd never ask."
A/N: I have no idea why I wrote this. :) All people on TalkCSI were worried about spoilers for the last ep of the season, and I felt the need to write something that will make this ship sail further.
Let me know what you think!