Dear Journal,
Edward's Gone.
He left me stranded and alone in the middle of the forest outside my house. Somewhere he told me never to be alone in. He doesn't love me anymore, Journal. He doesn't want me. And he tells me his love was a whole charade.
I feel as if a hole has been directly punched through my chest. I feel something missing, it's like he took part of me with him. The thing that held me together for so long.
My love. And he took it, ripped it from my side as if it belonged to him. And it did, he had every right. But it's me who suffers because he never left his love behind.
Now I've been thinking he's regretted our love for so long, but I have this intense feeling he still cares for me, like he left to protect me and perform a normal human life. But mines to dull to live in without him. I don't want to live without him. I need him, and I didn't care if he didn't need me.
"It will be as if I never existed... "Edward promised. Why does this feel like such a lie? Why could he just leave me here?
I've had nightmares since he left, very vivid and real. It's a pointless dream, and I don't know why I wake up screaming.
It's been months and I don't know what to do. Charlie suggested for me to return to Jacksonville and live with Renee and Phil, but I want to stay here where the memories were made.
The bed he laid with me when I went to sleep, the table in the cafeteria where I sat with him and his family, the forest he left me, stranded and unprotected and the meadow.8
That's where I need to go, the meadow. Maybe he's there, waiting for me there. I'm full of hope, knowing for a fact that he won't be there.
And I have to go. I'll go with Jake if I have to; he mends my broken heart and that hole in my chest. But when he's gone, it seems all meaningless.
I have to go. Now.