The cold air was biting with each breath Mulder took. The adrenaline of all that had transpired over the day, and especially the last 20 minutes, was catching up to him. He took deep breaths hoping to slow the whirlwind of his mind down so he could process all that had happened.
Scully was still shaking. He could feel every gulping breath she took, hear her tears. Her arms were wrapped tight around him. They stood, wrapped in each other's arms, and in their separate grief. Both mourned the loss of a son they never knew. For Mulder though, his grief was mixed with guilt.
He had seen William, had held him, had a conversation with him. Not some version of himself he chose to present, but him. Mulder's heart ached with the guilt that he felt that Scully had not had that chance. She had stayed behind. It had puzzled him, but now he knew, she was worried about their baby. Their baby. Mulder took another deep breath and closed his eyes. That was when he heard it.
"You gotta be fucking kidding me," he growled through his teeth.
Scully inhaled sharply as she heard Mulder's harsh words and he pushed her roughly from him. He took great strides to the edge of the dock, looking all around. But then she heard him exhale loudly and drop to his knees.
She felt her knees buckle as she closed her eyes. Whatever he had seen, it could not be good. She did not know if she had the strength to face what Mulder was seeing.
Mulder was in shock. He was staring into the eyes of William, the real William, who was very much, not dead. William's face was full of fear. Mulder saw him dart his eyes all around, looking for a way out, a place to run.
"Please." Mulder breathily begged him, his eyes full of pain. "Please. For her. Please. Please."
Scully heard Mulder speaking but could not make out the words. She took a breath and then walked over to Mulder, ready to face this with him. He should not have to do this alone.
Jackson began to push himself backwards in the water. He needed to get out of there. He knew if he saw her and she saw him, the real him, he may not be able to run. "Wait, please, just.. wait," he heard Mulder plead.
He hesitated for a brief second and then,
there she was. Hair shining in the night lights, staring at her partner, not seeing him yet. Jesus, he needed to go. But he could not, he was frozen. He wanted to see her, no, he had to. Then her eyes fell on him, and she cried out as she too fell to the ground. She began to gasp and cry his name like a prayer.
"William, oh god. William," she cried as she moved to lay flat on her stomach, hand outstretched to reach him. As if by sheer will she could pull him to her, despite his distance, "please, we can, I'll get.. a rope, please. Oh my god."
She started to push up to go find a rope, when she felt Mulder kneel down. He had a rope in his hands. She had not even noticed he had walked away.
Mulder looked at William and silently begged him to catch the rope and allow him to pull him back to the dock. His heart was pounding as he coiled the long, thick rope and threw it out to William.
Jackson was not looking for the rope, he had eyes only for Scully. He saw her physical pain, still on the ground, reaching to him, and he felt it immensely. But, a part of him felt a sick thrill that she was hurting. He did not really know her, so why should he care how she feels? But then.. her eyes.. Anguish, fear, despair, and something else. As if she dared not hope but could not control it. But also something he could not place.
Mulder felt as though he would shatter from the brokenhearted pleas he heard from Scully as she lay on the ground next to him. He knew how this must be killing her. William was so close, alive. Mulder had seen the fear in his eyes, the look of flight. But he was not moving, just staying afloat right in from of them.
He pulled the rope back and re-coiled it, and threw it again. If he had to do this all night, he would. Anything to take away the anguish and pain he heard in Scully.
Jackson heard the rope splash the water and it broke him from his gaze on Scully. He looked at it and knew it was now or never. He looked at Scully again and felt a pull from her stare. He grabbed the rope and held on.
Mulder felt the tug and his heart leapt. He started pulling him in as he heard Scully choking on her sobs. She began to scramble to get up. Mulder grabbed her elbow and helped her stand.
She wrapped her arms around herself as she could see William getting closer. She felt she would be sick. Knowing he could change his mind at any second, she felt she could not keep the sick feeling of losing him again out of her mind.
"Almost.. almost. Please.. oh god.. please," she repeated in a whisper.
Mulder was pulling him as quickly as he could, without causing him any harm. The rope was beginning to fall heavy on the dock. He felt it tighten as it ran over the side, William was close now.
He dropped to one knee and anchored himself. He wrapped the rope around his arm to give himself more leverage. This was going to be the hard part.
Mulder pulled and pulled the rope, William's weight was made exponentially heavier by the water logged clothes he wore. Mulder dropped his other knee and pulled harder.
"Help me, Scully," he whispered. He was immediately brought back to a different day when he said those words to her. Hands deep in the earth, desperately trying to find answers about his sister. The pain he had felt in that moment was soul crushing. Yet.. Scully had been right there beside him, as she always was, and she began to move the earth with him. To help him. To soothe his fears.
Tonight it was different. This was a joint heartache. One that was made lighter when he felt her drop back down next to him, place her small hands on the rope, and begin to pull.
Mulder held tight to the rope as he maneuvered onto his stomach. He could see that William was yet some feet out of reach. Scully stood and began to walk backward as she pulled the rope; giving Mulder some tension. She caught sight of a cleat close to them and hurried to tie the rope to it.
Mulder glanced over at Scully and saw her plan. He kept his grip tight on the rope as he once again brought himself to his knees. He braced himself, took a deep breath, exhaled, and pulled. He leaned far back and felt Scully behind him. She had grabbed the rope again and as he pulled as hard as he could, she pulled with him. Stepping back to keep the rope taut.
Mulder leaned over the side again as he gathered the rope for another large pull. William was so close now, one more pull should get him to the top.
Mulder heaved and Scully pulled. Again, Mulder leaned over the side. This time, William was within reach. Mulder fell to his stomach again and reached a hand out to grab him. Scully kept walking back with the rope, holding the line.
Mulder grasped William's forearm and pulled. As he did, he planted one hand on the dock and began to push himself up. He felt the rope move as Scully kept pulling, helping him to grasp him better. He held tight to his arm and then seized the back of William's coat, as William's other hand reached for the dock.
Mulder released his arm and grabbed his coat with both hands as he pulled his knees under him for leverage. Jackson had gotten both hands and now his forearms onto the dock. Mulder kept a tight grip on him, feeling the freezing clothing. He moved a hand down to William's thigh and grasped the wet material. He used it to his advantage, making it easier for him to hold him in place. Jackson crawled his way up the dock as Mulder pulled one last time and pushed back.
Mulder fell to his back, eyes closed, breathing hard, the cold air filling his lungs. Jackson was on his stomach next to him coughing and taking big gulps of air. Neither was in any shape to move, until they both heard her cry out.
Mulder's eyes flew open as he saw Scully running past him to William. She dropped to her knees in front of him, but did not touch him. He rolled over, still coughing, and found her staring at him. He quickly scrambled to his feet and she followed.
Mulder pushed himself up and stood sentinel beside them. He was trying to calm his breathing. His heart was a different matter. He could feel it pounding. Happiness, nervousness, fear, all pumped through his bloodstream.
Scully and Jackson stared at one another. Her hands were balled into fists at her sides, not trusting herself to not touch him. She wanted to hold him and never let him go, but she was afraid he may run. She raised her hands up and then dropped them down. Her breath was shaking as she stood and looked her fill of him. She could see where the bullet had struck him, but it was already healing. He could heal himself?
Jackson was acutely aware of how cold he was, standing there in his dripping clothes. He was out of the water, safe and able to run, but once again he was frozen. This woman.. his mother..she was a stranger.. yet she was familiar. He could not place what he felt toward her. It was there, but still lurking far in the back of his mind.
When she could no longer stand it, Scully took a step forward, whispered his name, and wrapped her arms around his waist. She turned her head, closed her eyes, and held him tight.
He was surprised at her movement and had had no time to move away. He stood there in shock while she held him tight, his arms down at his side. He could feel and hear her crying, but still he did not move.
Then, the wind blew. A quick gust that swirled around them. When it did, he smelled a scent that had haunted his dreams but eluded him in the day.
He used to dream of a house, or a building, that he could not identify. He had never visited any place like it with his parents. But he would dream of it. Of warm colors, soothing voices, laughter, someone singing, and that scent. He would wake with the scent in his mind, sure he could pinpoint it this time. He was never successful. His house did not smell that way. Nor his parents, grandparents, teachers, or friends homes-nowhere but in his dreams.
It was clouding his brain as he realized that scent was her. No other explanation for it. It had to be. He had not been dreaming of it at all, he had been remembering it, searching for it. For her. For his...his mother's scent. He choked on a sob and he wrapped his arms around her.
Scully felt his arms go around her and she sobbed anew. Her boy.. her boy. He was alive and he was here. Years of searching, longing, dying a little every day. Wondering if he was okay, if he was loved and safe, if he.. if he hated her. Now here he was, whole and in her arms. Her boy.
She turned her head and saw Mulder staring at her. There was so much love in his eyes, it made her heart ache. She asked him with her eyes to hold them, hold both of them, but he gave her a small shake of his head and a small smile. This was her time.
Jackson was breathing her scent in, letting it fill his nostrils, permeate his senses. He let it wash over him, as if he would never again get the chance. What was it exactly? It was not a soap or perfume. It was a smell that seemed to make his blood sing, creating a euphoria he had never experienced. His parents had loved him, cared for him, fought for and with him. But this.. this was different. He felt it in his bones. This woman.. she would die for him. Shit. How could he know that? Because of a goddamn scent?! That was ridiculous. He started to feel dizzy.
Jackson let go of her and took a step back. His hand came up to push an errant strand of hair away. His eyes darted away from her and back again. He looked terrified again. A horse ready to bolt.
Scully's hands reached to touch his face, but he took another step back. Anger adding to the fear she saw. Her heart dropped and she felt her stomach lurch again.
"William," she said pleadingly, "please.. please don't run. I.. I.. please.."
"You're all wet," he said curtly to her.
Scully looked down and was surprised to find that her coat was wet. She had not noticed. Now though, she realized her cheeks were cold and her hair was even damp.
"I don't care," she said, "I'm fine. William. I.. but we need to get you out of those wet clothes. I.. we don't have, we need to go find something. Maybe Skinner has a blanket in the trunk. Yeah, I'm sure he does. Let's.. let's head over there okay? Together, okay?" She knew she was rambling. She was so afraid he would run, so afraid of losing him again.
"Here." She heard Mulder softly say.
She looked at him. He had his coat in his hand.
"Can't do much about the wet pants, but at least you'll be half dry," he said to Jackson.
"Take it please," Scully quietly said to him. Her eyes were full of tears. She had seen his anger when he stepped back. She expected it, but it still hurt.
He looked between them and finally took the coat Mulder offered. He started removing his wet clothing and turned as he got down to the last layer.
Scully looked at Mulder, tears streaming down her face. She covered her mouth as a sob threatened to come out. He stepped over to her and put his arm around her shoulders. She put her face in the crook of his neck, and took some breaths. His closeness brought her comfort and she raised her head as Jackson put on Mulder's coat and closed it up, turning around again.
They stared at one another, not sure how to proceed. Mulder noticed how quickly the bullet wound was healing. He seemed to have powers like, well, like Wolverine. The hole had been slightly bigger when he pulled him out of the water. He stared at him unable to believe he was standing there breathing.
Mulder finally spoke up, wanting to make it clear how they would handle the situation. "We keep calling you William. That is who you are to us, who you have been, but what would you prefer we call you?" He felt Scully stiffen and he squeezed her shoulder.
"My name is Jackson. I.. I don't know William," he said looking at Scully. She nodded, feeling Mulder's arm tighten more. His silent strength sent to her.
"Jackson it is, then," Mulder said with a nod to him as well. Then he took his arm from around Scully and held out his hand to him. "It's beyond a pleasure to meet you Jackson."
Jackson stared at his hand and felt a moment of confusion followed by understanding. They were letting him call the shots. Letting him be in control of what happened next. Time to make a decision. He counted to five and Mulder never moved his hand. Jackson reached out and shook his hand, gripping his hand tightly.
Scully followed Mulder's lead and also stuck her hand out. "I am so happy to see you, Jackson." She could not quite keep her tears at bay as she stood waiting for him to accept her hand.
He looked at her. Her eyes were so blue. He remembered those eyes looking at him. Remembered the love he saw in them. He grabbed her hand, harder than he intended, but she only smiled, as tears spilled down her cheeks.
Mulder felt his heart skip a beat as he saw them touch, their eyes unable to look away from each other.
"We really should get you out of those wet clothes," Mulder said and they both turned to look at him. "I'm not asking you to do anything you aren't comfortable with, I just want you to be dry. Will you come with us, please?"
They both looked at Jackson intently, silently begging him to come with them. He was warmer now with the jacket on but his legs were freezing. He would not get very far with these wet clothes. He nodded that he would join them.
Scully breathed a sigh of relief. She stepped back, allowing him to go ahead of her. He began to walk back to the building. Mulder reached for Scully's hand and squeezed it tight before letting it go and leading the way to the car. They did not speak, each lost in the thoughts of the evening.
When Mulder opened the door leading out to the car, he shouted for Scully. She hurried up to him shouting "Oh my God!" She and Mulder bent down to look under the car. Skinner was on his stomach, underneath. She could barely reach him, but she was able to feel his wrist. He had a pulse and when she touched him, he groaned.
Scully stood up and saw Mulder over by the other car. "Scully, come over here." She stepped over to him and found Monica with a bullet wound. She stepped up on the doorframe and felt her neck for a pulse. It was faint, but it was there. She put her ear close to her mouth and felt her shallow breath. She looked at the wound and saw it was superficial.
"Mulder, she is bleeding, although it has seemed to slow. She still needs pressure and we need to find something to use to do it. Do you have anything in the car?" She said as she turned toward him.
He was on the phone, telling the 911 operator where they were and what had happened. He nodded at her to let her know he heard her. He walked over to his car and Jackson was left there standing and staring at her.
"I can help," he said, surprising her and himself. "You should check on the guy under the car. He probably needs help more than she does right now. Besides, he's on it," he says with a chin jerk toward Mulder.
Scully stared at him and was not sure what to think. He stepped closer to her and offered his hand to help her step down. She took it and he switched places with her. He looked at her still standing there and motioned toward Skinner. "Go," he said and then looked back at Monica.
She walked to check on Skinner as Mulder passed to check on Monica. Scully grabbed his arm and Mulder looked at her. "Please, don't let him leave. Keep your eyes on him at all times. I can't.. I need.." she quietly pleaded as she felt tears well up in her eyes.
"I don't think he's going anywhere, Scully," he said quietly with a glance at Jackson in the car with Monica. He nodded and squeezed her hand. They both walked away to help two people they cared about.
Mulder handed Jackson the shirt he found in his car and told him to use it to apply pressure to her wound. To not let go no matter if it filled with blood. She needed it stopped and they would do what they could until help showed up.
Scully was on her stomach talking to Skinner. She held his hand telling him help was on the way. He groaned and said her name. She squeezed his hand as she heard sirens in the distance getting closer. Thank god.
Jackson sat on the staircase with Mulder standing next to him. He was wearing Mulder's coat still and some sweatpants and a shirt of Mulder's that happened to be in a gym bag in his trunk.
When the emergency services showed up it had been absolute chaos. Questions had been asked and they did not have the answers. Mulder had pulled Jackson aside and taken him up the stairs. It was then Mulder remembered he had a bag in his trunk with a change of clothes. Jackson had stayed put as he got it and Mulder guarded him as he changed. He gave him his bag for his wet clothes.
The firemen had to tend to Monica first. They took her out on a board, transferred her to an ambulance and it left. They had to move her car and then work on getting Skinner out. It was slow, concise work. Scully stayed with them explaining who she was and offering up what information she knew.
She then had to explain to the police officers, that she and Mulder had been at the docks picking up their son, when they heard gunshots. They followed the sound and found Skinner and Monica in their state. She did not know any other details. They said they wanted to speak to Mulder and Jackson. Scully stated her son was a minor and she would speak to him first. She then went to check on Skinner again.
Jackson's eyes followed her every movement. She was commanding but not domineering. Firm but not rude. Her glance lifted to them repeatedly, her look full of longing. Every time, she stared at him, he felt a tug. Something he could not explain, but hung in the air between them. A rubber band pulled taut.
Mulder sighed making a loud exhaling sound. William looked up at him almost expecting to see anger or irritation. He was surprised to see him wiping away tears from his eyes. Mulder saw Jackson watching him and he took a breath.
"I know that we are strangers to you. That you don't know us. But.. that woman. Your mother.." he looked over at Scully again as she helped and talked to the emergency team, "this is so typical her. I've known her for twenty five years and I am not one bit surprised that she is standing where she is right now."
Mulder took a deep breath and tilted his head back, before blowing out his breath. "You have no idea how she has grieved for you. Through memories, photographs, other people who remind her of you. She has wanted to find you.. forever.," his voice was shaky with emotion. "Yet, you are here and two people we have known for so long are in need and so she is there with them. She could easily have chosen to come with us once help arrived, but she is taking the burden off of us. They will want to speak with us, get our statement, but she will have concocted a story. She will claim you are a minor and need parental permission to be questioned, buying us time. I know her. It's what we do. Protect each other, protect you, care for those in need. Her chance to speak with you might only be now, yet she is not here. She is keeping you safe from afar. That is her through and through."
Jackson looked back at Scully with Mulder's eyes this time, seeing her as he did. The pride, love, and even sadness he felt from Mulder, ran off of him and Jackson was once again surprised and astonished that others could not feel and see emotions like he could. How much time it would save to know how someone felt simply by seeing it with your own eyes. She looked up at them again and this time Jackson smiled, a small smile, but it stopped her where she stood.
He saw her taking deep breaths, her hand at her chest. Oh.. the rubber band between them sent a jolt of love. Much the way tin can phones work with string, he felt it. A wave of love so strong, it almost knocked him off balance. He breathed in a gasp and wrapped his arms around himself. Trying to block out those feelings, if it was possible. He was not ready to deal with that yet. Too much was happening too quickly.
She walked over to them and up the stairs. He stood up as she approached. "I told them we came down here to pick you up," she said quietly with a glance at Jackson. "That you were out with friends and we came to get you. We heard gunshots and came to investigate, found them like they were. We don't know anything else, but they are or were, colleagues of ours."
"They'll see through that soon enough," Mulder said looking in her eyes and then toward the scene before him.
"I know. But hopefully not before we can get out of here," she said with a glance down as well. An officer motioned them down as Skinner was placed on a stretcher. He was pale and breathing hard. Scully hurried down the stairs to see him. She grabbed his hand and bent her head low to speak to him as they walked toward the ambulance.
An officer walked up and took Scully's place. He began asking questions and Jackson was impressed with the ease at which Mulder lied to him. Jackson followed suit. The officer asked him about the cut on his forehead. He reached up and touched it. It truly was just a cut now. Mulder explained how they had been repairing something at home earlier and he had walked into the open cabinet door. Jackson laughed and said it hurt his ego more than anything else. It must have been believable enough, because the officer nodded and told them they were free to go.
They followed him down the stairs. Scully met them at the bottom and Mulder nodded to her. He walked over to the car and got in, turning on the ignition. Scully and Jackson followed him and silently they backed up and made their way past the lingering emergency vehicles.
Scully and Jackson both watched forward as Mulder looked behind him as he navigated backward down the narrow alley. No one seemed to breathe until they drove away from the dock and got on a main road. Then, as one, they seemed to draw a deep breath.
Scully put her elbow on the window and her forehead in her hand. She closed her eyes and took some shaky breaths. Mulder took his right hand off the steering wheel and reached for hers. He locked their fingers together and they looked at each other and nodded.
Jackson watched them. So many emotions were coursing through his body. Memories were popping up, sounds, voices. Things he thought he had pushed away forever, but apparently he was wrong. They were still there, just buried down deep.
He caught Mulder's eye in the rear view mirror. He held his gaze and then Mulder looked away. "We can head home, back to our place. I'm sure you have lots of questions," seeing the panic in Jackson's eyes as he looked back at him again, Mulder continued. "Or we could drop you somewhere if you like. It's up to you."
Mulder felt Scully's hand tighten in his and heard her hold her breath.
"You could drop me off," he said quietly.
Scully released her breath and tried not to sob. Mulder held her hand tighter. Squeezed it three times. Their knock. "It's okay. I'm here," She squeezed back, so thankful to have him there to hold her when she felt like falling.
They drove in silence for a bit. Not really knowing what to say. How to put seventeen years into a single car ride. Scully wished they could freeze time. Stay here in this moment. No fear, just truth. She was quietly crying but they could both hear her. Biting her lip to keep from crying out, tears running down her cheeks.
"Here is good," Jackson said suddenly.
They had driven past a strip mall and then a small motel. Mulder slowed and then pulled over, backing up until the motel was in sight. He stopped the car and he and Scully both got out.
Jackson got out and looked at them before walking into the office. Mulder immediately grabbed Scully and held her tightly. She wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him, sure she would be on the ground if he was not there.
"He's alive, Scully. Alive," he whispered into her hair. "Everything else we can handle. We can face. But losing him like that.. seeing him killed for me. Scully, I can't.." his voice broke as he held her closer.
She sobbed against him. Feeling his pain mirroring her own, they shared their happiness and grief together.
Jackson stood on the step outside the office and stared at them. At the love he could see shining off of them. He thought of the man who claimed he was his father. His evil thoughts, his plans. Jackson had done some terrible things, but only because he did not know he could and then again because he had to protect himself. He did not want to believe he was evil.
Seeing them together, seeing his mother. The lengths they went through to help him, the worry they both showed. That was a parent, a father. He did not want to believe that he had been born of her and that other man. It was disgusting and improbable. Not when he could see and feel the love these two had for each other.
The feeling was like hearing the best song he ever heard, eating his favorite food, watching his favorite movie, and his first kiss all rolled into one. Overwhelming but beautiful.
Seeing it around them was like staring directly at the sun. It was blinding. How they could not see it, he did not understand. It was beautiful.
He had so much he wanted to ask them. So many questions, but now that he was actually able to do it, he was terrified. He needed to find another way. Figure out what he wanted before he jumped in all the way. This distance will be good.
"I got the room," he said, interrupting their embrace. He brushed his hair back from his forehead as they came toward him.
Mulder pulled his wallet out and took out some cash. "This is all I have on me," he said as he handed him some random bills.
"I have money. I don't need.."
"Take it. Please."
Mulder pushed it into his hand and also took out his business card and slipped it into his hand. "If you need anything," he said quietly holding his gaze. "Anything, anytime, anywhere. I will get to you. We will get to you."
Mulder pulled him in and embraced him. That he did not return it did not trouble Mulder. He got to hold his boy again. Nothing else mattered in that moment.
He stepped back and Scully stepped up. She searched his face and looked in his eyes. So different than when he was a baby. She could still see him there, though, and it made her breath catch.
"Take care of yourself. Please be careful and know we are here. If there is anything you need, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you," she said through her tears.
Her hands itched to touch him again, but she was unsure. Her connection to him was different than Mulder's and she was terrified to do the wrong thing. He saw the hesitation in her, felt her fear and made a decision.
He stepped one step forward and pulled her into his arms. He held her and closed his eyes. Imagining how it would have felt to have her hug him like this his whole life. Imagined the way her body would have felt when he snuggled with her on the couch. How her hands would have soothed him when he was sick.
Her arms wrapped around him and for a moment, he was not a kid with special powers. He was not a troubled person on the run to keep people safe. He was a boy being held by his mother. He felt his heart beat out a call to hers and then elation when he felt an answer. He heard her gasp and knew she felt it too. He breathed in her scent once more and then let her go.
She stared at him and he smiled and nodded. She touched his face and held it in her hands, memorizing exactly how he looked. He touched his forehead to hers and she felt such peace. She took a deep breath and felt warmth spread through her, like sunshine invading her soul.
He stepped back and the connection was broken. She stared at him as she still held his face. She smiled and let out a disbelieving laugh. She reached up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. He closed his eyes at her touch and then opened them as he stepped back.
He needed time to think. Some distance. Right now, all he wanted to do was get back in the car with them and go wherever they would take him. But he knew that was not the right plan. He needed to be sure he was no longer followed. No longer pursued. They needed to be safe.
Mulder came up and placed his hand on her back. The signal to her that it was time to go. She looked at him and smiled. She was ready. Mulder handed him his bag of clothes and nodded to Jackson one last time before opening the car door for Scully. He walked around to the other side and got in, turning on the car.
Scully stared at him for another minute, then smiled and got in the car. She put her hand against the glass and he stepped up and did the same. They smiled at each other and he moved back as Mulder put the car in drive.
He waved as they drove away. He saw her turn her head and watch him until she could no longer see him. He felt empty and alone now that he stood there without them. He took out his key and walked to his room. He closed the door and leaned his head against it. He knew this was what he needed to do, he just felt so alone.
He took off his shoes, set his bag down and put all the money Mulder had given him on the dresser. He placed his business card on top. He looked at it and realized he was not alone. Yes, he may be physically, but there were two people out there who would be there when he was ready. They made that very clear.
He looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the fact that he had literally been given the clothes off Mulder's back and he knew they would be there if he called. He just needed to figure some things out, and then he would find them again. He would find them.