My Dear Sir and Ma'am,
I feel myself responsible, by our relationship, and my position in this world, to congratulate you both on your recent actions together. I heard news of your engagement and felt obliged to write and express my opinions. Although I do sincerely believe Elizabeth would have been happy with my company for the rest of her life, I think Darcy will be able to satisfy some of her needs and supply her with an acceptable amount of wealth. Your marriage will most likely acquire several joyous moments throughout the upcoming years.
As for Charlotte and me, we have had the most splendid experiences living together at my parsonage in Lady Catherine de Bourgh's estate. Charlotte received more than she could ever imagine, from the goodness of my heart, and is as content as Mrs. Bennet was when Jane married into the respectable Bingley family. We reside peacefully and I encourage you both to visit our likable home in the near future. Charlotte misses Elizabeth dearly and I would not mind an enlightening conversation with Darcy over a satisfying dinner.
Speaking of meals and social gatherings, Charlotte and I have made quite the names for ourselves. Lady Catherine de Bourgh invites us over for dinner several times a week, for a buffet only a king would deserve. Charlotte has also learned how to play the piano exceptionally well, draw portraits that could be mistaken for a mirror, and sings as well as the songbirds themselves. I hope that Elizabeth will acquire such attractive talents shortly after you marry. Only a marriage with entertaining skills is a marriage worth upholding.
Howsoever, I feel obligated to share with you both the real reasons why I am writing this letter in the first place. The first is to instruct you, Elizabeth, on how to present yourself in public, mainly in the presence of Lady Catherine de Bourgh. The second is to ask you, Darcy, to host an impressive ball in the upcoming months. The last is to request frequent meetings between my spouse and me and both of you.
Mrs. Elizabeth Darcy, as I stated earlier, I do believe you should practice your piano skills very often. I have heard you play before and although I can recognize the piece playing, the notes seem to drift together and mesh terribly. Drawing, even though it requires skill, is another version of entertainment that is easily learned. If you quickly realize that painting or sketching is not your cup of tea, I do revoke that comment. It is not worth your frustration if you lack the artistic ability naturally. Some women choose to sing by means of entertaining as well. Nevertheless, they accomplished a songbird's voice with strenuous coaching and great focus. You may not have such pleasant vocals as my lovely Charlotte, but you can sound peaceful rarely. I advise you to attempt singing at least once, for you may get lucky. Only a wife with entertaining skills is a wife worth possessing.
Mr. Darcy, I do not believe you have many skills to practice, being a man. However, I believe a ball hosted in your estate would please all of the upper class in the surrounding area. There has not been a successful social event in quite some time. If I am not mistaken, I think you would be the perfectly respectable man to supply such an occasion. I would most definitely give your regards to Lady Catherine de Bourgh and influence her to attend the dance. I am certain that she would willingly come and increase your reputation exponentially due to my sweet encouragement. Although you may have to participate in several dances, the positive attention of others will do you great good in the future. Only a husband with entertaining skills is a husband worth wooing.
In regards to my last probe, I think us meeting together will bring about much fun and beneficial qualities. Darcy is a respectable name associated with wealth and honor. Collins is a respectable name associated with piousness and strength. If we are to come together, we can bask in the light of each other's reputations. Charlotte would love to see riches and goods and I know Elizabeth would love to see Masses and prayers. It would be preposterous for us to disregard the outcomes of our acquaintances. Only a relationship with entertaining skills is a relationship worth using. Moreover, with that deep message of my consideration, I bid you farewell. My hopes are that you will both make the best of your companion in every day of every season of every year, even if you may not reach the status of my marriage to Charlotte.
Sincerely,
Mr. Collins
P.S. Do not forget the request I made of dinner shortly, I will have a servant or made call on you if I do not get word of your response. Our affiliations are not to be forgotten or else we will both face the consequences of missing out on increasing our popularity with Lady Catherine de Bourgh.