If You Say So
Summary: "I can't believe it's true, I keep looking for you. I check my phone and wait to hear from you in the crowded room. The joker is so cruel. And now I'll never know if all I've been told is just a lie." Rachel's life was spinning out of control and then suddenly, one phone call changed everything. AU 3x14
Disclaimer: I own nothing!
"We have to wait for Quinn!" Rachel screeches in frustration, pinching the bridge of her nose as she checks her phone for the millionth time. Today is supposed to be the most important day of her life—more than graduating from High school, moving to New York, landing her first role on Broadway, hell, even landing her first staring role on Broadway. Today is supposed to be the day that she has dreamed about ever since she was a little girl—the day that she puts on the white taffeta, dances around like a princess, and everyone tells her how beautiful she is and how proud they are to see her happy.
But now that it's here, its nothing like that. The adults in her life are disapproving, Finn is rushing her, and God, where in the hell is Quinn? Quinn Fabray is the one person that Rachel thought would be here, especially after the relationship the two of them have shared. It started over Rachel's desire to be the with the star quarterback, Finn Hudson, and somewhere along the way, the jealous driven competition turned into something far more beautiful than Rachel Berry will ever truly realize. Somewhere along the harsh name calling and the obsessive stalking, to kind compliments and shared gazes. Somewhere along the lines of drawing pornographic pictures of her on the girl's bathroom wall, Quinn began to text Rachel in the middle of the night just because. Somewhere in between choosing the gardenias and the green ribbon to match her eyes, Rachel began to care for Quinn. A deep caring that left a warmth fluttering in her chest, and she supposes this is how everyone feels about that 'one person'—that one friend who would be right next to you every time that you did something incredibly stupid like kill a man or marry your high school sweetheart in a courtroom.
Quinn had disapproved of their engagement in the beginning. Granted, Rachel assumed that it may have been because she thought that she would end up with the star of Lima football, but then, she slowly began to realize that it was a lot more than that. Quinn wanted Rachel to be happy—totally and completely happy and she feared that dragging a piece of her past into her New York future would taint that. Quinn had selflessly thrown their relationship aside to try to stop Rachel from hurting herself, or at least that's how she viewed it. Yet that night, when she ran after her in the hallway and gave her a struggled blessing, Rachel could tell it was more than that. It was more than just worriment or jealousy, or even obsessiveness.
No, Rachel recognized that look in Quinn's eyes when her lips puckered and asked if she was singing that song for Finn and only for Finn. She just can't quite put her finger on it.
"Rachel, come on. It's now or never. We're going to lose our spot!" Finn nags, glancing at the watch upon his wrist. Rachel gnaws on her bottom lip, fumbling with the phone in her hand as she stares at Quinn's text: On my way! She's coming, in fact, she is probably nearly there already. She is coming, despite having to go home to retrieve her bridesmaid dress, despite clearly not approving of their relationship at all, despite everything, Quinn is coming.
Rachel glances around the room at the people who surround her, each watching her with a very baited breath as Finn taps his foot impatiently. Her fathers are sad, but she expected nearly as much as she is their only little girl and has brought them so much joy and laughter into their lives. Although she can't really understand why one of her Dad's is twitching like that, it's like he is having some sort of seizure. Wrinkling her brow, she turns away as her eyes glance over Finn's mother and Burt who send her a gentle smile of reassurance. She looks at Kurt who simply shrugs his shoulders and motions her forward, and Will Shuester who smiles affectionately at Rachel, waiting to see her decision. She can feel the tears burning in her eyes as she turns to face Santana, and boy does Santana look pissed.
So pissed, in fact, that Rachel gulps hard at the sight of her with her arms crossed over her chest and her brow creased so tightly together that it could resist anything striking that target. Her foot is shaking, and Rachel can see her chewing on her tongue on the inside, trying so diligently to keep herself from saying anything rude in front of the adults.
"Rachel!" Finn practically bellows, slapping his hand over the watch dramatically. Rachel curses inwardly, as one should never curse aloud and ruin the lady like appearance of a blushing bride. She glances back down at the phone as she shoots a quick "where are you?" text but her eyes never leave the three words before that.
On my way.
Quinn is coming for her.
"We have to wait for Quinn!" Rachel demands, biting on her bottom lip to keep her tears at bay. Finn looks over his shoulder at the empty doorway and is reminded of just how abbreviated time is when the clock ticks idly by a few more seconds. Shaking his head in frustration, he approaches his disgruntled wife as he gently places his hands upon her shoulder. She smiles at him sadly, cradling the phone in her hand as the message she sent to Quinn still went unanswered.
Finn Hudson is a good man—well, at least Rachel thought he was. He has big, strong hands that know exactly how to hold her to keep her from falling apart. He has mahogany brown eyes and a gentle smile that reminds her that not everything is necessarily so bad. Sure, he might not be the smartest boy in the entire world, but he can sing well, and he loves Rachel—that was enough for her, wasn't it? Did it really matter that Finn didn't want them to spend forever in New York or that he wasn't even concerned about applying to college? Did it matter if Finn wanted to work as a local mechanic or some other less ideal job if he loved her? For the longest time, Rachel thought so. But now he's standing here, and he's looking at her as if she is his entire world and she can't help but think that she isn't looking at him like that.
"Sweetheart, there is no more waiting around. We have exactly two minutes until our spot is gone forever. Quinn will understand. It's now or we're not getting married," Finn explains with a gentle upward turn of his smile. However, Rachel only shakes her head as she steps backwards out of the Quarterback's strong touch.
"I don't like this ultimatum, Finn. This is marriage. This is the rest of our lives! You can't force me into it because we're pressed for time! You can't ask me to choose between you and—" But he interrupts her, just like he always does and within seconds, Santana is on her feet and by Rachel's side. Sure, she might look pissed, but Rachel is her friend too, and she wants to make damn sure that everybody knows it.
"RACHEL. DO YOU WANT TO MARRY ME OR NOT? You've got sixty seconds to make up your mind!" Finn states agitated, staring at his watch. Rachel's eyes dart around the room once more, looking for answer from the people who loved her the most. She needs some kind of sign, some kind of something to tell her what he right thing is to do. She glances down at her phone to find that Quinn still hasn't answered, and her eyes quickly find Santana's. The anger has all but dissipated from her face and her lips are moving, desperately trying to find the strength to say something.
"THIRTY SECONDS!"
Everybody's staring.
Quinn still hasn't texted her back.
Is that her own heart in her throat?
Could her dress be any tighter?
And God, is it just her or is it really fucking hot in this room?
"FIFTEEN SECONDS!"
"No!" It even surprises Rachel when the word forcefully comes out of her mouth strangled between a yell and a choking sob. Finn stumbles for a moment, the frustration fleeting from the lines upon his face to quickly become replaced with sadness and the utmost hurt. She can hear everyone gasp at her reaction, but it seems like it is coming from lightyears away. Instead, she is still staring at the unanswered text message from Quinn before her eyes meet Finn's teary brown. She bites her bottom lip softly as she takes a step towards him with an outstretched hand, but he only steps away shaking his head, "It's Quinn, I… I can't. Not like this."
"You don't want to marry me because of Quinn?!" That is when Rachel hears it: the final crack that breaks Finn Hudson's heart forever. These cracks have slowly been chipping away after all these years: first from Quinn's affair with Puck that left her pregnant with a half-Jewish baby instead of his own, was scarred by her relationships with Puck and Jesse, and then ultimately shattered here today, in front of their friends and family. Rachel studies his face for a long while—the way his nostrils flare, the way the tears burn in his eyes refusing to fall, and the harsh lines upon his face. He's broken, and she's the very one to blame. Suddenly, a bright and happy sound echoes across the room and frantically everyone searches for their phones before Mr. Schue smiles bashfully.
"I'll just…uh… I'll take this outside," He waves his phone towards them before he quickly darts out the door with a muffled hello. Rachel reaches her hand forward to softly graze Finn's but is immediately met with harshness as he jerks away.
"No, you don't understand. It's not because of Quinn. It's because… nothing about this day is right, Finn, and you know that. We've rushed ourselves into this courthouse with all of our parents who are too nice to tell us that we're being idiots. You're freaking out about what time we have to be in there, you probably haven't even prepared any vows or bought the rings. And the only thing… God, the only thing that I wanted after everything that she has done for me, and for you was Quinn. Quinn is the only thing I wanted today to make this perfect and she's not..." However, she does not get to finish because before she can, Finn is grabbing a chair and throwing it against the wall. He charges at Rachel but not before Santana swings her behind her back, shoving him backwards in the process and into the arms of Burt Hummel.
"No, Rachel, screw you! Screw you!" He screams, shaking his finger at her, "all you needed for today to be perfect was me and I wasn't enough! I'm not enough for you, Rachel. God, it all make sense now, of course it does! You brought her back from that stupid pink hair and Ryan Seacrest tattoo. You told me to buy her gardenias and a green ribbon because it matched her eyes. Her fucking eyes." Finn stops, tossing his head back with a heartless laugh. He attempts to walk towards her again, but Santana's arm around her waist tightens and she notices Burt dragging him towards the door.
"You know, when I broke up with her, she didn't even cry. That day at Sue's sister's funeral, I told her how much that speech meant to me about being tethered to someone. And we could see you out of my truck windshield and she never took her eyes off you. Not even for a second. And she asked if it was because of you. She didn't cry, I'm not even sure that she felt anything. But the second that you tell her that I proposed, there she goes again—Saint of the fucking year, trying to save you from ruining your life. And now we're not getting married because she's not here because Quinn is a-"
"ENOUGH!" Burt yells, standing between his stepson and the cowering Rachel. He grabs Finn by his collar and shoves him backward slightly, "Enough! Get the hell out of here and get your ass in the car, son! I know you're hurt but Rachel, she…. She doesn't deserve this." Finn laughs, hanging his head as he walks towards the door, kicking the chairs away from him in the process. However, he stops at the door facing, slamming his fist against the wall before he turns around, the tears apparent as they fall down his cheeks.
"You know, when she gets here, maybe you two should just get married. Clearly, you're both perfect for each other because you both like to ruin my life!" Finn snaps, and before anyone knows it, Santana is charging at him, her shoulders square behind her. Rachel can taste the blood in her mouth and she knows that she's bit a clean hole through the inside of her jaw but it's easier. It is easier than letting Finn Hudson see her fall apart because of him.
"HUDSON!" Santana bellows and he turns to face her with disgust, "maybe she just fucking will marry Quinn because Quinn loves her a whole hell of more than you ever did." Then, suddenly, Finn's hands are pushing Santana backwards before Burt can control him and Rachel can't help but look away as the tears blind her.
"I don't fucking need Quinn's little lesbian lapdog here to defend her! What? She's got you eating her out too?" Santana slaps him, hard—so hard, in fact, that his head completely turns around sideways. Burt jerks the boy outside and Rachel can hear them stumbling down the hallway forcefully, but not before Santana yells after him.
"Just so you know, I offered! But it seems like Quinn is too in love with Rachel Berry to think about anybody else!" Santana screams and suddenly, everything and everyone just goes silent.
Rachel does not even know when or how, but suddenly, she's falling backwards onto the sofa, tears pouring from her eyes. Quinn is in love with her? Quinn is in love with her? No, Santana must be wrong, the brunette shakes her head as she pinches the bridge of her nose to keep her tears at bay. Quinn Fabray just simply cannot love her, after all, she drew pornographic pictures of her in the girl's room and called her Treasure Trails when they first met. They fought for the same boy. They've been with men. They have loved men. For God's sake, Quinn even had a child by a man.
No, Quinn can't love her because Rachel would have known.
She would have…
Oh God.
"I'm so sorry you're sad, Quinn and maybe you're not going to believe me because we were never really close but I'm sad not seeing you in the choir room. And we've all been through so much, we're a family. And this year is our year to get it right."
But it wasn't like that… was it? Quinn was sad, and she did not want her to be sad anymore. She wanted to fix her; she wanted to be the one who made her smile again. Maybe if she had paid more attention she would have noticed how her lips turned upward in the softest smile when she saw her. She should have noticed how Quinn's hands trembled when she touched the cigarette as if it was going to break beneath her touch and noticed how her eyes followed her when she walked away.
"I wanted to thank you actually. […] For keeping me from doing something stupid that I would have regretted for the rest of my life."
"We're kind of friends, huh?"
"Kind of."
Quinn is the prettiest girl that she has ever known, but she is a lot more than that. Rachel swallows hard, as she wraps her arms around herself, rocking slowly as the tears spill down her cheeks. She can hear Santana approaching her, touching her but she cannot make the world stop spinning, madly around her.
"Berry, shit. You weren't supposed to find out like that. I'm—"
"Is it true?" Rachel whispers, looking up under from the brim of her tears and she watches Santana's face falter, her eyes darting away. But Rachel doesn't need her to answer.
No, she doesn't need Santana to tell her what she already knows.
What she has always known.
"You don't belong here, Rachel, and you can't hate me for sending you on your way."
"I would hate the idea of bringing an anchor of my past into the bright lights of my future. Rachel, you have an amazing life ahead of you."
"Hey, I need you to listen to me right now," Santana sighs, gently taking Rachel's face in one of her hand, brushing the tears away from her with a gentle smile. Rachel shakes her head as the tears freely fall from her eyes, trying to recoil back into herself as much as possible. The Latina sits down next to the brunette, grabbing Rachel's hand within her own, lacing their fingers. "She's probably pulling up right now and holy fuck is she going to be relieved to see that you're not Rachel Hudson." Santana laughs but Rachel does not. No, she does not even smile because across the room, her eyes are fixed on Will Schuester, who leans against the door facing, tears streaming silently down his cheeks.
"Mr. Schue, if this is about Finn, I'm really sorry. He didn't even me time to explain!" Rachel hiccups in her own cries but Will does not say anything. Emma approaches him as she gently places her hand upon his forearm, but he shrugs her away with a groan. It is at this that Santana notices just how broken he looks, far more so than she ever remembered seeing him. Without saying a single word, he moves forward until he gently crouches in front of the two women, a hand finding it's way onto both of her thighs.
"This isn't about Finn," He sighs, looking between the two women and somehow, someway, Rachel just knows and the most heart wrenching sob escapes from within her.
"Okay, I've tried to reason with you. I've even tried to be nice about it, but I'm not going to watch you ruin your life by trying to marry Finn Hudson."
"There's no straightforward way to say this but you… you both need to know. There was an accident a couple of miles from here…." He pauses, and Santana's hand finds it's way onto his shoulder in reassurance, but Rachel has already tuned out.
No.
This can not be happening.
"A car completely blew through a stop sign, possibly texting and driving. I don't know. But the car was hit square on." Will explains, and Rachel stands onto her feet quickly, the lump thick in the back of her throat. She is hanging onto his words as if they are the last ones that she will ever hear, and in a weird way, she's hoping that they are.
"It…it was Quinn. Quinn was hit on the way here. It's really bad…" But, Rachel can't hear him anymore. No, all she can hear is the sound of how Quinn's voice harmonizes with hers; all she can hear is the sound of her laughter at something extremely inappropriate; all she can hear is the way that Quinn says her name like it's so effortless.
All she can hear is how Quinn begged her not to marry Finn; telling her that she was so much more than Lima, Ohio and trying her hardest to provide the best life for her that she could. How could she miss all those signs?
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"
Goddamn it, Rachel cries, this is their year to get it right!
So… why is it all going so wrong?
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"
"When you were singing that song, you were singing it to Finn and only Finn, right?"