Abarai Renji wasn't stupid – although some people tended to think he was. Well, at least he wasn't exactly as stupid as they thought.
Therefore he was – of course – capable of noticing what interpersonal-relationships issues were obviously going on between his childhood friend and his favorite frenemy. But right now that wasn't quite the matter…
"Yo, Renji! Stop fooling around! I don't wanna stay here forever!"
The red head muttered for being mobbed just so slightly, while still wondering about the bunch of those so called 'body lotions' in the shelf right in front of him, which got him carried away to his daydreaming in the first place. Where did that guy drag him again? A drugstore… whatever that was. Maybe some store, where you'd drag people to offend them, whenever they stopped moving? His mind had drifted off again.
"If you have to accompany me, then please stop acting so suspicious in here!" Ichigo's scolding repeated itself.
Renji was confused: "What do you mean 'suspicious'? I was just checking these strange bottles over here." He looked around. "That's what everyone here is doing!"
Ichigo bit his lip, trying to keep his countenance: "Yes, indeed. But stop pretending as if you've never seen something like that before!"
"But I haven't seen something like that before!"
The pineapple head was really pissed, staring at his ever recurring opponent, when he realized two middle school girls giggling behind his back. It was clear he was the cause for their amusement. His face turned a bit pinkish. Ok, that was embarrassing… Renji combed through his brain, searching for an excuse for his obviously 'suspicious' behavior, how Ichigo probably would have put it:
"I mean… such a variety of them!"
He was proud, that a smart word like 'variety' had hit his mind just in time.
Ichigo stared at the floor, rather exhausted:
/Why, Rukia? Just why are you doing this to me?/
Right in that moment Rukia was sitting in Ichigo's room, designing some Christmas cards with his paper and his markers, when she felt a sudden change in the air. She stopped drawing her apparently professional bunny-doodles. A mischievous smile formed on her face. She just got a real good idea what to draw on the Christmas card for her occasional roommate. The raven haired Shinigami wondered what he and Renji were up to, after she'd send them both shopping to have some time alone to prepare everyone's presents. Anyway! She concluded drawing Chappy's second ear and took the next sheet of paper.
Renji's face had regained its original color and he was now rather modestly following behind his friend, who suddenly stopped in front of some stuff you'd seemingly put into your hair.
"You wearin' that?" the Shinigami asked incredulously. Renji's disbelief was mirrored in Ichigo's eyes, when he turned to face the red haired guy:
"No. But it would suit you, don't you think?"
His remark was clearly filled with sarcasm, if you had an idea what that was. "Y-you sure?" Renji had none. "Of course not, you jerk!" The orange haired high school student growled harshly – if that idiot didn't quit his stupid blabbering he probably wouldn't be able to hold back his inner hollow and just tear him to pieces! The lieutenant's eyes only flashed innocently:
"Then why did you say so, if you didn't mean it? You shouldn't say things, if you don't mean them!"
"Well, it is called 'sarcasm', Renji. SAR-CA-SM!"
Renji nodded insightfully: "Oh, sarcasm! I see." No, he didn't.
Ichigo just tried to ignore him, fetching some hair pins his sister would definitely love.
"Already got some present for Rukia?"
Did Renji just try to have a decent conversation? Where did this sudden change of heart come from? His answer sounded merely bored and a bit indifferent as well: "I guess I'll get this bag I saw the other day. It's so damn annoying that she always uses my stuff so naturally when she's here." The red head smiled, seemingly self-satisfied:
"You see, that's the difference between you and me! Back when Rukia and I were living in Rukongai we always loved to share everything we had!"
What was that supposed to be? Provocation or what? He had something to object to Renji's point of view anyway:
"I don't think that 'sharing' implies using someone else's stuff always without permission and just as you please!"
It seemed that his companion had regarded the discussion as finished a long time ago – some new weird items had drawn his attention.
"What about getting her this?"
Ichigo honestly had to fight his inner fear for whatever was about to come. He slowly turned his back, facing Renji's proposal, a shiver running down his spine.
"The tag says it's a bath sponge! And look at the shape!"
Ichigo's eyes just flashed in silence for a moment. He tried to suppress the urge to rip that guy's head off, while sorting all the other thoughts that were currently rushing through his mind:
"Why…Why on earth should I buy her a bath sponge in the shape of a strawberry?!"
An insidious smile burned into the face of his counterpart:
"Well, you see: Strawberry – Ichigo. Huh?"
The boy whose name had been confused with the fruit of the same name all too often could only shake his head in response to the amount of crap his friend had just uttered. "Instead of always using your bathing sponge she could actually use you. That way she'd have her own stuff but would still be using your stuff, right? You get that? Funny, isn't it?"
Another shiver ran down his spine. He could've sworn it hadn't been that hot in the store a few minutes ago. Ichigo rolled up the sleeves of his sweater subconsciously. His pride was hurt by the fact that he wasn't able to come up with an appropriate retort for Renji's stupid 'joke'. That wasn't like him! He regarded the other strawberries crowded together on the shelf at the very bottom. If he had been named after this fruits on purpose he would have probably felt sympathy for them, but in between the red-green sponges he spotted a yellow colored object that was trying to hide between the strawberries.
"Alright, I'll get her the sponge."
Renji was slightly confused. Was Ichigo seriously responding to that joke? Where was the snag? The red head wasn't able to see what his friend was hiding behind his back. He had only witnessed that the substitute had snatched something from this shelf and was about to present his finding with a malicious grin:
"If you give this to Byakuya."
The vice-captain swallowed hard as he thought about giving this particular sponge to his superior.
"Well you see, Renji: Pineapple – pineapple head! Funny, isn't it?"
He'd lose his job over that – sure as hell – but he figured Rukia's and his captain's reactions would definitely be worth it: "Deal!"
Byakuya was sitting in the inner garden of the mansion watching the falling leaves twisting in the wind. He wondered if it really had been a good idea to let Renji to the human world without any supervision or superior accompanying him. The captain suddenly had a bad feeling. He honestly hoped his vice-captain wouldn't do anything stupid – although that was his specialty. Looking to the right he noticed a few unsigned Christmas cards. He sighed and got back to work.
"What the hell?"
"What's wrong?"
Ichigo was standing in front of a postcard stand while Renji was examining the range of Santa Clause shaped chocolates.
"Just stupid sayings on equally stupid Christmas cards." The orange-head replied.
One card in particular had caught his attention. He tried to resist the urge to pick it up, but he couldn't. His intuition told him that a certain someone would definitely like it.
"So, what are you giving me for Christmas?" The question suddenly popped out of the neighboring aisle.
/A punch in the face, how about that?/
Renji had finished his sightseeing tour and was catching up with Ichigo again who was on his way to the cashier. "You could give this bag you got for Rukia to me instead. I could really use one." "You get one of those plastic bags at the exit."
The Christmas morning had finally come. Although he had engaged in Renji's deal and was gleefully hoping that the vice-captain would get into a lot of trouble for giving his bath sponge to Byakuya, he hadn't been sleeping well. He was annoyed and overly tired when he was shuffling down the stairs down to the kitchen at seven in the morning to fetch himself a drink. Maybe it had not been his best idea to play along with Renji's stupidity – Rukia would probably kill him.
"Finally someone's here! Can we exchange presents now?"
Ichigo was suddenly wide awake and completely frozen in his actions but his thoughts were focused on the dark haired woman who was sitting on the sofa full of expectation: "Why are you already awake?" His voice gave away he was more pissed about the fact he would not be able to go back to sleep as he was interested in getting her answer – which he, to be honest, already knew. Her head peeked out from the edge of the sofa: "It's Christmas." He pretended he didn't hear her broad hint and dragged himself to the armchair, plopping down with feigned disinterest. He honestly hoped she wouldn't notice what was going on inside him at the moment.
But it was quite. No offense, no noise from anyone else in the house… maybe he could just doze off a little and…
"Uoh, why are you staring at me like that?"
Her impatient expression was piercing though him, her eyes glued to his.
Rukia raised with a sigh: "I thought you would prefer to give me your presents as long as your family is still asleep. Well, Renji indicated you probably would."
Ichigo blinked a few times until the state of affairs finally hit his mind: "Wait! What exactly did Renji indicate?!" His reaction made her tilt her head curiously. A few seconds passed before she decided to answer him:
"He said it was something intimate."
The teenage boy really tried to uphold his composure. If any of his current emotions or his inner chaos would leak to the outside world then… Years of practice enabled him to show his usual scowling self at least – however when facing an Ichigo-expert like Rukia that wasn't quite helpful, as she could read him just too well. "If you're too embarrassed I'll take them with me and unwrap them after I returned to Sereitei." Her skeptical remark made him feel a little uneasy:
"Embarrassed? Me? Why would I be embarrassed?" He had intended to sound self-confident, but the growing insecurity in his voice was evident. Why did he even try to fool her? She'd already seen through him, he was exposed. There was no reason to deny it or play dumb. However there was still something he called his 'well-established image' he had to fight back. Ichigo let out a deep sigh.
"Although I tend to believe I get the meaning of your facial expressions and know what you actually want to say in most cases, sometimes it would help if you'd just say what is on your mind." She turned to one side, looking at the floor disappointedly: "If you don't want to give me your presents you don't have to do it you know?"
Seeing the heartbroken look on her face he inevitably felt the need to protect her. As he wasn't sure how long he would've been able to withstand this sight he raised from the armchair to get her presents. Every last remnant of his composure would crumble away after she'd opened them anyway.
Rukia's eyes followed him, a little impressed how easily she had tricked him to do exactly what she wanted.
"You're coming or what?"
Now he was the one to get impatient – he wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. She joined him in front of the little Christmas tree, wearing a confident smile. Sure as hell she had made the sad face solely to achieve her goal, which was getting him to do exactly what she wanted, he knew that. Rukia wasn't the only one able to read the other one's mind.
"Well, Merry Christmas then."
He moved the package a little closer to her. Of course the card at the top immediately caught her attention. Right under the picture of a bunny sitting in a woolen cap it was written as followed:
'May your butt stay warm during winter so you can healthily hop into the New Year.'
She looked at him with raised eyebrows: "You hate this card."
"It is entirely stupid. I mean who, WHO on earth would actually say something like that?"
"I don't know but the bunny is cute, look!"
She was happy and that was enough for him. She would probably however be less happy when she saw the actual present.
"You bought this card although you think it's stupid and only because you knew I would love it. Now that's unexpected you being considerate."
If he'd waited for the right moment to turn red this would've been it – if Rukia didn't already start unwrapping the other present.
He didn't really have enough time to think about a good escape route, there weren't a lot of options anyway. The gift paper had soon done its duty and Rukia closely examined the bag which showed Miffy, the famous female rabbit.
"I figured you'd need a bag when staying here so you don't have to borrow one from me."
She looked up: "But I like to borrow your things."
/That's the point./
"But you would look entirely stupid wearing this cute bag."
If one had listened closely and was like Ichigo able to tell the real meaning behind her words it was obvious she really liked the present.
"Oh, what is that?"
The raven haired woman had spotted something inside the bag. She lifted the unfamiliar object up.
"That's me." he mumbled to himself. He would've liked to punch himself in the face for this impulsive thought.
"It's a strawberry as you can see." Ichigo replied a little more serious. At least it sounded serious enough so that Rukia would have actually bought that explanation without any further questioning but his seemingly well-played pokerface lacked the final grain of truthfulness that would have actually made her believe that remark.
"Really? The tag says it's a bathing sponge."
He rolled his eyes. There it was again, her 'I-am-not-as-stupid-as-I-look-when-the-human-world-is-concerned-but-I-am-too-stupid-to-open-a-damn-juice-box'-expression.
"As you are obviously able to read, why are you asking?"
Her eyes were examining his face intensely searching for any clue that would explain his uncomfortableness:
"Is there anything you want to tell me, Ichigo?"
He didn't like the way she'd pronounced his name. He disliked even more the way the strawberry shaped sponge was dangling in front on his face like a piece of evidence at an interrogation.
"Well, as you know: Strawberry – Ichigo. You are always using his stuff and now you can just use hi…"
"RENJI!? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?"
The red head was lurking in front of the door that led to the garden and pretended he didn't have the slightest idea why the orange haired teenager was making such a fuss.
"Hey Renji." Rukia nonchalantly opened the door to let their friend in.
"You're can call yourself lucky, Renji. If it wasn't for her I would've got carried away."
Ichigo wanted to return to his seat when he noticed that his hand had instinctively shifted to the place his substitute badge usually was at. Maybe it wasn't that bad it was still lying upstairs in his room…
"Why are you so tensed, Ichigo?"
The vice-captain jokingly smashed him on the shoulder.
"Why are you so laid back, Renji?" Ichigo replied teeth grinding.
The unwelcomed guest pridefully placed a hand over his chest: "I just gave Kuchiki-Taichou my Christmas present and he invited me to come over for dinner tonight."
"Oh, then only the two of you will be having dinner together?"Rukia probably summed up the thoughts that were going through Ichigo's mind when he subtly cleared his throat.
The red head looked confused: "Huh? Where will you be?"
"Well… Here?"
Her answer had sounded so natural that Renji nearly thought he'd heard something like 'where else would I be?' at the end. Why did he even ask?
A shiver ran down his spine while thinking about his captain's invitation to have dinner with him… alone… and if there was only the tiniest possibility that this invitation could mean anything else apart from just having dinner. Possibly it was only a pretext for laying him off in an honorable way that would suit the Kuchiki clan's customs. He pondered for a second – that definitely sounded like something his captain would do. Even Kuchiki Byakuya was capable of being humorous, although he was the only one to actually find his own jokes funny… He remembered the telephone sketch he had staged with his kenseikan.
"So, what exactly are you doing here?"
Right, Renji's appearance had successfully drawn the attention away from the delicate bath sponge topic and Ichigo had to admit he was a little grateful for that, but he didn't want to bear with the red head for the rest of the day.
Renji however didn't seem to notice Ichigo and his question, he was staring at the ceiling completely spacing out. A growl revealed the missing patience the orange haired teenager had for his friend: "Ren-ji?" Addressed friend looked at him a little lost: "Mmh?" It was obvious he tried to force a grin onto his face:
"I wanted to check how things are progressing."
Rukia crossed her arms in front of her chest, skeptically observing the interactions between those two:
"How what is progressing?"
Two heads turned towards her simultaneously.
"The dirty thoughts."
The tone in Renji's voice was kinda mysterious when first he shot a glance at Ichigo before suggestively raising an eyebrow to give Rukia a hint where he was aiming at.
Ichigo would have preferred to strangle that idiot, but being too abashed by the situation he was only able to collar him: "The 'what'?! I bet you don't even know what that is!"
"Well, it is something you have yet she doesn't." The usual, stupid grin appeared on Renji's face, brightening the whole room, causing Ichigo to tighten his grip.
"If I am having dirty thoughts or not is for me to decide."
Again two heads turned in unison to look at Rukia, who was reacting a little too directly to his suggestions. It was hard to tell if she was really being serious or if this was just another well-staged farce.
"Before you arrived Ichigo and I were actually about to go upstairs to test out my Christmas present."
Two completely clueless faces looked at her.
"Eh?" was what escaped Renji's mouth after formulating any actual words had failed. Ichigo didn't even try.
A slight clearing of his throat indicated the vice-captain had sorted out his thoughts… a bit: "Maybe I should leave and prepare myself for the dinner tonight." He shuffled to the door thinking Rukia could be freaking scary sometimes – he blamed her brother's influence for that.
"Alright, then we can go upstairs and check if this bag suits me or not." Rukia continued.
"You were talking about the bag?!" Ichigo had nearly tripped over his own feet as the situation's tension was blown away in an instant. She wouldn't have noticed anyway – she had already left for the corridor. At least she seemed to really like this bag.
"Wow, I nearly believed her. Creepy, wasn't it?"
The teenager hadn't fully regained his composure yet but was nodding and monotonously replied: "Yeah, it was."
/Damn, I was hella frightened!/
After Renji had left, Ichigo's state of mind had reverted back to normal and Rukia had approved of the back in front of a mirror, the rest of the family had gotten up as well. Ichigo was happy only Yuzu had made her way down to the living room for the time being. His sister was in the midst of preparing the Christmas cake when Rukia peeked over her shoulder: "What is that?" The unfamiliar looking fruits on the counter had caught her attention. "Oh, I got them from this candy shop where I always buy sweets. The owner gave them to me for free. He said it was a rare type of fruit. I think it is called pineberry."
Ichigo suddenly started to listen attentively.
"Pineberry, you say…" Rukia's eyes trailed off to her roommate, who involuntarily felt as if being personally addressed.
"What?"
She leaned her back against the counter, observing him closely: "I wonder what they taste like…"
"Then why are you looking at me?"
An insinuating smile formed on her lips: "Well, as you know: Pine-apple…, Straw-berry…"
He wanted to avoid her gaze in case she would start to read his mind but failed. He could not escape her eyes like that…
"You want to try one, Rukia-chan?"
Yuzu saved the day without realizing it when she held out one of those fruits to Rukia. He breathed a sigh of relief.
"It tastes a bit like pineapple, don't you think?" Yuzu asked.
"Mmh, reminds me of the body lotion Renji got me for Christmas: Pineapple and coconut." She knew that, although he pretended he didn't give a shit about her talk with Yuzu, he was actually very well listening. "I'm sure that smells nice." The younger twin returned to finish the decoration on the cake. "It does."
Rukia finally noticed that she was still dressed in her pajamas: "Maybe I should try it out right away." She passed the sofa to get the little fluffy object she had found in the bag earlier, demonstratively picking it up in front of Ichigo: "Well it's good I got this bathing sponge – it perfectly matches with Renji's present." She gave him one last meaningful look:
"If you know what I mean."
...
"Shit!"
Yuzu flinched nearly dropping a pineberry: "Oni-chan, what's wrong?"
Ichigo had jumped to his feet and had completely forgotten his sister was still there. He grabbed his hair with both hands:
"I will never get this image out of my head again!"