Perfectly Free

Chapter 1

by Kate04

A/N: This one was supposed to be nothing but a little fluffy Shandy feels, but then I talked to the ladies (you know who you are) and suddenly there was angst. It's still pretty fluffy, I think.

A big hug and "thank you" goes to Rockin Robin B who once again did a wonderful beta job. And of course the ladies get a hug for being awesome cheerleaders and sounding boards.

Disclaimer: Not my sandbox, not my toys. I'll return them unharmed.

Dance, when you're broken open.

Dance, if you've torn the bandage off.

Dance in the middle of the fighting.

Dance in your blood.

Dance when you're perfectly free.

― Rumi

Andy Flynn was exhausted. It had been an incredibly long week. He had only started working again on Monday after having spent much longer than he had cared for on medical leave. He was definitely getting too old for any kind of heroism. For a while the thought of retiring had not sounded so bad, as recovering from his injuries had been tougher than ever.

It had been Sharon who had helped him through the worst. She had insisted on taking him home with her, not taking no for an answer. It had sounded like a suggestion, but he had found out quickly that he had not really had any choice in the matter. She and his doctor had ganged up on him, convincing him that he could not stay alone.

Once the initial awkwardness had passed, Andy could not remember why he had fought so hard against those new living arrangements. That first evening had been a little uncomfortable, as he had not known what she expected of him. While they had taken that step from old-fashioned dating to intimacy quite some time ago, they had not spent a night together. So far, all of their intimate encounters had happened at his place, mostly out of respect for Rusty. Afterwards, she had always gone home.

When she had taken him home from the hospital, his first instinct had been to make himself comfortable on her couch. His aching bones had practically screamed at the thought, but he would not have complained. Instead, she had lead him straight into her bedroom, telling him not to be ridiculous when he had suggested that the couch would be fine. He had not wanted to make the kid uncomfortable. He had only just begun to accept their relationship and Andy had not wanted to jeopardize that progress. At first, Rusty had grumbled a bit, but he had gotten used to the new situation quickly, accepting Andy's presence and realizing that it did not mean Sharon ignored him.

The weeks Andy had spent at Sharon's place had been wonderful. It had surprised them both how well they had gotten along. Having spent many years without a partner, neither one of them had expected to adapt to that level of intimacy so quickly. In fact, now that he was back in his own place, Andy missed her terribly. He even missed the kid. His house was too big and too quiet, his evenings too lonely without Sharon curled up against him on the couch and Rusty telling them about school or his latest project.

Once he had been declared fit for duty, they had decided that it was time for him to go back home. Or maybe they had not really decided anything. Thinking back on it, they had never actually talked about it. He had assumed that she expected him to leave and she had not objected when he had packed his bags. He had not really thought about that until earlier, at a meeting, when he had talked to a buddy about how much he missed having Sharon close and his buddy had asked why he had left in the first place. Andy had not been able to explain it and it had made him think.

They had not spent any time together all week. Whenever he had wanted to ask her out for dinner or invite her over to his place, she had found a reason to leave before he could speak. The first two times, he had thought nothing of it. When it had kept happening, however, he had begun to suspect that she was avoiding him. Maybe he had overstayed his welcome at her place and she was trying to put some distance between them. For several weeks, his presence in her life had pretty much kept her from doing anything but work and care for him. Of course she would feel the need to spend some time without him.

His self-doubt told him something else, though. It was possible that spending so much time with him might have shown her the he was not the right man for her. He had accepted long ago that he was not good enough for her, and he had been waiting for her to realize that, too, to come to her senses and send him away. He was an addict, just like her ex-husband. He had lied to his family, he had disappointed them, and he had not been there for them – just like Jack. Andy had no idea how often she had been forced to take care of her husband because he had been unable to do so on his own. Having to do that for her new partner might have brought back bad memories, showing her how similar the two men were.

He had stayed too long. He had taken advantage of her generosity. Or maybe he had not. Maybe she had wanted him there. Maybe she had wanted him to stay. At least that was what his buddy had said. Andy had a hard time believing that. Why would she want to keep him around when he had been nothing but work for her for weeks? She had gotten nothing out of having him around. He had been grumpy, and in pain, and unable to do much of anything around the house. It had made him feel like a freeloader. There was nothing lovable about that. For a little while he had thought that getting injured on the job was the best thing that could have happened to him as it had brought them so much closer, but now he knew that it had ruined his future with Sharon. She had seen him at his worst and their relationship had not been strong enough for that.

At first his conversation with his AA buddy had offered hope, but quickly his thoughts came full circle once again, arriving where they had started, with the conviction that Sharon was getting ready to end their relationship.

Resigned to another lonely evening spent with the uninspiring television program, Andy pulled into his driveway. At the sight of the familiar silver sedan parked right in front of him, his stomach started fluttering in excitement – until he remembered that she had been avoiding him. Her presence at his place could only mean one thing, and that was definitely no reason to be excited.

~TBC~