by Annie2000
RATED: T
DISCLAIMER: WAT is not mine
SUMMARY: Christmas Eve, and the team can't play poker... because of Martin... and the poor guy will know hell.
THANKS: for everyone on DESTINEDTO forum, who read this fic firsth - you guys rule! Your reviews helped me a lot! Love yall!
NOTES: this is not suppose to be realistic nor loyal to the show, but it's suppose to be funny; it's like PWP (Porn Without Plot), except that, instead of Porn, it's CWP (Comedy Without Plot). I don't know the game 25$PYRAMID, and I dont know the rules, so I'm relying on some episodes from FRIENDS and WILL&GRACE to learn how it works. It's all just an excuse to make you laugh. I hope you enjoy reading it, because I sure enjoyed writting it.
One more thing: I'm brazilian, so I'm sorry for my every gramar mistake. I did my best, I swear!
REVIEWS ARE ALWAYS WELCOMED!!!
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PROLOGUE: Put the blame on Marty
Danny walked in the bullpen. "Ok, that's oficial: this holiday sucks!"
"None has cards?" Sam moaned, bored.
"Cards, dices, playstations - nothing. But the good news is, we can spend the rest of our Christmas Eve blaming him." He pointed to Martin, who rolled his eyes up, upset.
"I already said I'm sorry. Sue me."
"I don't care, it was your turn..."
"I left the cards on the table! Blame Jack! If he hasn't called me, making me leave in a hurry..."
"Don't pin this one on me, Fitzgerald." Jack said, grumpy, taking the picture of a teenage girl off the board.
"You know what? I don't care who's the one to blame." Elena said, loud enough to be heard through their fight. "The thing is, we are bored! And we have three more hours until we can finally go home. Instead of pointing fingers, can we just - please! - find something to do?"
"Well, I hope you're not counting on her" Jack pointed to the teenage girl's picture. "She's already home, hearing her mom yelling at her for running away."
"Just do your paperwork, instead of complaining." Vivian said, absorved by her papers.
"On a Christmas Eve? Are you crazy?" Danny said.
"I'm hardworking."
"No, you're not, you're a workaholic." then he turned to Maritn once more. "And you are a very, very dumb person."
"FINE!" Martin gave up. "Fine! I forgot the cards! I'm stupid! Are you feeling better?"
Danny shook his head. "Kinda."
"It's Christmas, you guys, it's time for love." said Anne, walking in, as Martin seemed to be getting ready to jump over his friend. "What are they arguing about?"
"Martin forgot the cards and Danny is bored." Jack explained, sitting at the conference table. "Are you heading home?"
"I'm free to go, but if you want me to stay Carla just called and little Gerald just fell asleep."
"A.K.A., he'll be crying all night."
She enlaced her husband's neck. "Welcome back to parenthood, Jack Malone." Anne kissed him and Danny growled.
"Get a room." he let himself fall into a chair.
"You are unbearable today, you know that?" Vivian said, raising her head from her desk.
"I'm sorry, am I annoying anyone? Hand down, Martin, I am trying to annoy you."
As he lowered his hand, Martin sighed. "Whatever. Viv is right; we should be trying to make the best of it."
"Man, I'm dying to go home!" Elena almost yelled.
"Well, I'm not." Maritn replied. "At least here I don't have to think about Christmas Dinner with my sister, hearing my father complain about the office and my mother gossip about other people's divorces..."
"Are we suppose to feel sorry for you?" Danny interrupted. "Cause I'll have to explain Nickie once more why his Papi is not here for Christmas again."
"Oh, I love this game!" Sam pretended to cheer. "'Worst Christmas Ever!' My turn; hearing you both fighting for the last two and a half hours."
"You won." Vivian laughed. Sam nodded with a smile.
"What about nostalgia?" Elena said, tired. "Lets talk about our old Christmas, or whatever."
"Nah, we used to do that." Jack said. "But then Danny joined and thing got pretty depressing."
"Good thing is:" Danny smirked "Everybody calls me for Christmas parties after my depressing stories."
"Fine, what about $25 thousand Pyramid."
"I don't have 25 thousand dollars in my pocket right now, Elena. I'm a FBI agent."
Elena ignored Danny and proceeded: "We'll just split in three teams and Vivian writtes down what we're suppose to guess."
"Sure!" Vivian said, a little impatient. "Call Viv, she has nothing better to do."
"Ok, I'll call Mac..." Elena tried to get up, but Vivian was faster.
"No! No! I wanna play too!" she started to writte down some words. "I'm done with my paperwork for the past two ours already."
"Well, I'm in. We have nothing better to do, anyway." Danny approached Elena, picking her for his partner for the game.
"Yeah, ok. Martin...?" Sam asked, and her friend took a sit beside her.
"Right here with you."
"Guess I'm stuck with you." Anne said, staring at Jack.
He raised his wedding ring. "Blame this damn thing."
Vivian ripped a sheet of paper from a notebook and passed it to Elena.
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ROUND ONE: Poor, poor Fitzie!
The agent read the sheet of paper Vivian had just handed to her briefly and laughed: "This is good stuff, Viv. C'mon, Danny."
Danny stood up. "I cannot believe I'm actually doing it. Elena, you give. Jack, you time."
Jack set his clock. "Ok, 60 seconds... Go!"
"Uhn, a strong light!" Elena said, quickly. "Uhn... Child being hurt!"
"Things that hurt you?" Danny said, unsure.
"Almost... Martin's ties!"
"Things that hurt to look at!!"
"YES!"
Martin said spread his arms, wordless and offended, but Elena was already listing again.
"Underwear with a smile on!"
"Bad Christmas gift?"
"No, uhn, Martin's screw up on his firsth day at work!"
"OH! Things that are embarressing!!"
"I don't wanna play like this!" Sam held Martin down as he tried to get up.
"You won't leave me, I don't want to play alone."
And Elena was speaking once more. "Opera singer! A whale! Martin's food!!"
"Things that are fat!!!"
"YES! YES!" Elena was almost jumping, excited.
"What the-" Martin tried to protest, but Jack did not let him finished.
"She's right" he laughed.
"Ok! That's easy! A coat!"
"Things that protect you from cold?" Danny tried.
"No. Uhn, a monster, like in 'Monste Inc.'..."
"Is this the one with the dunkie voiced by Eddie Murphy?"
"Five seconds..." Jack awared them.
"C'mon, Elena! One more clue!"
Elena thought for a few moments, and then said, with a triumphant look: "Martin!"
Danny yelled: "THINGS THAT ARE INSIDE A CLOSET!!!"
"YES! YES!"
"What, I-" Martin tried to ignore the team laughing around the table. "This is not fair! Is this how we're going to play?"
"C'mon, where's your sense of humor?" Vivian asked, handing Sam another paper and writting down Danny and Elena's points.
Martin stared at his opponents. "You do realize Santa does not presents people that are mean to their friends."
"You do realize Santa does not exist."
"It's Sam and Martin's turn."
The other team stood up. "I'll give Martin the clues. Ready, Jack?"
"Go."
"Ok, uhn... a ghost, my skin...?"
"Blushing things."
Sam stared at him. "Ghost don't blush! And niether do I..."
"Yes, you do." Martin said, distracted. "Last week that male prostitute called you pretty and you just..."
"MILK!" she interrupted, angerly.
"Uhn, white things, then?"
"Thank you!" Sam said, upset. She read the next line and nodded - at least that one would be easy. "Taking evidences without a warrand."
"Things Danny'd do?"
"Keep talking, Fitzie; I'm still winning." Danny smirked.
"Stealing! KILLING! RAPING!" she was starting to yell.
"Things we deal with everyday?"
"OH - MY - GOD!!" she thought for a second. "A judge!!!"
"Legal things... ILEGAL THINGS!!!"
"Finally! Next: Danny."
"Things that are unbearable!" he throw Danny a sharp look.
"Wanna give it back to him? WIN THE GAME, MARTIN!!"
Danny laughed, satisfied, as Martin shrinked, suddenly fearing Sam - she could be extremily competitive if she wanted to.
"A piñata."
"A what?"
"Ten seconds..." said Jack - at least he tried, hoping he wouldn't suffocate by trying to talk and laugh at the same time.
Sam grew more desperate. "SPANISH WORDS!"
"Things that I don't get!!"
"What about Danny?! I said Danny!! Don't you get Danny?!"
"Do you?" Martin raised an eyebrow and for a second he thought Sam was considering what he said, maybe even agreeing with him...
"Time's up."
... and in the next second, she was already considerating killing him painfully. "Latin things!"
Vivian wrotte down: "Two for Sam and Martin." she thought for a second and smiled. "I'll just call you Smartin."
"Remember when you were about to leave and I stopped you?"
"Yes."
"I changed my mind!"
As Sam rolled up her eyes, he pretended to smile. "It's just a game... Ugh!" she pushed the sheet of paper against his body a little too hard. "Next time, you'll give."
"Give me that" Viv smiled, apparently having a lot of fun watching the game. She took the paper back and added a few more itens before handing it over to Jack. "Here. Good luck."
Martin sit beside Sam again, as she sighed frustrated. "What? And what the heck is a piñata, anyway?"
Elena raised her hand, as a studant, asking permission to talk. "It's a kind of container filled with candy that people hang and beat up until it breaks."
"And that's exactly what I am going to do with you."
"You know, your clues wern't that goo- I'm kidding, clues were perfect, you're the best, Sam, you rule."
But that mean look shinning inside her eyes did not fade. Definitively, he wasn't going to leave alone to the parking lot.
"Can we start this, please?" Jack asked. "C'mon, honey. Danny, time us."
Danny held his watch up. "Ready? Go."
"Very well. Washington. The hour to pick up your girls in Maria's house."
"Things that are inflexible."
Anne smiled. "Very good. Phone records from congressmen..."
"Things you just can't get."
"Good!" she said, a little amazed. "My mother..."
"Things that can drive a man crazy!"
"Almost, my moth..."
"Things that drive daughters crazy!!"
"Yes! We're good! Hannah starting to date..."
"Things you don't long for!!"
"That's amazing!" Anne laughed. "Threatening Hannah's firsth boyfriend..."
"Things you're dying to do!"
"OH! C'MON!" Martin hit the table with his fist. Sam hit the table with her head, sighing painfully.
"Ten seconds..." said Danny, checking the watch, not really caring that he could lose the game.
"List's up..."
"How much did we..."
"No, Jack" Anne said, a little urgent. "That's my clue. Lit's up, full house..."
"Oh, uhn, things that make you win a game."
"Yes!"
"That's trully amazing!" Danny said, with a smile.
Anne leaned over her husband. "You're amazing! I love you!"
"Oh, you did great too, honey..."
As the couple celebrated, Vivian was already writting down again. Sam looked for Martin's eyes.
"See, if we focus on the questions, we'd be just like them."
Martin leaned his head a bit to watch his boss hold Anne tightly and kiss her passionately. Sam did the same and, when she realized what Martin was seeing (and probably understanding), she decided that would be better to be crystal clear.
"I meant winning."
"Offer me this kind of trophy. I bet that would work." He was only kidding, but Sam did not laugh. "Sorry" he hurried up to say.
She sighed again as Jack and Anne went to sit back.
"Why didn't I pick Jack?"
"Well, he was a married man, but then you came after me-Aaawwww...!"
Sam's hand flew back on the table while Martin tried to breath throw the pain. Danny chuckle. "Since you're not singing soprano, I'll just assume she pinched you on the side."
"Ok!" Viv said, loud so the boys would shut up. "Jack and Anne 6, Danny and Elena 4, Smartin 2."
"Aaaand, that was a good game. What now? Mime?"
"What?" Elena frowned. "Don't tell me you're afraid, Fitzgerald."
"Of Sam or losing the game? Because his answer would change..."
"Danny - shut - up!!"
"C'mon, one more round. Boys cluing girls in." Viv handed Danny new questions.
"Don't you want to change places with me, Viv?" Martin pleaded.
"Are you kidding me? I'm good making questions up! I already got 15 more."
Martin rolled his eyes. That was never going to end...
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ROUND TWO: Some people just don't know when to shut up
Elena stood there, waiting. "Ready?"
"Just a sec... Hey, new topic! Good idea!"
"Thanks." Vivian smiled.
"Ugh, ass kisser..." Sam mumbled, upset.
Danny ignored her - they were winning. "Ok, time me, boss."
"Go!"
"That's easy, and it's a place: stomach, inside car doors..."
"Keep going..." she said, frowning as she tried to think.
"Uhn... that guy you arrested last week's ass."
"Places where you can hide drugs!"
"YES!"
"Eww!" said Jack, flinching.
"Don't be such a sissy, boss." Danny said, already thinking new clues. "That's a thing again. Mac talking tech-lenguage."
"Things you can't understand."
"Thing again. Martin speaking and eating at the same time."
"Things that are gross."
"And they started again, ladies and gentlemen!" said Martin, raising his arms.
"Thing. Martin beeing such a drama queen, like now."
"Things that are ridiculous? Dramatic?... Things that are gay!!"
"Yes!" he laughed.
"Danny, I know where you live..." Martin growled, angry.
"Good one!" said Danny.
"Good what?"
"Clue for the next thing. The thought of Martin kicking my ass."
"Things that are laughable."
"That's right!"
"THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!!!" Sam protested, as Jack clicked his watch.
"But it's right here, see." Danny pointed at his piece of paper. "Man, we got right a word that not even exists. How good are we, Elena?"
Danny and Elena hi-fived, with proud looks on their faces; meanwhile, Martin's face was burning red, angry and ashamed.
"And now, it's Smarty's turn..."
"Danny" Sam said, pretty seriously "I'm angry right now, and if you call me and Martin Smarty one more time, I swear to God, I'll focus all my anger on you. You!"
"And there won't be just a bit left for Martin?" Jack asked, as the younger agent sighed relief at the thought of Sam being angry with someone else, and not him.
Sam looked at her partner, thinking for a moment. He was smiling like a child, trying to look as cute as he could. She turned to Danny again. "Maybe 95 of my anger will be focus on you."
Martin nodded. "Ok, it's something."
Vivian handed Martin a piece of paper.
"You are going to hit me if we lose this one too, right?" Martin asked, not really wanting to hear the answer.
"Martin..." she approached him and held his face between her hands. Martin raised his eyebrows, surprised, wondering what would come next. "Martin, I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt because you are a very good agent, and we all know that. You are smart and we can win this game together, all you have to do is to focus on the questions, and not in Danny and his constant mocking. So, give your best, you have everything in you, you - can - do - it." she emphasized. "You got it?"
"Yes, Sam, I got it." he smiled, feeling better. "Thank you."
"Perfect." she stepped back. "Oh, and yes, I am going to hit you if we lose this round too. Good luck for us!"
Martin chewed his lips as Jack and Danny giggle beside him, silently hoping for a little Smartin violence.
"Ok..." he sighed. "Jack, can you..."
"And, go!"
"Alright, it's a place. Uhn... God, Viv, this is hard..."
"Hit, hit, hit..." Sam singed.
"A gentlemen's club, a... a baseball game..."
"Men's places?"
"No, hun... Elena's pants!"
"Places men want to get in!"
"Yes! We got one!"
"And I am going to be the one to hit you now." Elena forced a smile that made her look threatning. Martin stepped aside, to a safe distance.
"Person. The boss. Looks like a penguin..."
"IT'S JACK!!!" Sam exclaimed, excited.
Jack raised his eyes from his watch with a 'hey!!' just to see Anne laughing. "They are so right, sorry." she said, as her husband stared at her.
"No ofense, Jack."
"How could giant penguin be offensive."
"C'mon, Martin." Sam said, impaciently.
"Thing. Ripped clothes, uhn, a sweing-thread, uhn..." Martin then stopped, eyes lighted up with an idea. "Danny's brother!"
"Things that use needles!!" Sam nearly screamed.
"That was mean and unnecessary!" Danny said, standing up.
"But true" Martin smiled.
Danny thought for a second, and then sit back with a grumpy expression; he couldn't argue with that.
"Ok, uhn, your bed."
"Things that are smooth. Things that are warm."
"No, it's a place. Place!"
"Places where you want to be after a long day..."
"No! No!" he thought again. Another example! Another exemple fast! "Uhn, your couch! The interrogation room! Jack's office! Jack's office couch!"
"Two seconds..." Jack counted.
"MY DESK IN OCTOBER LAST YEAR!"
"Places where you have sex!!!" Sam yelled, jumping up and down.
"YES!!! YES!!! YES!!!"
They hugged tightly, excited.
... then they fell silence for a second, as reality hit them. "They are staring at us, aren't they?" Sam mumbled, between smiling teeth.
"We're the new perverts around. Now we'll have to win the game to have their respect back."
"You should have just said 'motel'." Sam said, not really upset, but now blushing madly as she got back to her chair, avvoying everybodies' eyes.
"Oh - my - God" Danny said, not being able to stop smiling. "I am soooo not going to forget this."
"Can we, please, be grown ups?" Martin asked, sitting.
"How the hell did you do it in the interrogation room?" Vivian frowned.
"I have a better question." Jack turned to the couple. "My office? MY OFFICE?!"
"It was actually... close to the door. It'd hardly count as inside the office..."
Martin held her hand to make her stop. "Not making it better, Sammie, not making it better at all... Next team, please."
"Yeah, is the penguin ready?" Vivian moched, not really caring about Jack's mad face.
Still curious about the interrogation room, Vivian gave Jack new questions and watched as he got up with a very amused Anne.
"So, when exactly..." Jack tried to ask, but Martin was faster.
"No! No! No time for questions; Danny, time Jack! Now!"
Chuckling, the other agent said: "Go!" and Anne waited for her husband to give her clues.
"Ok, uhn..." Jack stopped, thought for a second and then said: "Danny, stop the clock. (click Danny obbeyed) Why my office?!"
"Oh, my God, Jack, let it go! I wanna play!" Anne said, waving so Danny would start timing again. "C'mon, honey."
click
"Ok, it's a place... it's stuffy, it's suffocating, it has doors... it has a camera... I should get a camera for my office. Danny, hold it!"
click Danny stopped the clock.
"Jack, I wanna play!" Anne repeated.
click Danny started again.
"I know, I know, it will just take a second. Danny, stop." click "I mean, that's not even possible! What about the glass walls? They exist for a reason!"
Sam 's face wrinkled. "The glass walls exist so people won't have sex in your office?"
"That gotta be one of the reasons." Jack said, as if it was obvious.
"Danny, time." Vivian asked, upset. click "C'mon, Jack, you're doing fine."
"Stuffy, suffocating, has doors..." Anne repeated, so Jack would know where to start gain.
"It rings blin-blin everytime it arrives..."
"An elevator!!" Anne said, excited.
"Yes. Danny, time!" click "I mean, it's not even a very comfortable place!"
"Tell me about it." Martin said. "You know, your couch is missing a few springs."
"Well, you'd know about that." and the boss gave his agent a sharp look.
"Danny, TIME! C'mon, husband! I wanna win!"
click
"Thing. A television."
"Things with a remote control."
"Yes."
"Really?"
"No. Danny, time!" click "Why the hell my office?! Why, of all places?!"
"For crying out loud, Jack, play the game!! Danny, time!" click
"Danny, time!" click "I can understand the interrogation room! I do! But why my office?!"
"It was closer! Danny, for heavens sake, time!!" Martin pleaded.
click "My finger is getting tired..."
"Television, Jack."
"Things with a screen."
"JACK! I'm suppose to guess!!"
"Yeah, whatever. So, where exactly did you...?"
"Time's up!!" Danny said, loud, between laughs.
"FINALLY! Where did you do it in my office?!?!?!"
Martin smiled. "Ya know, I'm tempted to say Sam and I planed it all to make you lose your focus and therefore lose the game."
"But it's not true." Danny said, as Jack went back to his chair with a very frustrated Anne.
"Well, you'll never know." Sam smiled.
"No, you were in front of us the whole time, and we did not see you making evil plans. So I guess you did it on Jack's..."
"Elena!" Sam stopped her, grinding her teeths. "Let's just say - you'll - never - know."
"Yeah, lets, please." Jack said, ready to accept every other theory so he wouldn't have to change the whole furniture in his office.
Vivian wrotte down one more point for Jack and Anne. "Hey, look, if I match your names, you'll be called JANNE."
"What if you match me and Elena?"
"It's, uhn..." Vivian frowned. "It's Danna."
"Danna? That's not cute."
"Well, it's six for Smarty, seven for Janne and nine for... Elenny?"
"Please, don't match us." Danny pleaded.
"One more!" Sam asked, clapping her hands like a child.
"What?! NO!" Martin yelled, in despair. "Enough this game! Lets just go home."
"We still have a whole hour in here." Vivian said. "So, what do you say?"
"C'mon, Martin, we can do this. We're just one point behind Janne. I won't leave this office a loser."
"After the sex in the office story, Sam, I believe it's a little too late for that." Danny mocked.
With some cruelty, Sam leaned over: "You can say whatever you want, Taylor; you don't have sex in five years."
Satisfied with Danny's look and blush, Sam leaned back.
"Final round, Vivian."
"Ok. But I'll need a coffee break." said Martin, and he got up.
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COFFEE TIME: Unknowing you as I do...
"Hey" Danny said, as he walked towards Martin, at the coffee table.
"Hey. Uhn, look, man, I'm sorry about what I said about your brother..."
"Ah, forget it" the other one said, waving his hand, not upset, but clearly sad. "I'm giving you a hard time. It's ok, I just... Christmas is not my favorite time, because... it sucks, you know? I think it's so unfair to Nikkie, and Sylvia. And Rosa, I mean, she's born last then a year ago and she already have no daddy. It's going to be hard for them."
"Well..." Martin patted Danny's shoulder, friendly. "At least they have uncle Danny."
Danny smiled. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Did you really have sex with Sam in Jack's..."
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!" Martin shoutted, as his friend ran away laughing, being soon replaced by Sam.
"He'll never forget it, will he?" she said, getting herself a cup of coffee.
"He's mean! He's tricky, and low! That was a low trick!"
"He's Danny, of course he's tricky. That's why we all love him." Then she turned to Martin. "Look, uhn, I'm sorry I'm being... a little competitive."
They shared a look for a second. "Ok, a LOT competitive."
"Yeah, I forgot how crazy you get when you're playing something. Did I say crazy?" he rushed to say, as Sam seemed to be annoyed. "I meant... I meant... there's no way to fix this."
"Just say I'm cute when I'm crazy, and I let it be."
"Well, actually, you get scary when you're crazy."
"Remember the piñata, Martin. The piñata."
"But, uhn, you're relly, really cute when you're scary. In a very wierd sort of way."
Sam nodded, not being able to repress a laugh. "Ok, I can take that."
"Ok, you two, get away." Jack came from nowhere, and pushed them away from the coffee table.
"What? You want coffee too?"
"No. You're too close to my office."
The couple laughed. "Are you serious?" By the look upon their boss' face, he was pretty serious. "Yeah, ok, then."
They walked away. "Sorry about the office story."
"Nah, don't worry. I mean, Vivian is already asking me what other places I'd recommend, but despite that, I guess they'll forget about that pretty quick."
"Viv?"
"Yep."
"Hu, what do you know?" he smiled. "So, ready to get our asses kicked one more time?"
"Martin, please. It's my time to clue you. I'll do my best, but you'll have to help me. Just keep your focus."
"Ok. And you know me better then that Sam. I mean, we dated, we know each other. I thought you were pretty aware I know nothing about piñatas."
"Well, everybody who ever had a birthday party knows piñatas! Oh, no, wait..." She recalled a conversation they had once, on her bed (or was it on her coffee table? Oh, it did not matter). "You told me once about your birthdays parties... clowns, magicians, you father always working..."
"Not my best memory." he said, with a dry smile. "Must I assume you had piñatas during your childhood?"
"Well, I probably told you that. About my childhood and stuff."
Martin nodded, but then he thought better. "Actually, you were never very open."
"Jack's office says different."
"DANNY, GET LOST!!"
As soon as the other agent walked back to the conference table, Sam proceeded. "I was open."
"No, I mean, you were ok to talk to. You're very good listening, but, uhn, you never told me a lot about yourself. What sucks, because I-I'd really like to know you."
Sam tried to pretend not seeing him blushing and looking away, but failled miserabily. "Ok, this is... awkward. But cute."
Martin raised his eyes and they shared a moment and a smile - very wierd and embarressing ones, but still, it was something.
Sam opened her mouth. "You know, I..."
"You're too close to my office."
"OH, C'MON, JACK! GIVE US A BREAK! THERE'RE TWO GLASS WALLS BETWEEN..."
"TIME TO PLAY!!" Vivian shoutted, from the conference table, trying to avvoy the junior agents to get kicked out of the bureau. I mean, can you imagine the work if they leave?
Martin cleaned his throat. "Uhn, Viv, we're kinda sharing a moment, in here..."
"Share it later. Time to play."
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FINAL ROUND: The Masters, The Smarties and The Interesting Bribe
"Very well, there you go." Vivian gave them another card and Elena read it briefly. "Final round. Smartin, six points, Janne, seven, Elenny..."
"Stop matching us, please." Danny begged.
"Danny and Elena, nine. Jack: time!"
"Go!"
"Ok, Danny, thing. Uhn... a door, no wait... a car that ran out of gas in the middle of a street... me kissing you as a stripper..."
"Things that have to be pushed, or else would never go anywhere."
"Yes. Thing again. Wow, Viv, this is hard."
"Thank you." she smiled.
"Man... uhn, horns on a dog."
"What?!" Danny said, almost stepping back, as if Elena was some kind of crazy person."
"Horns on a dog."
"That makes no sense, Elena!"
"I know!"
"Things that make no sense?"
"No! No! Uhn... sexuality of a presidente when it comes to rule the country."
"What?"
"You gotta be kidding me!"
"Oh, my God!"
Sam held Martin's arm for a second, excited. The powefull were fallen!
"I know! I know! Our story together!"
Danny took a moment to long to put the pieces together. "Things that are irrelevant!"
"YES!"
"Fifteen seconds." Said Anne, as Jack insisted in not watching the time, but observing Martin and Sam with a grumpy face.
"Ok, that's an easy one. People. Water and oil."
"Water and oil are not people!!!"
"That's just the idea!!! Water and oil don't..."
"Don't walk, don't talk, therefore, THEY ARE NOT PEOPLE!!!"
"OH - MY - GOD! Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman! Divorced couples..." Elena thought harder, then her head snapped up. "WE BOTH!!"
Danny wided his eyes. "COUPLES THAT DON'T MATCH!!!"
"YES! YES!!!"
"Time." Anne announced.
Vivian wrotte down three more points to Danny and Elena. "And so, you're 12. So, Sam and Martin, you need at least 6 questions to get even."
"Ok. C'mon, Martin! Lets kick some ass!!"
Sam took a deep breath, reading the list quickly. "So, we need seven to win."
"Hun, start celebrating, cariño." Danny smirked to Elena, leaning back on his chair, relaxing and getting ready for a few laughs.
Martin frowned his face, staring at him. Then Jack came in before they both started a new fight. "You know, I wouldn't get all cocky, if I were you."
"Thank you, Jack..."
"Anne and I can stil beat you."
"What?! Hey!" Martin yelled, not really catching their attention.
"Oh, please, you're six point behind us, Jack, we are The Masters. Capital T, capital M."
"Can we get this over with at once?! Sam?!"
"Focus, Martin. Focus! I know you, I can clue you in!" she said, confidently. "Jack, time!"
"Time for the pervs. Go!"
"Jack calling us 'pervs'" Sam said, with burning eyes.
"Things that are mean."
Sam stared at him surprised. Then she smiled. "You got it right!"
"What?!"
"You got it right!!"
"Well" he smiled ", next one! And please, don't look so surprised."
"Right, sorry."
Martin glanced at Danny, triumphantly. "One!" the other man said, not really worried. "One!"
Sam thought quickly. "Place. A friend's shoulder. A hospital. My shoulder when your aunt..."
"Places where you cry!"
"Yes!! Next! Thing!"
Danny leaned over the table, now getting a little tense.
"Ties (but not yours), suits, uniforms... PINK SHIRTS!!!"
"Things that look good on man!"
"Pink shirts?" Jack echoed.
"Oh, totally." Anne said, making her husband raise his eyebrows and Elena nod.
"Ok, infidelity, secret affairs, my problem with commitment..."
"Things that break up relationships!"
"Four for Smarty already!" Vivian said, righting it down. "Two more, and you'll get even."
"Twenty seconds." Anne announced.
"Ok. Easy. Not knowing me."
"Things that kill you inside."
"What?"
"What?" Martin echoed, with the feeling he had said too much.
For a few seconds, they shared an awkward look before Sam could say: "Da-danny annoying you, Jack interrupting, pour focus..."
"Things that... make it hard to win a game."
"Yeah, that..." for the next topic, Sam thought hard to keep her mind away from what Martin had just said, still, she tried. "People. Uhn... uhn... your father..."
"People that are... cold, that are busy... hard to please, controlling..."
"THAT'S IT!!!"
"Five seconds!"
"OH, C'MON!!!" Danny shoutted, angry, as Elena growled: "This can't be happening!"
"People. My mother."
"What? I don't know her... PEOPLE YOU HAVEN'T MET!!!"
"Unbelieveble!" Viv said. "13 for Smarty! They beat Danny and Elena!"
"Really?" they smiled at Danny happily.
"Oh, shut up! Jack, if you don't kick their asses, I'll be really, really depressed!"
Anne stood in front of her husband. "Please, honey, I want us to get at least five."
"And I want you to get at least six!" said Danny, frowning his face. "So give your best."
"You're not even in their team!" said Vivian.
"Hey, better they winning than Smarty here."
"Jack, are you focus? Are we feeling better?"
"I'll never feel better."
She rolled up her eyes. "Oh, my..."
"Bribe him with sex."
"DANNY!! PLEASE!!" Anne yelled, blushing.
"No! See! His eyes are interested! Go for it! Go!"
As Danny clicked the watch, Anne realized he was right, so she tried to act as natural as she could and clue an eyes-wide-openned Jack in: "Uhn... baby crying."
"Things that drive you crazy?" Jack answered, and everyone could feel an urge inside his voice. He wanted to win.
"No. Phone ringing in the middle of the night. Alarm clock."
"Things that wake you up?"
"Yes! Ugly shirts."
"Things that belong to Danny and Martin?"
"HEEEEEEY!"
"What?" Jack turned to the boys.
"That hurt!"
"Yeah! Ouch!"
Ignoring them, Anne kept the clues coming: "Sorry, I meant 'husband's ugly shirts'. I did it to one of..."
"Things a wife throws away without your permission!"
"It stopped on 'away', but it's right." Vivian corrected, scoring one more point to Janne.
"Place. Restaurant in Valentine's Day..." she thought harder. "... and you'll have to work with that."
"Yar kidding me."
"Sorry."
"Well... Places where you eat? Places where you..."
"Places where you nothing. Something places."
"Crowded places?"
"No, but that's the next one. Do we get points for that?"
Vivian nodded: "Ok. You have only ten seconds left."
"Ok, uhn... expensive places? Romantic places?"
"THAT ONE!! Keyboard, shirts, control panels..."
"TIME!"
"THINGS WITH BUTTONS!!!"
"Oh, now you got it back?" Anne said, frustrate, heading back on her chair.
"No sex for a week, Jack!"
"Danny, dear, STOP TALKING FOR ME!!"
"Hey, I gave my best, Danny!"
"Jack, do not encourage him!" she got her coat. "We killed the past three hours, now, can we..."
Suddenly, Sam's hand was waving in the air. "Uhn, excuse me, aren't we forgetting something?"
"Like what?" Elena asked, curious.
"I don't know. VICTORY DANCE!!!"
And, for the next two and a half minutes, Martin wanted to hide under the table as Sam waved her arms and shook her hips around, in a very ridiculous... he couldn't dignified it as a dance, no way! When she stopped, Danny was smiling again.
"Man, losing was soooooo worthy! Do it again!"
"You can say whatever you want, Danny Boy, we won! C'mon, Marty! We won!"
"I don't know you, crazy lady. Please, don't talk to me."
Everybody laughed, even Sam, taking him by the arm and making him stand up. "C'mon, victory dance! Just do the 'Macarena'..."
"No, no way..."
With that, they started a little fight, as Sam tried to grab his arms and hips to move him around as a puppet master - pretty soon, they were laughing and forgot the rest of the team. Jack just rolled up his eyes and left with Anne to get a few things in his office. Silently, Vivian and Elena also left, longing to get home. Danny laughed all his way from his desk to his appartment and spent the rest of his holiday trying to find perfect ways to mock the Smarties once they were back in the office, on monday.
"Bye, Smarties!"
"No, no! C'mon! I'm almost making him dance!"
"Are not." He dodge her and headed his desk to get his coat and scarf. "You made a complete fool of yourself, you know that?" he laughed.
"Oh, it was worthy!" Sam smiled. "We're the big winners! Big... whatever! HeyHey!" She waved imaginary flags around, and Martin couldn't help but think she was looking cute - in a silly and childish sort of way. "C'mon, at least cheer with me."
"HeyHey." He said back. "And that's all you're getting from me. Well, what're your plans?"
"Tell me yours, I'll tell you mine."
"Well" Maritn sighed. "I'll sleep the whole night, cursing I'll have to meet my family tomorrow night for Christmas dinner in Washington. I'll actually consider jumping out of the window and putting myself out of this misery. As always, I won't be brave enough."
"And I thought Danny was depressing."
"Funny, Sam, very funny." he put on his coat. "And what are your big plans?"
"To spend my holiday trying to find the perfect way of rubbing our victory on Danny's face on monday."
"And you think I'm depressing."
With a small smile, Sam kept her eyes on him for a second. "You know, this plan will only start tomorrow."
"Oh, yeah? And what're your plans for tonight?"
"Letting you know me while we share a drink."
Martin's head snapped up quickly. "I-I'm sorry, what?"
"You know, drink, talk, be more... open!"
"Really?"
"Well, if it's not too late and you're still interested in knowing the wierd life of Sam Spade."
"Of course I am!! " He blushed, trying not to shout as a little child again, although Sam seemed quite pleased with his reaction. "Sorry. Yes, Ms. Spade, I'd like to know you better." and he took a respectful bow.
"Well, Mr. Fitzgerald, if you may..." she showed him the way with her arm.
In silence, they walked to the elevator and pressed the button. They could sense each other's happiness through the air while standing there, waiting. She raised her eyes to find his - smiling and shining at her - and she felt warm inside.
"You know, if you want to go to my place after our drinks..."
"That'd be nice."
"Here's the elevator..."
"And there are cameras in there, you perverts!"
The couple did not turn to face Jack and Anne. Instead, they said: "Stairs?" "Oh, yeah." and left the floor as quick as they could.
Jack shook his head, still upset, and walked in the elevator with his wife, shoutin gat the other couple: "And there are cameras on the stairs too, hear me?!"
He pressed the button.
"So, that office thing." Anne dropped, casually.
"I know, can you believe them? I should fire those two..."
"I meant" she corrected herself, still keeping her face straight. "I meant... were you mad because you think an office shouldn't be use that way or, uhn, it was just because it was them?"
She tried to glance and the light inside her husband's eyes satisfied her. "I'm just saying it because, uhn, I wouldn't like you to get all... traumatized, you know? Uhn... it could help your healing... so next year you could... maybe... keep your focus and we could... win..."
"Uhn..." Jack stammed. "We couldn't actually do it, you know."
"Yeah, I know" she said, quickly, a little disappointed. "Silly idea."
"I mean, there're glass walls, you know, and, uhn, lots of people..."
Anne nodded.
"... who'll probably leave for the holiday and leave the building pratically empty."
"Well, pratically is the key word..."
"Yes... yes, you're right." Jack agreed.
They made a moment of silence.
"We're doing it, right?" he asked.
"We're soooo doing it." she nodded.
Jack smiled, getting his cellphone to call the nanny. Mom and dad were going to be stuck in the office a little longer.
FIM