Author's Note: Let's start with the fact that I love Lulu and Dillon. I'm really hoping for more of them in the near future. This is a short, simple one-shot that I got the idea from listening to Maybe I'm Amazed by Jem. I hope you enjoy and please review.
Maybe I'm Amazed
The dance had begun. Lulu Spencer looked to everyone around her. Carly was a few feet away, with Jax's arms wrapped around her tightly. She could also spot Alexis a few feet away. She wasn't dancing for the fact that it could cause her to collapse, but she was still there. Michael and Morgan were by a table of food, with Michael snatching it away from his little brother.
Lulu Spencer was looking anywhere but to the guy in front of her.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you
It was too awkward. She hadn't felt this kind of closeness with him in a long time. It was so far off into the distance, it was almost hard to grasp. She didn't know if she wanted to remember it.
She couldn't force herself to remember the feelings for him. She just couldn't make herself remember the pain she caused, how ruthless she had been. She hadn't cared about anyone else's feelings but herself.
She kept telling herself that she didn't deserve to be happy, that she didn't deserve to be loved. How could someone who had put an end to their child's life possibly deserve those things.
However, that didn't stop her from remembering and wishing.
It had worked out for the best, right? Things were how they were supposed to be. The two of them were together, and Lulu was alone. Wasn't that her punishment?
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time
And hung me on a line
She remembered the night they shared together, quite often. She remembered the defective condoms. She remembered the child they created. Why had she been so willing to give it up? Subconsciously, she knew she had done the right thing for all three of them, but that didn't help her now.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you
She could feel her chest tightening before her. She could feel her heart starting to beat a bit quicker than usual. Her loosely fitting strapless dress felt surprisingly tight. His hand was gently holding the small of her back.
She wanted to run away from him, and just from everything. But for some reason, her arms that were draped around his neck wouldn't let themselves fall.
She finally looked in his direction, to see him gazing into her eyes. She wondered why she had invited him to come as her date in the first place. She knew it was a bad idea, but that never stopped Lulu Spencer.
Maybe I'm a girl
And maybe I'm a lonely girl
Everyone around her looked so peaceful and content. Then again, that's how weddings' were supposed to be. Carly had really gone through with it, and Lulu was happy for her. But once again, she felt completely alone and out of place.
Who's in the middle of something
That she doesn't really understand
Her chest grew a bit tighter. If only he wasn't there holding her, and dancing with her. Why did he always have to confuse her?
Maybe I'm a girl
And maybe you're the only man
He was now sending a genuine smile straight to her eyes. Like friends do, right? Actually, she couldn't even remember if they were friends. Maybe she was just the girl that had seduced him, and that he had accidentally knocked up. Maybe he was just standing in front of Lulu thinking of her.
Who could ever help me
Baby won't you help me understand
"I can't do this," she breathed out, the statement barely audible. It was the tightness in her chest causing her to not be able to speak to him, among many other things.
She quickly let go of him and hurried past the people dancing, slightly knocking into someone. She reached the stillness in another room in the hall, and gasped for air. She was too congested inside, it was better out here. She would calm herself down, get a bit of fresh air, and then head back in to apologize and give some line about a head or stomach ache.
But Dillon Quartermaine had followed her out. "Lulu?" he asked worriedly as he approached her.
She stood still, with her back to him, she did not need this right now. "Dillon, just go back in there. I have a headache or something. I just need a minute."
He let out a deep sigh, wondering if she actually thought that he had believed her. Once upon a time they had been good friends and he knew her quite well. "Come on Lulu, you know I don't believe that. What's going on?"
He wished she would just talk to him. Yes, so maybe they weren't as close as they used to be, and maybe she didn't see him as the guy to talk to. But he wanted to talk to her, to be there for her.
"We're great, and now we're nothing."
The palms of her hands shot to her head. She couldn't think about the past, and even the present. Too many things were overwhelming her lately, she just needed time alone with her thoughts.
"Dillon, just go back in. I just need a minute!" Her voice raised with every word, her defenses ready to do their job. It was just easier for her that way, to not have to admit the truth.
"Lulu," he whispered in a gentle, hushed tone as he looked straight into her eyes, "What is it?" His hands when up to caress her bare arm, due to the dress she was wearing, but she quickly slapped his hand away.
"What is it?" she yelled, not bothering to resist the urge to fight back. He wasn't doing a thing to her, he was simply trying to understand, but she was just so defensive. Not to mention that she needed to be left alone, and experience had taught Lulu Spencer to push people away.
"It's everything!" she yelled once again. "It's my mom, it's my dad, it's the abortion, it's you," she continued and abruptly stopped when she mentioned him.
She couldn't talk to him about this. She couldn't talk about the fact that she would never let her feelings for him go away, no matter what scandals she pulled, and that she would never stop being jealous of Georgie, and that she had never stopped wanting him.
"It's everything," she finished simply in a quiet voice. She needed to leave, and that was exactly what she did. She darted, wanting to break away from everything.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you
Dillon quickly grabbed her forearm forcefully, before she could get passed him.
He wasn't quite sure of everything that was going on with her, and he wasn't quite sure what she had meant by "it's you", but he had let her walk away from him too many times; it wasn't going to happen again.
Dillon Quartermaine knew he should have just let her go. So many months ago, he had brushed off the fact that they had been great together, because of the fact that she ruined his relationship with Georgie. He brushed off the fact that he had been jealous when he sensed something between Lulu and her professor, saying that he was just being a protective friend.
He knew he should have just let her leave for the fact that he was still with Georgie, even if their relationship wasn't running smoothly at all. He wondered if she picked up on the fact that he still cared greatly about Lulu, and too greatly to let go of them.
Lulu stood still under his touch, completely out of energy. Her eyes glistened as she felt moisture begin to build in the corners. She turned back around to face him.
"Just let me go, Dillon," she breathed out.
Her voice was hoarse and unsteady, and for the first time in awhile, she didn't want to fight. Lulu had so much fire and passion in her, and Dillon admired her for it, but it took so much energy from her, and the drama in her life was only adding onto it. She couldn't break, she wouldn't let herself, but she couldn't run and hide.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song
Right me when I'm wrong
"What's really going on?" he asked.
She knew exactly what he was talking about. The two had always been able to read each other like an open book. During the early days after the abortion, they were about the only two people that could actually understand what was going on. For this, she knew that he was asking about what was going on with them.
She looked down to her arm, that he still had a hold on, needing something to avoid the question.
"Lulu?" His voice was not quiet and calm anymore, it was loud and demanding. It was passionate. He slowly let go of her, praying that she wouldn't run. It was another defense mechanism. Hurt them and run, those were her tactics.
"Dillon…" she trailed off, wishing she could just disperse herself in the crowd that was dancing to wedding music. Anything to get away from him, to get away from opening herself up.
Finally, she looked up to him, their eyes immediately connecting. There was no need for words. Words slid down the drain the second their eyes met, and he fully understood.
Nothing was said, no movements we're made. It was completely still and silent. It wasn't bearable, it needed to end. "Dill-"
He flew forward and his lips crashed onto hers. She was completely stunned for seconds, before letting herself give into the kiss. He brought up his hands to caress her face, and continued to kiss her as his tongue begged for entrance.
When the two broke apart, her eyes immediately fluttered up to his. Their questions weren't answered, their future wasn't determined, and their problems weren't fixed, but they didn't need that yet.
He wrapped his arms around her back and pulled the beautiful girl towards him. He could feel her warmth as she rested her head on his chest, finally showing her true emotions for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.
Everything else could come later. For now, all that Lulu Spencer and Dillon Quartermaine needed was each other.
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you