-1It was another day as Luigi Mario was at home cooking up a snack while his brother left to once again go on another adventure. Luigi hummed as he worked in a kitchen when he heard the mailman, Parakarry, yell 'mail call!' from outside. Curious of what mail the Mario Bros. have received, Luigi checks the mailbox and finds a single letter. He opens it and reads the message.
Sirs! My name is Crepe. I am a cabinet minister in the far-off Waffle Kingdom. Our land has been attacked by the Chestnut King, who took our Princess Eclair. I ask, nay, BEG for your assistance! The Waffle Kingdom needs your skills. I humbly request your prompt response, sirs. Sincerely, Crepe.
Oh no! Another kingdom has been under attack and Mario went off in some stupid treasure hunt!
"Looks like I'll have to save the Waffle Kingdom myself" Luigi gulped.
After writing down a note saying 'Mix a Keel Mango with a Peachy Peach to whip up a Fruit Parafait', Luigi went off to help the Waffle Kingdom.
Of course, he forgot to lock the front door, which then Bandits came inside his house and looted Mario's television set.
An hour later, Luigi was already heading towards his destination via airplane.
The Toad piloting the airplane said "we'll be arriving towards Waffle Kingdom's capitol, Pancake Palace, in a few minutes."
Luigi was getting anxious. What was the place like? Would they accept Luigi? Did they have clean restrooms? All these questions kept repeating in his head.
Suddenly, the Italian noticed something outside floating towards the plane. It appeared to be a large flying squirrel being ridden on a nut with body parts. The nut grinned mischievously and took out a bomb, throwing it at the plane. Luigi screamed as the airplane and shuddered from an explosion.
"We're hit!" the pilot shouted "we'll have to jump out or we're dead! Oh… Wait, never mind, the plane is alright, sorry to worry you sir. Sir?"
Lugi, unfortunately, took the pilot's advice and jumped out of the plane, WITHOUT A PARACHUTE!
Down below, a male and female Cupcaks (which were the Waffle Kingdom's version of Goombas) were having a romantic scene.
"Oh sweety" the female Cupcak cooed "look what I got for you!"
"Is that a hammer?" the Cupcak male shouted in excitement "oh I always wanted one of those! I love yo-"
SPLAT!
The girl looked at utter shock when a plumber wearing green landed on her boyfriend!
"Oh boy, a new hammer!" Luigi said "mind if I take it? Thanks!"
Luigi took the hammer and merrily walk off, unaware of the squashed Cupcak behind him.
"…Sweety?" choked the female.
Soon enough, Luigi was finally at Pancake Palace. The waffle people at Waffle Kingdom were light brown and had large round heads. The palace itself looked like a giant wedding cake, with it's round corner-less walls and creamy colors.
"HEY YOU!" somebody screamed. The plumber turned around and saw the female Cupcak. "How dare you flatten my boyfriend, take his gift, and walk away like nothing happened!"
Luigi stuttered "err, s-sorry."
"Sorry? SORRY? Sorry isn't good enough you jerk! HEY BIG BRO, I GOT A MUSTACHED MAN FOR YOU TO PUMMEL!"
Luigi screamed in terror as a much, much larger Cupcak came.
BOSS: BEEFCAK
"Ack! I have to stomp on this guy before he stomps on me!" gulped Luigi. He attempted to do so, but an unexpected spike punctured his foot.
The female Cupcak jeered "Ha! You need to watch where you jumping, moron! Come on, bro, punish him!"
The Beefcak grunted in agreement. He walked up to Luigi and head butted the plumber, causing some serious damage.
With stomping out of the question, Luigi decided to use his new hammer. He ran up to his foe and slammed the mallet down on it's left foot. The Beefcak roared in pain.
"Don't let that guy beat you up!" the Cupcak shouted "wail on him!"
The Beefcak head butted Luigi again, but this time the plumber was ready and defended against the attack. Luigi hammered the large creature's right foot and it soon fell face first.
The Cupcak yelled "get up, big bro! Get up, quick!"
Luigi took the advantage of the defenseless Beefcak and jumped on it repeatedly until he was defeated!
"NOO!!!!!!" cried the Cupcak girl "WHY DO YOU KEEP HURTING ALL THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT?! YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!!!"
The Cupcak somehow managed to pick up the Beefcak, which was about five times her size, and ran off in tears.
"I say" someone spoke "that was quite an interesting battle."
Luigi looked to notice that a fancy-dressed waffle person had watched the fight.
The waffle said "I am Crepe, the Waffler minister of the Waffle Kingdom. You must be Luigi Mario, correct?"
"You know my name?" the plumber said in shock "wow! Normally, people refer to me as 'that green guy' or 'Mario 2.'"
Crepe chuckled. "Well, strange that not many know half of the legendary Mario Brothers. It's a pity your Mario didn't come along, but at least one of you didn't ignore my letter. Come, come, let us talk inside…"
Inside the Pancake Palace, Luigi sat with Crepe and the other cabinet members of the Waffle Kingdom, while drinking fancy Chuckola Cola.
Crepe takes a sip of his cola and says "as I wrote in the letter, our most prized treasure, the lovely Princess Éclair, has been kidnapped by dreadful and monstrous Chestnut King!"
"Monstrous?" gulped Luigi "you mean, like, scary monstrous?!"
"The scariest!" answered a cabinet member "you aren't afraid, are you?"
"N-n-no, of course not!" the plumber lied.
Crepe spoke "anyways, the Chestnut King vanished right in front of our eyes, and we have no idea where he could have taken her."
"However, we do have an idea how to find her."
Out of the shadows came a man hidden in a blue cloak, with his white mustache and yellow eyes the only parts visible.
"Ah, Luigi I would like you to meet Merlon, our oracle" said Crepe.
Luigi asked Merlon "so how to do we find Éclair?"
Merlon cleared his throat, then spoke "our kingdom's most magical item, the Marvelous Compass, can help find her. You see, long before our Waffler ancestors existed, fables said the Marvelous Compass was broken into seven pieces by an ancient curse and have been scattered across the land. However, the compass's base is enchanted, pointing to the locations to the compass pieces."
"…and your point is?"
"In case of emergencies, we placed a compass piece we managed to find in the princess's tiara. With any luck if you find the pieces you'll find Éclair."
"Judging the laws of role-playing games, I'm guessing I'll have to find ALL the pieces before I find Éclair, right?"
"Possibly."
Luigi sighed, then asked "so where's the compass base?"
"Here it is!" the minister piped in, handing the plumber the compass "as minister of the kingdom, it is my duty to protect our greatest treasures, alas I could only protect our second greatest."
Luigi looked at the compass base when it suddenly glowed. The compass pointed south, while creating an image of a volcano.
A cabinet member shouted "I think that's Rumblebump Volcano! From the Pudding Continent I believe!"
Crepe spoke in concern "Luigi, if the princess is there then you MUST save her quickly! Who knows how long before she's roasted to a crisp!"
"But I don't have a way to get there!" Luigi panicked.
Another member said "do not fret, friend. We have hired a sailor by the name of Flapjack to help you. He should be by the port waiting for you."
Luigi thanked the cabinet members and went to the port. There indeed was a ship waiting for him, with the words 'S.S. Toaster' on the side. Walking into the boat, he saw a Waffler sailor also on it.
"You must be Luigi" said the Waffler "the name's Flapjack, and I'm pleased to meet anyone who can save our princess! So, where are we heading off to?"
"Rumblebump Volcano, on the Pudding Continent, I think."
"Awesome! Let me just start up this boat…"
Luigi patiently waited, then saw somebody coming. It was the female Cupcak again, and this time she brought her lawyer!
"Do it faster." Luigi said in fear.
Flapjack went "huh?"
"Do it FASTER! FOR THE LOVE OF STARS DO IT FASTER!"
Flapjack frantic tried to start up the S.S. Toaster, and the Cupcak and lawyer were coming closer. Just as the two nearly entered the boat, the Toaster started up and boosted out of the port. Luigi watched as a soaking wet Cupcak screamed in anger, seeing her become smaller and smaller as the boat moved forward until he couldn't see her at all.
Luigi heaved a sigh. "Great, the trip barely started and I've already ran away from a lawsuit."
And thus began the journey of…
PAPER LUIGI: THE MARVELOUS COMPASS