Griffin Family Legends
Opening Theme
The entire Griffin family sits on the couch, it's night, and raining outside.
TV: We now return to Finding Emo
On screen, we see a goth sitting on his bed in a dark room, writing on a note pad. There's a knock on the door.
Goth: Go away!
Voice: Timmy, are you in there?
Goth: NO! Leave me alone!
Voice: 'stupid emo' Timmy, I'm coming in.
Goth hides under bed
A woman enters.
Woman: Timmy? Where did you go? I've gotta find that kid!
Title Shows up, in pastel colors- "Finding Emo"
Back to Griffin family
Peter: Y'know this show has really gotten worse since that kid got a computer in his room.
Lois: What do you mean, Peter?
Peter: Well before he would rebel and throw stuff and scream at his dad. Now he just sits there doing nothing but stare at the screen. Like that time I found that website with the video of the super retarded dog.
Flashback
Peter is sitting at the computer screen
Computer: Rabbits don't fly dumbass.
Peter: Pahahahahahahahaha! Oh god! That is so! I mean! Ahaha! Oh god! Aha. Heh. Heh.
Computer: What am I gonna do with a bucket?
Peter: Pahahahahahahahaha! Oh god! That is so! I mean! Ahaha! Oh god! Aha. Heh. Heh.
Computer: Gasp
Peter: Pahahahahahahahaha! Oh god! That is so! I mean! Ahaha! Oh god! Aha. Heh. Heh.
End Flashback
Suddenly, the lights go out, and the tv turns off.
Peter: What the hell?
Brian: Huh. Must be a power out because of the rain.
Chris: Oh great, now what'll we do?
Meg: This sucks! I was expecting a... call... from my boyfriend... Henry... Buck..in...swor...th...
Stewie: What the deuce? It seems as though something has eradicated all the electricity. What marvelous power. I must harness it!
Turns to Lois
Lois! I demand to know what caused our electricity to diminish so rapidly!
Lois: Oh, honey. It's just the storm. It must have knocked down a powerline. Peter, get the flashlights.
Peter: Hey Lois, will you grab me a beer?
Lois: Peter did you even hear what I said?
Ten second pause
Peter: Hey Lois, will you grab me a beer?
Lois: Ah, screw it, I'll get them myself.
She gets up and walks into the kitchen
Chris: Dad, I'm scared of the storm. And so's Brian!
Brian is under the couch, we can only see his feet.
Brian (muffled): I'm not scared, I... I smelled nachos. Now I'm just looking for them. Ya.
Peter: Aw, Chris there's nothing to be afraid of. I tell ya what, why don't I tell you a story to get your mind off the lightning and thunder and rain and the horrible howling of the wind as though something evil will sweep by instantly to kill us all!
Chris' Eyes are wide and horrified. He whimpers quietly.
Peter: Okay, so this first one takes place in a land I call: Petronicatesticramboductoris! Most people call it Tokyo.
Meg: Great, fat-ass is gonna tell us some lame story about a little girl after the war, right?
Peter: Hey! Don't speak badly about my beautiful ass!
Stares from everyone
Peter: Anyway, this story is about a Giant Monster who terrorizes the townspeople.
Meg: King Kong?
Chris: Godzilla?
Stewie: Greased up deaf guy?
Brian (still under couch): That salesman who tried to sell you the maroon Volkswagen Bug and complimented the tie you were wearing that day, even though you weren't wearing one, and when you left you saw that hobo who told you if you didn't by the bug you'd die a slow and painful death?
Lois (from kitchen): Aliens?
Peter: No, no, all wrong. It's about the most horrifying monster ever! He had radioactive breath, could never die and shot laser beams from his eyes! Griffzilla!
Chris: So I was right?
Peter: No! Shutup! It all began in 1948.
Begin story
We see a destroyed city, Tokyo, and tanks moving all through the streets. A tiny gecko is crawling up the side of one building.
(VO): After being bombed by the americans, Japan was a horrible place with few survivors. One of these survivors was Peteshong Griffsing. One day while walking around, looking for food and family, something terrible happened.
A chinese version of Peter is walking around, climbing over destroyed cars and rubble
Peteshong: Oh! This is terrible! I might as well be dead now! No food, family, friends, playboy magazines. I wish something would fall from the sky and kill me now!
We see the gecko on the side of the building again. God appears, floating beside it.
God: Well, he asked for it. Sorry about this, little buddy, but you're all I got right now.
He turns to the Gecko, and flicks it off the building. It screams a high pitched scream as it drops, and it lands on Peteshong's face.
Peteshong: Ah! Ah! Get it off! Get it off! Oh god! Oh god! Ah! Ah!
He runs around and trips, falling into puddle of radioactive slime.
Peteshong: Uuuuuugggghhh! This is disgusting! This is the worst thing ever! There's a gecko on my face! Uuuuuuggggghhhhh!
He rips it off and holds it in his hand
Peteshong: Hey, I fell! Eeewwww, what is this stuff? Whoa!
(VO): And suddenly he grew into a huge monster. An incredible monster! The radioactive slime combined him and the Gecko into one body, then made it a million times bigger. And he was a badass.
Griffzilla (looks like godzilla, but with Peter's face, green): Hehehehehehehe. Cool.
A helicopter flies at him
Griffzilla: Heeeeyaaaah! shoots laser beams from his eyes, blowing up the helicopter. Aw sweet! I'm gonna go eat some pork! Family-sized pork!
Griffzilla stands in front of what was once McDonalds
Griffzilla: Ya, can I get 50,000 Big Macs? Hello? Just the 50,000 Big Macs.
We see inside, a few skeletons stand at the cash registers, but nothing else is in there
Griffzilla: Pain in the ass. Looks like I have to go to America. Home of the greasiest food in the world.
(VO): So he swam and he swam. Swam for weeks. And he kept swamming. Uh... Swimming. Until he reached California. Y'think he woulda swam to Asia, what with it being so close and all. But no, he swam to America, because we kick ass. YA!! Anyway, when he arrived on land, People didn't like him at first.
We see Griffzilla standing outside a KFC
Griffzilla: Hey, can I get all your chicken?
Man at counter, not looking up: Sir, we can't give you all our chicken. One, we make our food out of genetically modified trees, not chicken,
and two, he turns around, and faces Griffzilla There'd b-AAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
The man drops to the ground, screaming
Griffzilla: Oh. In that case can I get a pepsi?
(VO): He travelled across the land, looking for companionship.
Chris, Meg, Stewie, and Brian are all playing a game in the park.
Chris: This thing rules! It just goes to show you why inventors in the 40's rock!
Brian: Chris, this is a ball. It was invented so long ago that I-ah, forget it. Ya, the 1940's kick ass.
Stewie: I don't think this day could have gone any better.
Griffzilla's giant foot comes down and crushes the four of them.
Griffzilla: Eeeewwwwww, I stepped in something.
Grabs a tree and uses it to scrape off the remains on the bottom of his foot.
(VO): And as time went by, he began to think he would never find love. Until he met her. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She may have been old, but he knew he wanted her. Unfortunately, she was property of the New York Museum of Natural History.
We see Griffzilla staring through a window at a T-Rex Skeleton
(VO): Because he couldn't get her..
We see an old man with a broom swatting at Griffzilla, who runs away crying
(VO): he took his rage out on the world. Collapsing buildings, killing cities. Eating farms. Taking dumps on movie star's homes.
We see Marilyn Monroe sitting on her couch reading a book, no windows are in sight. There's a huge thumping sound and muffled-
Griffzilla: Hehehehehehehehehehehe.
(VO): He tore down New York, Chicago, LA, Austin, Springfield, Harlem, Arlen, South Park, but there was one town he had yet to destroy.
We see Griffzilla walking past a large billboard, and the word on it is revealed at the same time Peter says it in the Voice Over.
(VO): Quahog.
(VO): And entering town, he tripped and died.
Griffzilla falls over an is impaled by a statue of a giant sword
Meg (VO): Dad! Tell the story right!
Peter (VO): Oh come on, Meg, I'm sick and tired of this. I still haven't gotten my beer.
Chris (Vo): Dad! The storm's getting worse!
Peter (VO): Fine! Pain in the ass kids, okay, back it up. He was entering Quahog, when suddenly. He saw his enemy. His horrible enemy who would surely give him the greatest fight of his life.
We see a look of shock and hatred on Griffzilla's face, and the camera turns to reveal none other than... the giant chicken. Now, really giant.
(VO): And so began the greatest fight of his life. They faught for days, until finally...
They're standing by the Ocean, the chicken is punching Griffzilla in the face and Griffzilla's roaring in protest. Griffzilla charges forward and shoves the chicken into the water.
Miles below, in a small rowboat, Cleveland, Joe, and Quagmire fish.
Joe: The fish aren't biting today.
Quagmire: Maybe we should try worms on the hooks.
Cleveland: Oh Quagmire, you so funny. Fish don't eat worms.
Joe: Well they gotta eat something, don't they?
Quagmire: Maybe they eat chicken.
Cleveland: I haven't had chicken since friday. Loretta hates making it because she's allergic to steam. Sometimes I think she just doesn't like cooking.
Joe: It'd be good to have chicken right now, since the FISH AREN'T BITING! C'MON! WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF, HUH? BRING IT OOOOOOONNNNNN!"
The chicken falls on them, crushing them all, with their boat.
Griffzilla breathes flames on the water, and boils the chicken to death.
(VO): But our hero monster was so exhausted from the effort, he fell to the ground half dead. He later died from eating a guy with HIV. But there's nothing funny about that. Hehehehehehehehehe.
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Done! Tell me what you think, and the next story should be up shortly, accepting all criticism. And Peter's next story:
---Robin Hood-
Starring Stewie and Peter
Featuring Adam West
with Meg