The Only Drug I Need
A/N: This is part 2 to my other fic called 'Nicotine'. If you haven't read that first I recommend you do or you'll be very confused.
Disclaimer: I still do not own Harry Potter or anything to do with it (Apart from all the books and films and a crap-ton of merchandise ;) I literally mean a crap-ton, my room is covered in posters and the biggest box I own isn't big enough for it all and it's a really big box). The franchise belongs to J. K. Rowling and associates. Song by Panic! At The Disco (Written by Amir Jerome Salem, Brendon Boyd Urie and Dallon James Weekes). Again check it out to get a feel for the atmosphere of the fic if you haven't already. I really recommend it.
Rated T for swearing. If you don't like it I suggest you stop reading now even though I've already sworn twice but yeah, we'll pretend that didn't happen okay?
Great!
Still here again? Awesome! Enjoy!
It took her years of isolation and hating herself before she started to heal. It was a long a slow process but she was getting there. She didn't want to, to begin with but Jasper had begged her. If not for yourself; for me Hermione! You know I hate to see you like this! Please!
So she did. She picked herself up out of the dirt (where she had found herself once too many), dusted herself off and prepared to try again.
She kept her job in the bar not because she wanted it but because she was bored and it was a way to pass the time. She also got to be with Jasper so he could keep an eye on her which she knew he liked. If she was honest she also got a kick out of throwing people out. If she didn't throw one person out a night it was a bad day even if sales had been good.
The regulars were sympathetic with her as well as they knew how much Fred's death had affected her. She never went to the funeral. She wasn't invited and no-one apart from the bar patrons and Jasper knew of their relationship. So what reason would she have to go apart from upsetting the Weasley's more?
She slowly ventured into the outside world which she didn't do much of after her horrible break up with Ron and Jasper kept pushing her. She only did it to shut him up. His nagging irritated the hell out of her sometimes but she knew that he meant well.
On one particular spontaneous outing she found herself in Ottery St. Catchpole. That was where the Weasley's lived. What am I doing here?! Even as she thought the question she knew. Fred.
She found her way to the small graveyard surprisingly easily considering she had never been there. Ron hadn't deemed it worthy of being on her tour list even though half his family was buried there.
She walked up and down the rows of gravestones until she found him. She read his gravestone:
In Loving Memory Of
Frederick Gideon Weasley.
1 April, 1978 – 2 May, 1998
A beloved son, brother, friend and prankster.
May you rest in peace.
Carrying on pranking – G
There were fresh flowers in the vases around the base of the stone and on the surrounding ground. He was clearly loved.
Hermione sank to her knees in front of the stone and cried. She cried until she had no more tears left to shed and knew she could now let him go.
When she returned Jasper didn't question where she had been and she never told him. The days pasted the same after that. She would go out more, sometimes with Jasper and sometimes without him. He didn't mind either way and let her do what she thought was best for her.
She never did stop smoking though. It was the beginning of the mess that was her life so she was determined that it was going to finish it. She had cut down a lot since her visit to Fred's grave. He always hated it. The only ones in her life that accepted it were Draco who introduced her to it in the first place and Jasper who accepted her as she was faults and all.
Draco. She wondered what he was doing now. It had been 19 years since she saw him. Stop living in the past Hermione. She scolded herself. But her past with him was much better than the present she found herself in now. How different everything was in school. Everything made so much more sense.
She still listened to her song. She couldn't let that go as it was the perfect representation of her relationships. She was addicted to all three of them and each bit of the song fit so well with each of them. Except the last bit. That still had no name to go with it. Hermione wasn't sure if she wanted to add another name. It would only end in disaster. She was sure of it but even if it did it couldn't hurt to try. Could it?
Of course it could but that was life. She was tired of being afraid. She thought Draco had broken her but thinking about it now he had only made the crack. Ron truly broke her and made her a shell of her former self. Fred had smashed her to pieces. He became her saviour for a while but he wasn't right for her either.
She looked across the bar at Jasper. He was her true saviour. He picked up the shattered pieces of her life and offered the glue for her to fix herself. He hadn't forced her. Begged yes but he let it be her choice. She smiled. He was her consent companion. He was everything she every wanted wrapped up into one.
Where Draco had pushed her and opened doors she never thought she could open and Ron made her feel like the most important thing in the world and Fred had made her feel like her own person and brought a light into her life. Jasper; he did all of those things. Hermione thought she already knew this; she just stubbornly refused to allow it. She thought back to the night she met him, the day she ran from Ron. She told him "No funny business" though in reality that was all she ever wanted from him.
'Cause your loves a fucking drag
But I need so bad
Your loves a fucking drag
But I need it so bad
His love was a drag. She dragged it out but it was still there. And she did really need it. She wanted it and she would have it or so damn her.
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah you're worse than nicotine, nicotine
Yeah
Unlike Draco, Ron and Fred he really was worse than nicotine.
She smiled slyly and walked over to him. He gave her a puzzled look at her expression but she carried on smiling finally acknowledging what they'd both known for years.
He was the only drug she'd ever need.
A/N: What did you think of this one? Let me know! Also if you want tell me your favourite character (either from this fic or the whole franchise or both!)
There is now a part 3 called 'Return of the Dragon'. Check it out if you want. There also now a poll open to decide the outcome of part 4 'With Me Forever' which is yet in-posted.
Please review, comment or critique as it really makes my day!
Cross-posted on Archive of Our Own under the same name and title.