Welcome everyone to this little two-parter. This was originally going to be a one-shot but I decided to expand it. Enjoy and review.

ACT I

Here Ken was. At his own house, at his own swimming pool and his own girlfriend Heidi Weinerman in a bikini nearby while he prepared to jump off the diving board into the water. What a wonderful day this was!

"Ken, angel, you got a letter." Said Heidi.

"Can you read it to me then?" asked Ken.

Heidi nodded and began to read the letter. "Dear, young Mr. Finlayson. Happy birthday." His birthday was in January, it was well past. "I hope you enjoy this three thousand pounds of jello."

"Three thousand pounds of jello?" asked Ken, quite befuddled. He then laughed it off. "They must be some mistake. Where would I put three thousand pounds of jello? Besides only Coach Green would be stupid enough to send me three thousand pounds of jello." Ken laughed. It was true of course Randy and Howard were almost as stupid with Howard being the more idiotic of the two. And with that Ken jumped off the diving board and landed not in water but three thousand pounds of jello that was the same color as pool water. It was at that point that Ken awoke at home with a scream. It was just a dream Coach Green had not sent him three thousand pounds of jello. Why did he ever help him with taxes? A knocking at the door then took Ken away from his thoughts of Coach Green. Getting off his chaise, Ken walked from his living room to his front door. Opening it he saw Buttermaker holding his dog… And Heidi, who caused Ken realized his dream was nothing more but a dream. But he certainly intended to make one part of that dream a reality and it would not be the three thousand pounds of jello! "Heidi, Buttermaker, hi… Heidi, I thought I told you to never bring anyone here!"

"It is an emergency, Ken." Said Heidi.

"I will be the judge of that!"

"It's true, bro! My little buddy here was attacked by some mutant canine!" Buttermaker's statement caused Ken to look at Buttermaker's dog. Yes, he did see a bite mark on the right front leg.

"Okay, lets talk."

()

Buttermaker described the attacker. He sat in an armchair in the living room, with his dog on his lap. Ken merely stood by the fireplace while Heidi lay on the chaise. Buttermaker described a dog-like animal that must have been one hundred and twenty pounds with an even muzzle, noticeable arched shoulders, wee butchered ears and a bristly brush. It was impossible!

Ken merely looked around in shock. One of those things existed in this day and age?

"Ken, are you ok?" asked Heidi, concerned about the look of shock on Ken's face.

"No one has seen anything like that since 1757! Daniel Boone and Captain John are said to have killed one in the state of New York."

"Then what is one of these things doing in New England, dude?" asked Buttermaker.

"I really don't think they care about states and regions." Replied Ken. What animals did? "Is there any reason the Ninja can't handle this?"

"He's busy and this is right up your alley." Stated Heidi.

Of course he was and of course it was. Ken merely looked at Buttermaker's dog. Well, this looked like a job he'd have to do if the Ninja was busy. Walking over to a wall that had an assortment of throwing axes on it, Ken grabbed the tomahawk.

"Alright, where did you see this thing?"

"By the graveyard on Elm Street!" Buttermaker's answer caused Ken to raise an eyebrow. There was a street named Elm Street in Norrisville? If there ended up being a serial killer named Freddy Krueger who operated around there then they would have brought it upon themselves.

"Is that the place with the house that looks like it came out of a Hitchcock movie?" asked Ken.

"It depends." Replied Heidi. "Which one are we talking about?"

"'Psycho."

"Oh, I love that movie!"

"Not as good as the book but definitely better than the remake."

"And 'Bates Motel.'" Added Heidi. "But that is better than the remake itself. How is the book by the way?"

"Something that no adaptation can ever amount too. It must be the best book Bloch ever wrote."

In the middle of this all, Buttermaker just stared with a stupid look on his face. What were these two talking about? Who was Hitchcock? Who was Bloch? What was "Psycho?" What was "Bates Motel?"