A/N: All characters belong to SM.

Prologue

I'm fucking up, I'm fucking up, I'm fucking up everything.

Girls with Accents - Fences

February, 2013

My eyes burn raw as tears continue to fall, striking my flushed cheeks but offering no relief. With my knees pulled up to my chest, my back hunched, I take up only the smallest amount of room on the edge of the sofa. While only hours ago, I was bawling and bawling, not able to stop it, to pull myself together, at least now I am numb.

I like numb.

Sitting here in the dark of my basement, the television switched off, even my music switched off, I wait.

For a phone call, a text, a visit. For him to finally tell me it's over. That he's tried. He's tried to be with me, with the fucked up girl who could never offer him anything real; could not even offer him a fucking sentiment of affection.

And I've questioned it from day one. Why would a guy like him, a guy who's good-looking, hilarious, and smart, a guy whom everyone can't help but like, be with me?

I'm nobody. No matter how many times that he's told me the opposite, that Rosalie and Alice have told me the opposite, I know, still, that I'm worthless. Really, after all the shit I've done, I sicken myself; I can't even imagine how he feels.

He probably just liked fucking me. Isn't that really what every guy's intentions are? Why they spend time with me in the first place?

I am, after all, pretty. I have a petite body, a head full of frizzy brown hair that I tame with an iron every day, and light brown eyes. My teeth are straight, my boobs are small, and my tongue is pierced.

That last fact is probably what guys like the most.

However, on the inside, the part that people can't see, the part that I hide from everyone, that I hide from myself, is blackened. She is hideous, weak, and oh so dirty. She is the part of me that hopes by fucking this guy, or that guy, maybe I do have some worth after all. She is the part of me that craves being high or drunk or both, because when I am, I forget about her and all of her ugliness.

She is the part of me that he has been slowly destroying over the past six months, and where she once was, he leaves his light, his warmth, and his laughter.

But after what happened Friday night, the catastrophe I caused that I have no recollection of, she is back full-force. And I realize his presence hasn't gotten rid of her at all; that she has always still been here, biding her time. All he was is a lie. All of the kind words, the feelings he gave me about myself, that I am someone worth loving, were completely untrue. I can see that now. He was only fooling the both of us.

And the fact that he sees it now too, that he finally realizes who I really am, well… that hurts more than anything.

A/N:

So…here's a new story. Please don't worry, I will finish So Wrong, I have not abandoned it. I have just been traveling for the past four months in Asia and writing was really not an option at the time.

This story, however, is something that I really need to write.

You see, it is completely and utterly true. It is the story of my best friend and what her life has consisted of for the past two years. Even the dates and times are true. Really, the only things that I've changed are the names of the characters and where it takes place. This is, after all, an Edward and Bella story. This story is angsty, yes, but I'm hoping it's nothing you guys can't handle. I have been living this story in real life, and I've managed after all.

It has a happy ending, but it's a bumpy ride. There are going to be descriptions of forced sex and heavy drug use. Bella is going to do a lot of things that you won't approve of, and trust me, seeing it happen in real life was probably the hardest thing that I've ever had to live through.

But I honestly think it's a story worth telling.

So, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

See you soon! ;)