Warnings: Character death, Suicide, mild to moderate swearing.
a/n: To those of you who read either of my other stories, I'm sorry I've been so lax on writing those, I just haven't had the needed enthusiasm to write them. I'm gonna try and sit down to work on them but I'm not sure I can.
What do you do, when you can do nothing?
She read all about how this one act could hurt everyone around her. Tsunade baa-chan, Ero-sennin, Kaka-sensei, Sasuke, Iruka-sensei, Sakura, Konohamaru, Gaara, and everyone else she was ever friends with. But she didn't care anymore, she'd had enough of it. All the taunting, all the cold looks she got from everyone in the village. She knew it was changing, but she just couldn't do it anymore.
Everything she needed was right at home, but she didn't feel she could do it at her apartment. But she couldn't think of anywhere else to do it. Standing infront of her long mirror she looked at the reflection staring back at her.
Her eyes, normally a lively and sparkling sky blue that was even more dazzling than the sun were cold, frosty ice cubes staring back at her. The golden hair that while not long was by no means short, usually silky and smooth was spiked as it usually was when short. Dark purple-black bags hung just under her eyes and her normally tan complexion had turned a sickly, pasty white.
Taking a quick glance at her clock she smiled an empty little smile as she took in the time. 09:00. Good, she was late, maybe even more so than Kakashi. Her team would be angrier than usual at her then. Taking her time she hummed an empty tuneless song and strolled towards her closet. Pulling out a black tank top with a swirl of orange and black cargo pants with orange stripes down the side she pulled her panama's off and replaced them with the clothes.
Removing a pair of large black combat boots with soft soles and lacing them up she stood and looked at her reflection in the mirror. Shaking her head she dragged a brush through her hair letting her hair settle down as it usually should. The three gold earrings in each earlobe shone in the light and she shivered. On her dresser there was a small cloth black mask and she fingered it for a moment before deciding to place it on her face.
Strapping her kunai holster to her thigh and weapons pouch to her hip before cocking her head to the side. She still just didn't look like she should. Pulling her hitate, on the obnoxiously bright orange cloth, into her hands she tied it around her throat before nodding slightly and making a few small hand seals.
Within moments the bags under her eyes disappeared and her eyes that had become frosty blue changed into the normal sparkling sapphire. Flexing her hands and pulling them into metal backed black gloves she finally strolled out of the house, still humming that same toneless tune.
|~(O)~|
When she arrived at the training grounds she could see the angry eyes of her teammates. She smiled her empty smile, not that they could see it with the mask on her face, and waved slightly to them. Flicking her eyes around she was surprised to not that Kakashi still hadn't arrived. Continuing the empty little tune she swayed slightly and watched the glowing embers in her teammates eyes as they took in her supposedly happy image.
"What are you so happy about baka?" Sakura finally snapped as Naruto continued to hum her song. Looking at her teammate though she couldn't help but be slightly worried. Naruto never wore that much black! Only when the Sandaime had passed away had she worn as much black as she was wearing now, but as she looked closer she noticed the orange in her outfit and her worry lowered slightly.
"Yes dobe, just what are you so happy about?" Sasuke too looked at slight unease at seeing the normally bright obnoxious blond wearing so much black.
"Nothing really my dear teammates. Noting at all." Again she smiled an eerie smile under her mask that neither could see but they could tell she was smiling by the slight crinkle of her eyes.
Sakura was about to question her again when a puff of smoke behind Naruto interrupted her, and as it cleared away to reveal their every tardy sensei she let out a screech of "Kaka-sensei! You're late again!"
He only smiled his little upside down U smile, as he did every day, before giving his lame reason. "Maa, maa, Sakura. I'm sorry, I saw a fish in the river that was drowning and I naturally leaped in to save the little creature."
Before Sakura could release a screech of 'LIAR!' onto Kakashi, Naruto spoke up. "I'm sure the fish was very grateful to you sensei. What did you get in repayment for saving its life?"
Kakashi merely smiled and winked at her, or blinked they never could really tell, before smiling. "Ah, but that would give away the secret now wouldn't it Naruto?" The blond girl nodded and let out a small, weak laugh.
Under his mask a worried look crossed his face, none of them, let alone Naruto, ever played along with his little jokes in the morning. And looking at her he could see the tired look in her eyes, the small and almost unnoticeable genjutsu on her face.
"Well, today the only mission we have is to hand out missions in the report room. Hokage-sama has finally changed what has happened for decades. Gennin teams will now only take on C-rank, Academy students will take the D-rank, the Chuunin the B-rank and the Jounin will be taking everything else. Today we will be handing out C and B-rank missions."
The team nodded and Naruto sighed softly. As they headed towards the Hokage's office she let her mind wander and the rest of her team walked up ahead of her. Her thoughts returned to what she had been thinking about early this morning and began to think of the many ways she could do it. It was to late for her to change her mind, she had no choice anymore, it was what had to be done.
She had plenty of rope at her apartment. Along with a variety of weapons. And despite what everyone really knew about her she did have a fairly wide range of medications that she could use as well. Her tuneless humming began again as her thoughts wandered and she had almost made a choice when she felt someone drop back next to her. Opening her eyes she looked over to see her sensei looking down worriedly at her. "Naruto, are you all right?"
"Of course sensei. Why wouldn't I be?" There was feigned surprise in her voice but Naruto knew that Kakashi didn't believe one word of it.
"I can see the genjutsu on you Naruto. Can you dispel it for me? Or am I going to have to do it for you?"
Naruto sighed and lifted her hands into a small hand seal, "Promise you won't tell Sasuke or Sakura?"
Kakashi nodded and watched as the small henge on Naruto disappeared and revealed cold ice blue eyes with heavy bags below them. He sighed and placed his hand on her shoulder witch she shrugged carefully off. "Naruto..."
She sighed and looked carefully up at him, "Remember sensei, you promised not to tell them." Kakashi nodded and the two of them speed up to catch up with the two remaining gennin on their team.
|~(O)~|
When they arrived in the Hokage Tower, Tsunade called them into her office. Briefing them quickly on their mission Tsunade gave them the orders on what they would need to do. Kakashi caught Tsuande's eye and jerked his head very subtly towards Naruto. With an equally subtle nod Tsunade dismissed the team to their mission requesting that Kakashi remain behind for a moment.
"What is it Kakashi?"
"I'm worried about Naruto Hokage-sama."
Tsunade let out a puff of air. "I'm shocked Kakashi. You, worried about Naruto? Ha. You wouldn't know the normal Naruto from a Naruto you needed to worry about. To focused on the Uchiha and Haruno." She shook her head. "Go to your team and tell Naruto I want to see her. I have to talk about some of her medications anyways."
Kakashi, who had turned to leave whipped back around. "Medications? Tsunade-sama why was I not informed of this?"
"I told her that it was her choice to tell you. Seeing as she didn't tell you, means she did not trust you enough to tell you about her disorders."
Kakashi let out a slow sigh and turned. "I'll tell her to come right in."
She nodded, "Can you tell Shizune to come in real quick too?" He nodded and stepped out the door. He noticed Shizune at her desk and told her Tsunade need to speak with her.
With a nod she stepped up quickly and entered Tsunade's office before bolting out the door in the search for Jiraya.
|~(O)~|
"Naruto, I wanted to do an exam on you... to see if you need a stronger dosage on any of your meds."
"Um...okay Baa-chan. I think they're fine, you really don't have to do an exam."
"I can't do one now, but I want to schedule one for you, say...a week from now?" Naruto looked a little uneasy but nodded none the less.
-tap- -tap- -tap-
The two women turned to see Jiraya standing outside the window and Naruto walked over lifting up the glass to let her sensei in. "What did you want to talk to me so urgently about Tsu-hime? I was getting some good data at the springs!" He whined and Naruto let out a small giggle at his antics. Tsunade simply rolled her eyes in annoyance.
"I wanted you to take the gaki out and train her tomorrow. I also wanted for you, her, and I to go out today. I'm dismissing her from her mission today, I don't want her to be all alone so I figured we'd spend the day together all three of us."
Jiraya grew a lecherous grin on his face, "Why Tsu-hime, are you asking me out?"
Tsunade growled threateningly at him and stood up. "No you old coot. We're taking Naruto out tonight, understand?" With a nod and a shiver he stepped back a few feet and grasped Naruto on the shoulder. "I'll take her over to her team and let them know we'll be leaving, any problems they have they're welcome to take them up with me."
Tsunade nodded, "I'll meet you outside in a few minutes. Get going you two." With that the two of them headed out and Tsunade followed behind, stopping to let Shizune she'd be leaving the rest of the day.
|~(O)~|
"Why does that dobe get to leave early?" Demanded Sasuke angirly. "She hasn't done a damn thing all day long, and now she just gets to leave!?" He was uncharacteristically angry about it.
"Listen now, and listen well brat," Jiraya snapped, his patience gone after hearing Sakura whine about not getting to be off too. "You have been lucky that I haven't smacked you yet. If you don't want me to beat the living shit out of you, you will shut your mouth now." The blazing fire in his eyes made Sasuke stop speaking, and Sakura, who had opened her mouth to scold Jiraya for yelling at Sasuke, snapped it shut.
"Kakashi, we are going to leave now. If I hear one complaint out of you or your students I will come and hunt you down. Good bye now." He turned, steering Naruto away by the shoulder and quickly excited out the door.
Immediately Kakashi turned to Sasuke and smacked him on the top of his head. "Sasuke, you never, ever question Jiraya. That is not something that I nor him will let go by next time."
Sasuke nodded his head and Sakura nodded as well and Kakashi turned to the chuunin team at the door. "Now, for your mission..."
|~(O)~|
Naruto made the best of the time she spent with Tsunade and Jiraya that afternoon. But after Jiraya treated them to dinner she was politely excused to return to her apartment. Her hands stuffed into her pockets and her head lent back to stare into the sky she sighed softly. No turning back now.
As she was passing the Academy she smiled and changed her course to include a stop in Iruka's classroom. Entering the room after a soft 'come-in' from her favorite sensei Naruto smiled and waved to Iruka.
"Ah, Naruto! What are you doing here?"
"Just passing by, figured I'd say hello." She smiled at him and he nodded. "It's good to see you so well Iruka-sensei."
"You as well Naruto, any missions today?"
"Yeah, but Baa-chan and Ero-sennin kidnapped me for the day. Treated me to lunch and dinner. I just got away and decided to stop by and see ya."
Iruka nodded, happy to know that she was willing to stop by and see him, but sad that she had picked today to do so. "Naruto, I'm really happy you stopped by, but I have alot of work to do. So I'll see you tomorrow maybe?"
He didn't really notice the locking up of her eyes as she nodded to him. "Of course 'Ruka-sensei."
|~(O)~|
Finally she was at home. She'd had all day to think about it, and she finally knew how she would do it. Taking a small notebook out she began to fill it with the writings of all her thoughts that day. Of when she had finally decided to kill herself and why. The reason she didn't clue anyone in, why she didn't confide in anyone her troubles. But to be honest with herself, that wasn't totally true.
Gaara, he had always been there for her when she really need to talk to someone, she would summon up a toad and send it to him, and he would always write back. She had sent him a letter this morning, when she had woken up this morning. Telling him that she was going to kill herself. He had written back then. His letter had been short, but it had meant more to her than anything she had ever gotten before.
'I understand my dear friend. I won't inform Tsunade, but we will inform Wave, and Suna will mourn for you. You can always rest assured that the people of Suna thank you. And while I may not say it, Uzumaki Naruto, Temari, Kankuro, and I thank you very much.
Kazekage-to-be, Your friend, Sabaku no Gaara'
She had cried for a short time after reading it and at the end of her notebook. As she filled in the last page she slipped that letter in and all the letters she had received from him and smiled before shutting it. Taking out one more piece of paper, a glaringly bright orange one, she placed it upon the notebook and folded it around it and sealing it shut with a blood seal, that only Tsunade would be able to open.
Stepping away from the notebook she went to her closet and pulled a roll of rope out of it. Sitting down she slowly began to make the noose that she knew would finally take her life and end her pain. Placing it on the floor after she completed it she pulled a hammer and nail out as well and nailed the rope to her ceiling so that she could finally do it. Placing a chair underneath the rope she stepped onto it and placed the noose around her neck.
Kicking the chair out from under herself she let out a small gasp of pain as the noose tightened around her throat. For an agonizing minute she struggled against her instincts to cut the rope down with the claws on her fingers but she managed to beat them back and succumbed to blackness.
|~(O)~|
"Well, well. What is this? Couldn't take it anymore little kittling?" The mocking voice of the ferocious fox boomed out of its cage and its glowing scarlet red eyes flashed at her. "If you think I'm going to let you kill yourself you have another thing coming."
"You know, I always thought you were the scariest monster there ever was. But, now I see that you aren't really that frightening. Mildly disturbing and startling but that's about it. You aren't anything compared to what I've been having to go through."
"Is that so?"
"Yea, that's so. And there isn't anything you can do about it. This is one thing you can't stop. I've watched my healing rates. If I do something on purpose like cutting myself or like this, you can't stop it. But if I don't intend on getting hurt, you have to fix it. I did this to myself, I wanted this. You can't do anything about it Kyuubi."
The fox looked down at her and he stepped out of the shadows, its head becoming visible and the long, rabbit like ears fading back into the darkness. Its blazing red eyes burned into her skull as she stared back. "If there is nothing I can do I can continue on, I have no issue anymore. I have had a long life, I am by no means satisfied with it, but I can go on, back to hell where I belong." A snide laughter entered its voice as it said this and Naruto let out a hysterical laugh.
"That's perfectly alright. But now it's time to go, so I'll be leaving you now foxy." She smirked at him before she began to fade away into a white light that exploded outwards and engulfed the fox into it. A horrible shrieking sound escaped from Kyuubi as the white light vaporized the body it had made from chakara.
|~(O)~|
A horrible screeching sound resounded through out Konoha and shocked many of the residents to their cores. Tsunade and Jiraya's head whipped up and looked out of the Hokage's office window to see a bright red beam cut into the air and breaking the silence of the night. The two sannin shared a look and immediately Jiraya flew out the window rushing towards Naruto's apartment with a panicked look in his eyes. He heard three more sets of footsteps join his own and looked briefly over to see Team 7, minus Naruto.
Kakashi was running next to him, his Sharingan in full view and flaring angrily. "Jiraya-sama, what happened!?"
"I don't know Kakashi, what do you think we're running for!?" He looked back to see the two gennin keeping up and had to hide his surprise. So, the little gennin could keep up could they? Speeding up even more he arrived in front of Naruto's door and held his arm out to keep the rest of them from entering.
"I will go in alone, if I don't emerge in two minutes you may enter." Kakashi looked ready to protest but Jiraya shot him a look. "That is an order Kakashi. I am your superior, you will listen!"
Stepping forward and into the apartment he looked in and let out an anguished cry. There, hanging from the ceiling was his god daughter. Her lips where blue, her frosty blue eyes lifeless, and a small smile on her face. Looking around he noticed a bright orange slip of paper and looking at it he noticed it was surrounding a notebook. He made an attempt to rip it open, only to have it shock him. Turning it over he smiled as he saw the blood seal on the back. He would give it to Tsunade and let her try to open it.
Looking over at Naruto again the smile disappeared and he walked over. "Kakashi, you can come in now." It was soft as he spoke and he stood in front of her tears filling his eyes.
Kakashi entered first and looked around the room before finding Jiraya standing in front of Naruto's handing body. A strangled cry left his lips and he staggered over to her. Sasuke and Sakura following after him. They're eyes widened as they took her form in and Sakura's eyes filled with tears letting them overflow.
Sasuke looked at the dead body of his teammate and his eyes hardened. He murmured quietly to himself after looking at her. "What the hell dobe? What is your problem? Why on earth would you even think about doing this?"
His eyes traveled over to the notebook in Jiraya's hand. Stepping forward he reached out to take it from the older man only for Jiraya's hand to move and take the book out of his grasp. He stood up and pulled the rope from the wall taking the noose off of Naruto's neck.
Sighing Jiraya held the girl in his arms tears falling slowly from his eyes and falling onto her cold face. Jiraya shushined away with the young blond in his arms, reappearing in Tsunade's office. When she saw the blond in Jiraya's arms her amber eyes filled with tears. Her tears overflowed and spilled down her face.
Cradling her head in her hands her tears dripped onto the cold face.
|~(O)~|
Three Days Later
"My dear people of Konoha. Today we hold a ceremony for the death of a powerful young woman, who was a hero that we never fully acknowledged. Today, we also celebrate the victory over Kyuubi no Yoko, and the death of our Yondaime Hokage. Three days ago, this young woman decided that enough was enough. And so, she took her life. None of you knew, of the sacrifices she made. Some of you may believe you do, and those of you who belong to her generation do not know."
"This young woman held a terrible secret inside of her. On this day 14 years ago, she was born, and on that day, Kyuubi no Yoko was defeated. This great beast was sealed inside this young woman at the cost of our Yondaime's life. For his last wish, he asked that we treat her with the respect that a hero would deserve. It was not granted. You people tormented her, not physically, and maybe not intentionally. But every time you turned your back, or looked at her with cold eyes, you tore her up, just a little bit on the inside."
"But what many of you don't know, or have never even thought of, is that Yondaime Hokage didn't just use any baby. He used his own daughter for the container. He used Uzumaki Naruto. Or with the name she was born with, Namikaze-Uzumaki Naruto."
Tears fell from her eyes as she spoke, "This young woman, was supposed to be our Rokudaime Hokage. As you know, that is no longer possible. But in her honor, she will be buried, and on her tomb, it will say Rokudaime-to-be."
|~(O)~|
A small smile settled on her face as she looked down to the earth and at her village. "Thank you very much Tsunade baa-chan." It was barley spoken and as she felt a hand on her shoulder she looked up and smiled. "Are you ready to go now Naru-chan?"
"Of course...Otuu-sama." She stood up slowly and the hand on her shoulder squeezed her reassuringly and she smiled up at the blond haired man.
"Let's go find your Okaa-sama and got home." A nod from her and they walked off before fadding away.
A/N: Okay, wow! I feel so emo after writing this. But this is something that just hit me and I felt I had to write it. So, make sure you let me know what you think! Good, bad, whatever you wanna tell me, make sure you do it!