A MATTER OF FAITH
TITLE: A Matter of Faith
STATUS: Complete
CATEGORY: WaM challenge December, the word is FAITH. Sequel to "A matter of trust" which can be found at Heliopolis or the Stargate novels or
SPOILERS: A hundred days. (minor ones)
RATING: G - or K
SEASON / SEQUEL: Three.
SUMMARY: Jack and Daniel have their talk after what happened in A Matter of Trust
WARNINGS: None
ARCHIVE: Chrisbod's & tanya's Word-a-Month site, Heliopolis. Jack's place. Stargatefan. All others please ask.
DISCLAIMER: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions; all the powers that be, not me; This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement intended. The story is the property of the author and may not be posted without the author's consent.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is just a short story following to "A matter of trust". Some of you have been asking me for that talk between Jack and Daniel. So here you go. Let me know what you think!
Four days after Colonel O'Neill had collapsed in Daniel's apartment, Doctor Janet Fraiser decided to let him go home. Knowing he hated the infirmary more than anything and he would heal maybe even better when he was comfortable in his own environment, she decided she wouldn't hold him any longer.
Stepping in his room, she put a huge smile on her face. "Well, Colonel. Your latest tests came back just fine. The infection is gone, as is your fever. I just want to redress your shoulder and leg and then I want you out of here."
He had not expected that; she could tell by the astonishment that flooded his face before it lightened up.
"Geez, Doc, you just made my day…"
She smiled, knowing it was rather soon; he was still in the midst of his recovery, he'd lost a lot of strength fighting off that infection, but his wounds were healing nicely and she did have a list of "buts" to go with his release. She knew he wouldn't like them, but he would eventually agree to it if it meant he could go home.
He lay patiently, while she worked on his shoulder first. "This is healing just fine, Sir," she informed him. Time to start with the "buts".
"But that doesn't mean you can just go about trekking the country. I don't want you to put any more weight on that healing leg than absolutely necessary for the next two days. If you do, I'll have you back in here in no-time, understood?"
Jack glared at her, all while realizing she was really doing him a favor by sending him home sooner than he probably should. He appreciated the gesture and after his latest stunt, he was more than willing to cooperate with her.
"Ah, I don't need to be on my feet to watch some hockey-games, listen to some music…" he murmured, "anything else?"
"Actually, yes. You're leaving this base in a wheelchair. No driving either, I've arranged for somebody to take you home. Don't use that arm any more than you need to. No alcohol, lots of rest, lots of healthy food would be good, take these medications with you and TAKE them for a change…" she eyed him, taking in the serious look he gave her. So she really was ahead of him this time. Good, that way she was more certain he wouldn't pull any more stunts.
"You still need a lot of rest, Colonel. Make sure you get it. Don't overdo things, working out in the gym or anything similar to that is NOT what I want you to do just yet. Your body needs a little more time. You just give it that and in the end you'll be back to your old strength before you know it. Deal?"
"Deal, Doc," he nodded, watching her finishing the dressing around his leg.
"Good. I want you back in here for another check-up within two days. Now, I'll get your clothes. Do you need any help?" reaching over into a locker; she already knew the answer to that one.
"No, I'm fine…" he said, while swinging his feet over the edge of the bed. The room started spinning immediately, his body unaccustomed to sitting up after he'd been lying down for so long.
"Just sit still for a while, Sir, it will pass," Janet said, noticing how he tried to steady himself on the edge of the bed. She handed him his clothes, turned to leave, saying, "I'll call Daniel and tell him that you're ready. He will take you home."
He looked up at her, grabbing her wrist. "Thanks, Janet. For everything. Sorry for causing you all the trouble…"
Another smile; had he just apologized to her? "You're welcome, Jack. Now please, get dressed. You look silly in that hospital gown."
Daniel was glad Janet had asked him to take Jack home and stay with him for at least two days. That meant he finally could do something in return, something useful, something that would take his mind of the guilt that he had buried deep inside himself.
Although a few words had been spoken the last couple of days since Jack was out of the woods, Daniel had never talked openly to him about what had happened, neither had he told his friend he knew about the picture and that he had been Moser's next target. They had a lot of things to sort out and this was a great opportunity.
Whistling softly, hands deep in his pockets, he walked into the infirmary and headed for Jack's room. Upon entering, he saw his friend struggling to get his shirt on with only one co-operating arm. He rushed forward, sliding the shirt over the man's head, leaving one arm inside it and tucked the empty sleeve in the pocket of his pants.
"All set?" he asked, gathering the medications Janet had placed on the table. Taking in Jack's nod, he motioned for the waiting wheel chair. "Get in there then, and we're out of here."
Grabbing his friend's good arm for support, Daniel was slightly surprised Jack was not as much as uttering the smallest protest. Janet must have had a little talk with him then, he thought, while pushing his friend out of the infirmary and heading towards the elevator.
---oo---oo---
The ride to Jack's home had been silent. Daniel had been concentrating on the road, while Jack had been resting in his seat, his eyes closed. Getting out of the car and inside the house had been a tiring job and Daniel was pleased when he was finally able to ease his friend down on the couch, where Jack had fallen asleep almost immediately.
It was already late in the afternoon when Jack finally woke up. Looking around him, he was surprised at first that he was home. Then he remembered Janet had released him and that Daniel had driven him home. Stirring, he tried to sit up, when Daniel entered the living room.
"Hi, Jack! Slept well, did you?" he asked, pleased to see that some color had returned to his friend's cheeks.
"Yeah, not bad," Jack muttered, shifting until he found a comfortable position. He'd noticed Daniel had turned some lights on, turned up the heater and he even smelled something coming from the kitchen. "What are you cooking?" he wondered aloud.
The younger man waved absently with his hand. "Nothing special, just a stew of fresh vegetables, meat and potatoes… do you want something to drink?"
"Whatever you've got…" Jack was suddenly sure his homecoming was more planned than he figured. Daniel apparently had been filling up his fridge before their arrival. Oh, well, it didn't matter. It felt so good to be back home at last. He'd slept better on his couch that afternoon than he'd done in the infirmary last night.
When Daniel re-entered the room with two glasses, he placed one within Jack's reach and nestled in a chair, looking questioningly at his friend. He wondered how he would open a conversation with Jack; he had so many questions and so much to tell his friend, but he just didn't know how to get started. He decided to go for the easy part first. "How are you doing?"
"Not so bad, actually. Tired, sore, what's new? But I'm really glad to be home, Daniel."
Daniel nodded, pleased that Janet had made the right decision about sending him home. This was actually doing him good; he could tell. Pondering about how to get Jack talking, he figured he might as well start at the beginning.
"Care to tell me how this whole mess with that Moser guy started?" he asked.
Jack shrugged. He knew they had some talking to do and he figured now was as good as whenever. Probably now was even better.
"I went home that Friday…" he didn't even remember how long ago that had been and didn't bother calculating, "…after we discussed Sam's birthday…"
Daniel nodded, he remembered their planning on who was to be asking Janet for ideas for a birthday gift. "You would ask Janet if she had ideas for gifts."
"Yeah. Well, when I got home, there was a note on the floor telling me something like 'George knows I love a good challenge, and you're it'. Nothing more. I found a nice bunch of explosives under my telephone and disarmed it."
"Why didn't you call for the squad?" Daniel suddenly wondered. Taking in Jack's expression, he realized that had been a dumb question. No way Jack O'Neill would put anybody in danger, when he could handle it himself. Right. He should have known that. Besides, it would have brought about too many questions.
"So I headed back to base to have a talk to the General about it, when I was shot…" Jack shivered at the memory.
"Janet told us about that. She and the General found you, she bandaged your arm and they took you back to base. The General also told us about Moser, what he'd done in the past." Daniel filled his part in, to make it easier for Jack to explain. He was glad the man was talking the way he was and did everything within his power to keep it that way.
Jack took a sip from his glass and continued. "I dug up some information about this guy, got a couple of possible addresses and the next day, I started looking for him. I…" Jack fell silent, not knowing how to express his feelings. He stared at the wall. "…was so focused on getting this guy that I totally forgot about our barbecue…"
"We were a little upset by that…" Daniel admitted. "I mean, after your latest mission with our alien allies, we were just SO hoping to get a chance to talk again. If only we would have known what you were up to…"
Jack clenched and unclenched the fist of his good arm in an attempt to express his frustration. "I've failed you guys again…" he said, barely audible.
Daniel looked determined at him. "No, you haven't," he said firmly. "You haven't failed us. We failed you."
That got some attention of his friend as he looked up in surprise. "What?"
"We failed you, Jack. At least, Sam and me. We should have had more faith in you. I should have known better than to judge you for something I knew nothing about. I should have known you wouldn't miss the barbecue and Sam's birthday party over nothing…"
Jack looked stunned. He was prepared for anything but this reaction. "Oh, for crying out loud, Daniel..." he started.
"I mean it, Jack. You did nothing wrong here. You're not to blame for anything. I'm the one who said some mean things over the phone. I'm the one who pushed you so hard that you just collapsed. I'm the one who was so busy blaming you for a lot of things that I didn't see you were trying to save my life once more…" This time, Daniel's voice faded. This time, he stared at the wall, not knowing what to say anymore. At least he'd said all that had been on his mind. How stupid he'd been, how blind.
Frowning, Jack glared at his friend. He got up from the couch, steadied himself on his feet as his injured leg protested the movement and carefully moved over to his younger friend, placing a solid hand on his shoulder. "You're not to blame, Daniel. There was no way you could have known. God, I needed to catch this guy so bad, before he would do anything to harm you guys. You know I can't stand that".
"And you got him…"
Jack shrugged. "Well, sort of… without the General and Teal'c I would have been dead by now…"
"No, Jack. The General would have been dead if it weren't for you. You've done the job. And I've judged you for it."
"Damn-it Daniel! You didn't know what was going on, so you couldn't possibly judge me for that, right?"
"I should have had faith in you, Jack. I've trusted you with my life for three years now. Why have I lost that faith?" Daniel threw his hands exaggerated in the air.
"I don't know. You tell me…" Jack was getting visibly tired and sank back on the couch, covering his face with his good arm, sighing deeply.
Daniel said nothing, got up, gathered the medications and handed them over. Jack took them from him and swallowed them without sounding protest. Daniel waited for a while, thinking of where to go with this. Edora. There's where it started, so that's what he needed to know about.
"Why were you so surprised we came to your rescue on Edora?" he asked.
Jack removed his arm, raised his head a little and looked questioningly at his friend.
"Edora?"
"Yes, Edora. I think this has something to do with Edora…"
"Well, it WAS kind of impossible…" Jack debated, thinking back at the buried gate, thinking how he'd felt nobody, not even Carter, would figure a way out of this one.
"We've managed to do impossible things before…"
"I know that. But I couldn't count on that…"
"Why not?"
Too restless to stay seated, Jack got up again, wincing as his shoulder remembered him he shouldn't push himself up with that arm just yet. Ignoring the stabbing pains in his leg, he started pacing the room. This was getting hard. How could he explain this to his friend; to somebody who really couldn't understand what it was to be left behind, to survive by yourself, no matter what?
"Why, Daniel? To be disappointed, when you wouldn't have managed? Did you think I liked staying on that planet? That I wouldn't rather come home with you guys? You think I loved giving up my life, everything I've fought for, and everybody I cared for? Did you really? Besides…"
Daniel eyed him carefully. "Besides what?"
Jack turned around and faced him, spreading his hands helplessly. "No-one has ever done that for me, okay?" With that comment, he wearily sat down on the couch again, tiredly running a hand through his hair.
"You'd do it for us…" Daniel stated.
"Yeah, of course."
"And we'll do that for you. We're friends, you know…" Daniel said softly, realizing Janet had been SO right with her explanations. Janet had told them that it was not a matter of trust, but a matter of survival, back on Edora. She had explained that their friend was trained to survive on his own and that he'd just done that. This time, Daniel switched places as he moved over to sit next to his friend, patting his arm.
Jack sighed heavily. "I know, Daniel. I know… It's just…" he paused for a second, "…I'm so tired of being left behind… it has happened so many times that I lost count… and until now, everything had a happy end. Well, okay… " he shrugged his shoulders helplessly, knowing that wasn't entirely true, "forget that I said that. But…"
Frowning at where this was going, Daniel asked, "but what?"
Jack remained silent for a while, staring at the wall, leaving Daniel wondering whether their conversation was over. Although he was afraid to, Daniel finally decided to break the silence.
"Jack? But what?" He was scared to ask; afraid his pushing would close his friend up, but he just had to try.
Jack looked down, one elbow placed on a pillow next to him, his head resting in his hand. How could he tell Daniel that he was scared to die alone? How could he ever admit that? To anybody?
"I just don't…" the words didn't come out, but Daniel suddenly guessed it.
"What, you don't want to die alone? Is that it?" The young archaeologist studied the face of his friend closely, wondering if he was right. The answer was obvious, as Jack raised his head, looked at him and pulled one of his faces, then stared at the wall again.
Daniel knew he'd gained much more out of this conversation than he could ever hope for. It suddenly all made sense to him. He couldn't possibly imagine what it must have been like to be left alone after some of those freaking missions, let alone survive them all; but he could understand that fear all too well. He also knew Jack considered SG-1 as close as family; as much as he did so himself. He carefully thought his words over, before expressing them.
"I can't promise you that you won't die alone, Jack, but I sure as hell can promise you that I will do everything within my power to prevent that from happening. You can trust me on that. I think that we can say the same thing of Sam and Teal'c as well." He examined his friend's face as his words sunk in. "How does that sound?"
A brief smile appeared on the Colonel's face. "Fair enough."
"Good," Daniel said shortly, getting up. "I'm going to finish that dinner for us, I'm starving."
He headed towards the kitchen, looked back over his shoulder. "Jack?"
Jack looked at him, questioningly.
"Are we all right?"
"Oh, yes, Danny-boy. We are. Now get me that slice of pizza and a beer, please…"
Daniel waved a finger, shaking his head. "Aah, no, no. Janet would be SO mad. No beer, no pizza… and will you please just lay back and rest? You've been putting too much weight on that leg already."
Jack smiled, leaning tiredly back against the couch, pulled his legs up and decided to close his eyes for a while.
THE END