Disclaimer: Don't own KP or anything to do with KP or Disney. Don't own anything from the other story I'm crossing over here, but for the sake of mystery I'm not going to mention the name of the series until it's revealed in the plotline.
Note: Reconned from original chapter 1, only changed one line but its kinda important.
Chapter 1: Not Just Another Failure
"Blast you, Kim Possible!" Drew Theodore P. Lipski, better known as Dr. Drakken, screamed as he saw his latest creation, in all its evilly energy efficient glory, explode into a million pieces. He had been so certain this newest scheme of his could elude defeat at the hands of his young female adversary. His new defence network was particle based rather than his preferred laser technology (it was a matter of cost to sweetness level), a sacrifice that was necessary to nullify the utility of her compact in deflecting the deadly rays back upon the weapons or anything else in his lab. The device itself was shielded against EMP, a hard learned lesson from the disaster the media referred to as the "Little Diablo Incident." Heck, he had even, much to the horror of his fellow evil geniuses, ignored the bi-laws of the Super Villain-Villainess Union and forgone the addition of a clearly labelled self destruct button. This was of course to prevent Kimberly's bumbling sidekick, whose name continued to escape him, from ruining his plans should he find his way to the device. Everything had been accounted for, save Shego's glow power. The God of Irony continued to spit (and, Drakken was certain, expel other bodily secretions) upon even his most delicately laid plans. Everything had gone smoothly, even including the now expected arrival of the peppy heroin and the Buffoon, until the end of his customary rant.
"And with this time tunnel, I shall travel into the past and introduce the Naco 50 years earlier than the fellow who created it, whoever he is, cornering the fast food market before that accursed clown even has a chance. Millions of people will eat these products, all the while consuming far more fat and carbohydrates than their body needs, leading to an obesity epidemic that will have the world on its knees by the time I return to the future... or is it present? Whatever. I will then offer a solution to this crisis in the form of Drakkano-sucktion, a method I developed which can remove sub-dermal fat deposits without the strenuous exercise or impossible diets that would otherwise be the only solution, in exchange for the deed to the worldNational governments will only be able to resist for so long while people become too lazy to work, pay taxes, or even bathe before they come begging for me to take the planet." Drakken finished, adding his maniacal laughter, signalling the end of his detailed explanation of his plan (some SVVU bi-laws could not be ignored).
"You monster!" Kim's sidekick yelled back. "The Naco was created for good! How can you pervert its innocence into such pure evil! Why the Naco? Why!?" Looking down from his raised platform, Drakken saw Kim holding the near frenzied buffoon back, while prominentlyrolling her eyes.
"Calm down Ron. Drakken... I won't even get into how time travel is impossible, but the "obesity epidemic" That's already happened. So not the drama, the world is still going strong, so I seriously doubt that it will be any different with you doing it."
"Probably wouldn't happen at all, the way he runs fast food restaurants." Ron grumbled, shuddering at the memory of the Bueno Nacho bendy straw catastrophe. Kim continued.
"And Drakkano-sucktion? Seriously Drakken, you need to get the 'net. It's called liposuction, and it's already been invented. Honestly, don't you come up with any of your own ideas anymore?"
Insulted, Drakken cried "Shego, seize them!" pointing boldly towards the pair of heroes.When they weren't immediately struck down by his avenging green skinned angel of darkness, he turned to look at female strong arm. Drakken found the villainess filing her nails, seemingly oblivious to his order, and evidently the situation entirely. "Shego! Pay attention! Do I pay you to stand around and give yourself manicures?"
"Come on Dr. D, can't we just skip right to the doomsday device or whatever it is exploding and flee to the other lair? I just got these done." She asked, not even looking up from her fingertips. He was dumbfounded.
"WHAT?! No Shego! You will defend the time tunnel in vain and... wait! You will fight the hopeless... umm... JUST GET THEM!!"
"Fine..." Shego sighed, her eyes following a motion strikingly similar to that of her opponents as she dropped down and engaged Kimmie. "Let's make this brief, princess. But if you crack one of these, mark my words, I will kill you." Drakken grabbed hold of the hand rail of his platform and considered bashing his own head in against the hardened steel bar. He instead settled to imagine himself doing it while he muttered.
"Good help is so hard to find these days." I must discuss team unity, and following through with responsiblies with her. It just won't do to have her openly mock me in front of those frequent unwelcome guests. He thought, as what's-his-face made it to the device's control panel, finding it strangely simple and, more importantly, locked down. Feel confident his device was in no dangerbut remembering his new mantra of safety first, Drakken released the syntho-drones only as a second thought, and allowed his mind to drift. He wondered what he had done to earn Shego's distain in the first place.
(-) (-) (-)
As Drakken daydreamed lazily high above the battle, Shego silently debated the pros and cons of "accidentally" hurling a plasma bolt in his direction while she sparred with her red headed rival. His last spoken words had not fallen unheard as he may or may not have hoped, not only to the dark haired vixen but also her opponent, who was utilizing it with great effect to disturb Shego's focus. It was usually an even split in the verbal chess match that the two women engaged in while they exchanged physical blows, with Shego often the antagonising force, but today it was all Kimmie.
"How can you for real, still work for him, Shego?" Kim taunted, dodging a plasma infused swipe. "No other job offers?"
"Shut it princess. You know I've worked with other people."
"Well I can't say I blame you for picking blue boy over SSJ, but it really says it all when the only ones willing to employ you are so low on the intellectual pecking order. But who knows how much it could do for your resume if you decided to take your martial arts up past white-belt? With a new job, maybe you couldeven afford to go shopping for a decent wardrobe." Growling dangerously, Shego completely disguarded any attempt at conservative offence and enacted a series of extremely aggressive strikes that, while driving her foe back through sheer force and ferocity, left her terribly exposed to any number of vicious counters. One such physical rebuttal made its way through the buffer zone created by a furious plasma storm combined with a cyclone of razor sharp claws, and the low crescent kick sent the green skinned woman unceremoniously to the floor. Not halting for a moment, Shego regained her feet and returned to her brazen assault.
Settling into a strange re-imagination of Mohammad Ali's famed 'rope-a-dope', but in 17 styles of kung fu rather than boxing, Kim dodged the unplanned, and therefore unthreatening if very impressive looking sequence of attacks. She was even able to sneak a glance at Ron, who was holding his own against the group of syntho-drones that had converged on him. Making full use of their stupidity, the blonde had created an almost circus like mosh pit of flailing red and black limbs, which he deftly dived and looped around to add to the confusion. His proficiency pleased his girlfriend, who was finding herself more and more impressed with him with every passing day, in many facets of their relationship, some far more personal than this. After a few more moments of avoidance and a few well placed retro-active attacks, inspirations struck the red head. Thinking creatively, Kim began to manoeuvre herself around so she was backpedalling towards the staircase that lead to where Ron was tying up the loose ends of a cartoon like ball of the bodies of the syntho-drones, whose limbs had now become fully entangled. Predictably, the still out of control villainess followed blindly, not taking her surroundings into account. At the bottom of the stairwell, Kim feigned a misstep, and "fell" to the ground. Grinning triumphantly, Shego stopped the mad whirlwind of fists and stood over her prone foe, grinning
"Now who's the white-belt Kimmie?" She asked, as she began to charge her glow-power in anticipation of a knock out strike. Looking past her, Kim's eyes met Ron's, and years of friendship communicated her intent just as well as spoken word. Feeling the need to further unbalance her opponent, Kim made one last verbal jab before enacting her plan.
"Good job Shego. But this still doesn't do anything about you being the one nobody wants to pick for their team on the villain's playground or your atrocious fashion sense." This wiped the smile from the older woman's face and replaced it with a cruel frown. She raised the now massive green aura above her head in an exaggerated gesture. The two emerald sets of eyes met for a moment, and Kim sprung her trap.
"Now Ron!" She cried. Wasting no time, her boyfriend and partner placed a solid kick into the center of the mass of syntho-drones. Like a pin-ball made of synthetic flesh, it rolled down the parallel hand-rails of the stairwell, and slammed into Shego's unprepared form. The raven haired woman had spun around in confusion at her opponent's statement, and took the blow head on. She was bowled over, Kimberly just managing to leap from under her falling body, and the supercharged orb of plasma flew away from her hand.
Ron had to leap off of the platform to avoid being engulfed in the ball of energy and landed hard on the cement floor of the lair as the blast slammed into Drakken's deviceHe raised his head, scanning the chamber. For his part, the blue skinned doctor was slamming his head against his hand-rail.Shego was struggling out of the pile of squirming henchmen, and Kim was sauntering towards her slowly, in no rush to re-engage. Ron took a moment to enjoy the unintentional swinging action of his best friend's hips, an activity he found himself partaking in far more often now that they were officially dating. And he grinned as Kim made the painfully obvious comment about Shego's alleged days as an adult film star. As appealing as Kim's backside was and as in-stride she was in the burn-adge of her rival, however, Ron could not spare his gaze or his humour for very long.The time tunnel demanded immediate attention.
Even with all the effort Drakken had put into the research and development of the portal, it could not withstand the strange combination of thermal energy and momentum that interacted within the powers granted to Shego by the Rainbow Comet. The control consol that Ron had been standing at just seconds before was nothing but a charred and sparking shadow of its former precision lines and the ring itself was now arching with a bizarre violet energy. Whatever it signified, the tunnel seemed to be activated, andin its death throes, the machine reached out to a random time and location, drawing something into it before it failed.
With an odd popping noise what was very disappointing considering the auditory delights that sci-fi had prepared Ron for in such an event, a body was violently thrown from the center of the portal. It lay on the ground for a moment before rising, revealing the body of a human male in his mid to late 20shis face adorned by an unkempt 5 o'clock shadow. He wore urban camouflage, covered by armour that Ron could not identify. Atop his head rested a helmet of a much more familiar design, very similar to that worn by the contemporary Marines, but an integrated camera and communication device distinguished it once again from anything in current use. In his hands rested a large machine gun, but judging from his decision to throw it aside and withdraw his sidearm, its ammunition was expended. His most distinctive feature, however was his torso. The armour was shredded with long jagged gouges that reached into his flesh, and blood ran freely down most of his chest. On top of that, certain areas of his pecs, as well as his limbs were in an even more disturbing state, the only description that approached accuracy was to say that his skin had been "melted". He shakily panned the handgun between all the possible targets in the room, from the now motionless syntho-drones and Shego, to the cautiously moving Kim and still thrashing Drakken. From the spasticmanner his gesticulations took, it was obvious he was in a monumental amount of pain, so much so that the fact that he remained standing spoke to either an unbelievable level of pain tolerance, or the amount of fight-or-flight hormones flowing in his veins. After a long moment, he finally spoke in a frantic voice.
"What the fuck is going on?"
Before anyone could respond however, the increasingly violent vibrations that ran through the time tunnel finally became too much for its structure, and it shattered with a resounding boom. All of the original inhabitants of the room were outside of range of the shrapnel, but the soldier that had just appeared took the full force of the explosion in his back. He was once again thrown forward, and judging from the impact tremors the pieces of the ring created when they impacted the surrounding structure, the man should have been dead before he hit the ground. But inexplicably, he stood after he recovered from the shock of the blast, around him the fragments of the ring imbedding themselves in the cement floor in deep, smoking gashes. His gun thrown away in his fall, the already panicked man glanced around hysterically before spotting the exit. Without a second to consider his options, he bolted, and was out the door before anyone could react.
Kim examined the situation. Drakken's plans would be at the very least severely hindered with the destruction of his time tunnel and an obviously distraught and injured man had been drawn into this mess without any prior involvement. Her choice was clear, and she took off after the soldier, calling to Ron to follow. They reached the exit as Drakken began screaming in frustration.
Back in the present, Drakken continued to mimic a statue as the lair began to collapse around him. Shego, enraged at her employer's failure, but not anxious to find herself without her any source of income, was forced to hoist his unmoving form over her shoulder and carry him to the hover car before they were trapped within the fortress.
(-) (-) (-)
A few minutes later, after they were airborne and far away from the lab, Shego's suppressed anger finally broke through in the cab of the hover car. Drakken, true to his reputation of an emotional resilience that bordered on the psychopathic, had nearly immediately begun talking about his next project. It was almost as if the seconds old failure had never happened, that the humiliation of defeat was nothing more than a daydream and Dr. Drakken still had a perfect record against any and all do-gooders. It was more due to this obliviousness than the sting of the actual defeat that finally overwhelmed Shego and pushed her to voice her frustrations. It seemed that he really didn't care if they won or lost, and half of her was infuriated by his apparent lack of commitment to the pursuit of world domination. The other half was jealous and threatened by his ability to shrug off the metaphorical anchors of trouncing after trouncing and start anew in a way that the outwardly prideful and secretly self–conscious ego of the villainess could not. It was disturbing to her that he might be in fact capable of superior emotional adaptation in this matter, as in all others he was so poorly equipped it was a wonder he could juggle breathing and walking at the same time without falling to the turf and suffocating. So in reaction to both her anger at his perceived failing and her own disbelief that she could have underestimated him turned outwards, she decided to verbally beat some reasonably self-recriminating thoughts through his thick skull.
"Dr. D, you do realise we were just defeated in under 15 minutes, right? At this rate, pretty soon Kimmie isn't even going to have time to arrive before the next one of your hair-brained ideas goes haywire and burns the lair to the ground. Are you ever going to get past this whole 'never able to get anything even remotely right' phase and actually accomplish something, or are you trying to get written into the Guinness Book of World Records for the most failed attempts at taking over the world?"
"Don't worry, next time there will be no stopping us! Now, listen to me. I will need you to procure..."
"No! You listen to me Drakken," Shego said, cutting him off. "Don't you get it? You never learn from your mistakes! How are we going to beat little Miss Perfect when you just regurgitate the same whack plan, minus a few insignificant details?"
"Now, Shego, what have I told you about hurting with your words? As your employer, I am entitled to a measure of respect, and it's time we talked about your refusal to grant me that. For long enough I have put up with your insubordination, and if this continues I might decide you're not worth the trouble anymore. Why are you being so rebellious?!" Shego, already on edge, snapped at his ignorant pronouncement.
"You want to know why? I'll tell you why! You're a moron! If it wasn't for all these fruitlessly squandered years I've spent observing, no, living your stupidity, I wouldn't be able to believe that you don't realise how futilely useless you are! I know you can count your IQ on one hand, but doesn't it resonate within the empty confines of your skull that you can't even outsmart a ditzy teen-aged girl and her half-witted boyfriend?! You're a disgrace to the business. And you know what the worst part is? You're not even evil! Any fool can make himself morally corrupt! It takes a special kind of complete and utter idiot to fail at that, but you pulled it off! You've managed to dedicate the last 20 years of your laughable life to an easily attainable ethical goal, and fall short! I'm done working for someone who'll never amount to anything, except a useless, worthless joke. The times come for a change, Drakken." The evil doctor was momentarily speechless, not expecting the bold-faced reprisal. Finally, he replied.
"Well, if that's how you feel, maybe it would be best if you got out of my hover car." Shego laughed darkly.
"Nothing ever changes. Like always, you're missing one tiny detail Drewbie. I'm driving." And with that, Shego punched her boss across the jaw, driving him through the passenger side door and to the ground below. Sneering, she accelerated into the darkness ahead of her.
(-) (-) (-)
The unprepared super villain crashed into the ground in a heap, where he remained for several uninterrupted minutes while he considered all the various different words in the English language that described pain. After he had run through the virtual dictionary that existed in his head, and found nothing that could adequately describe the feelings that existed in his soft tissue, he finally stood. Looking to the sky with his ego expecting Shego to be speeding back towards him, he was disappointed to find his hover car nowhere within sight. Disbelieving his luck, but grudgingly adapting, Drakken began trudging to the highway he had noted during their flight. Upon reaching the blacktop, Drakken fought with his pride for a few moments in the shadows of the ditch before erecting himself and sticking his thumb out in the near-universals sign of the hitch hiker. The vast majority of the passing traffic did not even slow for the blue skinned individual, which was unsurprising considering that very fact. In that light, the doctor was shocked when a beautiful piece of automotive machinery slowed and pulled over to the shoulder. Cautiously approaching the passenger window, wary of the many a slasher flick that began in such a way, Drakken waited as the window slid down. A thick Californian surfer accent greeted him, and the flair of greasy blonde hair in the mullet style put Lipski's fears to rest.
"What's up cuz?! What are you doing out here, seriously?!" Ed Lipski bellowed.
"Ed, you have no idea. Can you give me a ride?"
"Sure, man. Where to?"
"Just a few miles north."
"Well, hop in! I'll have you there faster than you can say 'Texas armadillo', seriously!" Drakken climbed into the cab, barely having a chance to buckle his seat belt before his grease-monkey cousin gunned it, and tore off into the night.
(-) (-) (-)
About an hour and a half later the pair arrived outside the imposing stone walls that formed the frontal facade of Drakken's emergency hide-out. Slamming Ed's passenger door closed, he called his thanks through the open window, and walked towards his secondary home as his relative took back to the road.
Shego is going to get it for abandoning me in the middle of no-where. The irate man thought as he entered the building. He had noted the darkness in the windows, but had assumed that his currently less than favourite ally had gone to sleep. Upon entering, however, the absolute silence that assaulted him spelled out a different story.
"Shego!!" He called out, more to comfort himself than to provoke a response. There was of course no answer, and although he was hardly the bravest individual, as his previous miss-adventures had proven, he advanced into the pitch black corridors of the building. Despite the oddity that the motion sensors did not activate the lair's lighting system, he made his way to the central hall of the lab, casting himself onto the couch that sat before the main viewer. Or, he would have if the viewer or the couch were still in the room. Presently, the blue madman found himself roughly landing on the floor for the second time in one evening, without so much as a throw cushion to soften his fall. Hauling his brutalized frame from the cement ground, he took a moment to examine the room in more detail. The results did not please him. The room, once adorned with more consoles, gleaming stainless steel devices and exotic objects that served no purpose other than to satisfy the "prerequisite technological atmosphere" of a lair dedicated to evil science than you could shake a death ray at, was now completely bare. Dashing out of the master chamber, Drakken darted around the other rooms that held his secret projects, half built devices, and plans for future schemes. Finding all these critical elements missing, Drakken ran to the kitchen, hoping against hope that his most prised possession had been spared this horrendous kleptomanical fate. But, to his dismay he found the counter as bare as the walls of the antechamber, his precious coco moo machine cruelly taken from him. His mind whirled at the realisation that he was now effectively persona non-grata when it came to the ability to project any power over the world. It did not make any sense. Certainly the devices would have fetched cash if torn down on the regular market, but his designs? Valueless unless in the hands of a suitably ingenious individual.
Suddenly, a glimmer of an explanation came to the blue skinned scientist. Shego had taken them, possibly under orders by a new employer. Drakken knew of many rivals that would love to have both gained a literal warehouse full of doomsday devices and designs and relieved him of that very advantage in one fell swoop. The formulating rationalization cleanly explained everything else as well, from the woman's absence, which he had confirmed in his search of the building, to the lack of signs of forced entry and fact that the defences had not been tripped. That his other henchmen where no-where to be found, and that his weakness, the coco machine, had been exploited. There was only one gesture that was strong enough to articulate the maelstrom of emotions that ran through the doctor's head, and Drakken removed his black laboratory gauntlets, throwing them to the disgustingly cheerful linoleum floor below. He stalked off to no place in particular, running his rarely bare hands through his hair, looking to the ceiling as if it might reveal an answer to the vexing situation he now found himself in. In doing so, he spied something attached to the roof of the hallway that he had not notice before. He cranked his neck awkwardly in an attempt to identify it.
It appeared to be some sort of digital clock that was currently counting down from around 6 seconds. The strangely positioned device was imbedded in a thick white semi-solid substance, and in realising just what it was, Drakken's heart skipped several beats. With less than 4 seconds left on the timer mounted to a brick of plastic explosive the size of his head, Drakken tore off down the hallway towards the exit with more zeal than a shark drawn toward an overturned bucket of fish guts. It was a hopelessly long dash for an Olympic athlete to complete in 3 seconds and change, much less the out of shape evil genius who had always said that the only muscle that mattered was in his skull when Shego had poked fun at his pudgy frame. What he would have given to paid heed to her suggestions to hit a tread-mill once in a while, but unfortunately he was short a time machine, a'la the evening's earlier events, and the clock hit zero unhindered. The fractions of a second that it took for the explosion to propagate behind him granted Drakken the time to grasp the doorknob and turn it just enough to allow the door to fly open as he was smashed into it rather than hold firm, and he was shot out of the building within a torrent of fire like a bullet from the barrel of a gun.
Any guesses on who the soldier is? R&R please.