Title - How Do You Talk To An Angel?
Author - Duckys_dream
Disclaimer - FOX, Chris Carter, and 1013 productions own The X-Files and all its characters and episodes, all rights reserved. This story was written without their permission and is not meant to offend anyone.
Spoilers - None really (how boring is that!)
Rating - PG-13
Start Date - 24 November 2002
Finish Date - 25 November 2002 (I'm real proud of that one)
Summary - Hmm...Mulder looses Scully. He is inconsolable. How do you go on with life when the person that you lived for is gone? Mulder finds comfort in an image of Scully. What can he do when and image is no longer enough. So...how do you talk to an angel?
What you need to know - Well, let me see. Mulder and Scully did love each other and had admitted it (believe it or not this isn't an MSR, not totally). This is all about Mulder. We'll give Scully a turn at the bat another time. Anyway, that's all you really need to know.
Authors Notes - Um...I'm just board!!! I have nothing to occupy my time anymore so I'm filling time with writing (starting) stories. This fic was inspired by a couple of other fics I read as well as one or two of my own. This is my first song fic too, so we'll see how we go. Tell me if it sucks, how I could improve it or how GREAT it was *cough cough*.
Feedback - angels don't write feed back so I'll have to leave that part up to you guys - duckys_dream@hotmail.com
It was early evening but the road was dark. The moon and stars obscured by a heavy layer of clouds. Rain fell hard and the wipers of Special Agent Dana Scully's car worked harder to keep the windshield clear. The distant lightening flashed barely penetrating the gloom. The road was nearly empty. Smart people were staying inside on a night like this.
Beside her Special Agent Fox Mulder studied their latest case file under the faint glow of the car's map light. As Agents with the FBI they were often sent across the country to investigate strange occurrences, X-Files. This case, however, was not far from Washington DC and they had decided to drive themselves. It might help to keep Assistant Director Skinner happy with their expense report.
"Mulder, I can't see a thing in this weather. I'm going to..."
The end of her sentence was cut off as the car jerked forward from being hit in the rear. The car swerved on the slick road and she fought hard to regain control.
Mulder turned in his seat to look out the back window. He had to squint to see through the rain and the glare from the headlights on the other vehicle. He could see them getting closer.
"Scully, can you go faster? It looks like they are trying for a second run at us."
Scully gripped the steering wheel tightly and reminded herself to breath. She felt traction return and eased her foot down on the gas.
"Go left. They're trying to pass us in the other lane."
The car slipped a little as Scully turned the wheel taking the car across the centerline of the road. She leant over the wheel willing the car to go faster. She could barely make out the road in the dark.
"They're coming up on the right now, go right, Scully!"
"Damn it, Mulder! I can't see!" She turned the wheel slightly and felt the car hit something. The sound of metal on metal confirming her fears. Her heart was pounding, her chest felt ready to explode. She struggled to keep the car straight as they were hit again on the right.
"Oh my god!"
Mulder heard the fear in Scully's voice and turn to look out the front window. Headlights were coming towards them on the two-lane road. The attacking vehicle was still on their right, showing no signs of letting them back into the lane.
"Hit the brakes!"
Scully's foot slammed hard on the brake pedal just as the other car took another run at them. It caught the front fender and spun them hard. She felt like everything was moving in slow motion. The sound of screeching tires sounded far away. A flash of headlights and they were gone as the car continued to spin. There was the sound of gravel hitting the car and then a feeling of weightlessness.
Mulder felt helpless as he watched Scully fighting for control of the car. Then...he could tell they were falling. Almost like hitting an air pocket when flying. Instinctively, he checked his seatbelt and pulled it tight.
The impact crunched the front end of the car, pushing the engine back through the firewall and crushing their legs against the seat. The steering wheel hit Scully hard in the abdomen. She tried to cry out in pain but could not get her breath. The car then flipped onto the roof, shattering the windows. Mulder's head was slammed hard against the metal support of the doorframe. Mercifully, he lost consciousness for the remainder of the spinning and rolling.
After the car had settled his eyes opened again he looked across at his partner. Her legs were twisted in the wrong direction. The steering wheel pinned her to the seat. Blood dripped from a wound in her thigh.
"Scully," He wheezed. She didn't move. He couldn't see her very well in the dark but he could see her eyes were opened. "Scully," He said again.
"Mulder," She said and turned her head slowly. "Love you," She whispered. The last thing she saw was Mulder reaching towards her with bloodied broken fingers.
"Scully," He whispered. Her eyes closed. "Scully," He said no longer whispering. He yelled into the night. "Scully," He yelled again. No one could hear him. It was useless. He looked across at her and reached out to feel her pulse. Finding it absent he broke down. He blacked out.
(..)
When Mulder came around, he was lying in a hospital bed. The rhythmic beeping of his heart monitor was the only sound in the room. "Scully," He said softly and looked towards where she'd been sitting in the car.
"Fox." A familiar voice said. He looked up and saw Maggie. "Take it easy, I wasn't sure if you were going to pull through for me or not. I thought I'd loose you to."
"Scully?" He said sadness clouding his features. He sobbed and felt tears roll down his cheeks.
"Shh," Maggie said taking his hand. She cooed gently until he settled.
"Is she dead?"
"Yes Fox,"
"No, no it's not true. It's not true. Where's Scully? Where is she?"
"She's gone Fox. Dana's gone. I'm sorry." Maggie said trying again to calm him.
Wracking sobs took over his body and he cried unlike he ever had. He cried harder than he had after his mother's death and there was no Scully to comfort him. There would never be a Scully to comfort him again.
His state of distress elevated to a level that Maggie was forced to call in the nurse. She injected something into Mulder's IV line. He felt the fluid rush through his veins. Before the artificial sleep took him he saw Scully standing across the room from him.
"Scully," He whispered.
(..)
Mulder woke up in the same hospital room. He looked to where he'd seen Scully standing. She was gone.
"Mrs Scully," He said. "Maggie."
"Fox," She said taking his hand. "Don't you do that to me again. You hear that. I need you now."
"I'm sorry," He said tears slipping from his eyes.
"Shh," She cooed again and stroked his forehead.
Mulder relaxed and took note of the state his body was in. Both his legs were cast. His right was in traction. He had a bandage around his head and there was a constant throb behind his eyes. He detected other minor cuts and bruises.
"Maggie," He said looking across at her. She met his gaze, a familiar pain in her eyes. Scully's Father, then Melissa and now Scully. Mulder's heart throbbed to make it better for Maggie.
Maggie stood fast in her beliefs and Mulder knew in her mind Scully was somewhere far better than this. He had to agree. For his own sanity he had to believe Scully had finally found and out from this life that had given her so much pain and made her suffer so many losses.
"How long have I been here?" He asked.
"Eight days," Maggie said.
"The funeral?"
"I'm going to hold off. I know you want to be there. I know if you're not you'll never forgive me. I know how much she means, meant, to you."
"I think you knew before we did. Before we'd admitted it to ourselves."
"Maybe."
"I don't know if you're worried about it, but if it helps you at all. Scully and I never crossed the physical boundaries of our love. She never had. I swore to her that I wouldn't unless we were married."
"That does help Fox. I had always wondered if Dana would tell me when she finally..." She trailed off.
"She would have."
"I was so happy when she told me you'd finally gotten together."
"So was I. I mean when we did." He smiled. He couldn't believe he was smiling.
Talking about it helped. Remembering all the good things with someone who knew Scully as well as he did was a comfort. Maggie and Mulder where the only two people who knew Scully better than she knew herself.
Tears stung Mulder's eyes again. "Shh," Maggie whispered.
"You're so brave."
"I've had a week to shed my tears for Dana, and to accept that..." She stopped when tears flooded her eyes. They sat together and cried. Mulder saw a figure out of the corner of his eye. He was sure it was Scully. When he turned his head to look closer the figure disappeared.
(..)
Twelve days later, twenty days after the accident, Mulder rode to the church in the back of an ambulance. The doctors had given their reluctant ok for him to attend. They'd offered him painkillers but he'd refused. He wanted to have a clear mind today.
The ambulance pulled into the parking lot and Mulder was helped out. He sat in a wheelchair and let Skinner push him into the church. They sat in the front row. Maggie was at Mulder's side. She gripped his hand tightly.
When the time for the Eulogy came Mulder was helped up to the microphone. He cleared his throat and looked at the piece of paper in front of him. Tears clouded his eyes and made it hard for him to read. It didn't matter, he knew exactly what he wanted to say.
"One of the things I will always remember vividly about you, Scully, was the way you'd look at me with your huge blue eyes. You could see my heart and read my soul with those eyes and you used them to your advantage. You could get away with anything. They were big and wet and they held my attention through endless distractions. Your eyes were the first thing about you I fell in love with. The rest was soon to follow.
"Your smile radiated this aura of positive energy. You could melt ice with that smile. You always took on a positive attitude. You were plagued with bad luck your whole life but you never let it get to you. You were never bitter and could always find a way to continue.
"You could make me feel better just by being in the room and you always knew the right thing to say. You saved my life a hundred times over with no thought for yourself. I wish that I could be half the person you were because that would be a wonderful achievement." Mulder paused a moment and wiped his eyes. He knew his voice was trembling but he continued.
"I remember someone saying, in a Eulogy I heard once 'we can shed tears because she's gone, or we can smile because she lived' and I hope I can live up to that. Something else told to me by you, in a time of my own despair, after the death of my mother, 'death is a part of life'. I just wish it didn't have to be part of such a beautiful person's life.
"I love you Scully, Dana, always and I know you're in heaven watching over all of us. Even in death you're the only person who can get me into a church." He said and smiled despite himself and despite the tears that were flowing in rivers down his cheeks. He was helped back to his seat.
"Thank you," Maggie said wiping her eyes. "That was beautiful."
Mulder felt himself simply a spectator in the rest of the proceedings. Like someone watching a movie. The coffin was laid in the earth. Mulder threw in a handful of dirt along with the other mourners. He stayed beside the grave after the other people had left. Telling Skinner he needed a moment to pay his final respects.
He stayed silent and simply let tears run down his cheeks and memories run through his mind. As he sat he looked up and saw a figure standing on the other side of the grave.
"Scully," He whispered. She disappeared.
(..)
Thirty days after the accident Mulder was allowed to go home. He'd undergone multiple tests to determine if he'd suffered any brain injury in the crash.
His right leg was still plastered. It had been shattered and was pinned in three places. His left leg had broken bellow the knee and was now uncast. He got around on a walking cast or crutches when the pain was too much or if a lot of walking was involved. He was assured that with physical therapy he would walk again. The bruises and scrapes were almost completely healed.
He sat alone in the apartment that he and Scully had shared for three months prior to the accident. Maggie had been through a few days prior and dusted everything. Photos of the two of them graced the bookshelves and fireplace.
He sighed and stood up. He walked down to the bedroom and switched on the light. On Scully's bedside table was his favorite photo of the two of them. Maggie had taken it at a picnic they'd attended. He had Scully in a bear hug. They were both smiling broadly and looking towards the camera.
He admired Scully's face. Her teeth barred in a full-fledged grin. He sighed and paused to look the photo over before walking to his side of the bed. He sat down and opened the drawer. He rummaged through the hankies and socks until his fingers came to rest on a solid object. He lifted the black velvet ring case out of the drawer and opened it.
He gasped and looked up when he felt another presence in the room. Seeing Scully standing in the doorway to the bathroom he stood up. She disappeared.
Mulder sat back down and rubbed his hands through his hair. He sighed deeply. The radio on his alarm clock suddenly came on making him jump. He reached out with a confused expression and hit the snooze button. Nothing happened. He turned the volume switch down as low as it would go, still nothing changed. He got down onto the floor and reached for the power cable. He pulled the plug from the wall. The time display on the face went out but the music continued.
Mulder listed to the song...
"How do you talk to an Angel? It's like trying to catch a falling star..."
"Angels?" Mulder said to himself. He looked back to the bathroom door. Scully was standing there again. "Are you an angel?" He asked.
Scully remained unmoving. Mulder realized the music had stopped playing. He got himself back onto his feet. "How do you talk to an angel?" He asked. She disappeared. "Not like that." He said. He turned around to leave the room and almost fell backwards. Scully was standing in the doorway.
"Scully," He said. "Please, you have to speak to me. This is driving me crazy. Why can I still see you?" He chanced taking a step closer to Scully. She didn't disappear. He took another step.
"Scully," He said. There was a knock at the door. Scully disappeared. Mulder walked down and pulled the door open. The gunmen stood in front of him. "Hey guys." Mulder said. He let them into the apartment.
"Ah, how you doing Mulder?" Frohike asked.
"I'm doing ok." Mulder nodded. "Getting on with it all."
"Good."
"You guys just going to stand there, you want a beer? I should have some left in the fridge. Unless Scully drank the last one." He said walking towards the kitchen.
"Sounds great." Langley nodded.
"So, nice place you set up here." Frohike said over a beer.
"Yeh," Mulder nodded and smiled as he looked around. "I was never sure if I was the domestic sort. Before we moved in here, we were spending time in each other's apartments. Half our stuff at each. My apartment got that much neater and Scully's got that much messier. A happy medium I thought."
"You've done well."
"Yeh, it's an odd sort of domesticity we settled into. Like an old married couple."
(..)
Four months after the accident Mulder went back to work. He hit the snooze button on his alarm clock and sighed. He looked across and saw Scully standing in the corner. He smiled and got out of bed. He limped into the shower and got ready for work.
The image of Scully had become constant. He had tried to talk to her but found it useless. And so, just accepted that her image was there. It comforted him to see her. It made everything that much easier.
She was where ever he was. In the office, in the car, in the field, in the apartment.
(..)
One year after Scully's death Mulder returned to her grave. It wasn't the first time. But it was definitely the worst. He sat on the earth in front of her headstone and cried. Her image sitting silently beside him.
"Talk to me Scully, please." He said. His face buried in his hands. "I need you Scully, the only way I've been able to live is because you're still beside me. It's not enough anymore. I need something else. I need to hear your voice again. Anything, the periodic table of elements for Gods sake."
She disappeared like she always did when he tried to talk to her. He stood up and looked down on the grave. He looked up when he heard footfall. A woman walked towards the grave to his left. She sat down and put a pink rose on the grave. Mulder noticed she was visibly pregnant.
It started to spit rain. A few moments later it was bucketing down. He sighed and looked up at the sky. He could hear the woman next to him crying. Before his brain registered what his body was doing he was offering his hand to the woman.
"You shouldn't be out in this." He said. She looked at him with tears in her eyes. The rain washing away those that fell. After a minute of simply looking at each other she took his hand and let him pull her up.
"That's very kind of you." She said. "Thank you." Mulder just smiled. He reached out quickly and caught the woman when her knees failed. He held her steady.
"Are you all right?" He asked. She nodded slowly. He held her until he was sure her feet were stable underneath her. "Are you sure?"
"Yes, thank you. Just a little light headed."
"I'll walk you to your car." He said. She shook her head.
"I don't have one."
"How far away do you live?"
"Not that far. I'll be all right."
"Mm, I'm not so sure. You shouldn't be walking around in this anyway. I'll drive you home."
"I don't even know who you are." She said. Mulder smiled.
"That's true. I'm sorry, I'm just, I don't know."
"Dana Scully," She said reading the headstone. "Your wife?"
"Almost." Mulder said. "It was a car accident, a year ago."
"I'm sorry,"
"Don't be, you've obviously lost someone too."
"My husband. Six months ago. Car accident." She said.
"My names Mulder," He said holding out his hand.
"Mulder?"
"Fox Mulder,"
"Oh," She nodded. "Now I understand."
"I'm glad, I was beginning to think I was the only one who did."
"My names Mackenzie. Jocelyn Mackenzie, everyone calls me Mac."
"Nice to meet you." He said shaking her hand.
"This is Emanuel." She said putting her hand on her stomach. He reached out and touched her with the tip of his fingers. She lay her hand over his and pressed it down. He felt the baby moving. He smiled.
"Congratulations."
"Thank you."
"Dana and I couldn't..." he trailled of and shook his head.
"Chris never knew I was pregnant." Mac said. She sighed. "It's all to tragic." She said. I nodded.
"Are you sure I can't give you a lift somewhere. I promise I'm not a weirdo. Well actually I am weird but I'm not a dangerous nut case,"
"Just a harmless one."
"Mhm, that's right." He nodded. He took his badge out of his pocket and showed it to her.
"FBI," She smiled. "Well that answers for me. I don't trust FBI agents."
"Excuse me." She smiled and handed him a badge of her own.
"NYPD." Mulder smiled.
"Until I finish maternity leave. Then I'm going to be based here in Washington. This is where I grew up." She said as they started to walk away from the cemetery.
Mulder didn't see but Scully was standing behind him on her grave. Although it was pouring rain she wasn't getting wet. She looked as she always did, except now, she was smiling.
(..)
A week later Mulder sat in his office and tried to fill out an expense report from his latest investigation. No matter what he did the numbers didn't seem to add up. Scully was standing behind him. He sighed. His stomach rumbled again.
There was a soft knock at the door he looked up and smiled. "Hey Mac, great to see you." He smiled.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you were with someone."
"What?" Mulder said standing up. "You can see her." He said. Mac nodded.
"Yeh,"
"Oh wow,"
"What?" She asked.
"This is Scully," He said. "Dana Scully, the same Dana Scully whose grave we met on."
Mulder tried to get to Mac before she hit the ground but she wasn't fast enough. He knelt beside her and pulled her into his lap. She opened her eyes a moment later.
"Shh, just lie still."
"I don't understand."
"Ever since the accident. I've been able to see her. See just her image. Every time I try to speak to her she disappears. I thought I was the only person who could see her. I thought it was my active imagination."
"A ghost?"
"I thought maybe more of an angel. But that's the general idea. She's wearing the same pant suit she was wearing when we started driving. She's everywhere I go. Just standing there, sometimes sitting. It was kind of freaky at first, but I'm used to it now. I don't ignore her, but I don't often acknowledge her. It's nice to always have her around still. As warped as that sounds."
"An Angel." Mac said and passed out again.
"You want to give me a hand here." He said. "Maybe a hint or something." He looked up at Scully. She disappeared and reappeared in front of him, kneeling on the other side of Mac. Mac opened her eyes slowly.
"Fox," She said.
"Yeh," He said.
"Is she mad at me?"
"Hey, why would you think that?"
"Can she tell what I'm thinking?"
"Well I don't know, I can't talk to her. What have you been thinking?"
"About you and me." She said.
"Oh yeh, what about us."
"I came to ask you to lunch."
"Oh," Mulder said.
"I'm sorry, I just, you were the first person to be nice to me who really understood what I was going through."
"Shh," Mulder said pulling Mac higher on his lap. "It's all right." He said. He looked up at Scully. He watched her placid expression for a minute, then she smiled and disappeared. "Something tells me she doesn't mind."
"Really?" Mac asked. "So you'll come out with me."
"Sure, I want to keep an eye on you anyway." He said helping her back to her feet.
Mulder and Mac got to know each other over the next three months. Slowly they became an item. Scully hadn't disappeared for good and Mac was starting to get used to her always standing silently across the room. Mulder started to notice that Scully smiled and made other expressions occasionally. She didn't disappear every time he talked to her only sometimes.
(..)
"God Damn it," Mulder cursed and picked up his cell phone. It was now broken in half. He sighed and tried the light switch. Nothing happened. "No power." He said. He walked over and lifted the phone handset. "No phone." He sighed.
He fumbled around in the dark for a few minutes. He squinted and looked around for Scully. "Hey, there you are. You don't emit light by any chance do you?" He asked smiling. The room filled with light. "Hey, this wasn't such a bad afternoon after all."
"Go to the hospital Mulder, go to the hospital right away. Jocelyn's going to give you a chance to be part of something I could never give you."
"The baby," He said and ran out of the room. It didn't hit him until he was in the car that Scully had actually spoken.
"Joce," He said walking into the room she was lying in.
"Fox," She said. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. "I couldn't get onto you, the phone wasn't working. I thought you'd miss it. I didn't think you'd make it. I've been trying most of the day."
"I'm here," He said. "I'm here." He took her hand. A few hours later Mulder saw Emanuel for the first time. "He's perfect Jocelyn, he's just perfect. I'm so proud of you, you did so great."
(..)
A week later Mac took Emanuel home. Mulder helped her into her apartment.
"Thank you." She smiled. Mulder returned the smile. He carried Emanuel into his crib. Scully was standing next to it. Mac walked into the room behind Mulder. She looked up at Scully and smiled.
"I'm going to take a bath."
"Ok," Mulder nodded and smiled. After Mac had left the room Mulder turned back to Scully, he still had the baby in his arms.
"How do you talk to an angel?" He asked.
"You don't have to. They hear what you want to say."
"Why didn't you tell me that the first time I asked?"
"You weren't ready to hear." Scully said.
"Why?"
"Because, I have to say goodbye."
"You can't stick around anymore."
"No, I just wanted to make sure you were getting on all right. You're doing fine. I'm glad you're moving on. Jocelyn's great."
"I know,"
"I might drop in from time to time. Check up on Emanuel."
"What about me?"
"Well you're a big boy."
"So you're finally convinced I can take care of myself. Well, it's only taken eight years."
"No, I'm convinced Jocelyn's going to be able to handle taking care of you now."
"Figures." He smiled and put the baby down in the crib. "Why can Joce see you?"
"Because she's special." Scully said. "She's very special. You guys have a brilliant future together. Marriage, more kids and a dog. That's how special."
"Not as special as you. Nothing will ever replace what we had."
"I know." Scully nodded. "Nothing like your first true love."
"That's for sure."
"I love you Mulder." Scully smiled.
"I love you too Scully," He said. She walked over to him and hugged him. She reached up and pulled Mulder's head down to hers. They kissed.
"You're being so brave. You're moving on so well. It takes some people years to get over something like this. Some people never do."
"I miss you so much Scully." He said. "You were my life, you were the person I breathed for."
"I know," She nodded again. "But now, now you've got to breathe for yourself, you've got to take care of Emanuel and Jocelyn."
"Is it wrong? Me and Joce, so quickly?"
"No, no it's not wrong because I know you love her, and I know she loves you back."
"But it still hurts so much. So much." He said and pulled her tight against his chest. He put one hand on the back of her head and held it to his chest. His eyes started to fill with tears.
"I know," She nodded. He cried for what seemed like hours. He held Scully and she seemed content to let him. When he'd settled down. She pulled back and started to fade out. "Hey Mulder," She said. "The truth is out there."
"Really,"
"Mhm, you'll find it one day."
"I love you, always,"
"I love you too." She smiled and was gone. Emanuel started to cry. Mulder picked him up and comforted him. He started humming a tune and eventually started singing...
"I hear a voice in my mind
I know her face by heart
Heaven and earth are moving in my soul
I don't know where to start
Tell me, tell me, the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like trying to catch a falling star
At night I dream that she is there
And I can feel her in the air
Tell me, tell me, the words to define
The way I feel about someone so fine
How do you talk to an angel?
How do you hold her close to where you are?
How do you talk to an angel?
It's like trying to catch a falling star."
THE END