"EDDY!" Ed exclaimed as he stood over the toilet, wang in hand, "Something's wrong with my pee pee!"
"What're talkin' about, lumpy?!" replied Eddy, as he stormed into the bathroom; nudey magazines clenched in his fist. He tucked his dong back into his diaper and put his lotion back into the medicine cabinet.
"My pee pee is leaking! I thought nasty things about boobers and jelly came out from where I pee! I tried to eat it but it was too salty so I put it back in with a syringe."
Eddy rolled his eyes as he washed his wet, sticky hands in the bathroom sink. He lit a dooby and gave it to Ed to shut him up for a minute. He lit some incense and opened the bathroom window.
After Eddy's second hit, Double D burst through the door; interested in what the wonderful aroma lingering in the air was. He noticed the incense sitting tranquilly on the toilet. "Thank goodness it wasn't Ed's flower dump," Edd though to himself, "Ed eats flowers too often and I always fall for that trick. The aroma of human fertilizer mixed with the relaxing smell of flowers always seems to fool my keen sense of smell." When Double D realized that his mates were smoking pot, he was disgusted! "I say! Do you know what that trash does to people?! My word it makes me angry!" He stormed out of the bathroom to get the fuzz or 'po po' if you will.
"Relax, sock head! Just come take a quick puff and you'll forget this ever happened!" Eddy shouted.
"I'm more hungry than normal...I WANT SAUSAGE!" Ed exclaimed.
Eddy put on some Marley and got Dee to settle down.
"This is completely unsanitary!" Double D shouted to the blood shot, drooling Eddy.
"Cool." Replied Eddy to Big D.
Suddenly, Marie burst through the bathroom door. Her pregnant belly jutting through her small, sweat stained shirt. Even higher than kingdom come, Eddy could see the bulge.
"DAMN GIIIIRRRRLLLLLLL! YOU BE FATTER THAN MY BALLS!" The words seemed to slur out from his wet, crusty, slobbering lips.
"The term you're looking for is pregnant, baldy! And it's Double D's worm that took refuge in my dirty womb!" Marie shouted, annoyance obvious in her voice.
Eddy and Ed attempted to look at each other in disbelief, but instead dumped in each others laps. Eddy breathed in deep, and blew smoke out of his nose like a dragon. "So she's knocked up" PPFFTFTTT, he pooped in his pals lap, "big deal."
"Well of course it's a big deal, Eddy! I impregnated poor Marie with my adolescent seed and will soon have offspring! Plus, the doc said she's going to have to deliver the baby via belly button, because we're so young and he wanted to teach us a lesson and make sure we never do this again! How could I have been so foolish! I let the beast lose from it's cage and now I have a great responsibility!" Double D said, his face flushed.
"PERIODS ARE COOL!" Ed shouted.
"Is that really appropriate, Ed? Women have a really tough time! They are the ones who go through the PAIN!" Double D said scornfully at the 'Ed.'
Ed stuck his finger up his nose and chuckled, "I think my head is empty, Double D."
"And I can see where it went...oh dear..." he covered his eyes before they wandered to Ed's nether regions.
Eddy laughed, "of course its empty, of brains!"
"and blood..." Double D added.
Ed was staring at Marie's impregnated gut with wonder.
"HEY! Get your peeping eyes off of Marie!" Double D crossed his arms, "I expected a more mature response to the situation from you two. I obviously thought incorrectly the outcome of my actions in showing you Marie."
"OUCH!" Marie slouched over as the monster baby in her stretched vagina kicked at her stomach. "GET THIS THING OUTTA ME!" she punched her stomach, "relax in there!"
D-Dizzle looked worriedly at his lover, "You'll be alright! Oh dear, I feel woozy."
Ed proceeded to punch Marie in the stomach as hard as he could.
"She did it, so I did too." Ed said calmly.
After blood dripped out of her popped out belly button, he was content, and stopped punching her.
Double Deez heart raced when he realized Eddy was missing from the room, or so it seemed.
"OH DEAR! Where's Eddy?!" The D man said, biting his nails in worry over his high friend.
Ed laughed easily, "Silly Double Diarrhea, he's stuffed in the toilet."
"WHAT?! Whats he doing in the toilet?!"
"He said he needed privacy but usually he's ok with doing that sort of thing in front of his friends." Ed said as he used it unibrow to floss his teeth.
While Double D wondered how he was able to do such a feat, Eddy lifted the toilet seat and crawled out of the toilet, a puff of smoke escaping with him.
"Join me ladies, the waters fine." He said with a mouthful of urine. He all of a sudden fell to the ground like a rag doll and flopped around on the porcelain tiles on the floor like a fish out of water. His tender junk hung out of his diaper which was now as soggy as bread soaked in water. The outline of his extremely huge bush was now very evident.
Marie gagged, "This is what you nincompoops do in your free time?!"
Double D smiled nervously, "I guess you can say that..." He laughed sheepishly at his lover.
"I didn't say I didn't like it!" she said. She began to walk towards them to except a joint when all of a sudden her belly burst. A hand jerked out of her belly button and grabbed her arm. She screamed in fear as a head proceeded to pop out of her gut with a snake like tongue and a fiery look in its demonic eyes.
"FEED ME!" The spawn of satan said with a mouth full of placenta; it then spit at its juvenile mother.
Double D's face lit up with joy, "Oh my goodness gosh! This is the most glorious thing my eyes have ever had the pleasure of seeing! It's a marvel to science!"
Marie looked at her gentleman lover in disbelief. Not only was his statement very unnecessary for the moment, but his shladoodle was as erect as a skyscraper. Not only was his, but to her displeasure, she saw the other Ed boys had been visited by the wood fairy as well.
Ed chuckled, "This feels funny!"
"Oh shut up, *hiccup* Double Lumpy!" Eddy said as vomit squeezed between his clenched teeth. His nipples spontaneously began to bleed pussy blood, veins popped from his head as his bowels gave way and dropped a sloppy load on the once-white floor.
Marie beat the abomination poking through her belly button with a broken bottle of gin that happened to be next to the toilet for those 'long trips to the oval office'. "Stay in until we get back to the bathtub at Double D's house, ya little varmint!" Marie SCREAMED as loud as she could.
The satanic spawn made a noise that seemed to sound like a response to her request. Almost instantly, it crawled back into its host, leaving a gaping hole in her belly.
Double D's eyes sparkled, "As beautiful as this creation may be, it seems Eddy may be choking on his own dong which is not good...I think. I've never tried it, perhaps I'll give it a whirl someday but right now his face is turning blue."
Eddy's face turned a dark blue, his sides heaved as he gasped for smoke filled air. Ed began to take notice of the situation and grew worried for his pal.
"ED IS HERE TO HELP YOU, EDDY! DON'T LOSE HOPE!" Ed shrieked.
Double D patted his friend on the back, "Don't worry, Ed. I'll have him fixed in no time at all!"
"Uh, excuse me," Marie said impatiently, "giving birth here! He's biting his umbilical cord trying to escape me, I need to get it out of me."
"LOOK AT MY TRICK!" Ed yelled. The gang looked at Ed as his tone sounded urgent. Ed had his butt pushed up to the wall as he pooped. The feces smeared on the wall as he laughed with amusement.
"Congratulations Ed, you learned to how poop." Double D said in annoyance.
Eddy all of a sudden coughed up his shlong, "You are all quitters!" he randomly said, not at all knowing what the hell was going on.
Marie screamed as the monster in her gut began to punch her in the face and pinch her boob.
"GET ME OUTTA HERE!" The thing in her vagina yelled.
Double D reached his shaky hands into her stomach and pulled out a little Ed.
"WHAT THE-" He choked out.
"Wait baby, I can explain!" Marie stammered as the the baby Ed began to stuck his foot.
Double D looked very hurt, "Well start explaining ya blue haired whore!"
"Baby D, theres no need to call me something like that! You know your my man!"
"UH OH! FRICTION!" Eddy yelled from the bathtub which was quickly filling with his puss and urine. "DOUBLE DOUCHE BAG IS GONNA GET DOUBLE DU-" he began to stare at his foot and paused for a few seconds. "MMMPPPPPED!" he finished.
"Why does our creation look like Ed then?" Double D said sadly.
"BUTTERED TOAST! FEED ME!" baby Ed said as he suckled at Marie's 6 teets.
Ed got bored and proceeded to hang horizontally in-between the door frame and jiggle his fat.
"MY BALLS ARE DANGLING!" Ed giggled.
"Double D, you must understand, Ed and I had an affair. THERE, I SAID IT!" Marie said as she flicked her nipples to allow them to stiffen for her Ed-spring to suckle.
Double D could not believe his ears. He looked at Ed then little Ed and wondered where he went wrong. Why would she do this to him? It just didn't add up. He was good to her, he did everything she asked him to do. He had feelings for her and had thought she had feelings for him too. His eyes began to well up with tears when he was pulled from his thoughts when he heard a loud splosh. Eddy had dropped a loaf in the tub. As he recalled what he was thinking before he was rudely interrupted by Eddy's missile, he heard Ed exclaim something appalling.
"NEXT TIME I'D BETTER WEAR A DONG BAG!" He said confidently.
Chills raced up Double D's spine at the thought of Ed's old, saggy, lumpy, hairy pocket rocket. He glanced over at papa Ed who was smoking a dooby from his butt hole. Little Ed did the same.
"What're we gonna name him?" Marie asked.
"WE?! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THESE SHENANIGANS! WHY DON'T YOU JUST ASK BUNG WIPE, FAT GIGGLING, BALL TICKELING ED OVER THERE?!" Double D yelled. He pulled up his pants, grabbed his notebook and camera, and stormed out.
Ed looked over at Marie, blood shot and dazed. He staggered over to her. She was thrilled, he was coming over to hug her and the baby. What a great dad he was going to be. They made eye contact, he sheepishly smiled, and as Marie went to scuffle his hair, he bent over, opened her pants and threw up inside.
"Ew, Ed!" Marie screamed, "It's chunky and gooey!"
She put the baby in his arms and began to storm out of the bathroom. On her way out she noticed Ed's old, fat dog was dead in the corner. It's head was in a bag of rat poison and it's butt was exposed.
"THIS IS BECAUSE OF YOU, ED!" Marie yelled, fighting back tears.
She walked up to the dog, and shoved her face into it's butt hole. She suffocated, and died.
"Just you and me Eddy, just like earlier! Ha ha." Ed said, dumbly.
He placed the baby under his sweaty, hairy, crusty man boob and rolled out of the bathroom. Suddenly though, he stopped in his tracks. He heard a loud splash and a strong urine smell filled the air. He heard gurgling.
"PROBABLY JUST A CHICKEN!" Ed said happily as skipped out.
Little did he know that his good pal Eddy had just drowned in the bathtub filled to the brim with his puss, crap and urine.
The End :)