A/N: I recently became addicted to the show Castle. This is my first attempt at writing Castle so please be patient? I'm still getting used to the characters and all! I hope you like it, for a first try.
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing you recognize! I don't own characters, Nikki Heat or anything!
SPOILER: Knockout and Rise.
It was late at night. The moon was in the sky with twinkling stars surrounding it. It was almost a full moon that night, but not quite.
Kate Beckett was at home, lying in bed. She couldn't sleep. It wasn't because of the old reasons, that they couldn't figure out the case or because she was thinking about her mother's murder. It wasn't even the newer, but still old, reasons which were that she was worried about something, either herself or Castle. It was a new reason, one that had only plagued her for a few months. But this new reason was one that worse than all the others combined.
She couldn't sleep because she kept having nightmares. These nightmares weren't just crazy things she concocted in her mind. No, these nightmares were memories, flashbacks. These days, whenever Kate closed her eyes, she only saw the bullet flying toward her, hitting her in the chest. She saw, and felt, herself falling back.
And nobody could help her get over the nightmares. The only person, the one she would trust, couldn't help. She only wanted to talk to one person about it. But she couldn't. She couldn't talk to him without telling him that she remembered.
She just wanted to talk to Castle, tell him about it. But how could she do that without letting him know that she remembered all of it? And she couldn't let him know she remembered all of it.
What's the worst that could happen? asked the voice inside her head.
The worst that could happen would tear her apart. She knew what he had said to her. She had lied and told him she didn't remember only because she was afraid. At the time, it had been a shock, something she barely believed. But she knew it had really happened. She had told him she didn't know because she wasn't sure what she was feeling. It only took her a month or two to realize her mistake.
The truth was, Kate really loved Castle. She did. But she'd been with Josh and then she'd been shot and in the hospital. By the time she came to the conclusion that what he said had been true and that she loved him, she figured it would be too late.
She didn't expect him to wait for her. She didn't expect him to never move on. Her telling him that she didn't remember was the perfect way to let him move on. At the time, that was what she had wanted. But now, now she didn't want that. Not at all.
Then tell him now! the voice said.
She guessed that she could tell him now. She could tell him that she remembered and that she loved him. But what if he had moved on? What if he didn't love her anymore? What if she had waited too long?
She still lay in her bed, contemplating everything, like she did every night. It was no different than always. When she couldn't sleep, she just sat there, thinking over the what ifs and maybes.
But it was different now. The nightmares were getting worse, not better, and she couldn't take it anymore. She had to talk to somebody. The only question was, who? She had ruled out Ryan and Esposito a long time ago. Iron Gates was out too, definitely out. There was always Lanie, but Kate didn't even know where she would begin with her. She didn't know what to tell her.
That left Castle. Only Castle.
Sighing and doing something she had never thought she would do, Kate got up and changed out of her pyjamas. She did it without thinking, for she feared thinking would make her stop. Her heart told her she should do this, she had to do this. But her mind was telling her the opposite.
'Atta girl! the voice said. The voice in her head was more like a voice from her heart.
She made her way to his apartment. When she reached his door, it finally dawned on her that it was way past midnight and that he would probably be asleep. What was she going to do? Wake him up just to tell him about a nightmare? Yeah, right.
She turned around, intending to head back to her apartment when the door opened behind her. She spun around, half hoping it was Castle.
"Kate?" Alexis asked. "What are you doing here?"
She shrugged, "I wanted to talk to your dad. But it's late and not that important."
"It's obviously important," Alexis smiled at the detective. "You wouldn't be here if it wasn't. Does it have something to do with a case?"
Kate smiled and shook her head, "Kind of."
"Well," Alexis said. "You're in luck. He's not asleep. One sec?"
Kate nodded and Alexis headed around the corner, leaving the door open. Taking it as an invitation, she entered the apartment.
"Kate?" Richard Castle rounded the corner. Alexis was gone now. Kate assumed he had sent her upstairs.
"Castle," she smiled. "What are you doing up?"
"I could ask you the same question," he shrugged. "But I was writing."
"Nikki Heat?" she asked and he nodded. "Ah. I couldn't sleep."
"Want to talk about it?" he asked.
And Kate's body split in two. Half was shouting at her, telling her to leave and never talk to him again. But the other half, the one she liked more at the moment, was telling her to do it, to tell him everything she needed to say.
Slowly, she nodded, "Yeah."
Slightly surprised, as though he had not been expecting that answer, he motioned toward the couch. She went and took a seat, allowing him to sit beside her. She didn't speak, not for a bit. Her mind was processing what to say.
Come on, Kate, you can do it! the encouraging voice cheered her on.
She took a deep breath and looked right at him, "I lied."
The look of surprise turned to one of confusion as he looked at her and said, "You lied? About what?"
"When I..." she trailed off. She couldn't do this, what was she thinking! She looked at him in panic, not sure what to say or how to say it. She didn't even know if she could say it.
"It's okay," he soothed her. He seemed to understand what was going on in her mind, even if he didn't know what it was all about. "Take all the time you need."
She took a few deep breaths and told herself to just blurt it out. So she did, "I remember. Everything. I remember everything about the funeral and being shot."
The surprise-turned-confusion-turned-understanding look on his face once again returned to surprise. He didn't know what to say.
"Castle?" she asked, lowering her eyes from his gaze. She couldn't look into them anymore. She had either just made the best decision of her life, one that would get her him. Or she had made the biggest mistake, and she could lose him completely for that, not just as a partner, but as a friend.
"You remember?" he asked. He wanted to make sure he had heard right.
She nodded slowly, "Sorry I didn't tell you..."
"And...?" he asked, pulling her chin up so that she was looking into his eyes again.
"And?" she asked.
"You know what I said then," he asked and she nodded slowly. "So then, do you have anything to say about that? Isn't that why you came here?"
She nodded and then shook her head, "Not why I came here, actually. I couldn't sleep. I keep having nightmares about that day. But, I did have something I wanted to say."
He smiled and then tried to hide it. But Kate was a trained detective, she didn't miss the smile. It was that smile that reassured her that it would be okay. It was that smile that told her that he hadn't moved on, not yet. She was just in time.
"I think I love you too," she whispered.
The moments following didn't move quickly. They were slow. She looked into his eyes, he looked in hers. They both smiled at each other and took in what had just been said. He still loved her! She loved him too! They silently rejoiced, separately and together.
He leaned over and kissed her gently. It wasn't their first kiss. They'd kissed before, but not like this. Those ones, even though they had both meant something, didn't count. They hadn't been real kisses. This one, however, was as real as they came.
She kissed him back and smiled against his lips. He smiled against hers.
Suddenly, he pulled back, "What nightmares?"
She laughed slightly, "I was having nightmares about being shot. But," she leaned into him ever so slightly, "I don't think it'll be much of a problem anymore."
She closed her eyes as she rest her head against his shoulder. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep. No nightmares, no images, just peace.
He laid her down on the couch and covered her up with his favourite blanket. She kissed her forehead and went to the chair opposite her. He sat in it, not to move until sunrise.
Kate didn't have nightmares that night. She slept more peacefully that she had even before she'd been shot. There was something comforting about knowing that he still loved her and knowing that he knew she loved him. It was like it was okay now, everything was okay.
Morning came and with it, it brought Alexis downstairs. She came into the sitting room only to discover her father, fast asleep in his chair, and Kate Beckett, asleep on the couch. She was covered in her father's blanket. Not even Alexis was allowed to use that blanket.
She smiled at the sight of them. She knew what had happened. She'd never tell them, didn't want to blow her secret, but she knew. It was pretty clear from the look on Kate's face, when she arrived during the night, what she had to say. And any doubts in Alexis' mind had just been erased from seeing her asleep on the couch.
A/N: Well, I hope it wasn't too terrible! Please review and let me know what you thought? I know, it probably sucked, but try to be a little nice in the reviews?