It was one of these a-lot-of-paperwork-inside-and-rain-outside-days.
One could not go out of the office, because others would call One "useless"; One could only stay inside and try to make the best out of it- much hard with all the letters on the desk and a First Lieutenant who would watch One to do the so-much-hated-paper-stuff properly.
In other words... it was one of these days Roy Mustang hated. He sat in front of the window, arms on the desk, head on arms, and sighed.
"Please, Colonel, do your work! The sooner you're finished, you can go."
"Go where?", Roy growled. "As soon as I take a step outside not less than half of HQ will jump on me from preventing me of the danger of "being useless"."
Riza looked up from the papers she was working on (and almost finished). Her face showed surprise.
"Why should you be"useless"?", she asked.
Roy almost felt off his chair. What was going on? Did he hear her right?
""Useless", Lieutenant! You know, "having no ability or skill in a specified activity or area"."
"And? You don't have to give me the thesaurus explanation, I know the word."
Roy starred at her. Somehow he felt afraid. But this was... his First Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye, or not!
She stood up and put a cup of tea at his desk. "Here. And what is the point with going out?"
"RIZAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"Roy jumped up, grabbed her arms and swung her back and forth, his face showing a mixture of disbelief and desperation. "RIZA, RIZA, RIZA, RIZA, RIZAAAAAAA!"
"What the- Let me go, Colonel!"
"I am the Flame Alchemist! Flames... Fire! And out side is Rain...Water! If I get wet I cannot use my Alchemy and am USELESS! Don't you remember when we went after Scar? You made me fall, because I just run forward to catch him (-and impress you-)! I AM USELESS ON RAINY DAYS!" He starred at her, now out of breath.
"I remember all this", Riza answered angry and took his hands off her.
"So why do you ask?", Roy was now totally desperated. He needed something to drink. Gin would be fine, Tequila, Wodka... something that would give him a nice headache for the next hours so he would be unable to think properly and could just sleep on this uncomfortable sofa in the office.
"Well the point is", Riza explained. "That you might get wet outside."
"Yes, getting wet tends to happen when you walk in rain..."
His First Lieutenant pointed at a corner in the office, right next to the door. "That is why we bought you an umbrella, did you forget it?"
...
Roy starred at her.
Umbrella.
Then he looked at the corner.
An umbrella.
He looked back at Riza Hawkeye and back to the umbrella and to Riza and to the umbrella and...
"I... have an umbrella", he commented.
"Yes, indeed Sir, you have."
"I have an umbrella!" Roy laughed loud and wild. "Yes, I remember, it was two weeks ago."
"You had a very bad week", Riza nodded.
"General Raven made fun of me, because I came wet to the office and couldn't make a fire."
"You came in and were very angry."
"And you, Fuery, Havoc, Breda and Havoc were all here and smiling."
"We had planned that for long, but we didn't find a nice one." She smiled at the memory.
"First I was angry about that joke, but then it was so touching!"
"Yes, you were so happy you proposed to me."
"You slammed a book on my head and disagreed."
"Sure I did. You should take your happiness to do your stuff and not fooling around."
"That reminds me", Roy sighed. "The stuff now... There's a lot to do!"
"But aren't you motivated? You can finish it quickly and go home without being useless, because you have the umbrella!"
Roy whirled around. "That is it! You're right, Lieutenant!"
*BOOM!*
Papers and ashes flew around and heat filled the room.
Riza starred angrily at her superior which stood behind his desk, with a dumb smile, like frozen, the right hand pointing forward.
"O-Oops...! Ehehe..."
"Colonel", she begun, trying to stay calm. "Make a memo in your -hopefully existing- brain: "No snipping with the fingers when you have your gloves on! Neither to the rhythm of music, nor to show your affection towards an idea!" "
"I will remember that... promised", Roy answered, slowly looking around the office, where signs of a large fire had caused some inflicts to the chairs, door, desk and... he looked down. Where before his tons of paperwork had lain, were no two small hills of ashes.
Two seconds passed...
three...
four...
five...
"So, I'm done! No papers to finish today!" He grabbed the umbrella and went in the direction of the door, trying to look as dignified as possible; as if he hadn't burned out of pure stupidity two hundred important letters. "Have a nice day, Lieutenant!"
He rushed out before she could stop him, humming luckily.