[Trigger warning for suicide in this first chapter]

Hi guys! This fic is inspired by the situation in Emma's wish realm, as well as by bandit Regina and a few other bits and pieces of the canon storyline.

This is a swan queen fic, but there's quite a lot of build up so Emma enters the fic kind of late. I felt like this was necessary to tell the story, but I realize it might be quite annoying… I promise you'll meet her in chapter two, though. I hope you enjoy your read

Chapter I: Banishment

Once upon a time… Snow White and prince Charming tricked the Evil Queen, took away her magic and made sure she could never hurt them again. They banished her from their kingdom and restored the peace in their realm. They lived happily ever after in their palace, with their daughter Emma, whom they raised to be a proper princess.

The Evil Queen found her fate heavy to bear; so much so that after seven months of banishment she was preparing her suicide. She had travelled through four realms so far, each of them further away from the Enchanted forest, and yet in every one of them her reputation had preceded her. Every time she entered a new realm the same thing would happen: first, people would be afraid, and she was able to live in peace for a couple of weeks, getting everything she needed by being as intimidating as she could possibly be without putting up a magic show. Unfortunately for her, news travelled fast, and as soon as the people discovered that her magic had been taken away they would turn to taunting her. She had been abused both physically and mentally countless times and had had no way of fighting back. She was not physically strong, and her sharp tongue was hardly intimidating now that the people knew that everything she sputtered at them were empty threats. So it happened that the once mighty Evil Queen was now all alone in a forest, with ripped and dirty clothes and full of the scars and still-open wounds the harassments had caused, tying a hangman's noose. She had learned to do this when she was still in power and had found a cruel satisfaction in tying the knot for some of the many people that had been hanged by her command. All of that seemed a lifetime ago now. Once she had secured the noose to a low hanging branch of a tree, the exiled queen took a step back and sighed. After all that she had been through, the epic life she had lived, this ending seemed almost anticlimactic. She looked around her at the squirrels that hopped from branch to branch looking for food, and the birds that were tweeting happily to each other, and almost started to feel melancholic, but then shook her head and determinedly walked towards the tree that would be her final resting place. As she placed the rope around her neck, she whispered "May I die as Regina," and closed her eyes.

"Stop!" Regina's eyes shot open. The voice had sounded cloudy, as if it was not from someone that was physically there, but a figment of her imagination. Was this normal when you were trying to kill yourself, to have your brain tell you that you shouldn't? But then Regina saw a blue light approaching her. "Blue… The Blue Fairy?!"

"Indeed," said Blue as she made herself big and made her fluttering wings disappear behind her back.

The mere sight of someone from her own realm shocked Regina, and for a moment she didn't know what to say. Then she remembered the way she had always spoke to people from her there, and in a sneer said "I don't know what you're doing here, dragonfly, but I'm kind of in the middle of a private affair."

"I can see that," said Blue while she lifted her wand. "That's why I'm here." With a flick of her wrist, Blue made the rope disappear.

"Hey! All you've ever wanted was to have me gone, why can't you just let me die in peace, you cruel bitch?!" Regina was furious. "If I had my magic right now, you'd be burnt to a crisp already!"

"It's a good thing you don't have it anymore, then" replied the fairy, which made Regina even more angry. Before she could start cursing again, however, Blue spoke again. "As I'm sure you are aware, you're quite defenceless against me, so I suggest you save the both of us some time and just listen to what I have to say. You might find that it is in your best interest."

"Nothing you fairies have ever done has been in my best interest," said Regina in a disdainful tone.

Blue raised an eyebrow. "You are quite mistaken, Regina, but I know blaming everyone but yourself for your own misery is kind of your thing. Now, are you going to listen to me?"

Regina, knowing she didn't have much of a choice, gave the fairy a sharp look before replying "Fine."

"Alright. Here's the deal. I'm here to offer you another chance at a decent life."

Regina rolled her eyes. "Not this crap again?! Why do you heroes keep making me suffer and then expect me to be grateful for your 'second chances'?"

"I never said you had to be grateful. Now that you're powerless and have no way of hurting anyone, I'd be terribly cruel if I didn't give you another chance, and being cruel is against fairy laws. Look, either you take it or you die alone in the middle of this forest, have it your way. I've stopped you once, but I won't again. But first hear me out." Blue paused, expecting another sharp reply, but Regina remained silent. "Clearly being the way you are now, you have no chance at redeeming yourself. Everyone knows who you are. Therefore, I will change your appearance. I will transform you, make you look like a different woman."

Suddenly the woman in front of her let out an empty laugh. "Ha! And what makes you think I'd want to live out my life as some sort of peasant? What makes you think I wouldn't rather die here?"

Blue was prepared for this question. "Because you're a fighter, Regina. You have never given up so easily. I can't imagine you really want to give up your life like this when you have one more chance to actually live."

Regina went over the fairy's offer in her mind. Blue wasn't only giving her another chance at life – if she were unrecognizable, she would be able to get close to Snow again. She could get her revenge after all. It wasn't too late. A genuine smile spread on her face. "Fine. I'll take it."

"Not so fast, Regina. As you're aware, there's always a catch. I will transform you into a woman your age… But once the transformation is complete, you will not age until you find a way to love yourself and others. Once you manage to do this, you will transform back into yourself and your inner clock will start going forward again."

Regina laughed again. "You're giving me eternal youth?! This just keeps getting better."

"You will find that isn't as great as it sounds. What's the point of eternal life if you don't have anyone to share it with? You'll find you have a hole in your heart, one that must be filled with love. Until then, you'll be miserable."

"So be it" said Regina. Not aging? That would give her plenty of time to get closer to Snow White. Even if she could never hurt her, she would be able to outlive Snow. She would be around when the precious queen died. Regina didn't even consider the possibility that she might start her inner clock again any time before that happened – she needed to see Snow suffer before she could ever be happy. She didn't mention any of this to Blue, of course. "Just do it."

Blue nodded. "Don't make me regret this," she said, and flicked her wrist again. Regina felt herself grow a few inches and saw the cuts and bruises on her arms fade away. "There. Good luck, Regina. Remember that happiness may be found in unexpected places," said Blue, before turning herself into her firefly-like fairy form again and flew away. Once she had left her sight, Regina rolled her eyes once more. "Right. Like in Snow White's death."

On her way to the nearest village, Regina ran into a well filled with water, in which she saw her new reflection for the first time. She smirked. Her hair was still dark, but dark brown rather than black and with a reddish undertone. It fell to her shoulders in curls. When she met her own eyes she found that they were hazel instead of the deep brown she was used to. Her face was a bit longer, and her slightly turned-up nose was covered in freckles. Overall, she looked quite handsome. Of course, Blue must have thought it was probably easier to find love when you were slightly attractive. "Why thank you, Blue," Regina murmured to herself.

The first thing Regina did in this village was post a letter to her father, in which she announced her suicide, pretending she'd actually gone through with it. It pained her to think of how her father would feel, knowing that she'd come to such a tragic end, but she could never face the man again anyway. She knew he'd try to hold a memorial service, and even though no one would show up for her, the news that she'd died would spread.

Then she figured that it would probably be best to get a horse. Since she had plenty of time to get back to the Enchanted Forest, however, she wasn't in any hurry in getting one and decided she might as well work for it. She applied for a job as waitress at a tavern, introducing herself as Wilma. This tavern became her home for the year that followed. Within six months she had made enough money to leave the place, what with all the tips she got from tipsy sailors, but she was reluctant to leave. Often times she found herself wondering if this was what her life could have been like, had her mother not been so pushy about climbing the class ladder. She felt like she owed it to the adventurous young girl she used to be to live this experience to the fullest. But the longer she stayed, the harder it became to keep up that wall she had built up for so many years to keep people out. Her colleagues disliked her, since she would never socialize with them. It was getting harder to deal with the male guests, too. She was very popular with them and would occasionally sleep with some of them, but only with those she found rather unattractive, in fear of meeting the person that would break her transformation. One day a familiar looking man came into the tavern and started flirting with her. When she saw the tattoo of a lion on his wrist, she nearly dropped her tray. This was the man Tinkerbell had said she was destined to be with. She had been too afraid to approach him back then, and now she was actually terrified. It was time to leave. The following day she quit her job, bought a horse, packed the few belongings that she had gathered over the past few months, and started on her journey back to the Enchanted Forest.

Riding a horse again for the first time in so many years was an amazing feeling. Regina had named her new steed Daniel, after the stable boy who had been responsible for her love for riding. They took the scenic route wherever they could, and Daniel willingly obeyed as she made him jump over fallen tree trunks and wade through streams. Their journey was filled with adventures and occasionally even helping people, which Regina grew to enjoy more than she liked to admit. She learned much about survival, the different kingdoms, and herself. And then, after two years, she finally stood before the borders of the kingdom that was once hers. Although she had been a little worried about border control, Snow and Charming seemed very confident that with Regina all threats to their kingdom had vanished, and she could enter without any trouble. In fact, she managed to get very close to the palace she once called her home. In the woods surrounding the palace she found a massive hollow tree trunk, much like a cave. Now that she was used to living in the wilderness, she decided to make this her and Daniel's home. Now quite a skilled hunter, she lived from the royal livestock. Occasionally she would sell some of it at a village market. The money she earned she used to go drinking in one of the local bars. Here she would pick up many rumours about the royal family.

For example, 18 years after the queen's banishments, princess Emma had birthed a son. It was quite the scandal, as she was not known to be married and the father quickly disappeared. Although the royal family claimed that it was true love and he was a heroic knight who died a tragic death right after they had sealed their marriage in private, the villagers thought they knew better: since barely any battles were being fought in this realm anymore, the chances of knights dying heroically were quite slim. What's more, said knight was known to be a regular client at the local brothel, but suddenly disappeared right after the announcement of the pregnancy, probably eliminated by the royal family. Regina tried to keep up with the whereabouts of the royal family as well as she could, always hoping that perhaps Snow White had died, or she would hear something that gave her a chance at getting her revenge. After the years passed, though, she wasn't quite sure anymore whether she was doing it out of hate or out of habit.

The days all blurred together, and if she didn't see the people in the villages aging she'd think that she was reliving the same day over and over again. On the rare occasions she's catch a glimpse of the royal family, she'd seen Snow pass her own age, and then grow into an actual grandma. She was now almost sixty years old, had grey hair and a wrinkled face. Regina wished more and more each day that she'd age as well. It would probably take at least another 28 years before Snow would die, and then what was she going to do with her life? The kingdom would still belong to the Charming dynasty, and she was cursed to witness this forever, from her lonely tree trunk. She had already lost her precious horse, her only friend, and had taken on a new auburn steed named Florence. How many horses was she going to have to go through before she finally met her end?

Then one day in the middle of summer, twenty-eight years after her banishment,something happened. Regina was grooming Florence when she heard the approaching sound of hooves beating on the forest ground, accompanied by a desperate cry for help. When she turned her head she saw a horse galloping towards her. On its back was a boy, clasping himself to the horse's manes, clearly not in control of the animal. It was the prince, Henry. Regina had spied on him many times as he was walking through the court yards with his mother. A child of the royal family on a wild horse… Was fate mocking her? This was the exact same situation she'd been in all those years ago. The moment that had changed, ruined, her life. Perhaps this time it was different, though. Maybe this time it would have the opposite effect: wouldn't saving that boy bring her close to the royal family? Regina mounted her unsaddled horse and urged her to gallop as fast as she could towards the boy, yelling "Come on, Florence!" Once she had caught up with him, she yelled "Give me your hand!" and pulled the boy onto her own horse. She stopped Daniel and helped the boy get off her horse. "Are you okay?"

"Yes! You've saved my life. Thank you." The boy was panting. His hair was a mess and his face was red.

Regina grabbed the royal horse's reigns and gave them back to the boy. "What a beautiful horse you have. And… is that the royal crest on its saddle pad?" She tried her best to sound amazed.

The boy looked nervous. "It is. I'm kind of the prince. But I'm not supposed to be riding on my own out here. Please don't tell anyone?"

Regina's heart sank. Clearly this child was not going to introduce her to his family. She curtsied. "It is an honour to meet you, my majesty."

Henry clearly wasn't much impressed with courtly manners, though. "Just call me Henry. What's your name?"

"It's W- Florence," said Regina, remembering that she had used the name Wilma when she had been undercover with Snow once before.

"Florence? I thought that was your horse's name? You were shouting it when you came after me." Henry eyed her curiously.

"My horse? Oh no, I was just encouraging myself… I do that sometimes." Regina tried to give an embarrassed smile.

Henry laughed. "Well, Florence, you seem a skilled equestrian."

"Thank you. I've had a good teacher."

Henry sighed "I haven't been so lucky. My mum – well, my grandparents, really, don't even want me to ride. But I'm a prince, I'm supposed to do things like this!"

Regina nodded understandingly. "So you decided to try it today." The boy blushed and looked ashamed. Regina giggled "I was exactly the same at your age, sweetheart."

Henry's face brightened. "Really?"

"Uhu."

"Well… could you teach me?" Henry looked up at her with begging eyes. "To ride a horse, I mean. I am able to sneak out quite regularly."

Regina hesitated. "Behind your family's back? I'm not sure that's best…"

Henry pouted. "Please? You're the most skilled rider I've ever seen!"

"Alright then." What did she have to lose, really? Even if something extreme happened like they captured her, it would mean getting closer to the royal family. "When can we start?"

"Tuesdays at 10? I'll meet you here."

"Sure," said Regina, and they shook hands to seal the deal. Once Henry was out of sight, she patted her steed's neck. "Guess we're going to have to come up with a new name for you, huh? How about Ruby?" Ruby neighed in agreement.