After months of laziness and general procrastination, I present to the world my fail attempt at a fanfic. I apologise if it's too terrible. Also, this is a (very belated) birthday present for both phanpymanaphy and Bel! Happy Birthday!

Bel sat at the dining table glaring sullenly at Fran's frog hat. The hat simply glared back. An overly-pink and frilly sewing kit 'borrowed' from Lussuria was sitting next to the giant hat. It mocked him.

This was too much. Why did he, a Prince, have to be subjected to this humility? Why did he, and not Fran himself, have to do this?

"Bel-senpai, what are you getting me for Christmas?"

"Ushishishi, absolutely nothing. But the frog has to give the Prince twice as much since his birthday is coming up too."

"No way, senpai, that's unfair."

"Ushishishi, deal with it. After all, I'm a Prince."

"You're such a terrible Prince, senpai. You don't care at all about your subjects. Like me."

"…Tch. IF the Prince wanted to get you something (and he won't, obviously) then what should he get?"

"Hmm, I think you should take responsibility, senpai."

"E-eh?"

"My hat. You've made so many holes in it with your weird knives it now looks like a mutated bowling ball. Patch it up for me."

"…whatever…"

All he had to do was stick a few pieces of cloth to cover up the holes or something, right? How hard could that be? Even an idiot like Levi could do it.

So why was he hesitating? Surely he, a Prince, could do it. He decided to blame it on Lussuria's girly sewing kit. It was too pink.

But even so, he still had to do it. He couldn't ask anyone for help, of course. That would be…um…why couldn't he ask anyone for help anyway? Lussuria could probably finish it up in about five minutes. He might as well get that flamboyant peacock to do it for him, but for some strange reason, he just couldn't. His conscience wouldn't let him. Wait, since when did he have a conscience?

The whole thing was beginning to confuse him, so Bel decided to just get the stupid thing over and done with. With a grimace, he picked up the kit and fished for a needle. This was going to be easy. Very, very, easy…

This was not easy! He hated to admit it, but sewing was hard. Lussuria made it seem so easy, but the truth was- it wasn't. Here is what happened.

First, he had searched for a needle. For some strange reason, the heart-shaped pincushion had been placed at the very bottom of the kit, and as a result Bel got his hand entangled in various multi-coloured pieces of thread, poked by an insanely sharp pair of scissors, poked again by several other loose needles, until he finally managed to retrieve the stupid pincushion.

Next, he had to thread the needle. And that turned out to be even harder. For some reason, the stupid thread simply refused to go through the hole, which was definitely too tiny. After much cursing and swearing on Bel's part, Lussuria popped over. "Mou, Bel-chan~ You should get your fringe out of the way in order to sew properly. And-wait, is that my sewing kit?"

The unfortunate peacock had to flee the room as a myriad strangely-shaped knives went after him. And though Bel would never admit it, he actually took Lussuria's advice and pinned up his messy fringe.

The thread went straight in.

Now that that was settled he had to find cloth to cover up the many holes in Fran's hat. For some mysterious reason, the sewing kit was completely devoid of any cloth at all, so Bel was forced to find some from other sources. His eyes (if he actually had any) fell upon the expensive velvet drapes framing the huge window. He grinned, took one of his knives, and got to work.

In a few short seconds, the drapes had been reduced to nothing but piles and piles of unrecognisable velvet scraps. Bel scooped up a couple and, once again, set to work. He placed one of the scraps over a particularly large hole in the hat (which he remembered making just last week), and stabbed the needle through. So far so good. He pulled it through, all the way, until it reached the knot he had tied at the end of the thread. Wait, why wasn't it stopping?

Oh, he had forgotten to tie the knot in the first place. How stupid of him. After some fumbling, he tied the knot, re-stabbed the cloth, pulled it through again, and this time made sure that the knot stayed in place. Once that was done, he stabbed the cloth again, this time from the other side, and pulled it through once more. It continued like this for the next couple of minutes until Bel ran out of thread. He would have to tie another knot and find more thread. Okay, let's see, poke the needle into the cloth, wind the thread around it, and then pull the needle out while pushing the thread in. There.

No, wait, it was stuck. Let's try again, shall we- tug, tug, drag, pull, swear, force, wriggle, pull, tug, swear, wriggle, force, force, swear, pull…

Snap. Crack.

Damn. H-how did…? But, why? How and why did the stupid needle break? How did it bend over in such an unnatural position at ninety-degrees? This was one of Lussuria's needles, Varia quality, made of titanium alloy, virtually unbreakable, and it had snapped like a dry twig. By the following three hours, Bel had successfully broken a grand total of twelve of those 'unbreakable' needles. It was unthinkable. A catastrophe. It was so terrible Bel soon reduced the sewing kit into a mess of pink stuff too. And you know what?

He. Didn't. Flippin'. Care. He was a prince, damn it, not a seamstress! Fran could solve his own hat problems! Using a roll of convenient scotch-tape, he taped the scraps of cloth onto the unfortunate hat. Then he dumped the remnants of the sewing kit into the dustbin.

"Senpai…what…is this?" Fran poked his frog hat suspiciously.

"Ushishishi, your Christmas present. True to his word, the Prince patched up your stupid hat for you."

"Stupid senpai, look what you've done. Now it looks worse than before. It's as if some maniac decided to torture it by pasting random bits of cloth all over it and turning it into some weird frog with some equally weird disease."

"Oh? The Prince thinks it looks rather nice."

Fran sighed and shook his head. "How can you say that, senpai? You don't even have eyes."

Stab.

"Ow. That hurt."

Awkward silence.

"You know, senpai, you didn't really need to sew it back up for me. I could've just used some illusions to make it look alright."

And in the next second, Fran the sarcastic frog was turned into a walking cactus.

W-was it okay? *Dodges rotten tomatoes* Please don't kill me if it's bad! I tried! Reviews are appreciated! *Runs from more tomatoes*