This story is a result of extreme frustration, angst, and real events that happened to me. I understand that it would probably never actually happen on House of Anubis. I want you all to understand why I took such a long break. Unfortunately, tests are still being run and I'm still waiting for many results. Hopefully from this story you can at least see some of the things I've gone through. I'm warning you, this story will be heavy. Extremely. I don't know if it will bring any of you to tears, I know it did for me when I was writing this. But that might only be because it's what I've gone through.

THIS DOES NOT MEAN MY BREAK IS OVER. THIS IS SO YOU WILL UNDERSTAND WHY I'M STRESSED AND NEED A BREAK.

I would like all of you to read Stronger by Curious . Panther. 87. It had to do what she went through which gave me the strength to write about what I've gone through.

Disclaimer: All things of or pertaining to House of Anubis belong to Nickelodeon and Studio 100.

Patricia turned to face the mirror. If it had been a couple of years ago, she wouldn't have recognized the smiling, happy girl staring back at her. Because just a few years ago:

Patricia Williamson hated herself.

She hated that she's not pretty like all of the other girls.

She hated that she's not a stick like everyone else.

She hated that she will never have a boyfriend because she pushes people away.

She just hated.

Patricia didn't used to be like this. When she was younger, she had been the happy, popular and friendly child. Everyone wanted to be Patricia's friend.

That all stopped when she was in seventh grade, when her mom got the diagnosis. She had Ovarian Cancer and it didn't look good. Patricia cried herself to sleep for months, she started to wear black and began cutting herself.

The cutting hadn't been intentional at first. She had been cutting up some carrots for a salad when the knife slipped and sliced her wrist. Patricia had been shocked at first, but then she felt relief. The pain from the knife masked the pain she was feeling in her heart.

After that, Patricia was constantly slicing into her skin and not just on her wrists. It gradually progressed until her arms were covered in scars. But Patricia didn't care. The pain was her coping tool. Nothing made her feel better than the sting of a metal blade slicing through her pale flesh.

No one noticed for awhile. No one even seemed to care about Patricia. Meanwhile, her mom's cancer got worse. She was extremely sick. Patricia would spend whole days nursing her, even if it meant missing school.

But it wasn't helping. Nothing could be done. Patricia knew that her mother would die soon, and it killed her inside.

She had held that knife to her throat while sitting on the cold tile of her bathroom. She sat there for ages, gathering the courage to do it. To end her life.

When she did it, it was an accident. Her father had banged on the door, yelling at her to get out of the bathroom already. Patricia jumped, just enough for the blade to slide across her throat, causing a deep gash.

Patricia had never screamed so loud, felt so much pain. She crumpled into a ball and sobbed; waiting for someone, anyone to save her.

Her father pounded down the locked door and called the ambulance, fearing for his daughter's life.

When Patricia had recovered in the hospital and received counseling, her father told her they were sending her to boarding school in hope that it would help to get away from the stress of her mother's illness.

But that hadn't helped. Patricia may have been cleared by her counselor, but she was anything but mentally sound. Patricia had developed a biting sarcasm and learned to shut everyone out, in order to stop from being hurt again.

At age 14, Patricia met Joy. Joy wasn't like everyone else at Anubis House or this stupid school. Because Joy reminded Patricia of her mother.

It may have been weird, but Patricia missed her mother and Joy was very similar. They both had the same amazing confidence and friendliness about them. Patricia knew that she was going to lose her mother soon. She needed someone like her to be there. And Joy was perfect for the job.

They had hit it off from the beginning. Joy saw potential in Patricia, no matter what everyone else thought of her. They quickly grew closer. Although this helped Patricia, it also made things worse.

Joy was so pretty and so skinny. Guys practically fell all over her. Patricia knew that she wasn't nearly as fit or attractive. And the anorexia began.

Patricia didn't mean to stop eating either. She just wanted to diet in order to get in better shape. After all, everyone could be in better shape. But Patricia quickly became obsessed with her weight. She would always weigh herself and skipped every meal. Occasionally, she would grab an apple or place food on her plate so Trudy wouldn't worry.

Patricia didn't think anything was wrong. She didn't believe that she had an eating disorder. And even if she did believe it, it wouldn't make a difference. She knew that plenty of other girls did the same thing. Joy had even confessed to making herself purge before. After all, this wasn't nearly as damaging as cutting her self, right?

Wrong. She was slowly starving herself to death.

And then she lost her mother.

The call had come in the middle of the night; Trudy had woken her up with tears in her eyes and saying that the phone was for Patricia.

The whole house had been woken up and was watching her as she walked towards the phone.

Patricia cautiously raised the phone to her ear, wondering what could be so wrong that Trudy was crying. She could hear her heart pounding in her chest and feel the blood rushing through her ears.

Her heart stopped when she heart the words "passed away." Patricia dropped the phone and broke down, not even trying to conceal the tears streaming down her face.

The silence was biting and it intensified with Patricia's sobs.

No one said anything, they silently walked forward and hugged Patricia; filling her with their love. It didn't matter that Joy was the only one who had even been friendly with her before. It was all forgotten. That was the moment of bonding, the moment where Patricia realized she wasn't healthy and she needed help.

In the months that followed, Patricia went through heavy therapeutic treatment. But when she returned to the house, something had changed. Patricia was no longer shutting them out. They were all connected now, one big family.

…

Patricia turned her back to the mirror and cleared her head from the memories. Those were the past, she had to live in the future.

Nina, Joy, Mara and Amber hollered for Patricia to hurry up from downstairs, they were waiting for her so they could head into town.

Patricia grabbed her bag off her bed and rushed out of the room, to be with her friends. Her family.

We all go through a journey in life. Some are smooth and easy, others rough and hard. But we can make the choice to change them.

…

So, I hope you all liked this. My mom actually didn't die from her cancer but the story fits better with Patricia's mom passing away. Please review.

~Love