Title: Wise Up
Summary: 'It's not going to stop 'til you wise up'. If only it were that easy.
Notes: Based on the song 'Wise Up' by Aimee Mann.
Pairings: Shawn/Hunter
There had never been a time when he'd known him and not wanted him.
How could anyone meet Shawn and not want him? Okay, well, plenty of people did seem to manage it, but somehow he seemed to be unable to just be friends with Shawn.
Kevin had called him on it first. He'd noticed the way he'd been looking at Shawn. He and Scott were leaving the company, leaving the pair to fend for themselves and Kev made it clear that Shawn was probably up for whatever Hunter wanted, but also warned him not to mess with Shawn. He didn't really think that anything would come of it, he just had a little crush on Shawn but time didn't lessen those feelings
Shawn didn't help those feelings subside either. Kissing your friend on TV really didn't help. Some guys backstage had asked how he could let Shawn humiliate him like that, he'd shrugged the comments off, not affected by them, but the truth was, humiliation was the last thing he felt. He'd almost wished it hadn't happened in front of a crowd of thousands, millions if you counted those watching on TV because he'd wanted nothing more than to kiss him back rather than just push him away, in slight shock. Shawn had a knowing smile on his face when Hunter later asked him what it had been about. He'd told him not to pretend he didn't love it, and Hunter had told him he was crazy, but Shawn had said nothing back. It made him wonder if he was really that transparent.
'It's not, what you thought, when you first began it.'
He'd wanted it for so long that he didn't push away the hands that grabbed the side of his face and he didn't flinch as the other man's mouth pressed hard and urgent against his lips. And within seconds, the warmth he felt had gone, to be replaced by the bright lights of the show and the sea of faces in the crowd watching in their seats, most a slightly confused or amused look. Just goofing about, they'd all assume, this was DX all over, but it wasn't. He'd felt the electricity between them, he'd felt Shawn's tongue briefly tease his lips.
It hadn't been long after that they first fell into bed together. Shawn was as wild as ever.
The first few weeks of them being together was full of sex. Shawn was as spontaneous as ever and Hunter loved that about him.
But as they started to settle into more of a routine, Hunter soon found the fun was short lived. There was the other side to Shawn, still spontaneous and wild, but in the worse kind of ways. He was self destructive in his wildness and even though it wasn't deliberate, Shawn always managed to hurt Hunter in some way.
'You got, what you want, now you can barely stand it though.'
"Don't even look at me." Shawn spat across the room at Hunter.
Hunter said nothing. He never did when he was like this. He just watched his friend and occasional lover as he slouched across a chair, a bottle half empty and a glass constantly being filled in his hands as he kept pouring more of the brown liquid down his throat.
When they first got together, Hunter thought he'd never love anyone as much as he did Shawn, but his self destructive nature, his horrible arrogance and the severity of his mood swings made him start to wonder if he could even like him the way he used to.
"Don't you think you've had enough?" Hunter said, getting up and moving a little close to the older man.
"What do you know." Shawn said bitterly.
"You're right, I know nothing." Grabbing his coat from the chair, Hunter walked out of the door to their room, slamming it behind him.
'By now you know, it's not going to stop, 'til you wise up.'
He'd never wanted to end up like this.
He'd never wanted them to end up like this. Hating one another so much that even a few hours in a room was enough to push them apart, Shawn sitting there drinking the whole night, even though he'd eventually agreed to not go out that night. For all the good that had done. Shawn might as well have gone to some bar or club at least that way someone would be looking after him, instead of him sitting alone in his hotel room like a sad drunk, all alone. He wanted to go back, wanted to smash that damn bottle against the wall. Not that it was down to a bottle. It was the man drinking the bottle.
If only the problem were just the glass bottle. The plastic ones filled with those stupid pills were just as bad. Something had to give and as desperately sad as he found it, he knew that between the bottles and him, Shawn would give him up first every time.
That's why he'd break it off first. Because he couldn't watch him do this to himself.
Maybe this would be the wake up call he needed, maybe he'd change from it. Wise up.
And maybe he wouldn't.
'You're sure, there's a cure, and you have finally found it'
The sound of the door slamming still sounded in his head.
If he was smart he'd have run after him, begged and pleaded for him to stop and come back in with him. Well, no one ever said he had a lot of brains and that's why he stayed where he was.
Hunter didn't understand him, he never would. They were too different. He hadn't been through the things Shawn had. He hadn't had some traumatic childhood or anything terrible like that, but he'd never know what it was like to know that almost everyone you worked with hated your guts, wanted you to leave. He always wanted to be a wrestler and was at the best place to achieve his goals and it was happening, had happened, but the continued despise of everyone around him, now to a new level killed him. Not that he'd ever admit that to anyone.
Drugs and alcohol had always been a factor in his life since he'd become a wrestler, but with a slight increase in the consumption of them.
Hunter had begged for him to open up, to talk to him before. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't tell him the things that he felt. He didn't even want to think them. Didn't want to admit that he hated the man who looked back at him everytime he looked in the mirror. Or that all he wanted was for people to like him.
Pity for himself rose up in him as tears stung his eyes. The hatred he felt for himself dug in a little deeper as he thought about how pathetic he was, sitting in a hotel alone at night, drunk and crying.
But he knew one thing that would make it all better.
'You think, one drink will shrink you 'til you're underground and living down'
The room blurred as he staggered across to what was a lighter area in the dark grayness of the room.
There was alcohol here somewhere and he knew he'd fine it.
He didn't notice the door open and the man enter the room.
Hunter watched his drunk friend stumble around in a huge alcohol induceed daze. His hands shaking as he reached around for something only he seemed to be able to see. All Hunter could see ahead of Shawn was the lamp and with a final lunge Shawn crashed into the table and knocked the lamp from it, plunging the room into total darkness.
Hunter was still by the door and flicked the light on. The room was flooded with the brightness and Shawn turned around slowly, his drunk mind not able to react any faster to this then he was doing. He was squinting with the brightness of the room.
"Hunt?" He asked, managing to still make the word sound slurred.
"It's me." Came the reply. "I'm going to bed. You coming?" As much as he knew their relationship was over, part of him hope Shawn would snap out of this, realise what a fool he was being and make amends for it all.
"The nights still so young." Shawn mumbled.
"You can't go out like that. You'd never make it to the front door."
"Who needs the door, I just need a bar."
"They'd never serve you."
"Sure they would."
"If they did I'd get the bastard sacked." Hunter watched Shawn as he stood swaying slightly as if a breeze were moving him about. "Shawn your drunk enough."
"There's no such thing."
Hunter was about to respond when he noticed something past Shawn. "What's that?" He said, pointing.
Shawn took a few seconds longer than normal to respond and then he didn't know what Hunter was pointing to when he turned round, so Hunter came over himself. "What did you empty out the mini bar too?" Hunter asked, shocked by just how much alcohol Shawn had put away this night. When Shawn's only answer was a shrug, Hunter felt something inside him snap. "I can't put up with your shit any more, Shawn. I just, I can't do it. I'm sorry. I know you won't remember any of this tomorrow, so I'll save the speech for then, but I'm going right now." He went over to where his bag was and slung it over his shoulder. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and I'll tell you it all then. But we're finished."
If Shawn knew what Hunter was talking about, he didn't react, his face stayed blank. But his eyes watched as Hunter left the room, switching the light off and leave Shawn alone in the dark.
'Prepare a list for what you need, before you sign away the deed'
"You're sure about this?"
"Positive." Hunter said.
"Can I ask why?" Vince pressed.
"I don't want to go into it."
Vince sighed. "You know you're not going to be punished for the curtain call forever."
"It's not about that."
"If you're sure it's what you want, but you know the clause."
"Yeah, can't sign with anyone until the length of my original contract has expired. It's fine. I might need that time just to sort myself out."
"I really wish you'd stay." Vince tried again.
"I just can't."
"Okay. The usual period is 30 days notice."
"I can't stay that long. Can't you deduct some pay and let me go earlier?"
Vince sighed. "You really need to get out that bad?" There was no reply. "Until we get these next few house shows sorted and the next Raw. 6 days."
"Deal."
Vince wrote a few details down. "I'll get a copy sent to you to sign as soon as possible."
"Thanks." He looked at the time. The emergency meeting he'd arranged with Vince in the early hours was over. He had one other issue to deal with before he could go.
'Cause it's not going to stop 'til you wise up, no it's not going to stop...'
Hunter was taken back by just how bad the hotel room looked.
He didn't expect it to look great, but he was sure it didn't look so bad last night. But it had been late, he was tired and upset by the whole issue with Shawn. The state of the room hadn't been the first thing he'd been thinking about. He started to pick up some of the empty bottles and any other junk lying around. He also pulled Shawn's bag onto the bed and packed the few items he'd taken out.
The bathroom door opened and Shawn came out. He looked sick as a dog. He didn't say anything as he came out. Hunter thought he looked like he was feeling pretty sorry for himself. Hunter carried on packing their things up as his mind tried to focus on what he knew he needed to talk to Shawn about. The whole leaving buisness.
In some ways, this was so much harder than when Kevin and Scott had left. There's was a business decision. This came purely from wanting.. no, needing to get away from Shawn. But he had to do it. And he couldn't hold back any longer.
"Shawn, I've put my notice in with Vince. I'm leaving."
"What?" Shawn asked.
"I'm leaving." He restated.
"Why?"
"I can't go through this crap with you everyday for the rest of my life."
"What crap?" Shawn asked.
"What? You.. you can't remember the amount of alcohol you put away last night, or the fact that you spend most nights downing a handful of pills. You think that's what I want, Shawn? You think that's the kind of future I want for myself."
"I didn't think you cared." Shawn shrugged.
"What, about watching you do this crap and risk your life, why the hell wouldn't I care about that?"
"No one else cares, don't buck the trend."
"Hey, I've never not been there for you. Last night was the first time I've ever left you high and dry. And all I ever get back from you is shit. I don't wanna deal with it. God, Shawn, even if I have to go back and be a jobber in WCW, it'd still be better than this. Every good thing in my career here is tainted by you." Hunter breathed deeply, realising how much he'd just unloaded.
"No one's making you fucking stay." Shawn said. "Just get your shit and go!"
Hunter could see the hurt in Shawn's eyes and as usual with him, he lashed out. When Hunter had made no move to leave, Shawn came over to where Hunter had been packing Shawn's bag and moved it away. He flung his own bag on the floor and then picked Hunter's up, opened the door and threw it out. "There, I've helped you. Now you can fuck off."
"Shawn, don't make it end like this."
"You've made it end like this, not me."
"What, so I've had a choice? Put up with your bull or go forever. What a great choice!"
"Don't even act like you've never seen me do this before. You always knew I drank and it was fine. You're problem is you're scared that I'll ruin your chance of being a big shot. Cause that's all you want... is to be the man!
"Don't act like you're just drinking a sip of wine with a meal everynight. And damn you Shawn, if there isn't a empty bottle of pills in the trash, or botles of them in your bag. Have you forgotten that I sort most of your fucking stuff out? I know the real you, the guy that sneaks off and takes every fucking pill he can get hold of. And do you wanna know why you do this, Shawn? You don't go out and relax, having a few drinks and a good time. You drink and do drugs so you don't have to deal with who you are. You hate yourself so much you don't even wanna be alone with you."
"Just get out." Shawn said. The fight was gone from him. Hunter's harsh words were like body blows, and his mind had taken more than it could handle. He was spent.
'so just.... give up.'
The sound of cutlery clattering against plates as all around him ate their meals was nothing but background noise.
Hunter sat there alone, a glass of water at the table as he felt the fire inside him diminsh as his anger ebbed out of him. His mind was haunted by the last look on Shawn's face as they rowed and he threw him out. He knew him. Knew he wouldn't give Hunter the satisfaction of seeing him wounded.
If he'd seen it, maybe Hunter would have relented. Seeing that Shawn cared and wanted him badly enough that he didn't care if he saw the truth, the emotion. But that wasn't Shawn. He'd kept himself protected. Hunter hated that even though he made this deciusion with his head, his heart still pleaded that he was making a mistake. It hurt him to think about giving up on Shawn, but he didn't have any other choice.
He remembered back to how Kevin had warned him when he'd first noticed Hunter's crush not to mess with Shawn, and he knew that he'd have to make the call soon enough and let him know.
He sighed loudly, knowing Shawn, he'd have already made the call. Kevin would probably come over and kick his ass as soon as he found out. Maybe he'd realise that he had to do it for his own sanity when he found out he'd packed it in with the company, not just Shawn.
His thoughts were interrupted by a tap on his shoulder. He steeled himself to come face to face with Shawn, imagining him looking vulnerable and needy and begging him for time to talk. Knew if he was confronted with that, he'd find it hard to resist.
He turned and came face to face with Vince McMahon.
"Oh, Vince you have my relase forms?" Hunter asked, surprised to see Vince.
"No. This is a bit more serious than that. Can you come with me?"
"What is it?"
"We don't wanna do this in public, Paul. Please just...."
"I don't care, what is it? What's happened?"
Vince's face stayed blank, tinged with a genuine sadness. "It's Shawn." He said. Hunter closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the force of the next words to crush him. "He's been rushed to hospital this morning from the hotel."
Hunter couldn't seem to find his voice. "What..." Was all he got before Vince continued, not expecting the younger man to have to try and piece together the information.
"He called Kevin and he was alarmed by Shawn's state of mind. Kevin called me and told me about the conversation but he didn't know what hotel he was in. I contacted the hotel and asked them to check on him immediately. Shawn was unconscious when they went in and they called for an ambulance immediately."
"W-why didn't Kev call me?" Hunter asked.
"He did." Vince said. He placed a hand supportively on the man as his shaking hands searched his pockets for his cell. He pulled it out, seeing the missed calls displayed on the screen.
"I...I didn't know." Hunter said.
"It's okay. If you're ready we can go to the hospital now."
Hunter raised on unsteady legs and followed Vince. The journey to the hospital seemed to take forever. He wanted to be there, needed to be with Shawn, to know he'd be okay.
The feelings that he tried so hard to abandon were back and stronger than ever.
He just didn't know if it was all too late.
**
Shawn's eyes were closed as Hunter enetered.
The doctor said Shawn would be fine once he'd had some rest. His stomach pumped of the drugs he'd purposefully downed once he'd thrown Hunter out.
Shawn once again proving how he couldn't cope with his own emotional pain and had to find some way of deadening it. Except this time, his system couldn't cope with the influx. The amount of drink and drugs from the night before was still in his system and combining the two together proved to be a huge mistake.
Shawn's eyes opened a crack as he adjusted to the rooms brightness. After a moment he scanned the room, eyes settling on Hunter. "I thought you were leaving." He croaked.
"Me too." Hunter said. Not sure what he should say next, he let the silence hang between them. Apparently too long for Shawn's liking.
"Well you can go now. You don't have to worry about me."
"How can I not worry when something like this happens."
"You weren't worried enough to answer the phone when I called you." Shawn said accusingly.
"I had it on silent. I'm sorry. Kevin had called me too. If I'd known... you must know I'd have been there." Hunter said.
"Why would you be there? You hate me so much you can't stand being in the same company as me."
"That's not true. I hate being around you when you're drunk." Hunter said. "And you know that, and it still doesn't stop you."
Shawn looked away. "I won't change for anyone."
"Yeah." Hunter said, sadly. It was the reason he was leaving. He knew he should get up and go now. Just walk away, but his feet seemed to be cast in concrete and he didn't budge.
Shawn closed his eyes. He had the worlds worst hangover and wanted nothing more than to go home. But he knew a lecture from Vince would come first. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Hunter looking down, just sat with him even though Shawn had made it clear he didn't care enough for him to change. Shawn mentally chastised himself for the idiots he picked. If Hunter were a real man he'd back up what he said earlier and be gone. Not sat here still.
"You should go." Shawn said.
Hunter looked back up at the Texan. "What?"
"You were going to go, and you still should. This doesn't change anything."
"You still want me to leave."
"No, you want to leave." Shawn corrected. "You made that decision and you should go through with it."
"What if I made a mistake and want to take a step back?" Hunter asked.
"Maybe there's nowhere for you to go if you step back." Shawn said, shrugging, but avoiding eye contact.
Hunter realised with clarity that Shawn was taking the decision away from him. He got up slowly and made his way to the door. He paused, not sure what to say. It wasn't just a 'see you later' this was the end of them. "Take care." Hunter said.
Shawn almosy let him get out the door before he spoke. "I called out for you." He said, blurting the words out before he could stop himself.
Hunter stopped moving and stepped back into the room, letting the door stay closed behind him. He waited for Shawn to say more, but he didn't, looking like he regretted what he had said.
"Go on." Hunter encouraged him.
"I was scared and I forgot you'd left and.. and when I didn't know what was happening I kept calling for you and I didn't know why you weren't there- you're always there." Shawn paused. "I like it when you're there."
"I can't stay just because you like me being there." Hunter said. "I still love you, you know what it's like to see you like that when all I wanna do is be with you?"
"Yeah."
"Oh, you know do you? I must have a secret drink problem I'm unaware of."
Shawn's features hardened at Hunter's words. He didn't like to think he had any kind of problem. "I.... when you weren't there, and you didn't answer the phone when I called you, for a minute there, I just kinda hoped I died." He couldn't look at Hunter. Admitting that was something he hadn't planned, but he also had the urge to let him know how he truly felt.
Hunter was struck into silence. "I'm sorry." Hunter whispered after what seemed like the longest amount of time.
And then he turned and left the room.
His decision was already made. He walked away from the room taking quick steps for the most distance as fast as possible. Unless he got out of Shawn's vicious cycle, he'd be taken down with him. For his own sake, he knew he had to give up on that one thing he'd wanted from the day he started there.
He gave up on Shawn Michaels.