Before reading this story, I must address all the issues. Firstly, this is PURELY a work of fiction. Please don't message me saying "THAT DIDNT REALLY HAPPEN TO TOBUSCUS!1!11" I know. This is set BEFORE he became a Youtube hit. Don't keel over. Okay? This is not the type of story I usually write, but it is very personal to me. Thank you. :) Reviews are the best, helps me give you what you guys want! :) Have a lovely day, thanks for reading. xx
"Attribution is the behavior when we try to explain others' behavior from a non-scientific perspective. It is often corrupted by bias and opinion within ourselves..." the frail, old professor called out to the class. He licked his lips while he spoke, gesturing over to the massive projector screen. It displayed pictures of different Psychologists and their achievements.
I tapped a pencil against my desk impatiently. Surveying the room, I noticed I was the only senior among the freshmen in Intro to Psychology. I suppose it was a stupid spur of the moment decision to enroll in this course. I was just looking for something- anything to give my mind direction. But having your mind being pulled into several different directions at once, was the equivalent to not moving at all. I was stagnant.
I sighed and shifted my weight in the rigid chair. I looked out the window, out unto to the University campus. People looked like ants from the 4th story, some hustling to the Bio mechanics wing, others strolling to the student parking lot. I looked over to my car. Class needed to end soon, I was getting fidgety. My phone read "7:45". 15 minutes to go.
I spent the reminder of class checking my phone and drawing on my future homework assignments. Once dismissed, I rose and stretched. My joints popped and creaked from sitting in that plastic chair for so long. Retrieving my books from the bin under my table, I put everything neatly into my messenger bag. I slung the bag over my shoulders, adjusted my hoodie and started the walk to my car. My headphones sung Death Cab for Cutie,and I hummed along to the tempo. I pushed through the glass doors of the Psychology branch of UF, meeting the chilly air of winter. It was December, and it did get cold- even in Florida. My breath was now visible,and I felt the needles in my fingers. My nose and ears rushed with blood.
Twilight was coming to end, the red of dusk fading out of the skying, only visible near the center of the sky. The stars began to blink in the sky.
It was lovely, and I felt at peace.
Once in my car, I let it rumble to life, heat creeping into the vehicle. I pulled out the lot, and onto Fowler Ave. It was a Thursday night, and cars dotted the 4 lane road. I was still listening to music, my fingers tapping with the song, sitting at a red light. I stopped at Starbucks, and picked up an Americano. I also picked up a dozen doughnuts, and headed home.
Unlocking the door while holding donuts and coffee was a bit of a challenge. I shuffled into the apartment, setting the food on the counter, kicking my shoes off. I was greeted by Gryphon dancing at my feet. He huffed with excitement, spinning in circles. I bent down, scratching his head. "Hello Gryphzor. Did you manage on your end while I was away?" He growled and barked in a response, a sign of approval. I smiled gently, and filled up his food bowl.
I sat on the sofa while he ate. I began to stare into nothingness, my concentration lost.
"Toby.. I don't know what happened but.. My eyes began to glaze over. We have to remember this is a family. We stick together. We will ALWAYS have each other." I didn't understand. Why was Daddy saying that? I was too shaken up to really understand, or really care. I just wanted new clothes. Clean clothes. These ones were too...
"Dirty." I mumbled, completing the memory.
Gryphon was barking, and dashing around the room. He darted into my line of sight, shaking me out of my stupor. I sighed, and leashed up him.
We walked along the road, circling the block twice. He explored all the different scents while I roamed my own mind. Why couldn't I cope with things? I walked forward, listening to Gryphon's collar jingle as he kept up. We returned to the apartment, and he quickly fell asleep.
I started a shower. Collecting all the items necessary, I laid them on the counter. Razor? Check. Towel? Check. Shampoo? Check. Vapor from the shower made the room thick, and swampy. I looked in the mirror for the first time today, and was disgusted by what I saw. Rings clung to my green eyes from exhaustion and lack of sleep, also my face was thin. My cheekbones were prominent, and my lips were pale pink. I looked sick. My hair was a collage of brown spikes and made my face appear even thinner. I turned away from the mirror, deciding it would be best if I undressed with my back facing it.
The hot water stung a bit. The temperature change made pins and needles explode in my feet. I winced, but ignored it for the most part. After washing off, I rested against the tile. The water trickled down my body and allowed my eyes to close. A sigh escaped me. Who was I?
Toby Joe Turner. 21. Born in Mississippi, raised in Niceville, FL. Senior at University of Florida. Not a thought about the next 15 minutes, but every thought about everything in my past. My life was going no where; if anything it was reaching it's close.
Yeah it was true. I had played with the thought of suicide for a little while. Seemed logical, more than anything. But that was for another night, because I had nothing left in me for such an emotional and elaborate scheme.
I shaved, dried off and put on some boxers. My head was still racing with thoughts of self evaluation and disgust; nor did it show signs of slowing. I guess I would need assistance this night.
I pulled the mirror back, revealing the medicine cabinet. I reached for a little orange bottle and shook a little green pill into my hand. Since my mind wasn't going to lull to sleep, the Oxy train would carry me there. Laying in my bed, my tongue began to feel heavy. My ceiling fan whisked through the air, and the moonlight was blocked by a tree, gaining no entry through my window to pester me. My fingers and limbs felt far far away... My eyes shut.
I remember dreaming of a girl in a white dress.