Rangiku's Mad Scheme (Part 1)
"Some of these people," Rangiku huffed to Renji. "They really need matchmakers, the way they're tiptoeing around each other."
"And I suppose you're the one to do it?" The redhead looked amused.
"I'm not half bad, if that's what you're implying!" The slightly intoxicated woman straightened. "You know, most people assume I have no brains just because I've…"
"Yeah, yeah, I know you Rangiku-chan. I still don't think you're cut out to be matchmaker. Hey, you haven't even managed to bag that stuffy taichou of yours with anyone. I would have thought that'd be your first target if you're as good as you say."
"Taichou isn't interested in anyone," the strawberry blonde pouted. "sometimes he doesn't even seem to see me." Renji shook his head.
"I think that growth spurt he had a few years ago was more than just inches to his height, sweetheart. Hitsugaya-taichou may be the stuffiest pubescent boy in all Soul Society, but the man's definitely growing up."
"Why doesn't he notice me, then? I've always thought that once he hit that age, the fun and games would all be over, but he's still my chibi-taichou!" That made Renji laugh.
"You're a handful of woman, true, but he probably sees you more like a sister than a love interest. It's not the busty ones that make him blush, either. You've probably destroyed his appetite for cleavage with all your hugs during the years."
"Abarai! You meanie." She looked thoughtful, still. "You're right, you're right! He did go out of his way to avoid our sixth seat all last month! They'd be such a cute couple, even though she's a little on the mousey side."
"I still don't think you can do it, though. He's a tough nut to crack, even though you've known him for so long."
"I'm game, but I'm going to need time." Rangiku yawned and leaned her head in her hands, still a bit pouty, but getting sneakier by the minute.
"You… what game?"
"I mean I'll do it, you punk. You're so terrible at these things, Renji. You couldn't convince a Fourth division newbie to blush if you had a year to do it!"
"What?! I could, too!"
"Pfft."
"I'll prove it," he grumbled. "I'll match someone before you do!" Rangiku laughed so hard at that, she practically fell over. "I could, too," Renji repeated sourly.
"Who'll you be matching then?" While she waited for an answer, grinning madly, Renji looked around for a suitable target. No one too easy, or his partner in crime would call a foul or laugh at him again. That dark-haired girl sitting with Yumichika, Ikkaku and a couple of boys from Eleventh looked tomboyish enough that not even Rangiku would be able to say he was making it easy on himself. He pointed half-discreetly in that direction.
"How 'bout her, should be almost as bad as your taichou." Rangiku actually paled a little.
"Do you want Kurosaki to kill you for messing with his little sister, Renji-kun?"
"That's Kurosaki's sister? Go figure. Ah, he'd just smack me around for a while; you're worried I'll win."
"Deal, then!" Rangiku grinned. "It'll be a pleasure watching you and Strawberry once he figures out what you're up to. You're lucky, she's just arrived. She'll be here a full two years so there's no reason you shouldn't have all the time you need." Rangiku was still laughing pretty hard. This would be a competition to boast of indeed, if either of them succeeded.
* * * * * * * *
"Dun' wanna be rude, lady, but dun'cha think maybeh you'd do better wi'… ah dunno, Fourth divis'uhn?" Arrogant bastard couldn't even talk straight and thought she was too weak to play with the big guys?
Karin had met fifth seat Yumichika by chance in the aftermath of the Winter War long ago and what he had said in passing about the Eleventh division had stuck with her. Ikkaku-sanseki, Yachiru-fukutaichou and Zaraki-taichou took a bit more getting used to, but there was no point in holding back. She wanted to train with the best of the best and when looking for zanpaktou skill, these were the guys to do that with. She didn't answer the uncouth punk directly, just lifted her bowl of saké and took it in one swig. These guys understood some basic principles; that much she had already noticed.
"I couldn't care less where you want me to be."
"So how good are you?" Another one of the thugs seemed more prone to give her a chance, at least.
"I'm decent, but I'm here because I can get better. Ichi-nii won't train me, so I figured I'd go straight to the source."
"Ah yeah. You're that human sister of Kuchiki-san's prettyboy, wasn't that so?" That made her tick.
"Hey, punk, if you've got some complaint about my brother, why don't we take it out back?" The sooner they got those ideas out of their heads the better. She wasn't a fresh recruit from the Academy. She had watched her brother for ages, she had spent almost three years fighting Hollows herself before it was time to get some more practice.
A match against one of these real, experienced Shinigami… even if she lost, she would have won something in training and, if she did it right, some respect from these people.
* * * * * * * *
"Ichigo, you're slacking off!" Rukia had this ability to send her voice through the room like a whip and her not-so-secret boyfriend didn't find it at all amusing. He jumped several feet into the air.
"I don't see why you can't wash this yourself," he grumbled, hanging an obi sash to dry.
"I'll have to now; you need to go visit your sister at Fourth division."
"What?!"
"Apparently Karin-chan gave her opponent a good whacking before she went down, but I think the man deserves to be reminded again." She looked up and only saw the dust that had whirled up when he left. Hmph, that man never stayed long enough to listen. Then again… she looked after him with a frown. Karin had been really beaten, from the sound of it. She was too stubborn for her own good, that girl.
* * * * * * * *
"Let me in! I have to see her!"
"Be calm, Kurosaki-san," Unohana advised in her sweet, but firm way. "Your sister will be fine, but I can't let you in to see her while you're so distraught." Ichigo swallowed hard and nodded.
"Okay, I'll be calm. Can I see her?" The taichou watched him for a moment, then nodded and pushed the door aside.
Someone was already in there.
"I like you," the little chirping voice said. "you're funny!"
"Well, thanks I suppose," Karin said, dryly amused. "I'll think of that next time I need to remind someone that I'm not a pushover, fukutaichou-chan."
"Karin! Are you alright?" She looked rather tousled, so her protective brother barely noticed her lopsided smile.
"I'm fine, Ichi-nii. I always knew that training here would be tough. Besides, Ikkaku and Yumichika were both there. They like me way too much to let anyone kill me over a silly argument."
"Argument? You got into a fight because of such a thing?" Ichigo was fuming.
"Well, he insulted you. Couldn't let him get away with that." Oh well, this was going to be a long day.
* * * * * * * *
"Taichou, taichou, come quickly!" A few papers scattered and an inkblot spread over the neatly written page, but Hitsugaya didn't even notice as he sped to the door. "Sixth seat is in trouble, you have to help her!" Matsumoto held a few papers in one hand and pointed away from the office with the other.
"Dammit," he growled. What had happened? Had someone burned themselves? He hadn't heard any explosions, but some of the kidou was dangerous even if it wasn't loud. Wounds from sword fighting, maybe? Or broken limbs when training hakuda, for that matter.
Sixth seat; she was fairly cute, but she needed to grow a backbone. Cute! He huffed at the unimportant thought.
He had expected many things as he sped around the corner, but none of them had been what he saw. The woman was balancing a huge stack of paperwork precariously while reaching for her set of inks. She was going to drop it. With a few quick steps, furious at having Matsumoto call him out for something so trivial, he relieved her of the burden.
"Hitsugaya-taichou!" She trembled like a leaf on the wind. The voice that had sent uninvited, unwanted, bizarre shivers down his spine for a full month was now merely annoying. That was an upside to this blasted moment, at least.
"Do pay a little more attention next time." Marching into the office where sixth through eighth seats worked, he carefully unloaded the paper stack on her desk.
"Th-thank you, taichou." He just nodded and left the room. As he was walking back toward the office, he noticed the top of a blonde head trying to sneak away behind some bushes.
"Matsumoto!"
"Waaah!" Ugh. There she went. No point in chasing her.
* * * * * * * *
"Maybe I need to be more discreet?" Rangiku mused over her cup of saké. Renji nearly choked on his.
"If you did that to him, then… yeah."
"But he was supposed to get mad first, so she could drop it and he'd have to… aw, darn. You haven't even tried yet, though, have you?"
"Well, seeing as my target is still being watched by that hawk, Unohana-taichou, I'm not exactly interested in making myself look suspicious."
"Ah, excuses Renji. It's a perfect way of getting to know the girl, isn't it?" The blonde grinned madly.
"Well maybe, but Ichigo will be there, I'd rather not tip him off first thing I do."
"Don't be such a wuss, if you make friends with her while he's watching, he'll be less suspicious when you talk to her later on." Rangiku wagged an impertinent finger in his face. She was right. Sober, the woman seemed to avoid any unnecessary thinking, but drunk she was sharper than bloody Kurotsuchi-taichou. He had to give her that.
"I think I'll go pay Kurosaki a visit." Both of them, hopefully.
* * * * * * * *
"Help!" The noise was barely audible, but it was definitely someone in trouble… this made Hitsugaya very suspicious, because it didn't sound like far away, merely very muffled.
Looking quickly around the office he noticed that the mountain of things that Matsumoto had stashed beside the cupboard door now was effectively blocking it. Yes, that was a possibility. The voice inside wasn't hers, though; even this muffled, he could hear a whiney tone to it and she was never that useless.
"Keep calm," he growled loudly. "I'm working on this." The sound died away and he started shuffling things about, cursing Matsumoto under his breath.
"Stupid place to put things."
It took a while, but in the end he could open the door and let out the terrified girl. That sixth seat sure seemed to get into an awful lot of trouble.
"Thank you, Hitsugaya-taichou, you saved me again."
"Whatever. What happened?"
"I don't know, I was sorting through the ink stash and then someone shut the door on me! They were terribly rude." Something was fishy about this whole thing, and it was more than just the frilly girl. He could tell.
* * * * * * * *
"He's not swallowing the bait," Matsumoto complained. "I've been dangling sixth seat in front of him like a puppet on a string and he's just being grumpy."
"Maybe you should try different bait then, Rangiku-san?" Hisagi suggested. In two months, the plot to get Hitsugaya Toushiro to act a human for once had evolved into a grand master plan. In the same time, Renji had just about gotten to know the Kurosaki girl.
"But there are no other good victims out there. It's like all the mousey girls decided to go into hiding and she was the only one left behind."
"Fourth has a few, you could probably make one of them mop floors in your office." Kira added.
"Quiet, you," Rangiku mumbled, "here comes Renji and his little fuzzball."
"That's spikey, rather than fuzzy," someone whispered and the rest agreed.
"Hi everyone. I'm Kurosaki Karin, pleased to meet you all." Karin looked unfazed, but Rangiku could sense a little tension just under the surface. It wasn't that strange, though, when meeting three fukutaichou for the first, or in her own case second, time.
"It's so good to finally meet you again," Rangiku cooed. "I heard you beat Eleventh's seventh seat in fair combat the other day. You're really moving up." Karin blushed. Eh. Maybe she shouldn't be helping Renji, but the girl was so cute!
"I'm here to get stronger, after all."
"You should have some fun while you're here, too," Renji threw in.
"Your idea of 'fun' is pretty straightforward, I'll admit," Karin laughed.
"Well, we could throw a party."
"Abarai! What a good idea." That would be a perfect time to put her own plans in motion, Rangiku thought gleefully. "Remember what Shunsui said last week about a grand party across the divisions?"
"Matsumoto… he was joking."
"Yes, yes, of course we can't invite all of them. Say, two divisions to try it out and then, if it works well we could expand later!" All the others looked at her, practically needing to pick up their jaws from the table before they could be coherent again.
"You know," Hisagi finally recovered, "you might have a point."
"She's definitely on to something," Karin agreed, "but you'll have to choose your divisions carefully. People will be sceptical the first time, so you need those who'll be more predisposed to have fun, like… uh, Fourth? No, wait, they're too meek."
"Fifth mostly need some stress relief, or they'd be good," Hisagi thought out loud. "Shunsui-taichou would definitely appreciate if we included him."
"Why not Tenth?" Matsumoto was feeling a dent in her plans to get her taichou in a party mood, but she was also really curious.
"Not to be rude, Rangiku-san," Karin grinned, "but you have quite a few stiff Shinigami hanging around that division of yours. Kyoraku-taichou would start the party, Toushiro would just… well, he probably wouldn't show up in the first place." The other three nodded.
"Aw, some party-poopers you are. Oh well, I suppose you're right. Shunsui-taichou and Eighth division, then. Who else?"
"Why not Thirteenth?" Kira suggested. "They're always hanging out together and it'd be a great way of showing our respect for the two most senior taichou around… except sou-taichou, of course."
"Yah, Kira," Renji grinned. "That's sneaky of you."
"And the sou-taichou wouldn't appreciate a dance party in his honour, I bet. Aw, I guess taichou will have to wait." The blonde fukutaichou sighed heavily.
"I'm sure he'll be really upset," Hisagi said sarcastically. They all had a good laugh at that.
* * * * * * * *
"Did you notice Kurosaki-san's slip, in there?"
"Of course, Kira, but I think Rangiku-san was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to hear it… Abarai-kun probably didn't even think of it."
"Should we tell them, Hisagi-kun?"
"Nah, let them figure out on their own. As it is, it doesn't seem like those two are involved… and if there really is nothing going on between Kurosaki-san and Hitsugaya-taichou, then I'd like to know where she got the habit of calling him by first name like that." The dark haired man grinned at his blonde friend, who just nodded thoughtfully.
"True. He is usually rather formal and she calls all the other captains by title."
"If they really are involved, then this whole plan is in for an abrupt halt once Rangiku-san figures out."
"You're so sure she'll be the first to notice?" Kira sounded thoughtful.
"Out of Rangiku-san and Abarai-kun, who would be more likely to notice something like that?"
"Hm. Well, we'll just wait and see."
* * * * * * * *
"Isn't this supposed to be a training field? What are all these… things doing here?"
"Tents! They are party tents! But don't worry your head with such details, my sweet Nanao-chan. Rangiku-chan has promised me she'll take care of everything. Do you know any good dances? Your pretty feet would do so well on the… ouch!" Ise Nanao was so used to rapping her taichou with a fan whenever he went down that road, it was automatic.
"Dancing? Why is she arranging something like that?"
"Ah, young hearts need to fly, Nanao-chan, surely you feel a bit of spring in your step."
"I feel no such thing. It's unprecedented, isn't it?"
"There hasn't been a dance party in Seireitei in a few hundred years, but it's not quite…"
"This has something to do with that thing she's been cooking up with Abarai-fukutaichou." The woman corrected her glasses and sighed. "Oh well, I suppose it's as good a reason as any, but with you and Matsumoto-fukutaichou heading the event, it will be more like a drunken revel than a dance."
"How terrible of you! At least there will be much singing and I'm sure it will be very enjoyable." His fukutaichou looked sceptical about the whole idea.
* * * * * * * *
Hitsugaya Toushiro liked sitting alone where it was comfortably dark and silent. People rarely saw him and so rarely disturbed him. Occasionally, that meant he stumbled over the secrets that were being discussed in dark corners, but he was a discreet man and as long as nobody knew that he was aware of such things, nobody would bother him about it. This time was a little different, though.
"I'm surprised you didn't know," the girl said. Hitsugaya had been spending ten minutes wondering if he should report them for letting romance get the better of them while on duty, but they did seem to be doing their job; however strange that sounded. He hated using information gained like this, so he just listened. With their latest topic, he was too stunned to do otherwise, anyway.
"So what you're saying is my fukutaichou and yours are on some mad quest to get Hitsugaya-taichou a girlfriend? That's too weird to be true."
"Not exactly. Apparently it's a competition. At least Abarai-fukutaichou doesn't seem to be involved with the part that concerns your taichou. He's got another person, by the looks of it."
"Well, how does that work then? Whoever manages to fix their object up with a girlfriend wins?"
"That's what it seems like, but apparently Abarai-fukutaichou's is a girl. You know, that dark-haired one who beat up seventh seat Tanaburo last week?"
"Tanaburo… ah, I remember. Her? I've heard she only cares about training and fighting. She seems like the stuffy type, so no wonder it's a competition."
"It'll be a miracle if either of them manages, I know."
"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure. Matsumoto-fukutaichou can be really stubborn when she wants something. You know last year and that other bet she had with Abarai-fukutaichou?" Hitsugaya didn't see a point to listening any longer. He had work to do… and a certain dark-haired troublemaker to see.
* * * * * * * *
"Ukitake, what do you think of this dance coming up?" Shunsui was rather predisposed to like any party, but his old friend would have a more balanced view of things.
"It does seem like a good way for our people to relax and maybe make new friends. I can't see any harm in it, but you're thinking of this little game our dear fukutaichou are playing, aren't you?" Shunsui nodded, looking serious.
"It's a tough one."
"While I wouldn't usually encourage it, Hitsugaya-taichou does need to ease up a bit and Rangiku-chan seems to be the only one who can do it. We'll keep an eye on it, but let's not make any hasty decisions. It is his own fukutaichou, after all."
"Of course; he is young, but brilliant. He should be able to handle this well on his own. I would even say, if he doesn't, that he needed the learning experience." Ukitake nodded sagely at his friend's words. Shunsui himself was grinning mischievously.
* * * * * * * *
There was a shadow in the open door of her room. A shadow with messy white hair and emerald eyes.
"Toushiro!"
A breathless pause followed her surprised greeting.
"That's Hitsugaya-taichou, Kurosaki," he eventually said. "Can I come in?" He was a pretty straightforward guy usually, but this was strange.
"Right, right. What's up?"
"It seems Matsumoto-fukutaichou and Abarai-fukutaichou have made… a bet. About whom of them can first," he grumbled irritably, "match up a pair of Shinigami with someone. I thought you would like to know that you're one of them." Intense silence reigned for a long moment.
"Who's the other poor sod, then?" Apparently, Karin saw no point in asking 'why me' or other worthless questions.
"Why do you ask?" She rolled her eyes.
"Because if I'm going to turn their little game on them, it's easier if I know who else has it coming."
"That would be me." Karin's jaw dropped and for a moment she was too stunned to speak. Then she just laughed.
"Well, that makes sense, at least."
"What do you mean by that?"
"That it was bound to happen, of course. You're growing up, Matsumoto-fukutaichou loves poking about in other people's business and you're the best test subject she's got."
"She would get something like that in her head sooner or later, I suppose. Matsumoto certainly is foolish enough to try."
"This whole dance thing seems like something she would use to win herself the bet." Karin was obviously already scheming.
"Yes."
"Then why not use that against her. Rangiku-san would completely loose it if you suddenly know how to dance, right?"
"I don't know how to dance. I'm not making a spectacle of myself just because she has gotten it in her head that I need a… a girlfriend! She's been trying to pair me up with our sixth seat for more than a month! It's ridiculous!" Karin had to snigger at that, but it wasn't enough to keep her distracted.
"Isn't that the point, though? If you learn, then you won't be making a fool of yourself. It'll leave her completely disarmed!"
"No. It's best to just weather the storm; she has to get over this stupid game sooner or later."
"Face it, she'll just keep pestering you until you find yourself acting like a hormonal teenager one of these days. The reasonable choice is to do a pre-emptive strike where you can choose the battleground." Karin had apparently listened much too well to the Academy strategy teachers. She was right, though, Matsumoto wasn't the kind to pull the plug on something like this and she'd find one of his weak spots sooner or later.
"Whatever. Just don't expect me to go along with anything silly."
"Nah, I actually don't exactly know what I was planning on having us learn, yet. But I'm sure Unohana-taichou or someone could help us. Kuchiki-san might know something, too."
"You don't know? I suppose that explains why this entire venture feels ill-omened."
* * * * * * * *
"Unohana-taichou, can I come in?"
"Of course, Kurosaki-san. Are you well?" The Fourth division taichou was happy and gentle, as always. Now, Karin could only hope she was doing the right thing.
"I'm good, thank you. Do you know anything of ballroom dances, taichou?"
"That is an unusual question, child," the woman said, ever smiling. "Yes, I have practiced some in my time. I take it you wish to learn?"
"Yeah, that was what I'd been hoping."
"And do you have a partner to dance with?" The question made Karin blush.
"I do. He's not very happy about it though, so could we keep this between the three of us?" Unohana looked at her seriously for a moment, then nodded.
"If you wish. Who is this partner of yours, then?" Instead of answering, Karin turned to the doorway.
"Toushiro, I think you'd better come in." And in he came, practically carrying a stormcloud with him. It made Karin sigh and Unohana smile, just sweetly enough to hide her amusement.
"Hitsugaya-taichou, this is an unexpected pleasure. Might I guess that this sudden urge to learn springs from a certain rumor going around?" That made him look even angrier. "Don't worry, I will keep this my secret. I do believe you have a little time most afternoons?"
"Every afternoon?" He seemed shocked by the frequency.
"Of course, if you wish to excel quickly then training is a must." Karin watched Unohana effortlessly coax the younger taichou into agreeing to spend a little time every day learning how to waltz. That in itself was a feat that made her sure they had done right in choosing to come to the mild taichou. This mad plan might actually work. She'd have to slack off a bit on her training, but again… it would probably be worth it.
* * * * * * * *
"Darling Nanao-chan, isn't this just a brilliant day? Have you been practicing much? I hope you haven't over-exerted yourself, it would be such a shame if you couldn't show the world the unimaginable skills I am sure you possess!"
"I will be supervising, not dancing." The young fukutaichou looked stern, but to Shunsui the little gleam in her eye was obvious. He'd have to thank Rangiku-chan thoroughly for this.
"Kyoraku-taichou! Ah, we weren't expecting you so… soon."
"It's all right, Kira-kun, relax. That's what I was planning on doing!"
"Uh, well, I suppose the tent over there is ready. I'll…"
"Kira-fukutaichou! Matsumoto-fukutaichou is asking for you!" Some unranked Fourth division members had gladly taken the day off sewer duty to help out with the party preparations.
"Oh dear! Kira-kun, don't keep her waiting, this was such a wonderful idea."
* * * * * * * *
"Ukitake-san, what a pleasant surprise. Would you like some tea?"
"Thank you Unohana-san, I would be very grateful. Is everything well with you?"
"Yes, quite. Your cough seems to have been better these last few weeks, too." Ukitake smiled ruefully.
"It's a small blessing. It's only temporary, I'm afraid, but that's not why I'm here."
"No? Then sit down for a moment and I shall fetch the tea, it's already hot." For a moment, the taichou disappeared, leaving Ukitake to sit down in peace. He had been thinking… a lot. Somehow, Unohana Retsu always seemed to know what to do and for once, Ukitake needed someone other than Shunsui to discuss this matter with. A liberal application of alcohol or a witty retort wouldn't save the day now.
"I'm worried about this game our fukutaichou are playing," he noted as Unohana re-entered the room. "It seems to be under control at the moment, but Rangiku-chan can get a bit… overzealous when it comes to something she considers in Hitsugaya-san's best interest."
"Ah. Yes, this seems to have all of Seireitei on its toes. I wouldn't worry too much, that particular young man is very capable of taking care of himself."
"I simply think that anyone who is stuck between Rangiku-san and Shunsui both trying to make him imbibe as much saké as possible… even Hitsugaya-san might find it a bit hard to live through. I'm not worried about him doing anything improper, mind you; I simply find this is going… a bit further than expected."
"You are a good man, Ukitake," Unohana said slowly. "I still believe our young prodigy will do well." Sipping her tea slowly, she fixed the older taichou with a mild but firm look. "Young people these days wish to learn many skills. Did you know I even had a couple asking me if I would teach them to waltz, the other day?"
"Waltz?" He wasn't stupid; he understood what she meant even though she preferred to cloak it in such words. "That seems… perfectly in order, I'm sure it would many people good to learn how to relax."
"Yes, I do believe so." Unohana nodded sweetly, still sipping her tea.
"And are your new pupils doing well, then?"
"You know I can't discuss private training like that," she scolded him. "But suffice to say I think we will all be surprised when the day comes. As I'm sure is the intention."
…end of part 1(2)…
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
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An old cliché, turned idea, mutated into a Soul Society thrillfest. Now, this is the first time I've tried so many different characters (since it was started pre-"Kind of Darkness"). That means I'll gladly take constructive criticism on what I should consider when portraying them, because I'm pretty sure some of these are (in some cases more than a little) so-so in character. Toushiro and a couple more I think I have down acceptably, but some, like Kira and Hisagi, are so very hard.
Authors love reviews! Of course, this particular author will sprout nonsense with or without them, but they do mean a lot, even if it's just the "I like" kind. Constructive critisim, as noted, very appreciated!