DISCLAIMER: Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda is the property of Tribune Entertainment and others. This spoof is written with no harsh intent as free entertainment.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I wrote this back when I was working on a longer, more serious fic. (November 30, 2001) This work was simply the result of being immersed in the Andromeda world. Found I'd saved the old reviews I'd had when this was up before. Those are posted at the end. I love feedback!
WHAT'S THE CATCH?
by Leah
Dylan called his crew onto Command Deck.
"Dylan, everyone has assembled and is accounted for," Holo-Rommie told him.
"Don't you think he can see that with own eyes," grumbled Tyr, taking up his post at the weapons' control.
Harper rubbed his eyes. "Coffee," he said, feebly. "Didn't get my coffee. What's the emergency?"
"Yeah, Dylan," said Beka. "What's up?"
"We've just received a distress call from Claudus Prime. Let's go."
Beka was about to initiate Slipstream drive when she wrinkled her nose and frowned. "Excuse me?" she asked from the pilot's seat.
"What?" asked Dylan.
"Did he just say what I think he said?" Beka asked her crewmates.
"Yeah," replied Trance, opening a Sparky cola and handing it to Harper. "It is possible he did, but really, really weird."
Harper took a sip of cola and his eyes popped open. "Ah! Best part of waking up."
"What? What did I say?" Dylan asked with surprise.
Harper looked spooked. "You said, 'Let's go.'"
"So what if I did?"
"Boss, you never say let's go. That sounds eeriely like something out of the century when man first began their exploration of space."
Dylan shrugged. "Alright, I won't be that nostalgic. Energize!"
Everyone on the Command Deck gasped with terror as a huge pink bunny wearing roller skates glided across the command deck beating a drum. A voice from nowhere intoned deeply, "Nothing outlasts the Energizer. It keeps going and going and..." The voice faded away as the bunny exited the deck, but it took longer for the beats of the drum to disappear.
"How did that slip past my onboard defenses?" asked Rommie, the avatar, with outrage.
"It's certainly not my fault," said Holo-Rommie.
"I'll take care of it," said the onscreen AI of Andromeda. Just a few moments later, Andromeda said with a grin, "The intruder has been neutralized."
"Thank goodness!" said Harper, shivering atop his station. "Don't subject us to anything more like that, Dylan. Pleeeeease!"
Dylan nodded with understanding. "Fine. Come down from there, Harper. It was not my usual expression. Just a slip of the tongue. Nothing to get that upset over. Now, can we get underway?" Dylan thought hard a moment and then his face brightened. "Engage slipstream drive!"
"It's not what you usually say," Trance complained, swinging her tail back and forth.
Dylan rolled his eyes and gave up trying to figure out his own catch phrase. "WHAT DO I USUALLY SAY?"
"You say, 'Bring it!" said Beka.
"Bring it," repeated Tyr.
"I believe the phrase is 'Bring it.'" said Bem.
"Bring it," Trance nodded.
"Bring it," grinned Harper. "Not what I woulda chosen, but to each his own."
Dylan snapped his fingers and glared at Harper. "What's wrong with it?" asked Dylan.
"What's wrong with, 'Bring it?'" laughed Harper.
"Bring what?" asked Trance.
"Like Rosie O'Donnell and Divina. Bring it on! Bring it on!" emphasized Harper, waving his fingers.
"Huh?" frowned Trance.
"Nevermind, babe. Ancient television history."
Dylan smiled, indulgently. "If anyone can think of anything better, I'm welcome to suggestions."
"Today is a good day to survive," said Tyr.
"Let's do it!" said Beka.
"We live for the One, we die for the One," said Bem.
"We rock! We rule!" cried Harper.
"Remember the forcelance, Dylan," said Beka.
"Purple makes it look better," said Trance. "Behold the power of purple!"
"Got slipstream?" said Harper.
Rommie crossed her arms and frowned upon them. "Need I remind you all that as we stand here quibbling over words, lives are being endangered on Claudus Prime?"
"Right," said Dylan. "Look, people. This is my ship. You are my crew. I have the right to say whatever I want to say and I don't want to hear anymore complaining about it. Is that clear?"
"Clear," Beka said.
The others nodded.
"Good," said Dylan. Captain Hunt took a deep breath, looked around at the faces of his crew, then out into space. He put his hands behind his back in a commanding posture and nodded his head.
"BRING IT!"
Slipstream drive powered up. A slipstream porthole was opened. The Andromeda Ascendent flew into slipstream and vanished.
To continue its mission.
To help a people in need.
And ultimately, to bring order to a universe in chaos.
Oh, boy!
Neeri
2004-10-18
ch 1, anon.
*Snort* Laugh* *Caugh* *choke* dies from lack of air*
That was so funny!!
"'We live for the one, we die for the one'"
I loved that!
Rommies voice
2004-01-02
ch 1, anon.
Oh my god that was brillent!
The Blue Raven
2002-03-05
ch 1, reply
lmao... I think I'm going to have to turn "Got slipstream?" into my new e-mail signature tag-line
Lrnd
2002-01-06
ch 1, anon.
lol
Mary Rose
2001-12-11
ch 1, anon.
That was amusing.
Lucy2
2001-12-09
ch 1, reply
This had me laughing as I read it. Harper on top of his station was funny when the bunny went by. Andromeda neatralized the poor little intruder - poor bunny! I liked the catch phrases each crew member offered.
gotmilk
2001-12-06
ch 1, reply
LMAO! "Got slipstream?" Yeah, that's SO up my alley. Awesome story! :)
starfish
2001-12-04
ch 1, anon.
rofl!!
Crazy story! Wonderful!
Pessim
2001-12-03
ch 1, reply
Meep! That was hilarious! I really like the Energizer bunny! (I love Harper!!!!!)
Goldenbird
.ca
2001-12-03
ch 1, anon.
LOL. I loved it.
Fuzzy Elf
2001-12-03
ch 1, anon.
GOT SLIPSTREAM!! AH that was SO great! Good to see a cute Andromeda fic, everybody's so serious (your truly included) when it comes to this
show. Very funny. ;-)
Many thanks to my former and future reviewers. How many references did you catch?