Remus glanced at the door as a soft knock sounded. He didn't have to guess who it was. He had been waiting for this moment, maybe even dreading it, since he had arrived at Grimmauld Place. With reservations, he rose and opened the door.

"Moony! I wasn't sure if you were up." Sirius hovered in the doorway. Remus could feel the tension in the air. He clearly was hoping for an invitation into the room.

"Yes. Still up." He moved his arm from the door frame leaving an opening into the room. Sirius didn't hesitate.

"I'm just bored, you know. It's awful being here all the time, or any of the time really." He said as he crossed the room and sank down onto Remus' bed.

Remus took his time closing the door. Preparing himself for this conversation. The one he had been avoiding all this time. Looking at Sirius sprawling comfortably on his bed, he wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry. How many times had he secretly dreamed of such a situation? But that was a lifetime ago. Now things were different. Life had not turned out the way either had expected. And all the things Remus had spent years trying to forget lay unspoken between them.

Sirius smiled at him expectantly but his smile wilted when Remus did not return it. Instead Remus sighed deeply. This was it. They were going to finally have to talk about everything. James and Lily's death, the mistrust they had shown each other, Sirius' long period of imprisonment, why they hadn't talked yet and where to go from here. Remus knew if he wanted, he could just let it go. Sirius wouldn't push it. He'd never been one for too much emotion. He'd gladly keep it light hearted and pretend that the last 15 years hadn't happened. But Remus could not.

"Yes I imagine it must be awful."

Sirius gave Remus an undecipherable look. Then he scooted over to make room next to him on the bed. "We just haven't talked much since you've been here. I thought it might be nice to talk. Reminisce maybe. You could tell me more about Harry. You were his professor for a whole year. I'm sure you've got some stories."

Remus cast his eyes to the floor as he moved to sit on the chair by his desk. "Sirius, we should talk."

"That's what we are doing." he replied with an edge to his voice.

"That's not what I… " Remus paused and looked directly at Sirius. "I can't just pick up like nothing has changed." He looked away.

"Things don't have to change." Sirius replied.

Remus stared at him again. "They already have. Sirius, I thought you murdered them. I thought you deserved to be locked up. I thought you deserved worse."

"Well if I'd thought you'd done it, I'd have done worse."

"That's not the point. The point is do I even know you? That I could believe you did that? And it's not easy to just forget how I felt for 13 years-"

"Why not? We cleared it up didn't we? I didn't do it. You believe me. Simple as that." a bit of anger was rising in his voice.

"It's anything but simple." Remus stated staring at the wall.

"What you want to talk about James? You want to talk about how he is dead? That he's not coming back? What's the point to that? Talking about it won't change a damn thing."

"Sirius. I'm the only one who knows how you feel. I feel the same loss. I-"

"You don't Remus." Sirius' face was flushed a deep red. His voice was nearly cracking with anger. "No one knows how I feel."

"He was my friend too. Both of you were my best friends. My only friends. Without you I was alone-"

"He was more than a friend." Sirius stated in a low voice.

"I know you were alone too. I have no room to talk. You were the one imprisoned. But I-"

"I loved James!"

"So did I, Sirius. That is what I'm trying to tell you. I loved James and Lily too. They were like family. That's why I understand the pain-"

"No Remus. I was in love with James." Sirius shouted and just as suddenly fell silent. His eyes were wide, his fists clenched and his face still flushed.

Remus inhaled sharply and stared openly at Sirius for a moment, unsure what to say. "I, never knew…"

"Of course you didn't." Sirius said, unclenching his fists. He seemed to deflate. "No one did. Ever."

Remus moved to join Sirius on the bed. He sat next to him looking forward at the wall. "I didn't suspect. I didn't know that you cared for men that way. I'm sorry. Sirius, I'm not sure what to say."

"Don't say anything then. But now you know. And you know why I don't want to talk about it." His face had faded back to its normal hue and his voice was quiet now. "And I don't want to talk about Azkaban either. I just wanted my friend back. I don't care why you didn't want to talk til now. But let's leave the past to the past. There is nothing we can do about it now."

There was a long pause while neither men looked at each other. Then Remus said "Me too."

Sirius turned to him with an annoyed look, "You were the one who brought all this up in the first place."

"No, I mean, me too. I also like men. Well women too. I'm not picky, I suppose." Remus shared with a nervous chuckle.

Sirius seemed to relax and stared at Remus with a half smile. "Oh?"

"Yes. I just never mentioned it. Well you never know how someone might react to something like that."

"We didn't care that you were a werewolf but you thought we might hate you for fancying a man?" Sirius joked.

"Well you never said anything either!"

"Sure but that's different. I mean how could I say how I felt about James? He was clearly only interested in girls and well when Lily was in the picture I knew I had no chance. Besides it's weird having feelings for your friend…" He trailed off, avoiding eye contact.

Remus smiled. This was one of the only times he had ever seen his friend feeling embarrassed. Perhaps that's why felt the need to make him feel less awkward. "It's not that weird. I use to have feelings for you." It was Remus' turn to flush red.

Sirius looked taken aback but also a bit pleased. "Really?" he asked with a smirk.

"Well yes. It was when were in school still. But I didn't know you liked men and I didn't think there was any chance. Besides it was just a crush really. Not anything serious or anything…"

Sirius was smiling mischievously and Remus suddenly noticed that he was very close. "What did you like about me?" he asked leaning forward toward Remus.

"Err- I…"

Before Remus could get a coherent thought out, Sirius had grabbed his arm and started pulling him toward him. "Well, I'm certainly not bored anymore." His voice was smooth and playful. He laid back on the bed pulling Remus down on top of him.

Remus wanted to pull away or to tell him to stop, but his brain and mouth weren't quite keeping up with his emotions. He put his arms down on the bed on either side of Sirius who was smiling up at him. Remus looked down at him in awe as he struggled with the fantasies of his youth and the annoying nagging thought that Sirius had charmed his way out of the uncomfortable emotional conversation they were suppose to be finishing. He knew this wasn't the healthy resolution he was hoping for. This wasn't really anything. He had seen Sirius do this before many times with women he had no intention of keeping around. He knew this was stupid. That he had shut the door on these feelings years ago and had no intention of opening it up again. He knew this could go nowhere good. And yet he couldn't seem to find a reason to care.

The war was back on. He could die tomorrow. And the first war had already taken nearly everything anyways. What was the point in tidy, emotional resolution in such a situation? Why shouldn't he take this opportunity? And who else but an escaped convict with no other options would want someone like him? He had nothing to offer but neither did Sirius. And deep down Remus still wanted Sirius Black. Perhaps this was an older, more broken version than the youthful, whole Sirius of his dreams but that Sirius had never wanted him and this one was squirming impatiently beneath him.

So when Sirius tugged at his shirt front pulling him in for a kiss, Remus obliged.