Disclaimer: I own nothing. Numb3rs belongs to Nicolas Falacci and C.B.S. I make no money from this. Just having fun.
He never called before he showed up. Just a knock on the door. Sometimes he was smiling. He would grab her in a hug and kiss her soundly. His enthusiasm infectious and heartfelt. But most times he just looked tired and worn out. He wouldn't even look at her too directly lest she gleam the horrors of what he witnessed.
His eyes could tell her the story of the last few days or months of his life, depending. Bright,wide open smiling eyes showed her that a hunt had gone well. That he was stopping by for more than a night. That maybe she could look forward to waking up and looking into those eyes. She liked those eyes.
It was the half lidded strained eyes that she had come to recognize first. Those told her of many sleepless nights for him. Of too much coffee and barely eating. Those were the eyes that told her he would be gone before she woke up. She hated those eyes.
And yet, she never said no to him. Never closed the door turning him away. It was the rare occurrence of the bright eyes that kept her hoping. Hoping one day, he would stay.
So when he would show up with the tired eyes, she would step aside and let him in. He would head straight to the shower and she would lay out a towel and clean clothes for him. Clothes that he had left or new ones that she would buy to replace the ones that weren't fit to keep any longer. After making sure he had everything he needed she would head to the kitchen. Sometimes she would just be starting dinner and would cook enough for two. Most times she would make a plate for him from the supper she had cooked for two anyway. Just in case.
When he would join her, they would eat in the same silence that ruled from the minute he walked in the door. A bottle of wine that never appeared unless he did, would be emptied. Soft low music accompanied supper and the subsequent clean up. Still, no words were spoken. But she figured that after eight years she knew when to speak first and when to let him.
Sometimes he would take her hand and lead her to the couch. They would sit, she wrapped in his arms, and just exist in each other's presence. Hours later, they would head to bed and she would help him unwind in the one way that he allowed her too. It was slow and he was in control. Just what she knew he needed.
Sometimes, he would sit on the couch in front of the fire. Eyes closed so that she couldn't tell what was running thru his mind. On those nights, she went to bed before him. Sleep wasn't easy coming on those nights. And when he would wake her it wasn't slow. And he was barely in control. But she was never afraid of being hurt. It was what he needed.
And after each of these mornings, he would be gone when she awakened. No goodbyes. Just the lingering scents of his cologne and an aching heart. But he would be back she knew. As long as nothing happened in the interim.
Most of her friends thought she was crazy for waiting around for him. Told her that she was young and attractive and should move on with her life. There was always somebody's cousin that was single or a friend of a friend that was new in town. But each time she gently rebuffed them. Even when she knew that he couldn't be faithful, she could and was. To what she wasn't sure. Sometimes she wondered if what they had could be counted as a relationship. No one else seemed to think so. But she knew that they just didn't understand him the way she did. No matter how cliched that made her seem.
His old partner had once told her something that convinced her that she had a special place in his life and heart perhaps. Don had said that the only time he was relaxed was when Coop was going to see her. That everything else seemed to melt away and was replaced with a calm that he didn't normally display. That yes, there had been others but they were nameless faces and hers was the only name that ever crossed his lips.
So she held onto that. And the days when his eyes were bright. The warmth that accompanied those times, stayed anchored with her for days after he left.
Sometimes he wouldn't knock. Just burst in with a smile and a bottle of wine. She wondered if it ever occurred to him that she might not be alone. She knew, that he thought there were others. He never asked because she guessed he wouldn't blame her if there were. But, the days that he didn't bother to knock, she realized that deep down he could tell there were never any others.
Those were also the days that they ordered in. That one of them would answer the door wrapped in a blanket and the wine was shared one sip at a time. They would stay up all night. It wasn't the slow controlled or rushed frenzy of the tired eyes nights. This was light hearted and passionate. He would look at her like she was the only thing in the world and set out to prove it to her. In between mutual satisfactions, they would talk. Never about his work. That was a rule learned early on. But rather the books they had read. Movies they saw. Her own career. He would listen intently and she knew that he would remember everything.
Don had once told her that after a two-day visit with her, Coop had recited everything they had discussed. Over and over on a two-week stakeout. Don said it was almost as if he was afraid he was going to forget it.
The bright-eyed mornings were the best because she would wake to those eyes. He was always awake before her. His eyes would caress her face as his hands caressed her body. It was those mornings that she truly felt loved. And it was love that he would make to her. Could bring her to joyous tears those mornings.
The day would be spent. However, she chose. But it would always include a walk accompanied by Ares. He had been a surprise gift about three years ago.
She was never sure what had happened. Don even refused to speak about it. But it had been after a bad hunt and Coop had shown up with Ares two days later. Something about having a Rottweiler guard dog would make her feel safer. Don had only said that it was more for Coop's benefit then hers. Once again she wouldn't refuse.
After that they would just sit and be with each other. Neither making demands of the other that they knew that couldn't give.
So when he had knocked on the door today, she began anticipating a quiet night. But when she opened the door, his eyes were neither tired nor bright. She tilted her head and looked at him with questions that remained unvoiced. He just smiled and walked in.
Shower and supper proceeded in silence. But not the oppressing silence that she had come to recognize. He helped her with the dishes and then took her hand. However, the living room was not his destination. He guided her to the bedroom and slowly undressed her. He gestured to the bed and she got under the covers. He undressed and joined her moments later. And when she turned to start helping him unwind, he shook his head and just held her close. There was a warmth to his touch that she hadn't realized had been lacking. She felt more loved in those moments then when he was deep within her saying her name. She took what she could. Knowing that by morning he would be gone.
And yet, when she opened her eyes in the minutes before dawn, he was still there. Still asleep. As if this was the first time, he could truly just be in her presence and not be in control. She drank in every feature. Long light lashes that rested on his cheeks. Cheek bones that any women would pay for. Just enough freckles to catch the eye. She didn't notice at first that he had woken while she memorized. His slow smile brought her eyes to his.
There was the brightness that she so often hoped for. And something else that she couldn't quite place. A contentedness that she had never seen before.
When he hugged her tight and whispered in her ear, she felt tears in her eyes. He kissed her once more and slid from the bed. She rose moments later to stop him but when she reached the kitchen he was already gone. This was the first time that she had cried and felt in her heart that she wouldn't see those eyes again.
When the doorbell rang hours later, she knew. Don was standing on the other side. And in his eyes she saw the grief that was mirrored in her own. She would have dropped to the floor had he not caught her. As it was they both sank to their knees. She was sobbing and Don was crying silently beside her. Denial set in. No. No, it couldn't be. He was here just this morning.
Don was saying No. He couldn't have been. The shooting had taken place in Texas. She got angry. She led him to the bedroom to show him the t-shirt Coop had left. But it was gone. The bottle of wine was still full. Waiting for the next time that wouldn't come. Only her side of the bed was slept in.
Hours later, she sat holding Ares. He was quiet to and kept looking for the door. Had she dreamt last night and this morning? Had her heart conjured up his presence? The lack of evidence seemed to support that but she just couldn't believe it.
Had the words he whispered been the product of her longing? It would have seemed so had it not been for what she found when she went to bed. As she pulled his pillow to her to hold on to, she could smell his cologne. As she reached for the light on what was Coop's side, her hand bumped against something small. She blinked her eyes against the light for a few seconds, not realizing what she was seeing.
A small blue velvet box rested on the night table she had gotten for Coop after the first year. She gasped and tears rose to her eyes. She reached for it slowly, afraid that she would wake up. Equally afraid she wouldn't. Gently as if afraid to ruin the illusion, she opened it. Inside rested the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. It had been his grandmothers. The one who had raised him after his parents had been killed. He had worn it on a chain around his neck. It never came off. Coop had once told her that it would only come off when he was ready to give up Fugitive Recovery and settle down.
Tears flowed down her cheeks as she rocked herself back and forth. This was the first and only time that Coop had broken her heart.
The funeral was days later and Don had stayed with her for the whole thing. She had debated sharing the ring with him but wondered if he would deem her crazy. She need not have worried about it. Don had recognized the ring on her finger. He looked to her in shock. She just smiled thru her tears. He wrapped an arm around her as he smiled as well.
I am so sorry that I have never said the words before now, love. I am so sorry for everything I have asked of you over the years. I didn't have the right. And I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me. You were my strength when I was weak. My reason for being. There is nothing more precious to me in this life than you. I want you to know that it was never that you weren't enough. It was me thinking I was never enough for you. I'm sorry it took so long for me to realize that you never wanted anything more than what I could give you. But I know it now. And I wish I hadn't wasted so much time. Just remember that I love you. That you have held my heart since the first moment I saw you. That there was no one in this life for me but you. Promise me you'll remember. I love you.