PS, I Love You
Chapter 1
The
Last Night
Disclaimer: I'm not Cecilia Ahern or Stephenie Meyer. I'm just simply using Stephenie's characters and Cecilia's plot. :)
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"Edward!" I moaned. I really didn't want to go out tonight.
"But Bella, love. We want to have fun! Meet up with the guys." He told me while sorting his tie out in the mirror.
"Well Alice won't be happy being called a guy. Besides, work was...crap! I am so tired!" I whined.
"Nothing a few vodkas won't sort out love. Come on, for me." He pouted. I laughed and gave up the fight. I wouldn't win anyways.
"Fine! But remember I never wanted to do this." I sighed. He laughed back at me. I grabbed my blue silk shirt with a white pair of linen pants. I slipped on my Christian Louboutin white wedges and curled my hair. I added mascara, lipgloss and black eyeliner. I was ready to go.
xxxx
We were home, at last. It was 2 AM and I have work in 7 hours. Great.
"I can't believe you sometimes Edward." I said slamming the bathroom door after throwing my shoes on the bed.
"But love, what have I done?" He asks.
"You know what you've done. If you don't you're just plain stupid." I said kicking my many shoes out of my way.
"I am not stupid." Edward disagreed, tugging at his tie. Why would someone wear a tie on a night out is beyond me. Jazz and Em don't.
"So you don't know what you've done?" I twirled round to ask him.
"No, I don't bloody know what I've done, alright?"
"No, not alright Edward. If you want to go around telling people that I don't want children at the age of 23 or move out of the small apartment that we've lived in for four years which has become my home, they're going to think I'm a freak."
"Is that what this is about love? That I told Alice and Rosie that you don't want children yet? They know the truth anyways." He was oblivious to my feelings, obviously.
"But you SHOUTED it out in a PUB for Christsakes!"
"I am truly sorry love. I didn't think they would hear me."
This was it. I threw a pillow at him. He ducked in time. It hit the wall instead, making my make up fall on the floor.
"They know all of this Edward anyway." I said walking around the bedroom picking my belonging off the floor. "They don't need to know anymore about it, ok?"
"OK! Bloody hell! What is it with women and..." He trailed off once he saw my face, furious. "Sorry love."
"But you're just saying that Edward! You don't mean it." I said, pulling the duvet back.
"Well, we could get a bigger apartment once you stop buying all these shoes." He murmured as he picked up another three.
"I buy these of eBay! I save money! Once you stop buying your guitar pieces, I'll stop buying shoes." I said slyly. Edward looked at me as if to say, "try me but you do that and you're gone".
I went to bed and just lied there in silence. Edward came in next to me and successfully put his arms around my waist.
"I'm sorry love. I hate it when you don't talk to me." He apologised.
"Well I hate it when you tell my friends my personal feelings." I said, picking at the pillows.
"Face it love, you've already told them."
"I know but I still don't want my husband to tell them! It's a girl thing!"
"Ok, I give you my oath that I will never tell our friends anything you're sensitive about."
"Promise?"
"My life."
We sealed the deal with a kiss.
"Edward, get the light." I whispered in his ear. It was 3 AM.
That was three months ago. At the moment, I'm holding onto Edward's hand for life. He's dying from a brain tumour. He's got days, if not hours left.
"Be strong baby and I don't mean to try to fight a battle you're going to lose. Let go baby. I'll be fine. I'll miss you. I want you here. Move on baby. I love you." I whispered in his ear, finally giving him permission he's been asking for to let go. I gave him a kiss and sat back, his hand still intertwined with mine. I was not ready for him to leave but his time was up.
"Bella? Thanks for being my Mrs. Masen. You've given me my life. I love you." He croaked from his sleep. "Thank you."
"Shhh, don't speak Edward. I love you too."
"Kiss me."
I bent my head to his and kissed him. It was full on endless goodbyes, ones that I'll never get the chance to say. I leaned my forehead to catch my breath. I put my hands through his hair.
"You'll kill me love." He whispered. I barely heard him. I laughed through my tears.
"I love you Bella Masen, forever and always. From here to wherever I'll go next. Until we meant again love. I love you." He told me truthfully. I smiled at his words.
His heart monitor stopped a few seconds later. Edward's heart stopped. It's as if he wanted to say that before giving in his battle that left him a shadow of how he used to be. Doctors ran in. I sat there still. Esme and Carlisle ran in. They were crying. I looked up. They were holding onto each other's other half while mine was lying on the bed in front of me, no heart longer beating, just his shell. Everything went silent as I looked at Edward. His bronze hair shone more brightly. His green eyes were closed, never to be seen again. Somehow he was still smiling his crooked smile. His skin was perfect and pale. But had no life. I looked up. Everyone was still trying to give Edward his life back but it was gone. He was never coming back.
"Stop it. Just STOP. Alright? Just leave." I shouted at them. He wouldn't want to be fussed when he was gone just to be brought back again. It was like when he slept. Each morning he would throw his alarm on the floor. Minutes later I'd wake up to tell him to get his ass outta bed. Then he'd moan until his coffee arrived. I smiled at him through my tears. "He wouldn't want this." I told them, my voice still strong for Edward. They all trailed out, leaving me with my husband.
"I'm sorry, Edward. Everything I should've done that I didn't. Every moment I was away when I should've been with you. I'm making up for it now baby. I'm sorry." I told him, still holding his cold, limp hand.
"Do you remember our wedding?" I sighed happily, the memories whizzing past. "I can't believe Emmett married us, it was your fault. He brought the outfit and everything. Alice's bridesmaid dresses were beautiful though weren't they? Rose is still looking for her guy; I can't believe you're not going to find out her mystery guy. Oh Edward."
Come on, Bella! You were on about our wedding!
"Oh, right yeah. You looked so beautiful at the end of the aisle in you white tux and royal blue tie. Mmm. I remember it perfectly. Alice and Rose were wearing the same blue silk dresses. Beautiful, weren't they? And my dress, it was perfect. An ivory strapless gown, floor length, the skirt was frilled out like Coleen Rooney's dress except it wasn't as frilly or big. My veil was held up by my chignon with a flower on my right side of my face. It did match the weather didn't it? It was so sunny in Ireland that day. It was beautiful. Why did we go to Ireland for a wedding? No one in our family's from Ireland. But still, I'm glad we went to Clontarf Castle Hotel. It was gorgeous, lighting up. It was right in the middle of Dublin, the right place for Alice wasn't it? Right near Grafton Street with Swarovski, River Island, the Body Shop, it was her heaven since all the designers weren't too far a distance away! Thank you for marrying me Edward. I love you and I'll never grow tired of telling you that, even when you're not here. I'm sorry Edward, I have to go baby. Your Mom and Dad want to say goodbye, then Alice and co. do to. And Renee and Charlie. I'll be back if I'm allowed babe. I am so not ready to say goodbye to you Edward. You'll always be with me, right?" I sobbed. I'll never see this body again, the person who I'd die for. They've taken pictures but it's not enough.
"I love you Edward Masen. Never ever forget that. You can't hear me but I want you to know. You're my angel, my saviour, my life. I love you. Forever and always."
I bent down to kiss him for the last time. It was weird having no response and kissing cold lips but they still tingled like they have for years. I touched his lips one last time and ran out of the room. I was crying freely by now. I cried, the sobs rising higher and louder. I passed Elizabeth and Edward Sr., Edward's parents. I ran passed Emmett, Rose, Jasper and Alice in the elevator heading for the stairs. I heard Alice run after me but Jasper told her to leave me be for a while. I stumbled down the thirteen flights of stairs not falling once; I flew past Edward's Volvo and began running to our apartment. It took me twenty minutes from the hospital to our apartment on Central Park, Upper West Side which meant its right by Central Park. It was beautiful at night.
I unlocked the door, pulled off my clothes and went for a shower. I was in there for twenty minutes. As if I was on pilot, I got dressed in Edward's old shirt and boxers and climbed into bed. I found my phone and rung Edward's BlackBerry. It went to his voicemail.
"Hey, it's Edward. I obviously can't take your call right now. I'm probably with my new wife somewhere in our Central Park apartment. It's lovely you know. So you know what to do. Leave a message after the beep...Damn it Bella! I'm leaving a message for people! Beep!" He trails off. I threw a pillow at him for sounding so feminine while speaking into his phone. I ring him until my phone dies, the tears on my face drying then being wet again seconds later. I needed to see him. I went under our bed and pulled out a box. It was my 21st birthday party on DVD that I pulled out randomly from the many home DVDs that we made together with our family. I put it in our DVD player and walked back to bed.
Edward was behind the camera but he was giving commentary. "Here's Bella blowing out her candles." "Here's my beautiful fiancée downing a vodka and coke in one go. Perfect skills she's got there!" "Here's Bella getting a papercut. Silly Bella." "Here's B being tossed on the bouncy castle organised by Emmett and Alice." "Happy 21st love!" The list was endless.
As I dozed off for a dreamless sleep, I heard Edward.
"Night night love. I love you baby girl. Sweet dreams."
I sighed happily, reliving Edward again and again.
"Edward. Edward. Get the light!" I groaned at 11 PM the same day. I left the light on. I sighed and felt around for Edward. Then it all came rushing back. I curled up into a ball but sat up. Edward's face was frozen onto screen, smiling back at me.
"Edward. Save me."