You
Smelled like plums and the ocean
Wore your black hair long
Put on a pink yukata and became summer
Smiled at me with a secretive smile
That held no secrets.
Your brown eyes always shining like that
Turquoise-painted nails
On the cool, slim fingers that touch me.
I
Tall and brown-skinned
With angry eyes
Searching for the warmth of you
Like my sharp teeth biting the sweetness of an apple.
You found me as a frightened child,
It wasn't the other way around.
"Beautiful body," "my precious person":
These are your words.
Laying on the warm stone of the bridge,
Snowflakes melting in the sun,
I reach out and touch something cold and white
That is not your face.
One round, perfect plum
Juice fills my mouth, cold and sweet
The taut skin broken.
Sitting on top of a shed
I drink juice with my dumplings.
Green tea, egg, sweet bean paste:
I'm a snake like you
So I'll just sit in the sun and eat candy all day.
I had that dream again last night.
His skin like milk and berries, his golden snaky eyes
I can't stand the thought of him touching you.
My brother, my friend
Your blood covers my knuckles
To keep you from being wrapped in scales.
His hands are thin and aristocratic
But I fear them like the untamed fox
Why don't you?
My brother, my friend
I'll rip him to shreds for you
Grab onto you and carry you home.
His eyes have seen you naked
He smiles at me and calls you his
I'm so angry I can't speak.
My brother, my friend
I know I can't give up hope now
This is the place where you belong.
Your skin is stained with dark marks
You say he can have your afterlife
My hand that holds the kunai is numb as it moves.
You are my friend
Next time I'll protect you my way.
I replaced my white camellia with this raven-boy.
He is also very beautiful.
I obey him, because his anger makes me laugh
I look at him and I cannot remember my own childhood
Who would say this is not love?
Hatred is hurt
I know this is true
That's why I left you.
Sun, leaves, cherry blossoms and blue eyes:
These things are not for me.
Once I pushed past yellow tape in the rain
I stared at chalk outlines and pools of blood
In the dark house, where my cat yowled loudly
Out on the dock in front of the lake
I found my resolve.
But time, time and companions
Force me to relax
I remembered warmth
And I threatened my purpose.
I can't regain the feeling I had on the dock
But away from you I can trick myself
With the heavy smell of earth
Thick stone walls
Candles as the only light, even at midday:
I can trick myself.
With a raspy voice and long black hair-
I am twelve years old,
Too old to put faith in the promises of a serpent
I'm going to find my hatred.
His eyes are grey
How mild, how uninteresting
Somehow I had thought they were red, or black.
My hands, pinned to the wall over my shoulder, pain me
Like the memory of that old man's curse.
The expression on his face:
I always thought it was arrogance, now I am confused.
I saw a rabbit's face as its little body was crushed
And I could not comprehend
Why did he look like that?
Why are you looking at me like that, my little one?
Why are you doing this?
I loved you.
Let me take your hand.
Are you injured?
I'll dress your wounds with herbs
There
How do my fingers feel on you?
You say they're cold, but you seem to enjoy it.
I smile at you
You're so cute when you're grumpy
And your body is beautiful.
I love you.
I remember the day when you found me
Holding your warmth against me
If only to preserve my life
I, wondering when I discovered
That you were more than the reason I still existed
That you were a man, with personality, emotions
And fiery demon eyes.
I touched your brown skin
And later we became familiar.
I will not say I love you.
Instead, I tell you in secret touches
And with my presence.
And you tell me by allowing me to stay.
You admire the plum
It seems you want it so much
Go and take a bite.
Do you need me?
From a few feet away I smell sandalwood and gardenia
The light and pretty scent of you.
When you press against me I am overwhelmed
By heavy musk and the smell of the drugs that sustain you
And this too is the scent of you.
Is my life necessary?
When you touched me your hand was so gentle
And it was the first time I had been touched.
You played with my hair.
I always needed someone to rely on me
But until I met you I never felt this devotion.
I want you.
This is a task anyone could fulfill
But you are so pretty
With your soft white hair and wide green eyes.
What a pretty child
I want to possess you.
This is desire
You need me.