Author's Note: This may be a one shot, this may be a multi chapter fic, and I'm just going through a rough time so I'm going to let all of my emotions out on this. The characters may be out of character but this is based somewhat on my feelings so idk where this will go. Probably T. Enjoy! Slightly AU! By the way in this fic, Clare has never met Eli and there was never a Julia!

Look at him over there, my…no, not mine. That beautiful boy, his dark brown hair framing his face. Those enticing eyes, I just want them on me. I know I don't know him, but somehow I feel like I do. I'm not crazy, it's just that, I used to feel as if I was chained underwater and when he's around I can finally breathe. I'm scared…I'm scared of every word that passes through my lips. I'm second guessing everything I say and I have to watch every word, every reaction because I'm scared he'll think I'm a freak but all I want is for this Finally to go right. With Jake, I was never at ease. I don't want that, I get enough of that at home. Watching my mom trying her hardest, I've been trying a long time to live up to something I'll never be. I'm sick of being scared.

With one final whisper of reassurance I get up from the table. Those green eyes are on me with a questioning glance. My mind is screaming at me to go back, Go back to the safety of my table, but I can't. Every single insecurity is being pushed to the surface, like a movie playing in my head. In a way, I feel reassured. In a weird way, it's like my mind is trying to protect me from the inevitable end, but I want this and need this, I need to try. I need to take a chance.

"Hi" I hear myself say. Too late now, now I can't protect you

"Hi, I'm Eli" A small smile plays at his lips and his hands gesture to the seat next to him. I pull back the chair and a loud squeal comes from the floor.

I cringe, "Clare" Wow one word, 'clever'

I sink down in my chair and a puzzled look crosses Eli's features but then it is replaced with a giant grin, "Would you like some weird lemonade and a stale sandwich?"

"I don't know, my mom always told me to never to except weird drinks from strangers." Wow, good job Clare! He probably thinks your some saint who doesn't trust anyone.

"Aww, but that's where you're wrong Clare Bear, I'm not a stranger anymore. You're Clare, I'm Eli. I like Scary movies and you like—"

"Romantic Comedies"

Eli Chuckled, "My favorite book is Fight Club and you like—"

"Fight Club, my favorite song is Smells like teen spirit and yours is-"

"21 guns by-"

"Green day, I have a life Eli." Eli raised his eyebrows in mock skepticality, "Really? I would have never guessed, I mean you're always so quiet. Sorry, what I mean't was you don't seem to want friends."

"You don't know anything about me," my cheeks were ablaze, "I've only known you for what? 10 minutes? And you're judging me?" There all the same...They will find you're insecurities and uses them against you.

"I'm sorry clare, I didn't mean it like that, I understand you're shy-"

"No, you don't. Stop pretending you know me, or that you want to be my friend. You don't get to talk to me for 5 seconds and pretend you know everything about me."

My heart breaking, i got up and ran away; Eli's desperate calling of my name made a few tears fall but I ignored them. Now you're safe he can't hurt you anymore if you don't let him.

A/N didn't really like the first version so I changed it and made it into a multi chap fic. By the way the italics are clare's thoughts and her conscious, no she's not schitsophrinic