Be still, my son

You're home

Oh when did you become so cold?

The blade will keep on descending

All you need is to feel my love

Search for beauty, find your shore

Try to save them all, bleed no more

You have such oceans within

In the end I will always love you

Nightwish – Mother & Father

"Momma! Momma!"

I was sitting next to my spinning wheel, humming quietly, but I looked up when my little Finn ran inside, followed by Elijah who was holding something in his hands.

"Momma, 'Lija's scaring me," Finn complained.

I suppressed my smile when I saw what my older son was holding, it was a toad.

"Elijah," I scolded. "Did you scare your brother?"

"No, momma, I wanted him to play with my new friend," Elijah explained, looking very serious.

I smiled and kneeled in front of my sons, the toad in Elijah's hands was croaking.

"You know Finn is younger than you, sometimes your games are too fierce for him…"

"I am a big boy!" Finn announced. "I can play big boy's games!"

Elijah grinned and placed the toad on Finn's shoulder.

"Momma!" he shouted and started to run in a circle before the toad jumped on the floor.

"Elijah," I said firmly. "You will not tease your brother again."

"Yes, momma," he muttered and bowed his head. He was only 4 years old, but he was a smart boy, I was sure that he would someday be a great man. My little Finn was only 2 and he idolized his brother. They were definitely a handful. Speaking of which, where was the servant who was supposed to look after them? It didn't take long before the poor man ran in panting, he seemed exhausted.

"Forgive me, my lady, I…"

"They are fast, are they not?" I said smiling.

He nodded.

"Please forgive me; this will never happen again…"

"It certainly will not," Mikael's angry voice said from the door. It seemed that he had returned from his hunting trip, his hair was tangled and his clothes were dirty. The servant seemed suddenly very pale.

"My lord…"

"Papa!" Elijah and Finn cried out and ran to their father. Mikael's eyes softened when he looked at them and scooped them both up.

"There are my fierce warriors. Have you been good?"

"Yes, papa," they said simultaneously.

All the softness in Mikael's eyes vanished when he looked at the servant and tilted his head towards the door.

"Out. We shall talk about this later."

The poor man left as quickly as he could, he knew that he would be flogged. Mikael placed the boys on the floor and walked to me. His rough hand caressed my cheek before he kissed me.

"You look beautiful, my love."

I smiled.

"You were only gone for three days, my husband."

"That felt much longer," he replied and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I shall take a bath and then I want you in our chamber."

I nodded, I was grateful that he was planning to do things in that order.

"Mikael, about that servant…" I started, but his look silenced me.

"You will leave that to me, my love," he stated, making very clear that this wasn't open for discussion. He was a harsh and stubborn man, after almost 5 years of marriage I knew better than trying to argue with him about this. Although he had always been kind towards me, sometimes I hoped that my opinions would matter more.

"Papa," Elijah said. "I found a toad."

"That is great, son," Mikael said and tapped his head. "We shall talk more tomorrow."

"But papa…"

"Tomorrow," Mikael repeated harshly, making Elijah to take a step back.

Mikael had never harmed our sons, any more than he had harmed me, but he demanded unconditional discipline, even though the boys were so young.

"I shall see you soon, my love," he said and marched out.

I was just about to call for a servant when Elijah tugged at my dress.

"What are you and papa doing when you are alone?" he asked. "Why can I not come?"

I bit my bottom lip, trying not to laugh.

"Because me and your papa need to…talk, that is what adults do."

Elijah pouted his lips and crossed his little arms over his chest.

"I want to talk too."

"Me too," Finn added.

I laughed and hugged both of my sons.

"We shall talk tomorrow, I promise," I said and kissed their cheeks. "It is almost bedtime for you two and I want you to behave nicely, like young lords should."

"Yes, momma."

My darling boys, they were the light of my life. I knew that Mikael wanted me to be with child again soon, he was hoping for a daughter, a little girl who would be as beautiful as her mother, as he had put it. To be completely honest, that scared me quite a lot since both of my pregnancies had been very difficult. Unfortunately I didn't have much choice; it was my duty as his wife to give him children. I knew how grateful I should be, I was a commoner who had grew up in a small cottage and he was a wealthy landowner who had for some reason wanted me as his wife. I was 20 years old now, a mistress of a wealthy household and a mother of 2 beautiful boys; I should have everything anyone could ever want. Yet I felt that something was missing.