So I felt like writing something pointless and silly. Here it is.
"Hey, it's almost ten! Let's go to the grocery store and make a stupid video!" Stanley suggested. It was an idle suggestion for a boring spring night, and he didn't really expect anyone to go for it. Just something to do while Pop was on his date with Grace Van Inkley.
It was also a general rule that ten Chans would not be feeling "kooky" at the same time. Maybe five at the most. Imagine Stanley's shock when Henry sprang up from his spot on the couch and grabbed his keys.
"I'll drive!"
"And I'll tape it, of course," Alan said, pulling out a camera he'd modified to be able to shoot videos as well as still photos; it was like a portable version of those clunky at-home camcorders, so there wouldn't be the need for a tripod or all that other equipment. "Don't worry, I've worked all the kinks out so it won't turn into another Van Plan X."
"I'm still gonna get you for that," Henry teased. "Now you guys go check your personal savings and decide how much you wanna part with for tonight's shopping."
"Not me," Scooter said. "I'm not old enough and that money's for my..." He paused to sound the word out. "Edu-cation. Right, Mimi?" Mimi seemed flustered for a moment, remembering what she'd told him during the whole Boo Blew caper, then quickly composed herself.
"Not this time, little brother. You wanna be a big man, then you help us pay for the food!"
"I'll help you open your piggy bank, Scooter," Anne offered.
"Does Chu-Chu get to come?" Nancy asked.
"Not this time," Henry said. "We'll running enough of a risk as it is, all of us kids and a camera at this hour. Maybe next time."
-x-
Once they'd pooled together a generous sum of eighty-seven dollars and sixteen cents, the siblings set off in the Chan Van to the all-night supermarket.
"Okay, first things first," Suzie said. "Should we all go together or split up into groups? I vote together, since we only have one camera."
"We'd never get down the aisles that way, though," Flip pointed out. "How about we split into groups of three and Alan just randomly follows us around?" Alan mock-glared at him.
"Oh, sure, make me look like a crazy stalker," he laughed.
"But you are the only one of us who knows how to operate the camera," Tom said, "seeing as you were the one who modified it to suit our adventure."
"Well, all right," Alan said. "Just try not to zip through the aisles, okay? This camera's still pretty basic even with all the adjustments I made."
"Gotcha," Henry said.
"Now let's see, we'll have three groups of three, right? So who goes with who?" Anne asked.
"Stanley, Suzie and I will head off each group," Henry said. "How about this? Tom, you and Anne will go with me. Nancy, you and Flip will go with Stanley. And Mimi, you and Scooter will go with Suzie." Tom and Nancy's eyes lit up; it was a well-known fact that Tom idolized Henry, and Nancy and Stanley were like peas in a pod.
"Obviously you'll be hearing no complaints from me," Tom said brightly.
"Me either!" Nancy said. Anne grinned and slung an arm across Tom's shoulder, Flip grinned at Nancy, and Mimi and Scooter shared a devious look. Unfortunately for them, Suzie caught it and gave them her best Stern Big Sister face.
"You two better behave yourselves. Especially you, Mimi," she scolded teasingly. "I'll be doing the bossing."
"And of course, to make Alan's job easier, our groups will need to stay within close proximity of one another," Tom added.
"Thanks." Alan smiled and patted him on the shoulder.
"Now, which groups are gonna take on which aisles?" Stanley asked as the van pulled into the parking lot. That wasn't as easy as deciding on groups, and it took them ten minutes before they'd finally figured it out. Once they did, they practically raced through the double doors.
"Now, we all agreed to meet near the checkout lines," Suzie said. "Let's try not to take more than an hour, and don't make any salespeople cry."
"Everyone ready?" Alan asked, turning the camera on.
"Ready!"
"Okay...let's go!"
-x-
Something about being out this late on their own made the normally mundane "chore" of grocery shopping into a grand adventure. Stanley was practically skipping as he led Flip and Nancy through the snack aisle, each pushing a cart.
"Now remember, we only need enough snacks to fill one cart," he said. "So try not to grab everything from every shelf, we need room for-oh, hey, Oreos on sale!" He grabbed three boxes. "Three for two dollars, that's a pretty good deal!"
"Pringles new-fangled potato chips! They almost never have them around here," Flip said, grabbing two cans.
"What kinds of candy should we get?" Nancy asked. "There's so much!"
"Jellybeans, definitely," Flip said grabbing a bag.
"Hey look, they got peanut butter cups...all the way at the top," Stanley laughed. Behind the camera, Alan's eyes lit up.
"We definitely need some of those!"
"Right!" Stanley reached for a pack...and nearly sent the entire display tumbling down. "Woaaah! Ahaha, maybe I'd better get something to stand on..."
"I'll get them." Nancy climbed up Stanley's back and managed to grab several packs easily. Flip grinned.
"Teamwork. Works every time!"
-x-
In the produce section, Tom and Anne were up to their usual tricks.
"Anne, you must see this! If you look closely enough and squint, you can actually observe the banana's color changing from bright green to yellow!" Anne rolled her eyes and lightly poked him in the back with a cucumber.
"That's great, genius, but we're here to buy stuff, not study it," she teased. Tom snorted.
"You have no appreciation for the science of botany," he said. Henry rolled his eyes and gently tapped both of them on the head.
"Will you two cut it out? Come on, I need your help picking out a bag of apples."
"I think we should just take them from the bin," Anne said. "The ones in the bags are always bruised by the time you get them home."
"While Anne raises a valid point, the pre-bagged apples appear to be of a lower price," Tom mused. "And unless we're extra cautious, the apples will always carry a few bruises, be they from bag or bin."
Not wanting to spend half their time in the supermarket debating apple prices, the trio decided to get two bags of non-bruised-looking apples.
"Now, let's see. Do we want red, white or Yukon Gold potatoes?" Henry asked.
"We'd better pick and mix for those. You never know what kind of potato-mood you're gonna be in from one day to the next," Anne said.
"Precisely. Not all potatoes are created equal, after all," Tom agreed. Henry chuckled and ruffled the backs of each of their heads.
"You two are a riot. Alan, what do you think?" Alan shrugged.
"Don't ask me, I'm just the guy with the camera."
-x-
In the cereal aisle, Scooter and Mimi were unaware of a "lesson" they were about to learn.
"Okay," Scooter whispered, "when I give the signal, you start begging Suzie for the Cocoa Puffs! When she says no, we'll both start pouting."
"Right," Mimi whispered back. "And if she doesn't give in, we'll go for the bribe!" At six and seven, they knew they were too old for childish whining and foot-stamping. Bribes they could probably get away with until they were twelve.
So they waited until Suzie's back was turned, and Scooter grabbed the nearest box of Cocoa Puffs he could reach.
"Suzie!" he called. "I wanna get these!"
"Me too!" Mimi chimed in. "Can we get 'em, please?"
"Now, you two, you know sugary cereals are bad for your teeth," Suzie chided. Almost immediately they stuck their lower lips out.
"Pleeeeeeeease?" Suzie shook her head, glaring down at them in disapproval.
"I said no. Remember, I'm the oldest and I know what's best."
But just as Scooter was about to whip out the bribe, Suzie grabbed another box and held it up in front of them. The two children nearly fell over in shock, the box falling from Scooter's hands.
"Everyone knows Apple Jacks are better than Cocoa Puffs, any day of the week!" she said. Mimi and Scooter just stared at her, shaking their heads.
"You tricked us!" Mimi finally said. Suzie grinned, tossing both boxes into the shopping cart.
"Don't forget, I'm only the oldest girl. I used to try that trick on Henry all the time when we were little!"
"Boy, older brothers and sisters. They've always done everything first," Scooter mock-groaned.
Alan grinned. This was definitely a keeper!
-x-
As the trip wore on, naturally the kids felt the need to make things a little more interesting. Or rather, Alan felt the need to make things a little more interesting.
"What do you think, guys? Pork and beans?" Anne plucked a little can from the shelf, and her brothers gave her a shared funny look.
"Do people actually eat that junk?" Henry asked. Anne shrugged.
"I dunno. Just thought it might be kinda funny to bring it home," she said.
"It would appear that the only thing the ingredients have in common with what the product claims to be are the beans themselves," Tom said, taking the can from her and studying the label. His face turned pale as he slammed it back down on the counter. "We're not taking this home."
"This from the boy who eats Spam?" Anne pointed to the four-pack sitting in a lone corner of the wagon.
"I'll have you know Spam is delicious," Tom retorted.
"Okay, you two, can we..." Henry trailed off and looked over to where Alan was holding the camera at a very strange angle. "Alan? May I ask why you're filming me there?"
"It's fanservice, Henry! Those pants of yours are pretty tight in front," Alan said. "Just pretend it's not there, keep scolding Anne and Tom." Henry gave him a dirty look and brought his face within range of the camera.
"Will you cut that out?"
"Oh, you're no fun," Alan teased. "Fine, I'll go film Stanley, Nancy and Flip's feet, then."
"Why their feet?" Tom asked.
"I feel like trying some weird camera angles."
Anne rolled her eyes and grabbed a few cans of corn off the shelf.
"Sure, you keep doing that."
-x-
True to their word, Flip, Stanley and Nancy had filled Stanley's cart to the rim with snack foods. Well, almost. They'd saved some room for the ice cream, and frozen foods had to come last, lest they melt everywere.
So they hit the bread aisle, where Flip and Nancy decided now was a good time to have a bread fight. Stanley seemed torn between wanting to join in and wanting to discipline them.
"Guys, come on, you're gonna get us all in trouble," he said.
"We wanna make Alan's video cool, though!" Flip called, tossing a package of white bread over his shoulder. "You should get in on things!"
"But Alan's filming our shoes," Nancy said. "I thought we were just doing this for fun."
"It is fun," Flip assured her.
"Guys, really, you gotta stop before the clerks catch us and throw us out," Stanley said.
"When they get near us we'll stop, but right now we're alone and there's no way we'll get caught!" Nancy argued. Stanley sighed, stopping his cart and giving both of them his best attempt at a Stern Big Brother glare.
"I mean it. Stop clowning around with the bread!" He blinked. "Woah, did I just say that?"
"Come onnnn." Flip grinned. "You know you want to.
Stanley reached for his wallet.
"Then at at least hold it down, would you? I'll give you half my allowance for two weeks if you do." The children seemed to seriously consider it for a moment...before Nancy chucked a package of soft wheat bread at his head.
"Gotcha!"
That did it. With a wicked grin, Stanley grabbed two packages of Wonder and held them up threateningly.
"Wham bam, you two are about to be in a jam!"
Alan moved the camera up a little to catch the action. Hopefully the manager would go easy on them if they did get caught.
-x-
"Okay, drinks," Mimi said. "Scooter, I think you need to be drinking more milk!"
"Both of you need plenty of milk," Suzie reminded her. "It's the best thing for growing bones. I think we have enough at home, though."
"Then how about chocolate milk?" Scooter asked.
"Silly, we can just buy chocolate syrup and put it in the milk we have at home," Suzie reminded him. "Let's see...I think Pop mentioned us running out of orange juice this morning, so we should get two cartons."
"We should get some pineapple juice, too," Mimi said. "Cause Pop likes that."
"Got it." Suzie carefully set the bottles down in the cart. "And some grapefruit juice, because I like it!"
"Boy, the drink aisle's kinda boring," Scooter said. "Can we go to frozen foods and get some of that frozen lemonade?"
"Hey, yeah! And we better get lots of it, cause we'll end up eating half of it plain," Mimi giggled.
"While you're over there, get me some tomato juice," Alan called. "And by the way, Suzie, the backs of your legs make some really interesting footage!"
"Alan!" She turned around and stuck her tongue out at him.
All the while, the few other customers out shopping this late were giving the children some very odd looks. Being optimistic, they chose not to assume they were being judged.
-x-
Finally, they all met up at the checkout line (Henry was careful to choose one with nothing but boring magazines so there wouldn't be any "impulse buying"), and were lucky enough to get a cashier with a sense of humor. Or at least enough of one not to break down crying at the immense pile of groceries set before her. And at the insistence of the older kids, they helped her bag everything and load the carts.
They'd spent all but ten dollars of their money, and the Chan Van was quite crowded on the way home, but no one minded. It was a worthy investment, and not just because of the delicious food. Alan had made quite an interesting video, and they couldn't wait to play it back the next day.
-x-
When they got home, it was eleven-thirty. Charlie and Grace were snuggled on the couch together watching the late show, and seemed more amused than anything at the sudden arrival of the children.
"I see you found something to occupy yourselves with while I was out for the evening," their father chuckled. "I do hope you didn't spend all your money on junk food, though."
"Nope! Only a quarter of it," Stanley quipped.
"We also got you that pineapple juice you like!" Mimi added. "And Chu-Chu's favorite snacks!"
"How thoughtful of you." Grace smiled. "Would you like some help putting all that away?"
"Thanks, but I think we can manage," Anne said. "Come on, guys, let's leave the lovebirds alone."
It took them a surprisingly short time to put everything away, thankfully, and they went to bed tired and satisfied.
They would definitely need to do this again sometime.
-END-
A few notes:
1) Since the portable video camera most likely wasn't invented anywhere near the 1970s, I decided this was a good time to have some fun with Alan's mechanical genius.
2) Those of you who read this and have read SailorWednesdayMercury's fics may be confused by "Grace" Van Inkley. Since Mrs. Van Inkley is never given a first name in canon, we each came up with our own; SWM calls her Rosa and I call her Grace. Both are good names for her, IMO. :)
3) Yes, Tom unironically eats Spam in my headcanon. He strikes me as being an adventurous oddball when it comes to food.
4) I wish groceries could be as cheap now as they were back in the 70s. Or at least less monstorously expensive.
5) I had to make a joke about the tightness of Henry's pants. Don't get me wrong, it's a great look for him. :) But it's also a source of amusement for me. I'm kinda immature like that.
6) Frozen lemonade is delicious.
7) This was in part inspired by Katers' Daily Capers on YouTube. Check her out at KatersOneSeven, she's AWESOME.