A/N: These pre-Nibelheim one-shots won't leave me the hell alone! I KNOW I need to update 'O:A'! I WANT to update 'O:A'! But 'O:A' is being a pain in the ass right now. And Rude still isn't speaking to me since I insinuated that him and Cloud were a couple in my Re/Ti I wrote for The Sacred and Profane. Maybe he'll feel better soon.

Rude: ...

Maybe not.

Disclaimer: I own Kandi, dantesdarkqueen owns Akalara. Those bastards at Squeenix own the rest of the characters. (grumbles) Bastards.

"I thought you hated shopping," Akalara commented as she and Kandi strolled down one of the main drags in Midgar, glancing into the various windows and checking out the merchandise before deciding if the store was worth their time.

"Yeah, for the most part," Kandi said, scratching her nose. She nudged Akalara and grinned. "But we have the afternoon off together. That never happens. I thought we could do something that we normally never do. You know, something decidedly girly and fru fru."

"Oh fuck, are we getting pedicures?"

"Hell no!" Kandi grimaced. "Zack isn't even allowed to touch my feet. I'll be damned if I let some stranger do it."

"Oh!" Akalara stopped and stared into a window. A slow grin spred across her face as she glanced at her red-streaked friend. "Shoe store."

Kandi pressed her face up against the window, staring at the shoes within. "Bitchin'," she exclaimed grabbing her friend's hand. "I need a new pair of boots anyway. Come on!"

Akalara couldn't surpress a smile as they entered the store. One thing that all women, regardless of station in life, regardless of sexual preference, regardless of anything, liked was shoes. It was scientifically linked with estrogen. Well, that hadn't been proven yet, but still. The way to a woman's heart was through her feet. Different girls had different prefences in footwear, but all could agree on one thing.

Shoes ruled.

Akalara ducked as a hideous peep toed pump came flying at her.

"Sucks, sucks, oh my gods, that is disgusting!" Kandi was saying, going through the shoes disdainfully. She shook her head. "Ak, this place is a fucking crap shack for shoes. I think this is a geriatric shoe store. They have fucking Granny Go-Go Boots."

The green-haired woman examined the selection, scrunching her nose up. "Ugh, you're right," she said, picking up a hot pink patent leather concoction that if you stared at it long enough, would make you lapse into a seizure.

A saleswoman came up to them, smiling warmly. "Hello, Ladies," she said pleasantly. "May I help you find something?"

"Yeah, the exit," Akalara said, snatching her friend's hand and dragging her out. Once they were free of the bad aura of old lady shoes, they breathed a sigh of relief. "Yuck! Everyone knows if you want a decent pair of dress shoes, the salesman has to be a gay guy."

"Abso-fucking-lutely," Kandi agreed, lacing her fingers through Akalara's. She grinned over at the green-haired woman and leaned closer, lowering her voice. "Hey, Ak. Wanna have some fun?"

Akalara returned the grin. "Always," she answered giving Kandi's hand a squeeze. "Whatcha have in mind?"

"Going to the athletic store and making all the guys in there think we're lesbians," was the reply.

The Turk trainee laughed. "Gods, I want you so bad right now," she play growled. "Seph and Zack will be disappointed they missed this."

Kandi laughed as they went inside, the jockish guys running the store instantly looking up at the two attractive women and grinning. One of them, a blond hottie no more than twenty years old, swaggered over to them. "Good afternoon, Ladies," he said with a dashing smile. "How can I help you?"

Akalara clutched at Kandi's arm and leaned into her side. "Hi...uh," she leaned in and looked at the guy's name tag. "Revan. Nice name."

The blond grinned. "Thanks," he said, crossing his arms and flexing his muscles at them. "Now, what can I do for you?"

"Well," Kandi said, rubbing Akalara's arm. "My girlfriend and I need some new sporty looking shoes. Nothing but black, white, or red or a combination of the three for me. And nothing less than 100 gil touches the feet of my baby girl."

Akalara purred as Kandi ran her fingers through her hair, planting a chaste kiss to the red-streaked woman's lips. One of the cashiers had an instaneous nosebleed at the hotness. Revan, simply cleared his throat. "We have an excellent selection of Zans that just came in," he offered, raking his eyes over both women. "Would you care to see those?"

"I love Zans!" Kandi shrieked, dragging Akalara over with her. "Shoe us up, my man! I take a nine! And a seven for my baby!"

Once Revan had left to get the shoes, Akalara snickered. "How did you know my shoe size?" she asked, glancing over at the nosebleeding cashier and the other salesmen.

Kandi grinned and softly stroked the other woman's face. "Remember when you wore those totally hot strappy stilettos that one day?" she asked. Akalara nodded. "I wanted to borrow them, so I broke into your locker in the Turk gymnasium while you were sparring and checked out the size. Too damn small for my sasquatch feet."

"I think you have sexy feet," Akalara said, nuzzling her cheek.

Kandi laughed and kissed her nose. "Is that the only thing you think is sexy about me?" she asked, loud enough for the eavesdropping salesmen to hear.

Akalara shook her head, trying to surpress her laughter into a throaty moan. "Oh, hell no, Baby," she purred. "You have the sexiest body I've ever seen. I want to trace every one of your curves with my tongue."

"Again?" Kandi asked. "You did that in the changing room at that little boutique two blocks down."

A stack of shoes fell over as one of the salesmen tripped over them at that. Revan came out of the back room with several boxes of shoes in his arms and glared at the mess. "Those better be picked up in five minutes," he ordered.

A murmured 'Yes, Sir' was the reply. Revan nodded and smirked down at his customers. "Now," he said, his voice low and husky. "Where were we?"

"Uh, shoes?" Kandi said, reaching for a box.

"I could assist you," Revan offered.

"No one touches my feet," Kandi growled. She gestured to Akalara. "Not even my girlfriend."

Revan raised an eyebrow and turned to Akalara. "How about you?" he asked.

Akalara grinned, deciding she really liked his eyes. "Sure," she said, leaning forward and resting her chin in her hand. "Think you can handle it?"

Revan took her foot and slipped her shoe off. "I'll bet I can," he said hoarsely, rubbing her calf languidly. "Now, you'll let me know how it feels, won't you?"

"Oh, definitely," Akalara giggled, blushing in spite of herself. She was head over heels in love with her silver-haired lover, but something about this guy drew her. If she wasn't with Sephiroth, she could totally see herself dating this guy.

Well, maybe if he wasn't a shoe monkey.

Kandi tried on a pair of black and white checkered Zans, walking around and jumping up and down in them. "Hey, Baby?" she called. "What do you think of these?"

"Hmm?" Akalara asked, glancing away from the blond on his knees in front of her and to her friend. "Oh! Cute, Sweetie! You should totally get them."

Kandi glared as Revan's hands slid a little higher up than she thought Sephiroth would like. She took a display shoe and chucked it at him, hitting him square in the back of the head. "Oi! Breastless Wonder! Quit manhandling my girlfriend!"

"Sorry," Revan said sheepishly. "Can't resist. You've got good taste."

Kandi beamed at that. "Thanks!" she said, continuing to try out her shoes. She jumped onto the benches and ran around like a complete idiot. She had no idea why she was doing it, other than it made her breasts bounce and distract the salesmen from their work. She was such an attention whore sometimes.

By the time they left the shoe store, oddly name Toe Gym, Kandi had her black and white checkered Zans, a new pair of Valkyrie's and a totally bitchin' baseball cap witha skull and crossbones on it. As for Akalara, she had opted for a pair of Doodlers sandals and a sort of casual pair of Zans flats. Unlike Kandi's Zans, her's didn't have laces.

Oh, and as they were paying, they made out, leaving three puddles of blood where noses had bled. And four erections causing a made dash for the bathroom and the 'Back in 15 minutes' sign to be placed on the front door.

All in all, a successful shopping mission.

"What next?" Akalara asked, swinging her shopping bag at her side.

"Late lunch?" Kandi asked. "Or early dinner? I'm hungry."

"You're always hungry," Akalara said, rolling her eyes. "What do you want?"

Kandi had stopped, shielding her eyes from a glare. She pulled her sunglasses down off her head and put them on her face, looking forward again. "Hey!" she exclaimed excitedly, placing the shades back up on her head. "There's Reno! Wow, who's the crome dome he's with?"

"That's his partner, Rude," Akalara said as they continued walking toward them. "They've been together for years."

"Oh fuck, Lily'll be pissed!" Kandi said. "I knew he was bi, but..."

"His work partner, Asshat!" Akalara said, slapping her shoulder. "As in, with the Turks."

"Oh," she said. "OH! Gotcha! I've never met him before. Let's go say hi!"

Reno saw them coming and his face broke into a grin. "Hey, Babes!" he said, getting up from the outside table they were sitting at. He gave them both a kiss on the cheek before leading them over to the table. "What are you guys up to?"

"We both had the afternoon off for once, so we are out causing pain and discord," Kandi said, lowering her voice to a demonic growl.

"Righteous," Reno said, taking a drag off his cigarette. "Me and the bald man just stopped for a bite to eat. It's been a hell of a day."

Kandi flagged down a waitress and got her and Akalara some menus. The red-streaked woman began examining the menu and Akalara turned her attention to Reno. "You guys have a mission?" she asked excitedly.

Reno nodded and took another drag. "Yep," he said. "And don't ask," he added when she opened her mouth. "You know we can't discuss missions with trainees."

"Damn it," Akalara grumbled, looking at her menu dejectedly. The waitress came back and smiled.

"What can I get you ladies?" she asked kindly.

Akalara scanned the menu and looked up. "I'll just have half a turkey sandwich and a cup of brocolli cheddar soup and iced tea, please," she said.

The waitress wrote down the order and turned to Kandi. "And for you?" she asked.

"Okay, I want the fried mushroom appetizers," she began. "Then I want a Caesar salad, a bowl of that same soup she got, a black bean burger with avocado and...a slice of apple pie. Oh, and a chocolate milkshake!"

Everyone gaped at her when she finished with a grin. She looked around and arched her eyebrow. "Uh...please?" she added with a question.

"Is that all?" the waitress asked, stunned by the order.

Kandi looked at the menu again. She opened her mouth to add something, but stopped. "Yeah...uh, no...yeah," she decided with a nod. She handed the menu back to the waitress. "I don't want to ruin my dinner."

The waitress smiled awkwardly and took the menus, going off to fill the orders. Reno laughed. "How in the hell do you eat so much?" he asked.

"And stay so fit?" Akalara added. "I hate you."

"Fuck you, Green Bitch," Kandi said, grabbing a pack of crackers and munching on them. "I like food. So, I eat it. And I work it off. Muscle burns more calories than fat, you know."

"Psft!" Reno snorted. "Goes straight to her boobs."

Kandi and Akalara laughed. The waitress brought Akalara's iced tea and Kandi's milkshake. Akalara took a drink and turned back to Reno. "Why couldn't you have given Lily the afternoon off?" she asked. "We could have had a threesome."

"That'd be funny!" Kandi said, wiping a bit of whipped cream off her nose. "Those guys at Toe Gym would have shit themselves!"

Akalara proceeded to tell Reno what happened at the athletic store and Kandi turned to the bald man, surprised to see him staring at her. She stared back, but all she could look at was her own reflection in his sunglasses. Her hair was messed up, so she began straightening it. Then she checked her teeth and inside her nose. Satisfied she looked presentable, she began making faces at her reflection. She curled her lips up in a snarl. Stuck her tongue out. Flicked her tongue at herself. Made kissy faces. Pulled her cheeks out and made 'grrrraaahhh' noises...

"What the hell are you doing?" Reno laughed.

Kandi stopped and realized her reflection was shaking with surpressed laughter. She grinned sheepishly. "Sorry," she said. She stuck her hand out to the bald guy. "Since that fucktard doesn't know how to make introductions, I'm Kandi!"

He took her smaller hand in his much larger one. "Rude."

"I agree!" she replied. "Reno is totally rude."

"No, Dingus," Reno said rolling his eyes. "He's Rude."

Kandi gasped and chucked a salt shaker at her friend. "Reno, that is a terrible thing to say!" she reprimanded. "He's trying to be conversational."

"His name is Rude, Asstard."

Kandi blinked. "Oh," she said. "OH! Cool. Nice to meet you."

"Likewise."

"Kandi here is Blackspike's secretary," Reno said, giving her a wink. "Among other things."

"Which is one reason I stay so fit," she said with a cheesy grin, digging into her fried mushrooms and Caesar salad. "Zack keeps me on my toes."

"Or back, or knees," Reno added.

Kandi cocked her head and nodded. "True," she grinned. "Of course, you have Lily like that, too."

"Ah, of course, I do," Reno said, sitting back and casually draping his arm around Akalara, gently running his fingers through her hair. "It's what we do, right Rude?"

Rude merely grunted in response.

Reno laughed. "Poor Rude doesn't have what one would call a 'girlfriend' or 'friend with benefits'," the red-head told them. "However, he does harbor an unhealthy obsession with a busty bartender in Sector 7."

"Ah, I used to work in Sector 6," Kandi said as the rest of their food was delivered and she dug into her black bean burger and Akalara ate her soup. "The Don pretty much kept us there."

"She used to be a Honey Bee girl," Reno explained to his partner.

"Before Zacky rescued me," she said through a mouthful of food. She grinned and took a sip of her milkshake. "He'll always be my hero."

They sat and talked for a bit, while the girls finished their food. Rude, actually opened his mouth several times to speak to the red-streaked woman. Reno was shocked by this, having never heard his partner utter more that 20 words in a day. And he had smiled at one point. Something that was not heard of in Turkdom.

"Kandi, we need to go," Akalara said, looking at her watch. "I want to go to that leather store Seph likes and get him something before it closes."

Kandi stuffed the last bite of her apple pie in her mouth and nodded. "'Kay," she said, wiping her mouth and getting up. She kissed Reno on the cheek. "See ya, ReRe-chan."

"Don't call me ReRe-chan," he grumbled, getting up to give Akalara a hug.

Kandi laughed and turned to Rude, giving him a kiss on the top of his head. "Nice to meet you, Rude," she said sweetly. "Have fun with assfuck over there. Don't let him get you shot, okay?"

Rude nodded and smiled. "Okay," he answered. "It was nice meeting you, too, Kandi. We should do this again sometime."

"Yeah!" she said excitedly. "Sounds fun! Ready, Ak?"

"Yep!" she replied. "See ya, Guys!"

"Later, Babes," Reno called, lighting up a cigarette. Once they have left down the street, he turned to his partner. "Dude! You spoke! To a girl!"

Rude just shrugged. "She's nice," he said.

Reno gave him a knowing grin. "Uh huh," he said, leaning back casually. "Real nice. Pretty brown eyes, long brown hair with Reno-red streaks..."

"That was kind of a turn off," Rude chuckled.

"...and some big, ol'..."

"We need to get back to work," Rude said, clearing his throat and getting to his feet.

Reno laughed but nodded nonetheless. "Yeah, don't want Tseng to think we died or nothin'," he said. He slapped Rude on the back. "Heh, you never know, Buddy. You might hook up with her at some point. She's cool people."

Rude surpressed the smile that threatened to come to his lips. Maybe...maybe he'd ask her out one day. Sometime in the future.

For now, though, things were okay as they were.

A/N: Revan is actually the property of kingmunkey. He's one of the Turk recruits in 'O:A', so I get to molest him. Hope you guys liked this. It was fun to write. Reviews are, as always, most welcomed.

Rude: Good oneshot.

AT: (blinks) You're speaking to me!

Rude: You made me heterosexual and made no mention of Cloud.

AT: (crying) Don't ever NOT speak to me again! I missed you! (glomps Rude)

Rude: (is glomped) Don't make me gay with Cloud again and we have a deal.

AT: Okay!