Chapter 1.
Surprise.
"I'm in a hurry, Bella." he said in quite a dull voice. "Why don't you get it over with?"
There was a quite a long silence. I gulped and tried to make a sound, unsuccessfully, nothing came out when I opened my mouth.
"Just say the words, and be done with it."
I took a deep breathe, closed my eyes and spoke.
"I'm sorry I'm such a rotten person," I whispered, my throat almost dry. "I'm sorry I've been so selfish. I wish I'd never met you, so that I couldn't hurt you the way that I have. I won't do it anymore, I promise. I'll stay far away from you. I'll move out of the state. You won't have to look at me ever again." How pathetic am I? To go to such standards to move away…to stay away from him?
Would I do it? No. But for him? Anything.
"That's not much of an apology," He said to me with a bitter tone in his voice. At this moment, you could tell that he felt nothing but pure aggravation. Frustration.
"Tell me how to do it right." I whispered as a small tear fell down from my right eye. I would do anything to keep Jacob here…with me, to not go out and fight the newborns, to not get hurt out there, or possibly die.
"What if you don't go away? What if I'd rather you stayed, selfish or not? Don't I get any say, if you're trying to make things up to me?" There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice then. I couldn't even bare to look at the anger and anguish in his eyes anymore.
So, I looked at his shoe covered feet and spoke with confidence.
"That won't help anything, Jake. It was wrong to stay with you when we wanted such different things. It's not going to get better. I'll just keep hurting you. I don't want to hurt you anymore. I hate it." My voice broke and more tears flooded down my face.
"Stop. You don't have to say anything. I understand." He sighed. But he didn't understand. He wouldn't understand that fact that I hate myself for hurting him time and time again, never in a life time, would he understand.
I didn't respond, lost in thought, I stared at the sky, the clouds covering the sun, as to an Eclipse. Then stared face to face with him as I heard his in take of breath.
"Well you're not the only one capable of self-sacrifice. Two could play that game." He told me and his eyes got narrower, and narrower.
"What?" I asked, confused.
"I've behaved pretty badly myself. I've made this much harder for you than I needed to. I could have given up with good grace in the beginning. But I hurt you, too."
Where is this coming from? I shook my head to clear my thoughts. "This is my fault."
"I won't let you claim all the blame here, Bella. Or all the glory either. I know how to redeem myself." I looked at him confusingly and demanded with such great emotion.
"What are you talking about?" I asked, but then my expression changed.
"There's a pretty serious fight brewing down there. I don't think it will be that difficult to take myself out of the picture." That's when I looked at him. I froze. Fear struck inside my whole body and I could hardly breathe. I was worried. Beyond worried. Petrifiedon what I thought was going to happen.
"Oh, no, Jake! No, no, no," I choked out and I began to tremble. The small tears that streamed down my face earlier became large streams.
"What's the difference, Bella? This will only make it more convenient for everyone. You won't even have to move." Jacob explained to me. I cut him off.
"No!" I demanded. "No, Jacob! I won't let you!" I screamed from across the clearing.
"How will you stop me?" He taunted me, smiling and raising his eyebrows.
"Jacob, I'm begging you. Stay with me." I continued to tremble and cry. I wanted to run towards him, but how he looked like, made me discontinue. The look of me trying to move my legs, instead they trembled with the fear of him disappearing right in front of my eyes just like how Edward left me before.
"For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run way from me as soon as you think I'm safe again? You've got to be kidding." He protested.
"I won't run away. I've changed my mind. We'll work something out, Jacob. There's always a compromise. Don't go!" I was desperate, I would not lose Jacob.
"You're lying." He narrowed my eyes. And my expression became much, much worse whenever his eyes got narrower and narrower.
"I'm not. You know what a terrible liar I am. Look in my eyes. I'll stay if you do." I wasn't thinking right.
"And I can be your best man at the wedding?" He asked harshly. I became speechless; he knew that he has blocked me. I didn't have anything else to say after that. Everything was dead silent.
"Please." Was all I could force to say.
"That's what I thought." He said, "I love you, Bella." He added in a soft murmur. It blocked all my sadness and all the things we were fighting about. For a moment.
"I love you, Jacob." I whispered.
"I know that better than you do." He smiled as he turned his back at me and walked away slowly.
"Anything." I called after him. "Anything you want, Jacob. Just don't do this!" He stopped, and without looking at me, he turned slowly. "I don't really think that you mean that." I did. "Stay." I begged, but He just shook his head. And continued.
"No, I'm going." He paused. "But I could leave it to fate."
I was quite confused again and choked out words.
"What do you mean?"
"I don't have to do anything deliberate - I could just do my best for my pack and let what happens happen." He shrugged and continued to taunt me with words.
"If you could convince me you really did want me to come back - more than you wanted to do the selfless thing." He added, and I asked him again.
"How?"
He smiled. "You could ask me,"
"Come back," I whispered, but he just shook his head, smiling.
"That's not what I'm talking about."
I hadn't gotten the message for the first few seconds, but I suddenly realized afterwards. I took a deep breathe, getting ready to reply.
"Will you kiss me, Jacob?"
His eyes widened, shocked.
"Kiss me Jacob. Kiss me, and then come back." I said.
He stared back at me. My face was expressionless, observing him. I didn't know how I was feeling now, and that got me curious. He closed the gap between us with three long strides, and since I didn't move. He put his hands on either side of my head. He stared at my eyes, which was closed tightly. His lips eagerly found mine.
But I was resisting. Pick me instead of him. I could feel screaming to me through his actions. He put his left hand on the nape of my neck, and twisted my hair, as his other hand held my shoulder, as he shook me to get any kind of response. I was expressionless. Motionless. Nothing came out of me. No words.
It gave him more emotion as his lips touched mine, though mine weren't moving. He continued his hand from my shoulder to my writs, and he put it on his shoulder. He tried to force out a response from me, but I was numb. I tried not to feel anything.
My hand lying on top of his shoulder was clenched into fists, as his other hand reach the small of my back, as he pulled me closer, and closer to him.
Then, he finally gave up on me for a moment.
He removed his other hand from my hair, and reached for my other hand to put it on his shoulder, as his mouth drew the line of my jaw. That's when we were chest to chest. His arms were around my waist and my arms were around his shoulders. His lips found my ear,
"You can do better than this Bella. You're over thinking it." He whispered to me knowingly as I began to shiver at the touch of his warm breath to my slightly cold skin.
"That's right. For once, just let yourself feel what you feel." He whispered to my earlobe and I shook my head mechanically, no word came out of me. When he suddenly stopped me from shaking my head in a clear no, he looked at me in the eyes.
He stopped. His eyes dancing in mine, un-focused.
Suddenly, everything stopped. The world was at peace and nothing or anything could ruin the moment that is here…not the newborns, not Edward, not the wedding plans, not even Embry and Quil coming up and screaming about some gross fish that looked like a toad. Nothing.
I could have been stepping on a million shards of glass and I would still be at peace. Nothing mattered but Jacob right now, his light brown eyes that were just a shade or two lighter than mine, his soft freckles from the sun around his nose and just under his eyes, his eyelashes that a girl would die for, and that one scar from when we were kids on the bridge of his nose.
"How-….Why-…What does this-…" Jacob tried to form words.
I blinked, trying to form words also. It was almost as if someone had shown me a child I haven't seen in 20 years since birth. Amazing.
A spine tingling, toe curling, and hair raising howl filled the chill air.
Jacob blinked for a second, and then cursed as he started pacing along the length of the mountain.
Another howl broke lose. He froze.
He looked at the trees and at me back and fourth, than paused at me. He came jogging back to where I stood, "Bella, I'll be right back…Don't…Don't-." He choked. "Don't trip and fall…please."
At this point, I would normally laugh, but this was no time for laughing.
Before I could say anything he bent down and kissed me with so much emotion it was over powering. It wasn't as long as before, which made me sad…odd I'm getting married soon-…I'm getting married soon!
He pulled away regretfully, "Right back." He repeated, more so to himself than me, and took off towards the woods while taking off his left shoe.
Edward…I couldn't bring myself to find my love for him. I didn't want to get married but he insisted on it, ignoring my protests. He would change the subject about shopping with Alice, or going to Florida to go see my mother again, what ever I said or say; did not and does not matter.
Jacob had shown me how to live how to keep hold of myself when I was deep down in the dust, how to have a sense of humor. There was no comeback I had not said in those days at the garage. Quil would make a snide remark about how I was stealing his bro away, teasing me, as if trying to get a rise out of me; it worked. I would say a comeback to how he was losing his game and should think about getting classes from me. I never realize how fond these memories were to me, how much they made me smile and wish I could go back to a time without Edward. How odd.
Not only had I wish I could go back to the days in La Push, I wish I would have done things different and not had let Jacob become what he had; Sam's Jacob. I wish I had just jumped for it…not thinking about the risks, not caring about if I was pushing him too far when kissing. I didn't have to be so…old with him.
I started towards the tent but realized if I went in there, I wouldn't be able to stay still. So I settled for pacing.
A twig snapped in to my left, in the woods.
"Well, well, well…If it isn't little pathetic Isabella…" A voice sneered.
Victoria.
I gasped as she came out. Her red hair was brighter and fuller than in my memories and dreams. Her once beautiful features were twisted into a wicked smirk, eyes blazing black. My dreams could not even compare to her as she stalked around me. Her hair flowing in the freezing old air, her skin almost blending in with the snow on the ground. She tisked her tongue.
"You see Isabella, I had this planned all a long…" She taunted. I bit my tongue from telling her we already knew this. "It's been quite a fight, between your precious vampires and filthy mutts."
"They aren't mutts" I snarled. Though, I didn't know why I didn't defend the Cullens.
Victoria chuckled and started to stalk around me; like an animal ready to pounce on its prey. "Touchy." She added. "They're mutts, Bella. Stupid, ignorant mutts. They fell for every one of my tricks and I enjoyed every minute of it….watching them run around trying to protect something so…" She acted as if she were trying to find the right word. "worthless."
Worthless would be the right word for me. I rolled my eyes, stalling her.
"Now, now. No need to be so snotty." Sure, I thought, I'm not gonna be snotty to the vampire who is going to rip me to little pieces.
"Just get it over with, Victoria. You're not gaining anything with all talk and no game." I smirked, trying to hide my fear.
This made Victoria snarl in anger. She came running towards me at maximum speed that caused her to be a blur. She snatched my right wrist and threw me right into the tree she was once not two feet away from two seconds ago, I didn't make a sound as she stalked towards me once more. My wrist was throbbing from the pain, broken.
"Oh Isabella, has your mother ever taught you not to play with fire?" She said when she was at least 4 feet away from my body. "Because it's not the safest thing to do, dear-,"
She was cut off by hair raising growl.
Jacob.
