She never really was the type to forgive because he never did anything that needed her forgiveness. It's unusual to her and she doesn't lie to herself that it's his fault but it wasn't supposed to be like this. He wasn't supposed to be breaking her heart. He used to be able to recognize that underneath she is still the same, look at her and see the careless young blonde she used to be. Not anymore. When he looks at her with such emptiness it's suddenly too much to bear. She does what she does the best, plasters on a smile and hides a little too well that she is falling apart inside. She takes a bottle of champagne from his hands, and looks at him almost pleading for him to let her in again but his hands are cold as he stands by the open door practically escorting her out.
She walks outside and the cold air makes it easier for her to breathe and for the first time in years she craves a cigarette. Twenty years to be exact, because the last one she lit up was the night she crawled out of his arms and his life, and she remembers how she lied to herself that she will breathe him out. Years later she knows how foolish she has been when she sips on her wine a little too much and she hears Rosewood in the back of her mind and thinks of his hands sliding down her and the way he looks at her after as they wrap in each other.
Her mind is racing, she knew she shouldn't have come, she was never good with apologizing, it made her feel weak and insecure and if there is one thing she never thought she will be after everything in her life that's weak. She turns her head looking back and she thinks to herself that she never wanted him to chase after her more than now but knows instantly that is a lie. Years ago she was in the same fucking place, feeling as if she isn't worth it.
Back on her safe territory, she presses the button of the elevator and slides slightly down the wall, hoping to God the kids weren't home because she can't seem to keep it together anymore.
Hello, is anyone home?
It's such a relief when there is no one there and she walks up to her bedroom, make up perfectly in place and hides under the covers and she hurts so excruciating that she can't even make herself cry to let it all out, but turns her back to his side of bed because she can't stand it.
A couple of hours later she drifts to sleep and doesn't hear the elevator or her bedroom doors open but he doesn't go in, instead he is leaning on the door not crossing the line he knew he should be. She opens her eyes slightly and sees him there but she has been through enough for one day and she is determined not to let him see her weak like she was earlier that day ever again. Her face is cold and emotionless and she sits up turning away from him.
What could you possibly want now?
He knows the moment is lost. She closed herself again, won't let him in, just like he did when she came over to the loft but isn't quite sure anymore if she fakes it and it takes him by surprise that he can't even read her anymore.
I don't know.
Well then, you are free to leave anytime.
She tries to push past him on her way to the bathroom, she can't trust herself to keep up a front in the same room with him but he grabs her arm almost forcefully and looks at her waiting for an approval, nod, something. Anything. She closes her eyes because she feels them staring to sparkle with tears and she just won't give in. In a matter of seconds her back is up against the wall, her hands pined above her head and he is kissing her hard and like always she kisses back. But she tries to fight it and pushes him away roughly and starts hitting him awkwardly because Lily was never the violent type, but she has to let it out. He stops her because he is obviously much stronger and hugs her so she can't move and he can feel her entire body shake as she cries so he kisses her and pins her back against the wall again but she doesn't fight it, her hands cup his face and she pulls him in to kiss him violently. He half expects her to change her mind and it scares him because he isn't even sure that this is right anymore.
Take me.
Its half moan and half whisper and he thinks he's imagined it but she tightens her arms around him and bites his lip. He knows there is no stopping now but when she slows down, a moment of her own to make a memory of how she feels just in case, he moves them to the bed and occupies her thoughts with constant movement, skin against skin, and lips never leaving hers.
She wakes up, feels instantly the absence of his arms around her and there is a dull pain, one she knew too well, but their mistakes are still as prevalent as the day before and she knows that love never came at an easy price in her life so she isn't too surprised. Then there are footsteps and the smell of coffee, she can feel his presence but doesn't open her eyes just yet until there is a slight dip in the mattress and she is instantly drawn to him, all smiles and messed up hair.
Hey stranger.
Hey…